FR+ Probably an FU

[Humpert]

I ended up talking to this girl a great deal that I met at a friends house. So during our conversation I passed her my phone with her name already typed in and she entered her number (I do this a lot, because it's seamless. I thought it was good, but now I realize I never ask for a date before the number! Won't happen from now on )

Half a week later I text her and set up a date, which was easy to do, luckily.

I pick her up and we go for a drink. I'm laying the sexy vibe on thick--and there's a lot of two way touching going on. Her whole body is turned to me in the seat, she's laughing, she's playing with her hair nonstop, she's driving the conversation. This is probably where my inexperience becomes evident. Despite all this, we're here for about 2 hours, talking. I don't really know this girl at all and wanted to get some deep-diving in. The sexy vibe is actually pretty hard for me to maintain under this string of non-dynamic events, and I feel like I start settling into complacency around this point. Once I realize I should quit while I'm ahead, we hop back in the car and I take her back to her place. I ask her a few times, indirectly but clumsily, if I can come in. It's a no, her place is packed with roommates, which I knew but tried anyway.

So I'm here in the driveway with her, at a loss. So I lean in and kiss her for a few minutes, then say goodbye. I thought about the backseat--but I have no idea how to get a girl who's not your girlfriend into the backseat. Usually I'll just get out, walk around, open her door, take her hand, open the back door, and guide her into the backseat with my hand, then follow her in. I wasn't feeling like this would work.

Any tips for me? I haven't talked to her since. Is this salvageable? Also I'd love for someone to chime in on how to get a new girl into the backseat.

Things I think may have went wrong:
- Let the date stagnate by doing the same thing for 2 hours
- Felt like I had to make a move but we were in a bar, and I'm supposed to wait until we're in private aren't I? Should have pulled her to the car WAY earlier, while the sparks were flying. Damn.
- I start to get uncomfortable when I feel a lull, and begin to act too platonic out of panic. Need to figure out something else to do.

 

[TheWiseFool]

Hey Humpert,

I definitely agree with you about waiting too long as that is something I have done from time to time, getting caught in the conversation rather than moving things forward. I was reading Chase's article "Invite Her Home". Here is a bit of it that relates to your report.

"You can talk to her at the bar or lounge for five minutes or fifty minutes; it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that you read her body language and know she’s into it. Preferably, you’ve built up compliance by having her do things for you, so now she’s ready to take the plunge and REALLY follow your lead. But I’ve brought girls back quickly who’ve never done anything for me yet and I really didn’t think WOULD come with me. I just proposed and insisted, and they agreed; I was SURPRISED they came home so quickly and readily, but they did."

Now, you said you wanted to get some deep diving in. I would say it is better to seal the deal as fast as you possibly can without losing her, then in the morning you propose that the two of you should go out for breakfast. If she has somewhere to go, you can simply schedule another date.

Regarding the point about deliberating on the idea of bringing her to your car or not, this has happened to me as well. What you can take from this is... do or die. If she's into you, she'll do it, PLUS women are totally caught off guard by this and if you exude confidence that indicates to her that "this guy knows what he's doing, let's just go on for the ride," and believe yourself as confident and dangerous, you'll give her a memorable experience because getting intimate in places other than the bedroom is rather exciting.

Hopefully my feedback helps you out. Just take it as a learning experience. If you want to know if the situation with her is salvageable, the only way you'll know is if you set up another date to serve as a screen.

Take care man!

- The Wise Fool

 

[Humpert]

Thanks, Fool

So if I can read in her body language that she's into it, that's my cue. It's not necessary for me to build MORE rapport like I thought it was. Start moving, even if your date just started, right? And for the backseat, just go for it if she's acting into you, just like I would if this was a girlfriend.

I fished around for another date, but aside from a few friendly texts, I'll assume she's not interested anymore.

I WILL take this as a learning experience. I feel like I learned a lot, surprisingly, from such an uneventful date.

What I need to do is up my date volume a whole bunch. A date a week or so is not getting me what I want, and I really have to man up and start direct approaching!

Thanks again, pal.

 

[TheWiseFool]

You should read the article "Reactions from Women, or Results with Women?" and "Attraction Has an Expiration Date".

These are the bits from the first article that I found most important, to me, and hopefully they help you as well:
Girls who seem very interested in you may end up not moving with you or giving you their number. Get used to the fact that women's initial reactions are not indications of interest, get used to pushing things forward regardless of whether you're getting reactions or not, and target your actions toward generating results with women rather than reactions from women. What did I count as results? By “results,” what I was counting was anything concrete I got from girls that progressed an interaction forwards. Hair-tossing and eyelash-batting do not apply. Going for anything else is distracting you from moving the interaction ahead. The distractions, the flirty reactions from women, are what men go for. Usually, after the girl’s had her fill of good feelings, she rejoins her friends and bids a fond farewell to the man who was entertaining her, thanking him for a fun-filled evening. Regular men feel as though they've accomplished something, because the girl seemed so happy. They think, “I’m getting better and better at this!” he thinks to himself. “Women love me!” Train to get results. Not to entertain, not to get reactions. Once you start pushing hard for results and pushing to make things happen, rather than pushing to get reactions, you start getting farther along in interactions more quickly on a more regular basis. And all it takes is training yourself to get results.

From the second article, which I reworded some parts to condense some things:
Instead, I started moving a lot more speedily, I skipped steps and cut corners wherever I could, and my results went up. A lot. Like, it wasn't even close.
And, as thrilled as I was at the huge boost in success rates, I had to ask myself: "Why is this so? Why are women so much more willing to go to bed with men who move fast with them, and why is there a sell-by date stamped onto attraction?"
Summary:
1. Any sign of attraction from a woman you have not approached yet means you have to approach immediately (~ five second escalation window)
2. When unsure of her interest or what you should do now, move forward
3. Steer the conversation towards her talking more (her trying to show you how valuable she is), while you talk as little as possible (you're trying to take value away from yourself so you come off as attainable).
4. Implicitly show how cool, sexy, valuable and rare you are through your nonverbal communication (voice, posture, eye contact, control of the interaction).
5. Aim for intimacy on ASAP, rather than the "right moment"

I need to work on building up my contact list, so I can't give any help, but best of luck to you!

 

[GodsGift]

Pretty Good.

pick her up and we go for a drink. I'm laying the sexy vibe on thick--and there's a lot of two way touching going on. Her whole body is turned to me in the seat, she's laughing, she's playing with her hair nonstop, she's driving the conversation.

Dude, to me it sounds like you like to go a hard on the sexy vibe, maybe even to much.

Despite all this, we're here for about 2 hours, talking. I don't really know this girl at all and wanted to get some deep-diving in.

During the heat of the game you should never give in escpecially to her frame.

Once I realize I should quit while I'm ahead, we hop back in the car and I take her back to her place. I ask her a few times, indirectly but clumsily, if I can come in. It's a no, her place is packed with roommates, which I knew but tried anyway.

Bro, your mentality here is all messed up. why do you think she not attracted to you? you played the seductive cards right, touching/body laguage.

So I'm here in the driveway with her, at a loss. So I lean in and kiss her for a few minutes, then say goodbye. I thought about the backseat--but I have no idea how to get a girl who's not your girlfriend into the backseat. Usually I'll just get out, walk around, open her door, take her hand, open the back door, and guide her into the backseat with my hand, then follow her in. I wasn't feeling like this would work.

If you think she wasn't attracted to you then why would she sign up for the date? Thats enough evidence for me...


Tips
Was there any emotional connection? Because if there wasnt that could kills game!

Anyway you shouldn't give up!

Some girls just take longer to conquer then others - G.G

 

[Humpert]

Hey GG, I appreciate the point form critique, very useful I've written these things down and am going to be mindful of them next time. Too much sexy vibe, is that possible? I pull it off so beautifully, it might be the only thing I do well. I like your:

Bro, your mentality here is all messed up. why do you think she not attracted to you? you played the seductive cards right, touching/body laguage.

And if any ones interested, I did shoot for another date with this girl, and got FRIENDZONED!! I simply said we we're friends already, she's just the kind of friend I'll move on from time to time, if shes down with that then we can be friends all she likes.

It's how it goes. Learned a lot... looking for my next lesson.