FU Pulled Girl Home from Bar but Rejected Kiss Multiple Times

[TSRaven]

This past weekend, I pulled a girl from the bar for the first time in 7 months.
It was pretty smooth sailing at the bar. Handled typical objections (finding her friends & how is she gonna get home afterwards).

I actually remembered to move/isolate her. I did better at leading than I have in the past (which were big sticking points for me). However, I could’ve seeded the pull & verbally/physically escalated a bit more at the bar (need to work on that).

As we’re leaving the bar I invited her back to my place to smoke. Which she agreed to enthusiastically.

Once we get to my place, we play a couple games of pool & smoke. I noticed that her shoes came off as soon as we got there (usually a good sign).

After we played pool I went to sit on the couch and motioned for her to sit next to me (she was leaning up against the pool table). She said that she was fine standing there while we were talking.

After a few minutes she sat next to me and I put my arm around her while we talked some more.

While we’re talking I do the triangle-gaze and I thought she was doing the same thing, so I go in for the kiss and she leans back so I laugh it off and continue the conversation. I notice that her leg is crossed opposite of me for a while then back towards me for a bit. After a few more minutes I go back in for the kiss and she leans back again. I act as if nothing happens and we keep talking.

A bit later, she mentions that’s it’s getting late (4AM and we got to my place at 2AM). She starts throwing out objections like she has to feed her friend’s cat, she has to wake up early for work, and could I drive her back to her car.

I tell her that I’ll drive her back to her car in the morning and make sure that she’ll be back in time to go to work. She’s fine with that and shortly afterwards I try for a third time to kiss her, but again the same response.

Then she follows this up by saying that she didn’t want to get involved with someone if it wasn’t for a long-term relationship. She also said that she enjoyed just talking & chilling. I fucked up by saying that I like talking with her too but that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. We we’re both grown and this might be only time she would see a guy like me (paraphrasing a bit).

Feeling confused, I decided to throw on a movie and we both ended up falling asleep on the couch. After I dropped her off at her car, she said the classic “It was nice meeting you.”

I’m not sure if I took too long to make a move after we got to my place or if it was a lack of escalation for this to go sideways like that. I’m open to your thoughts & opinions.

 

[HoofHearted]

While we’re talking I do the triangle-gaze and I thought she was doing the same thing, so I go in for the kiss and she leans back so I laugh it off and continue the conversation. I notice that her leg is crossed opposite of me for a while then back towards me for a bit. After a few more minutes I go back in for the kiss and she leans back again. I act as if nothing happens and we keep talking.

I had two thoughts from experience about this.

A) The first thought is, if you were just one arm on her, some physiological arousal may be missing. My thought is perhaps be touching her more before going to kiss her. In a crude way of speaking, she may not have been 'warmed up' enough for this. The leap to kissing from where you actually were may have been just too large. And I wasn't there, so who knows, but it may not have been a touch thing, either. Could've been the vibe or the conversation that was winding the wrong direction. But we can safely say she wasn't in that state that girls have where they're sitting there ready and eager to be kissed-- because she didn't let you kiss her.

B) The second thought, maybe because this just happened to me and it's on my mind, is that sometimes... they just need you to plant it on them a little bit to get over the hump. A little extra effort and direction to help them resolve their girly feelings. This is NOT a politically correct idea but I have found it to be the truth, but tread WISELY and GENTLY because you may not be in this situation at all. I kissed a girl a few weeks ago and she turned her head down while I embraced her. I kinda sunk lower and positioned her head up-- there was some effort here, but very measured, it was *leading* NOT forcing, never forcing, she must feel intent and direction but NEVER like she has no choice. This girl could have pulled away if she wanted to, or stopped everything. Instead, she yielded and was got really really excited to kiss me and climbed all over me. She loved it. It was helpful to her to do something she wanted to do, but was stuck in her emotions about.

Alternatively, there are times I've tried to kiss women when I was younger, and they just plain did not want to kiss me. In that case, you just check in a bit and say goodbye.

However, after reading your report, the feeling I got was that this women was interested in you, and probably would've done physical stuff like kissing with you, had you done things correctly.

Having said that, I can't really tell from this what you did wrong, if my assumption is true. I suspect you fucked up like in point A) above. In other words, you were boring/unsexy af maybe.

Just a guess. Guess how many of these mistakes I have made myself? (All of them. I have a mental database full of information from making so many goddamn mistakes. Join me).

 

[TSRaven]

I had two thoughts from experience about this.

A) The first thought is, if you were just one arm on her, some physiological arousal may be missing. My thought is perhaps be touching her more before going to kiss her. In a crude way of speaking, she may not have been 'warmed up' enough for this. The leap to kissing from where you actually were may have been just too large. And I wasn't there, so who knows, but it may not have been a touch thing, either. Could've been the vibe or the conversation that was winding the wrong direction. But we can safely say she wasn't in that state that girls have where they're sitting there ready and eager to be kissed-- because she didn't let you kiss her.

B) The second thought, maybe because this just happened to me and it's on my mind, is that sometimes... they just need you to plant it on them a little bit to get over the hump. A little extra effort and direction to help them resolve their girly feelings. This is NOT a politically correct idea but I have found it to be the truth, but tread WISELY and GENTLY because you may not be in this situation at all. I kissed a girl a few weeks ago and she turned her head down while I embraced her. I kinda sunk lower and positioned her head up-- there was some effort here, but very measured, it was *leading* NOT forcing, never forcing, she must feel intent and direction but NEVER like she has no choice. This girl could have pulled away if she wanted to, or stopped everything. Instead, she yielded and was got really really excited to kiss me and climbed all over me. She loved it. It was helpful to her to do something she wanted to do, but was stuck in her emotions about.

Alternatively, there are times I've tried to kiss women when I was younger, and they just plain did not want to kiss me. In that case, you just check in a bit and say goodbye.

However, after reading your report, the feeling I got was that this women was interested in you, and probably would've done physical stuff like kissing with you, had you done things correctly.

Having said that, I can't really tell from this what you did wrong, if my assumption is true. I suspect you fucked up like in point A) above. In other words, you were boring/unsexy af maybe.

Just a guess. Guess how many of these mistakes I have made myself? (All of them. I have a mental database full of information from making so many goddamn mistakes. Join me).

Point A makes the most sense as to why this occurred. I also had my other hand on her thigh at times as well (which she never removed my hand from there).

The vibe after we got to my place was definitely more friendly than sexual. Also the conversation wasn’t sexual (The only time sex was brought up was when I was talking about my experience with LSD). The rest of the time was other rapport building topics.

When we were on the couch, we were talking about different anime shows (definitely not leading things in a sexual direction).

I got too comfortable and lost focus of the goal once we were back at my place also.

 

[HoofHearted]

Ah. Probably some stuff to think about here, meaning why did you do that? Maybe the answer is fear, maybe you just didn't know what to do... who knows?

Good luck

 

[TSRaven]

Ah. Probably some stuff to think about here, meaning why did you do that? Maybe the answer is fear, maybe you just didn't know what to do... who knows?

Good luck

In the past, it would’ve been a fear to make a move. In this case, I took the situation for granted and assumed I had it in the bag (I took my foot off the gas before crossing the finish line per se).

After a couple games of pool, I knew I was going to make a move. The mistake was that I waited too long and made the convo less seductive/sexual.

 

[rockstar]

The vibe after we got to my place was definitely more friendly than sexual. Also the conversation wasn’t sexual (The only time sex was brought up was when I was talking about my experience with LSD). The rest of the time was other rapport building topics.

Did you have any sexual tension built up at all? You don't always have to explicitly talk about sex (though this works well for most girls), but you need to at least build up tension with eye contact, voice, flirting, not being too attainable, etc. I'll comment on some other things, but this is the big issue here.

@HoofHearted mentioned this as well, but I really don't think physical leading was the problem. You can babystep the kiss more with closing proximity, playing with her hair, massaging her shoulders, smelling her neck, etc. This will make the non-compliance you get softer, but the problem is the friendly non-sexual vibe not anything physical. Sometimes you can get around objections by just turning a girl on enough, but that's not this case. You can also just take another physical direction here and sidestep kissing her, but again not the real problem. This does not sound like a situation where you should grab her head and caveman kiss her at all.

After a few more minutes I go back in for the kiss and she leans back again. I act as if nothing happens and we keep talking.

Why are you ignoring the obvious issue? At least "punish" the non-compliance. It's the middle of the night and you're hoping she's going to suddenly, randomly come around to wanting to fuck you from a friendly convo after rejecting your kiss attempts? You gotta be more time-efficient and less passive here (I've made this mistake many times before)

Then she follows this up by saying that she didn’t want to get involved with someone if it wasn’t for a long-term relationship. She also said that she enjoyed just talking & chilling. I fucked up by saying that I like talking with her too but that I wasn’t looking for anything serious. We we’re both grown and this might be only time she would see a guy like me (paraphrasing a bit).

You could have surfaced this way earlier to give you time to deal with it. Again, the real problem here is probably no sexual tension, but beliefs/frames like this can take time to deal with, so you want to get them out early.

 

[TSRaven]

Did you have any sexual tension built up at all? You don't always have to explicitly talk about sex (though this works well for most girls), but you need to at least build up tension with eye contact, voice, flirting, not being too attainable, etc. I'll comment on some other things, but this is the big issue here.

@HoofHearted mentioned this as well, but I really don't think physical leading was the problem. You can babystep the kiss more with closing proximity, playing with her hair, massaging her shoulders, smelling her neck, etc. This will make the non-compliance you get softer, but the problem is the friendly non-sexual vibe not anything physical. Sometimes you can get around objections by just turning a girl on enough, but that's not this case. You can also just take another physical direction here and sidestep kissing her, but again not the real problem. This does not sound like a situation where you should grab her head and caveman kiss her at all.


Why are you ignoring the obvious issue? At least "punish" the non-compliance. It's the middle of the night and you're hoping she's going to suddenly, randomly come around to wanting to fuck you from a friendly convo after rejecting your kiss attempts? You gotta be more time-efficient and less passive here (I've made this mistake many times before)


You could have surfaced this way earlier to give you time to deal with it. Again, the real problem here is probably no sexual tension, but beliefs/frames like this can take time to deal with, so you want to get them out early.

There was some sexual tension built up while we were at the bar, but there definitely could've been more tbh. I displayed some sexual intent, flirted/teased with her, and was more of a challenge.

Once we got to my place was when I stopped having the sexual vibe/frame (Probably the worst time to do so smh).
Most of the time we were playing pool, we were on opposite sides of the table talking. It wasn't until I sat on the couch and she eventually sat next to me that we were physically close to each other (since being at the bar).

I made a comment about her eyes before my first attempt, in an effort to move the convo to something else. I thought that if she rejects your kiss, that you play it cool and act as if nothing happened.

Was I supposed to move away from her on the couch but keep talking?

When you say "be more time-efficient and less passive," are you referring to me just turning on a movie and us sitting on the couch and going to sleep? Or are you saying that I should've made a move earlier?

Building sexual tension (more-so in night game) has been a major sticking point that I've dealt with for years and it's fucked up so many interactions that I've had.

 

[rockstar]

Once we got to my place was when I stopped having the sexual vibe/frame (Probably the worst time to do so smh).
Most of the time we were playing pool, we were on opposite sides of the table talking. It wasn't until I sat on the couch and she eventually sat next to me that we were physically close to each other (since being at the bar).

Ok, so it sounds like the vibe was right at the bar, but then got lost at some point, right? When she first gets to your place actually isn't a bad time to lighten up the interaction a little, especially if she's a little hesitant/reserved about coming to yours. Focusing on the pool game is definitely going to remove tension. Ime, games like this are usually not a good idea in this sort of situation. Could it be that both of you were too focused on the game and not having any substantial conversation? I can imagine that killing the vibe.

This reminds me of a time a girl got me to play connect 4 with her on her phone after pulling from a date. The turns had a timer so she kept urging me to make a move when I was trying to keep the conversation going. Because I could feel just sitting there playing the game with her was not the right vibe and was accomplishing nothing. After I lost two or three games in embarrassing ways (lol) I told her I want to get to know her more instead of play.

You could still probably make it work as long as you're focused more on her than the game. Standing up and moving around the table gives you some opportunities to be playful. Opportunities for cheesy sex jokes with sticks, balls, and holes, etc. Stopping the game to move closer to her and talk about something more in depth.

I thought that if she rejects your kiss, that you play it cool and act as if nothing happened.

Was I supposed to move away from her on the couch but keep talking?

That was a fine move for the first kiss rejection. I think moving slightly farther away or leaning back a little for awhile is good there, but that's also a small detail. This really depends a lot on the situation. You're right that you definitely don't want to be upset/affected over that, and physical non-compliance is a little harder to address than verbal stuff (because there's not a lot you can do that's not too needy/pushy/affected).

Ideally you want to avoid getting rejected for anything physical at all. Playing it cool and taking a step back is a good general response, but if it's happening to you multiple times at the kissing stage, you have to address the elephant in the room. Because there's two possibilities:

1. You just didn't have enough compliance with her. You didn't build up enough attraction and investment from her or the emotions and sexual tension were too low in the moment. You had enough to pull, so there definitely was interest on her part in some capacity. Usually the threshold to pull will be a lot higher than the threshold to kiss (but not always! Some girls are weird)

2. There's some other frame/belief/issue holding her back. Such as "I like this guy, but can't sleep with him because I'm only looking for a committed LTR". If she seemed really into you, but is resisting, this is often the problem. There are a lot of possible ways to deal with these sorts of things.

Saying something like "What's up? I can tell you're really into me, but you're acting kinda weird and closed off all of a sudden. Is something up?" after she rejects the kiss can get her to voice these concerns so you can deal with them. (assuming she's giving you lots of other signs of interest). Often it will be better to do this in a lighter/jokier way "Damn is my breath really that bad?". If you're problem is actually number 1, calling this out is a bad move though. Escalating verbally and sexualizing can also surface these issues and it will be easier to control the frame that way.

When you say "be more time-efficient and less passive," are you referring to me just turning on a movie and us sitting on the couch and going to sleep? Or are you saying that I should've made a move earlier?

I was doing some reading between the lines here. She was at your place for a couple hours, so I assumed there was probably some filler time in there where not much was being accomplished seduction-wise. So yes, you should have made moves earlier, or shown more value/built more investment/managed emotions better, or if nothing is sticking then just call out the situation and be real with her. Because, ime, when I pull a girl and get rejected physically and don't close I almost never get a second date.

It's dependent on the situation. I mentioned sexual tension because you said you thought the vibe was too friendly and that's a common mistake that will give the result you had. I can't tell you exactly what the issue was here. I'm not an expert either - I still make mistakes and sometimes lose girls post-pull. I hope some of this is helpful though.

Generally I try to get my interactions to the point where the girl is really wanting me to escalate physically or even trying to do it for me. Rather than try to get around physical non-compliance and "lmr". But I don't always succeed! And many of my lays involve physical rejection at some point (though rarely the kiss).

I think baby-stepping the kiss might be useful to you like I mentioned in the other comment. You can even tease and deny the kiss if you want. Also going around the kids and escalating other ways. Ideally verbally, but you can do this physically too (rubbing her legs, massaging her back, kissing her neck instead of her face, spanking her, etc).

I had a date at the beginning of this year with a 19yo who had never even kissed a guy before. She didn't want to kiss me, but I made her orgasm with a vibrator outside her shorts while dirty talking to her. I even took her to a sex shop after. Though didn't get the second date (unfortunately, bc I liked her. Closed the connect 4 girl though). I've had other lays where I was rubbing her pussy or even had my dick inside her before I kissed her.

Anyway, hope this is helpful. Maybe another member will have more insight into the exact issue. I know losing girls after pulling can be frustrating

 

[TSRaven]

Ok, so it sounds like the vibe was right at the bar, but then got lost at some point, right? When she first gets to your place actually isn't a bad time to lighten up the interaction a little, especially if she's a little hesitant/reserved about coming to yours. Focusing on the pool game is definitely going to remove tension. Ime, games like this are usually not a good idea in this sort of situation. Could it be that both of you were too focused on the game and not having any substantial conversation? I can imagine that killing the vibe.

This reminds me of a time a girl got me to play connect 4 with her on her phone after pulling from a date. The turns had a timer so she kept urging me to make a move when I was trying to keep the conversation going. Because I could feel just sitting there playing the game with her was not the right vibe and was accomplishing nothing. After I lost two or three games in embarrassing ways (lol) I told her I want to get to know her more instead of play.

You could still probably make it work as long as you're focused more on her than the game. Standing up and moving around the table gives you some opportunities to be playful. Opportunities for cheesy sex jokes with sticks, balls, and holes, etc. Stopping the game to move closer to her and talk about something more in depth.


That was a fine move for the first kiss rejection. I think moving slightly farther away or leaning back a little for awhile is good there, but that's also a small detail. This really depends a lot on the situation. You're right that you definitely don't want to be upset/affected over that, and physical non-compliance is a little harder to address than verbal stuff (because there's not a lot you can do that's not too needy/pushy/affected).

Ideally you want to avoid getting rejected for anything physical at all. Playing it cool and taking a step back is a good general response, but if it's happening to you multiple times at the kissing stage, you have to address the elephant in the room. Because there's two possibilities:

1. You just didn't have enough compliance with her. You didn't build up enough attraction and investment from her or the emotions and sexual tension were too low in the moment. You had enough to pull, so there definitely was interest on her part in some capacity. Usually the threshold to pull will be a lot higher than the threshold to kiss (but not always! Some girls are weird)

2. There's some other frame/belief/issue holding her back. Such as "I like this guy, but can't sleep with him because I'm only looking for a committed LTR". If she seemed really into you, but is resisting, this is often the problem. There are a lot of possible ways to deal with these sorts of things.

Saying something like "What's up? I can tell you're really into me, but you're acting kinda weird and closed off all of a sudden. Is something up?" after she rejects the kiss can get her to voice these concerns so you can deal with them. (assuming she's giving you lots of other signs of interest). Often it will be better to do this in a lighter/jokier way "Damn is my breath really that bad?". If you're problem is actually number 1, calling this out is a bad move though. Escalating verbally and sexualizing can also surface these issues and it will be easier to control the frame that way.

I was doing some reading between the lines here. She was at your place for a couple hours, so I assumed there was probably some filler time in there where not much was being accomplished seduction-wise. So yes, you should have made moves earlier, or shown more value/built more investment/managed emotions better, or if nothing is sticking then just call out the situation and be real with her. Because, ime, when I pull a girl and get rejected physically and don't close I almost never get a second date.

It's dependent on the situation. I mentioned sexual tension because you said you thought the vibe was too friendly and that's a common mistake that will give the result you had. I can't tell you exactly what the issue was here. I'm not an expert either - I still make mistakes and sometimes lose girls post-pull. I hope some of this is helpful though.

Generally I try to get my interactions to the point where the girl is really wanting me to escalate physically or even trying to do it for me. Rather than try to get around physical non-compliance and "lmr". But I don't always succeed! And many of my lays involve physical rejection at some point (though rarely the kiss).

I think baby-stepping the kiss might be useful to you like I mentioned in the other comment. You can even tease and deny the kiss if you want. Also going around the kids and escalating other ways. Ideally verbally, but you can do this physically too (rubbing her legs, massaging her back, kissing her neck instead of her face, spanking her, etc).

I had a date at the beginning of this year with a 19yo who had never even kissed a guy before. She didn't want to kiss me, but I made her orgasm with a vibrator outside her shorts while dirty talking to her. I even took her to a sex shop after. Though didn't get the second date (unfortunately, bc I liked her. Closed the connect 4 girl though). I've had other lays where I was rubbing her pussy or even had my dick inside her before I kissed her.

Anyway, hope this is helpful. Maybe another member will have more insight into the exact issue. I know losing girls after pulling can be frustrating

We were focused on the game but also talking the entire time as well. I probably should've stopped playing after the first game to do something else. I might've said maybe one stick & ball joke, and now I can think of so many for the future.

1. I think the emotions & sexual tension were too low when I made a move for sure.

There was definitely some filler time where nothing was moving the interaction forward. That's something I need to work on, escalating physically and setting a more sexual frame/vibe. I'll definitely use the back massage and the neck kiss in the future.

This was helpful for sure. Thank you