Questions on Charisma

[Searcher]

(1) I read in the course Charisma in a bottle that people with similar opinions and also when they agree on similar things they seem more charismatic to each other.

However isn't speaking your mind more attractive even if you disagree? Because won't it seem to the other person that you don't have any opinions of your own if you agree on everything?

This part confuses me as to how this seems like a contradiction. Or there might be some other angle to look at this which you might be aware of.

(2) It was also mentioned that a guy doing the talking 75% of the time will seem more attractive than someone doing listening 75% of the time.
But doesn't this go against deep diving where you listen for most of the time?

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[Searcher]

I am pinging this thread. Seems to have been lost

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Sully dude! When people agree with each other or have similar opinions they seem charismatic because they speak your mind, share your thoughts, like minded and might share similar experiences and view points. When someone is speaking in public of these beliefs and opinions you'll view them as charismatic.

Speaking your mind is attractive, you can still be charismatic even if they don't agree with you and better yet you can convince them and win then over, occasionally. Whether this makes you more attractive depends on what you're talking about. If you're talking to girls you're looking to avoid bad topics. The point of this isn't to always agree or disagree, there's no contradiction in this.

If you're always agreeing like a yes man you'll lack conviction, they'll know you're not being congruent with yourself and you'll be spineless and it'll be unattractive. However if you agree on everything because you genuinely agree on everything, you're passionate and convincing because it's your true beliefs then your social frame aligns and you'll appear attractive because you're so in sync.

For your second question, imagine a dude telling a great story and the group he's sitting with are hanging on his every word, yes he's doing the majority of the talking but he's leading the interaction, commanding your attention, pulling you in, expressing himself with confidence, all eyes on him and he's in control while the story shows and reveals more attractive qualities. He'll seem a lot more attractive than someone passively listening.

Deep diving is a tool, it is to be used to build rapport and to develop a connection. A girl will feel close to you the more you know about her, not how much she knows about you. This doesn't mean you can't tell her stuff and you can't talk. All tools have a time and a place.

Sometimes you need to talk a little more to get the girl to open up, sometimes she's an open book. You can't deep dive all the time, there's a lot more to conversation than deep diving, check out the article on being a great conversationalist and leading a conversation. Answer questions, chime in when you've got a relevant experience that relates to what you're talking about.

Most dudes make the rookie mistake of trying to tell girls how great they are and never stop talking about themselves. Deep diving builds a connection and avoids this trap

 

[ulrich]

@Sully, ideally you want to speak your mind in a way that everyone agrees but they cannot verbalize.
Think about the guy who says what’s on his mind that everybody else is afraid to say it. That is both charismatic and attractive.

Also, you should be mixing.
Some time you say things everybody agrees on, that gets you connection and similarity.
And other times you say bold things, that gets you respect and attraction (as long as it’s calibrated).

The same way you deep dive one moment and the next you are teasing. It’s a balance.

As for the 75% time talking, it’s the same.
There are moments to talk and moments to speak.
Assuming you are a competent leader and you are leading a group, there are times where you tell them what you’re thinking and what you want them to do and they just listen back.