- Joined
- Jun 16, 2013
- Messages
- 1,897
Okay I learned a lot the other night and made some good failures! I'm going to keep this as short as possible so you don't go out of your mind and so I can hopefully get some feedback on this. Lets go.
To make a long story short I met a 2 Swedish girls, one was pretty cute, at my hostel. A buddy, I know here, and I made connections and invited the girls to drink and be social on my front porch. We drank and played drinking games to very early in the morning. I subtly singled out the girl I liked, call her "Swede", deep dived her and made banter with her and the group, made sexual innuendo with the group and got every one talking about sex. I found excuses to touch her although I couldn't tell at the time if we had a "little secret" or she just liked my company. So when her friend and my buddy went to do something (can't remember what) I decided to test the waters further.
At this point we're isolated and I return to a convo thread of dancing in which I turn some Frank Sinatra on, take her by the hand, and dance. She likes this and we hold each other close. I amplify the vibe with eye contact and some mild banter until the tension builds enough and we kiss. I pull back first and she then kisses me. I push her up on a wall (gently) and make out with her till the songs ends. Here I think would've been an opportune time to make an excuse to take her into my room. Instead we sit down together to choose a new song. Her friend comes back and we're back in circle. Drat!
I know she wants me so I make an excuse for her to hold a personal possession of mine and follow me to my room because I need both hands to find my key I "misplaced". I "find" my key and go inside in which she follows to put my article on my table. I get a little hesitant in how I should make a move at this point and I can tell she is a tad bit uncomfortable being in my room. She then walks outside and I follow (but don't chase!). I ask her a stupid question assuming she is a nurse to purposely prescribe her a mesage to help her be relaxed. She says she doesn't like mesages and I mesage her shoulders anyway while talking to her* (see note at end for asterisk). I then tell her she needs to meditate and I lead her back into my room, get sitting on the bed, and we meditate by looking into one another's eyes. The tension is fairly high and it's hard for her to not laugh and release tension. I get tired of meditating, push her onto the bed, and we kiss. I believe here she knows what I'm about (sex) and doesn't want to be perceived as easy.
Note: The vibe wasn't hot and heavy yet so that may have had something to do with it.
Convo:
Her: I don't think I should be doing this
Me: I know we're so bad
Her: No really I think I should leave (some excuse)
Me: Whats stopping you...
Her: Nothing
She gets up and leaves. I sit on the bed wondering what just happened thinking how I could have prevented what just happened. To my amazement I wait 2 minutes and she's back at my door. I guess my outcome independence pays off and I know that she's here for sex so I take action, throw her on the bed and kiss her. She turns her cheek, I manhandle kiss her and we start making out no tongue.
Question here. If she's not offering tongue making out should I offer my tongue or is it situational. Also a personal note I think taking my time once she came back and messaging her body would have been a better option to tease her and amplify sexual excitement.
I get up to turn off the lights and return to kissing, me on her neck and body, all whilst pausing to gaze in one another's eyes occasionally. She keeps saying she must get up and go sleep/some bullshit excuse. I let her get up every time and then give her an excuse to stay thus remaining dominant. Here I believe she wanted to have sex, otherwise she wouldn't have returned back to my room when she left the first time, but couldn't because I never addressed her anti slut defense and she was worried that I was trying to tack her up on my lay list (which is very small lol).
Also I couldn't figure out how to excite her, and me (I wasn't hardly hard at all) which may have been a big part of it, enough to where things were "hot and heavy". I'm still extremely new to escalation and only once did I find a spot she liked that turned me and her on to where we were caressing and breathing heavier. Could definitely use some advice here on tips/tricks to spike excitement. In speculation I feel that turning myself on would in result turn her on via emotional contagion.
All in all she got up about 5 times in which every time I told her to just stay for 2 more minutes to finish "insert bullshit excuse". She complied every time but I couldn't figure out how to address the main problem of her not being "too easy/her feeling that I may judge her". I didn't want to address the problem verbally at the time in fear that the vibe might go platonic/me chasing. Did I need to address her anti slut defense verbally or did I do the right thing.
What is the proper way of handling anti-slut defense when she clearly wants sex but doesn't want to be perceived as easy?
The last try #5, I told her I would keep my hands to myself and we would just cuddle. After about 2 minutes I crept my hand into her pants and started messaging her pubis (right above clit, I couldn't reach her clit comfortably without talking her pants off) in which she had no resistance to. This didn't turn her on and she then said she needed to go to bed, in which I let her go outcome independently.
So all in all I'm proud of myself for persisting, setting dominant frames (I think), and pushing my comfort zone. I really need some input on
*Side note a little off topic: When I was messaging her shoulders and talking I asked what she liked about me and her response was a crushing "I think your a nice guy, and really socialable". Now this may be because she doesn't speak the best English and just wanted to give out an easy answer idk. I then grabbed her tits and messaged them and asked if nice guys do this. Kind of an ego blow perhaps I need to become more of an asshole to become better than jerk/nice guy.
To make a long story short I met a 2 Swedish girls, one was pretty cute, at my hostel. A buddy, I know here, and I made connections and invited the girls to drink and be social on my front porch. We drank and played drinking games to very early in the morning. I subtly singled out the girl I liked, call her "Swede", deep dived her and made banter with her and the group, made sexual innuendo with the group and got every one talking about sex. I found excuses to touch her although I couldn't tell at the time if we had a "little secret" or she just liked my company. So when her friend and my buddy went to do something (can't remember what) I decided to test the waters further.
At this point we're isolated and I return to a convo thread of dancing in which I turn some Frank Sinatra on, take her by the hand, and dance. She likes this and we hold each other close. I amplify the vibe with eye contact and some mild banter until the tension builds enough and we kiss. I pull back first and she then kisses me. I push her up on a wall (gently) and make out with her till the songs ends. Here I think would've been an opportune time to make an excuse to take her into my room. Instead we sit down together to choose a new song. Her friend comes back and we're back in circle. Drat!
I know she wants me so I make an excuse for her to hold a personal possession of mine and follow me to my room because I need both hands to find my key I "misplaced". I "find" my key and go inside in which she follows to put my article on my table. I get a little hesitant in how I should make a move at this point and I can tell she is a tad bit uncomfortable being in my room. She then walks outside and I follow (but don't chase!). I ask her a stupid question assuming she is a nurse to purposely prescribe her a mesage to help her be relaxed. She says she doesn't like mesages and I mesage her shoulders anyway while talking to her* (see note at end for asterisk). I then tell her she needs to meditate and I lead her back into my room, get sitting on the bed, and we meditate by looking into one another's eyes. The tension is fairly high and it's hard for her to not laugh and release tension. I get tired of meditating, push her onto the bed, and we kiss. I believe here she knows what I'm about (sex) and doesn't want to be perceived as easy.
Note: The vibe wasn't hot and heavy yet so that may have had something to do with it.
Convo:
Her: I don't think I should be doing this
Me: I know we're so bad
Her: No really I think I should leave (some excuse)
Me: Whats stopping you...
Her: Nothing
She gets up and leaves. I sit on the bed wondering what just happened thinking how I could have prevented what just happened. To my amazement I wait 2 minutes and she's back at my door. I guess my outcome independence pays off and I know that she's here for sex so I take action, throw her on the bed and kiss her. She turns her cheek, I manhandle kiss her and we start making out no tongue.
Question here. If she's not offering tongue making out should I offer my tongue or is it situational. Also a personal note I think taking my time once she came back and messaging her body would have been a better option to tease her and amplify sexual excitement.
I get up to turn off the lights and return to kissing, me on her neck and body, all whilst pausing to gaze in one another's eyes occasionally. She keeps saying she must get up and go sleep/some bullshit excuse. I let her get up every time and then give her an excuse to stay thus remaining dominant. Here I believe she wanted to have sex, otherwise she wouldn't have returned back to my room when she left the first time, but couldn't because I never addressed her anti slut defense and she was worried that I was trying to tack her up on my lay list (which is very small lol).
Also I couldn't figure out how to excite her, and me (I wasn't hardly hard at all) which may have been a big part of it, enough to where things were "hot and heavy". I'm still extremely new to escalation and only once did I find a spot she liked that turned me and her on to where we were caressing and breathing heavier. Could definitely use some advice here on tips/tricks to spike excitement. In speculation I feel that turning myself on would in result turn her on via emotional contagion.
All in all she got up about 5 times in which every time I told her to just stay for 2 more minutes to finish "insert bullshit excuse". She complied every time but I couldn't figure out how to address the main problem of her not being "too easy/her feeling that I may judge her". I didn't want to address the problem verbally at the time in fear that the vibe might go platonic/me chasing. Did I need to address her anti slut defense verbally or did I do the right thing.
What is the proper way of handling anti-slut defense when she clearly wants sex but doesn't want to be perceived as easy?
The last try #5, I told her I would keep my hands to myself and we would just cuddle. After about 2 minutes I crept my hand into her pants and started messaging her pubis (right above clit, I couldn't reach her clit comfortably without talking her pants off) in which she had no resistance to. This didn't turn her on and she then said she needed to go to bed, in which I let her go outcome independently.
So all in all I'm proud of myself for persisting, setting dominant frames (I think), and pushing my comfort zone. I really need some input on
- What I'm overlooking
How to better handle resistance and defuse the anti slut defense
What I did or didn't do wrong that caused us both wanting sex yet not getting sex
*Side note a little off topic: When I was messaging her shoulders and talking I asked what she liked about me and her response was a crushing "I think your a nice guy, and really socialable". Now this may be because she doesn't speak the best English and just wanted to give out an easy answer idk. I then grabbed her tits and messaged them and asked if nice guys do this. Kind of an ego blow perhaps I need to become more of an asshole to become better than jerk/nice guy.
