Playing Hard to get / Just not interested

[Estate]

Hey guys,

Opinion time. How do you guys like to decipher between someone playing the slow game or hard to get and a girl being just not that interested?

I don't know why but when a woman ALWAYS takes half a day or doesn't reply to a message until the next day, or something like that. I just have a habit of ignoring her when she eventually does reply. I don't expect anyone to reply instantly to every call or text message but personally, with friends I just reply whenever I see a message. So that could be right after getting or an hour or so later if I'm busy.

But some girls act like they see their phone once a day. It just gets annoying when it's all the time. Like, with some girls, if her first text is 4 hours after yours, she will... like clockwork, reply after 4 hours to all your texts. I have a habit of just assuming a lack of interest and move on from them as it's just a personal thing which bugs me, not just with women.
But in some cases, if I REALLY liked a girl and stuck it out, they have turned out to be pretty great girls in person.

But how do you play it? Is there a better way to decipher non-interest to a girl who just plays these games? Is it a total turn off for you? Or do you just play them at their own game?
Just something that's been interesting me for a while.

 

[Whizzy]

Hey Estate,

This was a topic that frustrated me for a bit in the past until I eventually realized, when I'm busy I might read a text and mean to text back but just dont at that exact moment and forget about it for a day or two. When my current girlfriend and I started texting there was roughly 24 hours between our responses, we were simply both busy (she was playing hard to get). Since then she texts me many times a day and if I don't respond within...6 hours maybe or so then she will double, triple or occassionally text even more so than that (all without a single response from me since i'm busy). If you're unsure if a girl is interested in you or not just stick to the basics and ask her to hangout.

 

[Franco]

Estate,

I don't know why but when a woman ALWAYS takes half a day or doesn't reply to a message until the next day, or something like that.

Some are legitimately busy, and some have read enough Cosmopolitan magazines to know the rules about texting a guy back quickly. Either way, it's irrelevant because it's a poor indicator of whether or not a girl is interested in you. If she's replying, then there's at least some interest. From there, it's your job to arrange a meet via text and see if she will accept. If you give her several clear-cut invites to get together and she declines, then she's either playing "too hard" to get (and it's time to cut contact so that you don't waste time or you force HER to make a move) or she prefers the relationship to be platonic. This conversation to get together can sometimes take place over several days if replies are slow, but you'll be losing interested women if you're cutting contact with them because they don't reply for 6 hours.

But how do you play it? Is there a better way to decipher non-interest to a girl who just plays these games? Is it a total turn off for you? Or do you just play them at their own game?

You pretty much play them at their own game, but you make your invites to get together very direct so that you force her to accept, decline, or worry about coming off too hard to get and sending the wrong message to you (if she does want to see you). Remember, girls are playing games too, and every time they get a text message from you, they have to decide how to reply to get across the message that they want. It's VERY difficult for a girl to find the perfect response to a very direct invite to get together when she wants to get together with you but not come across as too easy, so a lot of times the path of least resistance is to say she is busy a few days and then accept another day (or offer another day). If she completely declines being available even though she likes you, she'll worry that you won't ask her again. That's the kind of pressure you want to put on her shoulders though so that she actually ACCEPTS if you ask her.

As far as recognizing whether or not a girl is interested in person, it's best to gauge her emotions. If a lot of her answers are emotional (positive OR negative), then there's a strong chance of interest, and you should push forward until you see otherwise. Very non-emotional responses (or indifference) usually implies the biggest lack of interest. Look for facial expressions to constantly be changing throughout the conversation as an indicator of interest.

- Franco

 

[Estate]

Cheers Franco,
Yes, it's more about deciphering her interest level over phone contact/text, not really about in person.
It's also not a big deal if someone replies 6 hours later or the next day. People get busy. But what I mean is when a girl replies to your text after the same interval EVERY time, whether it be 2 minutes or 2 days... then you just see the pattern and it's pretty obvious what she's doing. I don't know... I guess I'm *supposed* to fall for it and want to chase her because she's playing hard to get but honestly... after a little while it just pisses me off and makes me not want to bother with her anymore.

I can give the background to the latest girl I'm seeing,
In person, yes, she's great, very flirty, very fun, having a great time. But in between, there's pretty much zero from her. I've really just been using texts to set up the meetings and she's accepting and coming and it'll all been good. That's not really the issue, it's just weird how her inperson actions of coming off very into it, suddenly turns cold the second we part ways until I setup to see her again.
To be honest, I don't care if someone doesn't reply to *a* text until much later, I do that too. But when it's the same for *every* text. It just kinda bores me or makes me feel like she's thinking I'm too dumb to know she's taking those Cosmo tips you mention.

 

[Franco]

In person, yes, she's great, very flirty, very fun, having a great time. But in between, there's pretty much zero from her. I've really just been using texts to set up the meetings and she's accepting and coming and it'll all been good. That's not really the issue, it's just weird how her inperson actions of coming off very into it, suddenly turns cold the second we part ways until I setup to see her again.

As long as you're really enjoying her in person, then that's all that really matters. Also, if this isn't your girlfriend (which I'll assume it isn't for now), then she's probably very aware that she shouldn't come across as chasing you. Experienced women know that clingy-ness is an extreme turn-off, so she's probably just praying that you'll keep seeing her if she waits it out. If she really likes you, you can bet that she's sweating in between your meet-ups thinking about whether or not that will be the last time she sees you.

If you're exclusive with a girl, you'll find that the dynamic will change MOST of the time. She knows you're supposed to be faithful to her, so she'll initiate texts just to make sure you're not ignoring her or doing things that a boyfriend shouldn't do. If you're not exclusive but sleeping with her, then the power is really in your hands, and she will text you sparingly and with more "indifference" as to come across less attached to protect her reputation.

- Franco