Question about woman at work

[ph40]

Hello! I'm kind of a newbie with pickup and seduction. I have a particular scenario I'd like advice or comments on from people more "in the know":

I work in a retail store as a manager. For the past year or so there's this beautiful woman who comes in and shops on her own. Occasionally I'd get this "glance" from her, or she'd come into an aisle I was working in twice, almost with some kind of purpose of getting attention from me.

I'm definitely attracted to her (she's stunning) but also hesitant because trying to do something with her might jeopardize my job if taken the wrong way. Additionally she's pretty intimidating with her beauty and her edginess (almost looks like Cindy Crawford with tattoos).

So a few months ago I had a brief chat with her and actually told her I wanted to get to know her more outside of her shopping in my store. She quickly said "I would... but I'm married". To which I kind of apologized and ended the conversation. My question at that point was: did she lie to me about that to dampen my interest, or is she *actually* married. And either way, what was with the "look" she would give me and the following me into parts of the store I was working in...

So I kind of just accepted it and tried to put it to rest. There are other women in this world, after all. But the past two months or so I seem to be seeing her more frequently and she somehow looks even hotter than she ever did before. Like, I've met quite a few attractive women in my life, even dated a few, and I've never felt the level of physical attraction to any of them as strongly as I have to her. Physically, she is beyond compare; I'd put her up with the 80s/90s supermodels in terms of her body and her face. I almost feel irritated that she keeps shopping where I work and distracting me after having given me the "marriage" rejection.

So I was thinking of starting up another conversation with her and maybe this time trying to "hint" at just meeting somewhere, like a bar. Not an overt invitation, but something like "I was at bar XYZ right here in town the other night and they have this amazing karaoke night on fridays. do you ever go there? it would be kind of funny to run into each other at something like that, right"?

I don't know why I can't put it to rest, but there's this part of me that wonders if she actually is married, or if she's married and bored but can't just "go out" when asked and instead needs an excuse or a pretense, with no pressure - like "running into" me at a bar.

So if anyone can chime in after this wall of text - and use their vast experience and knowledge to let me know - do you think she actually is married or was it a lie to let me down easily? And either way, I can't stop thinking of her when I see her, so is there ANY other tactic I can use to try to win her over at this point, having already been "turned down"?

Thanks!

 

[PalmaSailor]

Firstly don’t be intimidated by her looks.

Secondly - this is work - so accept the risks it could fuck your job if she turns out to be a nutcase.

Thirdly - she probably is married if she said she was but she probably still wants to bang you (judging by the IOI’s you’ve been getting)

up to you how to play it. You could strike up another conversation about XYZ she’s buying and offer to take her for coffee after your shift. If she repeats the marriage thing tell her “ahh… we’ll keep it our secret” and wink at her.

make sure your logistics are right to get her back to your place and continue as usual.

good luck!

 

[Egor]

she tests

 

[Fuck This]

You expressed your attraction. SHE KNOWS.. What she is IS :

• Flattered and appreciates the attention
• Unsure of is whether you will go through with it if she does want your man meat.
• Unsure of how she would express her desire to you with plausible deniability.
• Not offended enough to shop elsewhere yet.
• Not attracted enough YET to go through the time trouble and potential backlash of taking you up on your offer.

I've been in your situation and usually choose not to go through with trying to date customers. But I have had one woman who tapped my Wedding ring years ago and tell me she " would ask you out right here and now if you weren't married" . Well a few years later I wasn't and she offered to fix me dinner . I wasn't attracted enough to take her up on it yet. Still have her # on my corkboard here though..


So when a woman tells you she is married, it opens a conversation opportunity.
"Oh congrats. How long? "
" Marriage is great. Everyone should get married once or twice" in a joking tone
" are you shopping for him? " Which leads into questions for you to inquire more about him...

A happily married woman will brag about her man. A bored or wandering eyed wife will be critical in her comments.

If she is happily married reply " he sounds like a cool guy and it sounds like we have the same taste in attractive women. You should bring him by and introduce him to us sometime."

 

[Rakkum]

If you are willing to risk it, then go for it. Your life, your choices.

I used to work as an airline steward and have grabbed some numbers from from passengers. Also, met one chick on the way to work. Opened her at the airport, turned out she was going to be on my flight. Number-closed her on the flight (with people sitting all around us haha), first date got hellish LMR ("I'm not that kind of a girl"), 2nd date she sucked my dick at a park before going to my place, third date fucked in the toilet of a bar.

Super high sex-drive stylish gal, were FBs for half a year or so... fond memories.

Once I got turned down by some chick and later one of my colleagues ribbed me about around the briefing table in the crew room hahaha... Managed to keep calm and frame is a no big deal thing normal thing....which it actually is... Glad though that none of the gossipy toxic types weren't around.

With regulars and other situations where the environment is not conducive for the right frames, I try mix up being borderline overfamiliar with an underlying sublime sexual tension.. To break the frame of customer-employee, while building rapport and creating intrigue and subcommunicating what you're about.

So a few months ago I had a brief chat with her and actually told her I wanted to get to know her more outside of her shopping in my store.

How exactly did you deliver this?

 

[ph40]

How exactly did you deliver this?

I have to admit I am not the most suave guy talking to women so perhaps it wasn't delivered the best way possible. Also, in a retail store with lots of people around it's challenging to get 1-on-1 time and this was an opportunity I had to talk to her in an aisle that was empty except for her and I so I wanted to kind of "get to the point" without a lot of extended conversation. I made a little bit of small talk then just flat-out said "... I'd really like to get to know you outside of seeing you here" or something very similar, and she promptly said "I would, but I'm married", and then I apologized and walked away.

So, honestly, if a woman is married I typically do not want to get involved. I've never dallied with a married woman. In fact, I would actively try to avoid it. BUT here's what I don't understand:

- She was giving me those subtle signals for months where she would walk into my aisle twice, or give me a very brief "look", even look me up and down! And one time I caught her as she was leaving, at the cash registers, and just said "Hi" to her quickly as I was walking into work, and then she replied back "Hi" and smiled. I then started working in the backroom for an hour or more, and when I came out to do something on the salesfloor I saw that she had come *back inside* and was shopping again in an area in the back of the store. So either she just really forgot something, or she came back inside because of my greeting?

- So despite these seemingly warm signals, whenever I actually tried to talk to her, I got this icy shutdown kind of response. I talked to her months before asking her out, tried to start a conversation about recognizing her from a bar where I live, and she told me she used to be a bartender at club XYZ, and she used to work at a restaurant near me, but the conversation didn't really go anywhere and she didn't give me an inch to work with, she just kind of stood there and stared at me while I tried to keep the conversation going. So when I asked her out, I just wanted to get to the point and express interest, to which I got the "marriage" shutdown. So if she shuts me down, what was the point of all those signals? Was it just to get attention from a guy? Or is there more to the story and I just lack the know-how to crack the puzzle?

Also, at this point is there any way I can re-open dialogue after getting the "marriage" thing and walking away? Like I said in my first post, I was thinking of trying to work a hint into a conversation about a local bar to see if she would show up. Is that solid or do you guys have any other advice for re-opening a dialogue with her at this point? (If it's at all recommendable)

 

[Starboy]

Look bro I work retail myself it's a tricky situation. I've seen plenty of coworkers date each other,but to go after a customer is risky and not worth it since you're in a good position as a manager. Especially if your store is small. That woman can out you if shit goes south. I work in a big store so maybe if I tried to flirt with a customer it wouldn't matter and I could get away with a fuckup lol.

Sometimes womens signals don't really mean they're interested in you. The only real way to know if she's available to you is asking for compliance and she turned down meeting up with you so there's your answer. She could just be friendly and a lot of women are friendly,but that doesn't mean they actually want to date you.

Honestly from what you've described those don't sound like hard signals. If she was touching you,asking questions about you,making suggestive comments then maybe.

There's this tall hot manager on my floor who's quite young for her position who I thought gave me signals like playing with her hair,being extra friendly to me,looking at me,but it could all be in my head. I find myself getting excited by the smallest things and I haven't asked her out yet I would invest so much mentally for no reason. Us beginners have a tendency to get excited about women prematurely before anything has happened. The fantasy of getting with a woman we think is out of our league or just find so intoxicating and attractive gets us hoping. Kinda like "that one special girl" that chase talks about.

 

[Skjöldr]

She needs plausible deniability. She told you she is married to relieve her guilt. So she felt like you led the seduction 100%. You need to lead. Her: "Im married" You: "Ohh do you love him?/We would have to be extra careful when sneaking around then! (we frame)" Her: "Blah blah" You: "Fantastic, look, i'm not trying to mess anything up, but it would be nice to have a coffee/wine sometime"

Another idea: Depending on anonymity, it could be a bad idea meeting in a too public place. High risk high reward would be suggesting a coffee/tea/wine/drink/whatever at your place or any other discreet area. Disclaimer, im not talking from experience here, just a thought... (i went on a date with a girl with a boyfriend twice, first one i ended up banging after she dropped him, the other i had a fallout with. Both of their boyfriends lived somewhere else and they moved here so i met them in public...)