quick help

[skin_man]

I'm a leader at a charity organization for university students. About 4 Weeks ago,I asked a cute new girl out. (she's one of my staff). She said yes but on the day she mentioned about seeing me another time. According to chase, if the girl didn't give you a specific date for seeing you again, it's not worth it and one ought to move on.

Incidentally we keep making eye contact often. I was following chase's tip so I didn't make a second attempt. My question is: did I take it too far and make her miss out on us having fun some other time? We see each other regularly at the office and there's some surface chemistry but I wonder if I should try again.

incidentally, two nights ago, we had a little get together with the staffand she was all over and openly flirting with one of my other staff..but still making eye contact with me. Is this a test to see if I'd be challenged to ask her out again or has she entered auto reject?

(sorry if my text is rather scattered. I'm using my phone to type)

Thanks guys.

P.S. I have another date with another girl who's coming to mine next week. I just want to know what to do about this other chick.

 

[Just_Dave]

I would focus on the other girl, office relationships and hook ups can get very hectic and aren't worth the drama. I was involved with two of my coworkers the previous summer. Needless to say jealousy and rumors surface very quickly. It's also a good idea not to piss where you eat. I wouldn't wrack your brain over it.

 

[AFCnoob]

Sounds like this girl (as one of your staff) might be a bit close to your social circle*. She will certainly be sensitive to that, even if you're not--and girls tend to avoid interacting with men too close to their social circle.

Also: you expressed an interest, and set up a date, but then she broke it off. Don't know if you built rapport and a connection with her first, showing value so that she would be interested and excited about the date tho. She knows you're interested in her, but if she's not responding, the best tactic may be just to let it ride. Contacting her again may seem needy.

Two small notes:

Incidentally we keep making eye contact often.

Mutual eye contact seems rare. Usually someone is looking at someone. Don't go out of your way to look at her or catch her eye. Don't even pay that much attention to her.

...she was all over and openly flirting with one of my other staff..but still making eye contact with me.

She's all over some other dude, I wouldn't even be in the vicinity or paying attention to them at all. Standing on the sidelines while she openly flirts with, or physically escalates with some other dude seems pointless, may make you seem passive ore even needy.

But you're doing the right thing: you have another girl lined up--don't get fixated on one girl. As I'm sure you know: the objective is to move as quickly as possible with those girls you're most interested in, and who are most open to moving forward with you. Anything else turns out to be varying degrees of time wasting. And you don't want to waste your time, do you? Maybe this other girl will come 'round of her own accord, maybe not--try not to worry too much about it.

*They have a saying in Chinese: 兔子不吃窝边草--"A rabbit does not eat the grass around its own burrow". In other words: "Don't sh*t where you eat". Some guys are able to bed girls very close to them. I avoid it. A good buddy of mine slept with a woman who he worked with, he ended it, but she's still texting him like crazy four months later.

 

[skin_man]

Thanks you guys for the responses. I'm glad I thought out a good escape anyhow.

AFCnoob you said:

may make you seem passive or even needy.

I understand about being needy. {a result of a lack of perceived options with other women}.

can you explain how being passive can be a disadvantage in getting a girl.

Thanks

 

[Light]

Focus on the New Girl like Just_Dave mentioned.

The Old will eventually get jealous if she has any interests in you.. although my 6th sense tells me she doesn't.

New girl it is! March On Brother!


Light

 

[AFCnoob]

can you explain how being passive can be a disadvantage in getting a girl.

Hmm, perhaps bad wording on my part: Not "passive" in the sense of a girl taking the initiative to meet or move forward with you (which is good), but "passive" in the sense of waiting for her to be ready to interact with you, or waiting for her to move things forward. Waiting around for a girl cements the man as the pursuer, and weakens his position in the interaction.

 

[skin_man]

hey guys, thanks for the tip from earlier. Thought it's only best to let you know how the date went in the end.

Basically, she came.. i let the the 10 minute rule come into play but she was hesitant. After hours at mine that night of cooking and talking, she stayd the night, still refusing my advances even though at a weaker pace now. I guess i was already demotivated by how long it was taking so i didn't push further.

By morning, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and left. But was adamant that I didnt follow her to the door. I tried to play it cool, so since i was on my way to work, i took a cab to hers, called her into the taxi and kissed her there.

Long story short, i didnt hit it. I still think i might //buuut,// not so enthused anymore. She's in a close circle so she may want a bf type love.

Any comments or encouragements. Where could I have done better etc.

This is the first time am posting any of such slack experiences. Next time would be a hit one! -.-

 

[Light]

Move on to the next girl