- Joined
- Aug 28, 2013
- Messages
- 209
Would appreciate any feedback. Trying to figure out my mistakes.
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I messaged her online. She only has 1 profile photo, and she's wearing shades and is kneeling next to a large iguana. Despite her shades, I can see she is naturally pretty (I don't like girls with a lot of makeup).
I actually looked up the name of her band. She's got some fame all over the West Coast...and as I suspected, she's very attractive (I try not to use 1-10 scale per Chase's article on getting perfect 10s, but for the sake of our report, I would give her a 9). I can't wait to meet her.
She later texts her schedule, and we set up the date for the following Saturday night at 8:30pm. I suggested a place close by my home, but she said she only has a bicycle due to her car being totaled, so I change venues to one close to her.
On date night, I tell her I'm running late (in reality, I made it a goal to finish Chase's eBook before the date, but I'm only 2/3rds finished) and push the date back a half hour. She tells me she's relieved because she's finishing up some work stuff. So I tell her to meet at 9:30pm so we don't rush.
15 minutes before our date, she calls and tells me that her bicycle got a flat tire. I'm thinking to myself this is one of the more interesting excuses I've heard, but I remain calm and ask her if she would like to reschedule or have me pick her up. She says it's probably best to reschedule, and I suggest I could pick her up in a public spot so she knows I'm not some stealth weirdo. She laughs, thinks about it, then tells me I can pick her up at her home. WTF, this is the second online chick to give out her home address to an online stranger? I don't know whether it's because they feel comfortable with me or what.
I get to her house and as I'm about to call her, she walks to my car. Wow, she is super attractive. Like model attractive! I don't think it made me nervous; rather, I make a mental note that I would work hard to get. I also immediately find out she has 1 housemate (trying to figure out pulling logistics early on).
When she got in the car, I think I should have made her hug me. Started the kino right away. But I didn't. Next time. I tell her I'm not familiar with her area, so I ask her to guide the way. After some driving around, we found parking. Parking's a bitch in her area. She also mentions something about a sausage restaurant she tried. I teased her about how she likes sausage.
As we walk to the wine bar, I comment about how her profile photo is not very revealing. She tells me she did that on purpose because she didn't want anyone to recognize her. I qualify her by explaining that I was drawn to her smile, the personality in her profile, and her overall vibe...but what sold it for me was when she said "womp womp" because I thought that was cute. The rest of the walk, and pretty much the rest of the night, I'm pretty good at having her initiate conversation and do most of the talking (I ain't afraid of the pregnant pause). While at the wine bar, she even at some point apologizes for blabbering on and on. I tell her it's cool. In hindsight, that was a poor reward. Her apology must also indicate something I did wrong, but I can't quite pinpoint it.
When we first got to the wine bar, we started to taste some wine. When they brought out the tasting glass, I gave it to her first to try. She told me I should try first because she has a cough and is sick. So I try the wine first and she tries it after me. I'm thinking at this time if this is some fake excuse to so I can't kiss or get intimate with her on the first date. Later on, I do think she's legitimately sick, because I later take a sip of her wine and she comments on how I might get sick. In hindsight, I should have capitalized on the moment by saying that's too bad because then we can't make out.
Kino I did: Guiding her with my hand on the small of her back, grabbing her hand to compare with mine noting how small her fingers are (her body language really opened up, so I knew she really liked this), playing with her hair to ask if she's really red-headed, and holding her close to me by wrapping my arms around her shoulders quite a number of times.
At the wine bar (and also in the car), I do deep dive her quite extensively, but I'm not sure if I did a good job relating. This stuff isn't intuitive for me. But I notice that she's nervous the whole time--a lot of brushing her hair and drinking her wine a lot (I hardly drank any of mine). I plant several seeds in our conversation as excuses to pull her. About an hour later, I feel it's time to pull, and I tell her that I'd like to see the novel she's working on. She tells me it's not ready enough...she doesn't get the hint, so I change topics. She asks about how to beatmatch (a DJ thing), and I tell her I can show her in person. Pulled!
I pay for both of our drinks (because I earlier promised that the first round is on me for being late, but also because I feel like she's not in a good financial situation if her car was totaled and she's on bike), and walk back to my car. Question for you guys: On first dates, do you walk women to the venue by holding her close around her shoulders or by holding her hands? What about when leaving the venue? I always do guide women through doors and whatnot with my hand on the small of their backs. What I did was that I held her close to me around her shoulders for 10 seconds then drop it. Did that a few times. Not sure if that push-pull dynamic did anything productive. In hindsight, I think I should keep holding her hands next time to solidify our bond? I read somewhere that sets up a provider expectation though. I also wanted to keep kino very light until she was somewhere I can have sex with her.
We drive back to my place, which is 15 minutes away. Along the way, I teasingly ask her if she's sick because she made out someone. When I get to my place, I give her water. As I'm setting up my DJ equipment to teach her how to beatmatch, I tell her it's too late in the evening to be playing music, so I start my music playlist (I'm not the only one noticing the irony here, right?) and we sit on my sofa. She asks how big the TV is, and I tease her that size matters for her. She laughs hard and tells me she really wants to know now. I tell her the size of the TV (probably could have ran with this a bit more, but didn't know how). She comments that she knows the band that is being played at the moment and blah blah blah I don't remember what else she's talking about, but I notice she's sitting upright nervously, so I wrap my arms around her shoulders and have her lean back with me. She continues to talk, and I take her water bottle and put it down on the table and go for the spontaneous kiss. She turns her head (and I forget what she says), so I chill, and 5 seconds later, go for the manhandle kiss. She resists hard and says it's too soon. Fuck! Did I not calibrate correctly? Or should I have tried to address her resistance (e.g. "too early for what?")? Did I not do enough kino escalation? I thought you don't need much kino escalation for the spontaneous kiss? I think maybe I wasn't quick enough in my kiss; I did take my time putting down her water bottle, which may have made her anticipate the kiss. Maybe I should used the sexual kiss instead...this chick was really damn hot so should have stuck with the safer sexual kiss.
Unfortunately, after getting rejected twice for the spontaneous kiss, she asks me to take her back home. I tried to reason with her to hang out and chill a bit longer, but now after re-reading Chase's kissing article, she must have felt uncomfortable now and wants to leave. I didn't want to push it too much since she is at my place, but I offer her to teach her how to beatmatch (so she doesn't think I'm upset), which she takes a liking to. We spend 15 minutes teaching her, and then I take her back home. When I get to her place, I ask if I could use her restroom. I push for it a bit (e.g. I really need to go). She says she really can't (ouch!).
My guesses on why and how I fucked up:
I texted her right after dropping her off that I hope she feels better (since she was sick) and that I had a fun night. Ugh, probably should have texted something different...I'm not good with exits. She never responded back, which I'm not surprised. I don't think I'll be getting a second date with her. It's amazing how close you can be to seal the deal and yet so quickly make things sour! Argh!
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Any post mortem advice will be greatly appreciated here! Here to learn from my mistakes. Thanks!
Also, how I can salvage this? My guess is she feels really uncomfortable. I really dig this chick!
------------------------------------------------------------
I messaged her online. She only has 1 profile photo, and she's wearing shades and is kneeling next to a large iguana. Despite her shades, I can see she is naturally pretty (I don't like girls with a lot of makeup).
I actually looked up the name of her band. She's got some fame all over the West Coast...and as I suspected, she's very attractive (I try not to use 1-10 scale per Chase's article on getting perfect 10s, but for the sake of our report, I would give her a 9). I can't wait to meet her.
She later texts her schedule, and we set up the date for the following Saturday night at 8:30pm. I suggested a place close by my home, but she said she only has a bicycle due to her car being totaled, so I change venues to one close to her.
On date night, I tell her I'm running late (in reality, I made it a goal to finish Chase's eBook before the date, but I'm only 2/3rds finished) and push the date back a half hour. She tells me she's relieved because she's finishing up some work stuff. So I tell her to meet at 9:30pm so we don't rush.
15 minutes before our date, she calls and tells me that her bicycle got a flat tire. I'm thinking to myself this is one of the more interesting excuses I've heard, but I remain calm and ask her if she would like to reschedule or have me pick her up. She says it's probably best to reschedule, and I suggest I could pick her up in a public spot so she knows I'm not some stealth weirdo. She laughs, thinks about it, then tells me I can pick her up at her home. WTF, this is the second online chick to give out her home address to an online stranger? I don't know whether it's because they feel comfortable with me or what.
I get to her house and as I'm about to call her, she walks to my car. Wow, she is super attractive. Like model attractive! I don't think it made me nervous; rather, I make a mental note that I would work hard to get. I also immediately find out she has 1 housemate (trying to figure out pulling logistics early on).
When she got in the car, I think I should have made her hug me. Started the kino right away. But I didn't. Next time. I tell her I'm not familiar with her area, so I ask her to guide the way. After some driving around, we found parking. Parking's a bitch in her area. She also mentions something about a sausage restaurant she tried. I teased her about how she likes sausage.
As we walk to the wine bar, I comment about how her profile photo is not very revealing. She tells me she did that on purpose because she didn't want anyone to recognize her. I qualify her by explaining that I was drawn to her smile, the personality in her profile, and her overall vibe...but what sold it for me was when she said "womp womp" because I thought that was cute. The rest of the walk, and pretty much the rest of the night, I'm pretty good at having her initiate conversation and do most of the talking (I ain't afraid of the pregnant pause). While at the wine bar, she even at some point apologizes for blabbering on and on. I tell her it's cool. In hindsight, that was a poor reward. Her apology must also indicate something I did wrong, but I can't quite pinpoint it.
When we first got to the wine bar, we started to taste some wine. When they brought out the tasting glass, I gave it to her first to try. She told me I should try first because she has a cough and is sick. So I try the wine first and she tries it after me. I'm thinking at this time if this is some fake excuse to so I can't kiss or get intimate with her on the first date. Later on, I do think she's legitimately sick, because I later take a sip of her wine and she comments on how I might get sick. In hindsight, I should have capitalized on the moment by saying that's too bad because then we can't make out.
Kino I did: Guiding her with my hand on the small of her back, grabbing her hand to compare with mine noting how small her fingers are (her body language really opened up, so I knew she really liked this), playing with her hair to ask if she's really red-headed, and holding her close to me by wrapping my arms around her shoulders quite a number of times.
At the wine bar (and also in the car), I do deep dive her quite extensively, but I'm not sure if I did a good job relating. This stuff isn't intuitive for me. But I notice that she's nervous the whole time--a lot of brushing her hair and drinking her wine a lot (I hardly drank any of mine). I plant several seeds in our conversation as excuses to pull her. About an hour later, I feel it's time to pull, and I tell her that I'd like to see the novel she's working on. She tells me it's not ready enough...she doesn't get the hint, so I change topics. She asks about how to beatmatch (a DJ thing), and I tell her I can show her in person. Pulled!
I pay for both of our drinks (because I earlier promised that the first round is on me for being late, but also because I feel like she's not in a good financial situation if her car was totaled and she's on bike), and walk back to my car. Question for you guys: On first dates, do you walk women to the venue by holding her close around her shoulders or by holding her hands? What about when leaving the venue? I always do guide women through doors and whatnot with my hand on the small of their backs. What I did was that I held her close to me around her shoulders for 10 seconds then drop it. Did that a few times. Not sure if that push-pull dynamic did anything productive. In hindsight, I think I should keep holding her hands next time to solidify our bond? I read somewhere that sets up a provider expectation though. I also wanted to keep kino very light until she was somewhere I can have sex with her.
We drive back to my place, which is 15 minutes away. Along the way, I teasingly ask her if she's sick because she made out someone. When I get to my place, I give her water. As I'm setting up my DJ equipment to teach her how to beatmatch, I tell her it's too late in the evening to be playing music, so I start my music playlist (I'm not the only one noticing the irony here, right?) and we sit on my sofa. She asks how big the TV is, and I tease her that size matters for her. She laughs hard and tells me she really wants to know now. I tell her the size of the TV (probably could have ran with this a bit more, but didn't know how). She comments that she knows the band that is being played at the moment and blah blah blah I don't remember what else she's talking about, but I notice she's sitting upright nervously, so I wrap my arms around her shoulders and have her lean back with me. She continues to talk, and I take her water bottle and put it down on the table and go for the spontaneous kiss. She turns her head (and I forget what she says), so I chill, and 5 seconds later, go for the manhandle kiss. She resists hard and says it's too soon. Fuck! Did I not calibrate correctly? Or should I have tried to address her resistance (e.g. "too early for what?")? Did I not do enough kino escalation? I thought you don't need much kino escalation for the spontaneous kiss? I think maybe I wasn't quick enough in my kiss; I did take my time putting down her water bottle, which may have made her anticipate the kiss. Maybe I should used the sexual kiss instead...this chick was really damn hot so should have stuck with the safer sexual kiss.
Unfortunately, after getting rejected twice for the spontaneous kiss, she asks me to take her back home. I tried to reason with her to hang out and chill a bit longer, but now after re-reading Chase's kissing article, she must have felt uncomfortable now and wants to leave. I didn't want to push it too much since she is at my place, but I offer her to teach her how to beatmatch (so she doesn't think I'm upset), which she takes a liking to. We spend 15 minutes teaching her, and then I take her back home. When I get to her place, I ask if I could use her restroom. I push for it a bit (e.g. I really need to go). She says she really can't (ouch!).
My guesses on why and how I fucked up:
- She gave partial resistance (but for just a kiss???) and I failed to overcome her resistance.
- I didn't do the spontaneous kiss right, and if the spontaneous kiss failed the first time around, I should not go for it again since the spontaneous kiss works by surprise (i.e. remove the element of surprise, and it won't work).
- I didn't escalate kino enough to transition to a kiss.
I texted her right after dropping her off that I hope she feels better (since she was sick) and that I had a fun night. Ugh, probably should have texted something different...I'm not good with exits. She never responded back, which I'm not surprised. I don't think I'll be getting a second date with her. It's amazing how close you can be to seal the deal and yet so quickly make things sour! Argh!
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Any post mortem advice will be greatly appreciated here! Here to learn from my mistakes. Thanks!
Also, how I can salvage this? My guess is she feels really uncomfortable. I really dig this chick!
, though, someone correct me if need be. This is my guess:
