Hello everyone and sorry for the long post, these are some of my main questions regarding my goal of starting approaches seriously and rebuilding a life in general, thanks for any insight.
My background:
I recently turned 30.
I spent my 20s trying college twice without graduating, travelling a bit (like 15 countries), working a couple of non impressive jobs and spending a couple of years in depression and severe mental issues.
In the past I had a couple of Ltrs with good/high value women and a few hookups - hookups in which the main problem I encountered was severe last minute resistance, sometimes when already naked in the bed, so that's something I have to work on.
I am not totally alien to cold approaches, I did some but never deliberately and with intention and technique, just casually.
As I stated in other posts, I experienced severe ED (erectyle disfunction) after taking antidepressants, ED that got actually worse after the last antipsychotics treatments.
In fact, I had an acute psychosis and ended up with a diagnosis of a form of schizophrenia and spent the last year at home, from bed to couch, under severe treatments. Luckily, I responded well and right now I'm on a very light treatment with no side effects.
Right now, I can get an erection with a bit of stimulation, sometimes two in a row, which I think could work in an enstablished relationship, but it still stops me from getting hookups in places where the may be more pressure and less time to get relaxed or in context where the first impression wouldn't be "impressive".
So I'm still working on that and I hope to see some improvements.
I've already seen some windows of days where the functionality seemed to be almost restored -
I am gonna put faith on the porn/fapping detox + taking the right supplements and getting healthier in general through diets, excercise and raising testosterone.
So, this year I started a path of improvement on every aspect:
dieting and finally getting slim (I've always been the guy who went to the gym somehow regularly and put a little bit of muscles, but never did a cut to show a decent body),
working out almost every day (I've read the wonderful last article about Blue Pill 2.0 and I agree that getting muscles is not an automatic pathway to women: it's just that in this period I have nothing else to do and going to the gym seems a good choice for now: health benefits, being around people and out of the house and, for myself, I really want to see a slim body).
Supplementing right (trying to manage my mental condition and to see some improvement in the sexual function),
maximizing my looks, taking care of my hair (looking for a non-meds solution for balding, natural remedies or maybe SMP or ht) - improving in fashion, posture, fundamentals,
reading a bit, starting to travel again and, especially,
wanting to start to date again and start to game deliberately and with intention.
1. When to start approaching
My plan would be to do something like the first 5-10 approaches in february and march, just to put my foot on the field - then other 10-30 in spring and the bulk of it in the summer, like 50-100 (beach season, some traveling, more refined fundamentals and such).
Are those realistic numbers to start or too high / too low? I live in high volume areas (big city + lots of medium cities close) so finding the spots shouldn't be the hardest part.
I just think that many people would advise me to start now and less gradually, but I feel like I want to take things a bit more slowly and get my fundamentals in place in the meanwhile.
2. How to pull the "sexy loser" at 30
As I said, my 20s weren't that successful under societal standards. I personally don't feel like a loser and I feel like I had my reasons from being where I am -
I experienced severe illness, I travelled quite a bit (not extremely but a bit more than the average), tried some shots in the arts (acting in theater with some small roles / making songs) -
though for many people I may very well appear as a "loser" under societal terms.
(Paradoxically, in my 20s I had the opposite problem of coming too much as a boyfriend candidate, as I was "almost graduating from college, well shaved, well dressed and polite")
Right now I live off disability check - my plans are to take this year as a sort of gap year, to improve myself, learn game, maybe resume doing arts and honestly I'm thinking about trying college again - something many people may disagree with, and probably it will be difficult to fit in (will need a separate post probably), but I feel like I had good reasons to drop out at the time (and with the disability I can attend a private prestigious university for free).
I read the wonderful Chase's articles about older men dating and I understand that, after 35, you can't pull the "starving artist / mysterious adventurer" in the same way you could at 20, and you should have something more concrete under your belt.
I tend to believe that in Mediterranean cultures such as mine, where the average age of leaving home is 30 and in general power positions tend to be occupied by very old men, standards could be a little more lenient and I would say that 40 here could be what is expected at 35 in anglo-saxon cultures.
Yet, I still wonder if there may be the expectation that at 30 or 35 I would need something more tangible to offer to potential mates.
How could I talk about what I do and did, and about my future plans? Should I differentiate between younger women (20-25) and those closer to my age (25-30)?
For example, for a short time I had a managing role in a small non-profit focused on arts and culture, so maybe I could overplay that.
Or maybe I could just present myself misteriously and just see how it goes.
What do you think? What could be the best strategy to present myself in this situation?
3. How to deal with a disability
As I said, I got on disability with the diagnos is of a form of schizophrenia. Luckily, I am a good responder and so far I seem to be managing it well, without it impacting too much my daily life - though the risk of a relapse is there, and so is the necessity to better avoiding extremely stressful situations and environments.
Disability is also my main source of income at the moment.
Should I talk about this to potential mates, and when and how? I feel like this thing could have several outcomes.
Some may be scared or put off. In some cases it could even be a good boyfriend-disqualifier when I don't have other ways to. Or it could be something a bit mysterious. Or maybe it's better to completely avoid talking about it (except maybe if when in an ltr?).
What would you suggest doing with something so particular?
4. To be or not to be fit
In my experience of observations, is true that skinny or fat guys can get many and hot girls if they are good seducers, but in my experience is also true that most of the guys that I've seen getting costantly and regularly high caliber girls still did have a decent body - like lean and/or decently muscled (not the gym rats or the guys on steroids, however).
Chase's position seems to be that getting slim is worth it, but muscles are irrelevant to get women. (EDIT: I actually read a bit more of his board posts and it seems more like a position of: they are a fundamental and a nice to have, but are not gonna attract women on their own - correct?)
I tend to believe that the optimal choice is to get a low but manageable bodyfat (e.g. 15%, lean but not starving) and some slightly trained muscles, like the kind of body that 2-3x workout per week and a sustainable diet can mantain - something like this.
In my opinion this would be the point at which you get the most benefits (frame control, sexyness, strenght and energy, fitting clothes, dominance + health, posture, endorphines, cardiovascular prevention, testosterone) without the downsides (starving diets, too much time in the gym, steroyds, attainability problems).
I am not saying this to be a requirement at all for gaming - but I plan on getting it, because at this point I have all the time to workout and diet and it gives me progression in achieving something and health/energy benefits, so it looks like a "nice to have" that is worth it for me at the moment - does it make sense?
My background:
I recently turned 30.
I spent my 20s trying college twice without graduating, travelling a bit (like 15 countries), working a couple of non impressive jobs and spending a couple of years in depression and severe mental issues.
In the past I had a couple of Ltrs with good/high value women and a few hookups - hookups in which the main problem I encountered was severe last minute resistance, sometimes when already naked in the bed, so that's something I have to work on.
I am not totally alien to cold approaches, I did some but never deliberately and with intention and technique, just casually.
As I stated in other posts, I experienced severe ED (erectyle disfunction) after taking antidepressants, ED that got actually worse after the last antipsychotics treatments.
In fact, I had an acute psychosis and ended up with a diagnosis of a form of schizophrenia and spent the last year at home, from bed to couch, under severe treatments. Luckily, I responded well and right now I'm on a very light treatment with no side effects.
Right now, I can get an erection with a bit of stimulation, sometimes two in a row, which I think could work in an enstablished relationship, but it still stops me from getting hookups in places where the may be more pressure and less time to get relaxed or in context where the first impression wouldn't be "impressive".
So I'm still working on that and I hope to see some improvements.
I've already seen some windows of days where the functionality seemed to be almost restored -
I am gonna put faith on the porn/fapping detox + taking the right supplements and getting healthier in general through diets, excercise and raising testosterone.
So, this year I started a path of improvement on every aspect:
dieting and finally getting slim (I've always been the guy who went to the gym somehow regularly and put a little bit of muscles, but never did a cut to show a decent body),
working out almost every day (I've read the wonderful last article about Blue Pill 2.0 and I agree that getting muscles is not an automatic pathway to women: it's just that in this period I have nothing else to do and going to the gym seems a good choice for now: health benefits, being around people and out of the house and, for myself, I really want to see a slim body).
Supplementing right (trying to manage my mental condition and to see some improvement in the sexual function),
maximizing my looks, taking care of my hair (looking for a non-meds solution for balding, natural remedies or maybe SMP or ht) - improving in fashion, posture, fundamentals,
reading a bit, starting to travel again and, especially,
wanting to start to date again and start to game deliberately and with intention.
1. When to start approaching
My plan would be to do something like the first 5-10 approaches in february and march, just to put my foot on the field - then other 10-30 in spring and the bulk of it in the summer, like 50-100 (beach season, some traveling, more refined fundamentals and such).
Are those realistic numbers to start or too high / too low? I live in high volume areas (big city + lots of medium cities close) so finding the spots shouldn't be the hardest part.
I just think that many people would advise me to start now and less gradually, but I feel like I want to take things a bit more slowly and get my fundamentals in place in the meanwhile.
2. How to pull the "sexy loser" at 30
As I said, my 20s weren't that successful under societal standards. I personally don't feel like a loser and I feel like I had my reasons from being where I am -
I experienced severe illness, I travelled quite a bit (not extremely but a bit more than the average), tried some shots in the arts (acting in theater with some small roles / making songs) -
though for many people I may very well appear as a "loser" under societal terms.
(Paradoxically, in my 20s I had the opposite problem of coming too much as a boyfriend candidate, as I was "almost graduating from college, well shaved, well dressed and polite")
Right now I live off disability check - my plans are to take this year as a sort of gap year, to improve myself, learn game, maybe resume doing arts and honestly I'm thinking about trying college again - something many people may disagree with, and probably it will be difficult to fit in (will need a separate post probably), but I feel like I had good reasons to drop out at the time (and with the disability I can attend a private prestigious university for free).
I read the wonderful Chase's articles about older men dating and I understand that, after 35, you can't pull the "starving artist / mysterious adventurer" in the same way you could at 20, and you should have something more concrete under your belt.
I tend to believe that in Mediterranean cultures such as mine, where the average age of leaving home is 30 and in general power positions tend to be occupied by very old men, standards could be a little more lenient and I would say that 40 here could be what is expected at 35 in anglo-saxon cultures.
Yet, I still wonder if there may be the expectation that at 30 or 35 I would need something more tangible to offer to potential mates.
How could I talk about what I do and did, and about my future plans? Should I differentiate between younger women (20-25) and those closer to my age (25-30)?
For example, for a short time I had a managing role in a small non-profit focused on arts and culture, so maybe I could overplay that.
Or maybe I could just present myself misteriously and just see how it goes.
What do you think? What could be the best strategy to present myself in this situation?
3. How to deal with a disability
As I said, I got on disability with the diagnos is of a form of schizophrenia. Luckily, I am a good responder and so far I seem to be managing it well, without it impacting too much my daily life - though the risk of a relapse is there, and so is the necessity to better avoiding extremely stressful situations and environments.
Disability is also my main source of income at the moment.
Should I talk about this to potential mates, and when and how? I feel like this thing could have several outcomes.
Some may be scared or put off. In some cases it could even be a good boyfriend-disqualifier when I don't have other ways to. Or it could be something a bit mysterious. Or maybe it's better to completely avoid talking about it (except maybe if when in an ltr?).
What would you suggest doing with something so particular?
4. To be or not to be fit
In my experience of observations, is true that skinny or fat guys can get many and hot girls if they are good seducers, but in my experience is also true that most of the guys that I've seen getting costantly and regularly high caliber girls still did have a decent body - like lean and/or decently muscled (not the gym rats or the guys on steroids, however).
Chase's position seems to be that getting slim is worth it, but muscles are irrelevant to get women. (EDIT: I actually read a bit more of his board posts and it seems more like a position of: they are a fundamental and a nice to have, but are not gonna attract women on their own - correct?)
I tend to believe that the optimal choice is to get a low but manageable bodyfat (e.g. 15%, lean but not starving) and some slightly trained muscles, like the kind of body that 2-3x workout per week and a sustainable diet can mantain - something like this.
In my opinion this would be the point at which you get the most benefits (frame control, sexyness, strenght and energy, fitting clothes, dominance + health, posture, endorphines, cardiovascular prevention, testosterone) without the downsides (starving diets, too much time in the gym, steroyds, attainability problems).
I am not saying this to be a requirement at all for gaming - but I plan on getting it, because at this point I have all the time to workout and diet and it gives me progression in achieving something and health/energy benefits, so it looks like a "nice to have" that is worth it for me at the moment - does it make sense?
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