So I'll skip a lengthy introduction of myself, and I'll sum it up with this: I'm 22, and my life up until this point has been nearly identical to chase's.
Over the past year I had spent a lot of effort improving my fundamentals and ridding myself of bitterness and negative thoughts. GC has been an incredible help for this - nowhere else have I found actionable advice on the functional side WITHOUT poisonous moralizing attached to it.
After I got my mindset and my fundamentals in order, last month I overcame both approach anxiety and public-interaction anxiety. Since then I've been able to talk to anyone in public at any moment for whatever reason. I've also made it a habit to have a conversation with 3 different strangers every time I go out. For the moment, the only time I leave my place is to go shopping for stuff.
I've been doing cold approach with proper confidence and good mindset and good fundamentals now for a month. My "attempt-count" is 12, with no successes.
So I'm posting here because I just had a day that I should be proud of... or at least feeling good after, but I'm just sitting here annoyed and frustrated. So I'll describe what happened today and I hope someone can comment on it? I'm not sure what I expect, but I also don't know what my problem is, so those are probably related.
So I went out today to buy a violin (this guy with his strippers and his 90% female audience totally didn't influence that decision) and grab some groceries. I went out to a hardware store to get some screws, and grabbed an employee to find them but they ended up being out of stock so I got something similar. I did some small talk with him about some random crap as a social warmup.
On the way out, the cashier was really cute but she wasn't my type and clearly not in a social mood at all. She looked like her mom just dragged her out of bed to go to school. So I decided to just wish her a better day and moved on.
1. Hindsight: This girl desperately needed someone to brighten her day up and the store was empty so we had plenty of time to talk. But I don't know how to do it.
I went to another hardware store to find a flower pot. While I was looking for the section, I saw the first girl I've found doing cold approach that's attractive AND my type! I got really excited about this girl, let's go! She was dressed well, made eye contact, and smiled at me as we passed. Well I'm not letting this opportunity go to waste, so I stopped her and asked where the flower pots were.
She seemed happy to talk to me and actually knew where the pots were so I said "oh, that was just an excuse to talk to you, are you single?". She started to say yes, but cut herself off and said "no, sorry". I said fair enough have a good one, and started to leave. As I was leaving I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had started towards me, before turning around and leaving herself. Clearly this girl wanted to get to know me even after rejecting me so it leaves me extremely confused. Did she screw up by wanting me to chase harder? Was she actually taken and was having a moral crisis about cheating? Did I screw up by double opening (situational immediately followed by a direct)? Did I cause her to autoreject somehow?
2. Hindsight: I should've moved her by having her to bring me to the aisle. But I don't think it would've changed the outcome of the interaction. This is really confusing to me.
After getting my hardware crap, I went and got some sushi. It was takeout-only, so I had to leave the store and eat it elsewhere. I noticed there was a girl my age sitting alone in her car, so I went over to her and said "Well I'm not going to go over to my car and eat this alone like a loser when you're sitting here, can I get in?". She said yes, so I ate in her car and shared some of my food with her while we talked. During the conversation I disqualified her as a girlfriend, so I didn't get her number and moved on with my day.
3. Hindsight: Nothing to say here, I think this went quite well other than the part where I decided I didn't like the girl.
Next I went to get my violin. Nothing of note happened there, other than negotiating a good deal with the person selling it. Being limbered up by the previous socialization definitely helped!
Finally, I went to the grocery store to get some milk. On the way in I noticed a guy sitting at the entrance with a clipboard, so I asked him what he was doing. He said he was giving out masks to people that didn't have any and tracked the # of customers in the store. I stayed and talked to him for a minute and we joked about him being a diaper dispenser.
In the store I got what I needed. On my way out, there was a cute girl as tall as me (I'm 5'11") who looked ~18 shopping with her mom. I ignored the mom and talked to her after she made eye contact with me, but the mom was deadset on cockblocking me for whatever reason so I had to leave.
4. Hindsight: I should've asked the girl to move away from her cunt mom so we could talk in peace instead of acquiescing to the mom's frame. But I'm worried about getting into a frame war with an overprotective mom in a grocery store, for fairly obvious reasons.
When I was paying for my crap I chose a cute cashier as usual, just in case. She initiated smalltalk which was weird because they never do that, so I decided to figure out how to get her onto my phone. I got her to give me a pen and paper and I gave her my number as I left because I didn't want to interrupt her doing her job. So unless now as I write this at 10pm she's still working, she didn't text me. Lmao.
5. Hindsight: I need to figure out a way to get cashiers' numbers, everything I know of is nonfunctional for one reason or another.
So basically in total I've approached 12 girls so far in my time practicing cold approach with 4 happening in this one day and haven't managed to get a girl onto my phone a single time. I guess I don't have a lot to comment about it other than to say that I don't understand what my problem is?
I've overcome all the hard parts - mindset, approach anxiety, fundamentals, being social, confidence, even the stupid pandemic - I've overcome the parts that guys get stuck on, and I've loosened up. I was expecting things to become easier now! But instead of becoming easier, I merely now don't understand why I'm failing and I'm sitting here frustrated after a day that by all rights I should be proud of.
Over the past year I had spent a lot of effort improving my fundamentals and ridding myself of bitterness and negative thoughts. GC has been an incredible help for this - nowhere else have I found actionable advice on the functional side WITHOUT poisonous moralizing attached to it.
After I got my mindset and my fundamentals in order, last month I overcame both approach anxiety and public-interaction anxiety. Since then I've been able to talk to anyone in public at any moment for whatever reason. I've also made it a habit to have a conversation with 3 different strangers every time I go out. For the moment, the only time I leave my place is to go shopping for stuff.
I've been doing cold approach with proper confidence and good mindset and good fundamentals now for a month. My "attempt-count" is 12, with no successes.
So I'm posting here because I just had a day that I should be proud of... or at least feeling good after, but I'm just sitting here annoyed and frustrated. So I'll describe what happened today and I hope someone can comment on it? I'm not sure what I expect, but I also don't know what my problem is, so those are probably related.
So I went out today to buy a violin (this guy with his strippers and his 90% female audience totally didn't influence that decision) and grab some groceries. I went out to a hardware store to get some screws, and grabbed an employee to find them but they ended up being out of stock so I got something similar. I did some small talk with him about some random crap as a social warmup.
On the way out, the cashier was really cute but she wasn't my type and clearly not in a social mood at all. She looked like her mom just dragged her out of bed to go to school. So I decided to just wish her a better day and moved on.
1. Hindsight: This girl desperately needed someone to brighten her day up and the store was empty so we had plenty of time to talk. But I don't know how to do it.
I went to another hardware store to find a flower pot. While I was looking for the section, I saw the first girl I've found doing cold approach that's attractive AND my type! I got really excited about this girl, let's go! She was dressed well, made eye contact, and smiled at me as we passed. Well I'm not letting this opportunity go to waste, so I stopped her and asked where the flower pots were.
She seemed happy to talk to me and actually knew where the pots were so I said "oh, that was just an excuse to talk to you, are you single?". She started to say yes, but cut herself off and said "no, sorry". I said fair enough have a good one, and started to leave. As I was leaving I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she had started towards me, before turning around and leaving herself. Clearly this girl wanted to get to know me even after rejecting me so it leaves me extremely confused. Did she screw up by wanting me to chase harder? Was she actually taken and was having a moral crisis about cheating? Did I screw up by double opening (situational immediately followed by a direct)? Did I cause her to autoreject somehow?
2. Hindsight: I should've moved her by having her to bring me to the aisle. But I don't think it would've changed the outcome of the interaction. This is really confusing to me.
After getting my hardware crap, I went and got some sushi. It was takeout-only, so I had to leave the store and eat it elsewhere. I noticed there was a girl my age sitting alone in her car, so I went over to her and said "Well I'm not going to go over to my car and eat this alone like a loser when you're sitting here, can I get in?". She said yes, so I ate in her car and shared some of my food with her while we talked. During the conversation I disqualified her as a girlfriend, so I didn't get her number and moved on with my day.
3. Hindsight: Nothing to say here, I think this went quite well other than the part where I decided I didn't like the girl.
Next I went to get my violin. Nothing of note happened there, other than negotiating a good deal with the person selling it. Being limbered up by the previous socialization definitely helped!
Finally, I went to the grocery store to get some milk. On the way in I noticed a guy sitting at the entrance with a clipboard, so I asked him what he was doing. He said he was giving out masks to people that didn't have any and tracked the # of customers in the store. I stayed and talked to him for a minute and we joked about him being a diaper dispenser.
In the store I got what I needed. On my way out, there was a cute girl as tall as me (I'm 5'11") who looked ~18 shopping with her mom. I ignored the mom and talked to her after she made eye contact with me, but the mom was deadset on cockblocking me for whatever reason so I had to leave.
4. Hindsight: I should've asked the girl to move away from her cunt mom so we could talk in peace instead of acquiescing to the mom's frame. But I'm worried about getting into a frame war with an overprotective mom in a grocery store, for fairly obvious reasons.
When I was paying for my crap I chose a cute cashier as usual, just in case. She initiated smalltalk which was weird because they never do that, so I decided to figure out how to get her onto my phone. I got her to give me a pen and paper and I gave her my number as I left because I didn't want to interrupt her doing her job. So unless now as I write this at 10pm she's still working, she didn't text me. Lmao.
5. Hindsight: I need to figure out a way to get cashiers' numbers, everything I know of is nonfunctional for one reason or another.
So basically in total I've approached 12 girls so far in my time practicing cold approach with 4 happening in this one day and haven't managed to get a girl onto my phone a single time. I guess I don't have a lot to comment about it other than to say that I don't understand what my problem is?
I've overcome all the hard parts - mindset, approach anxiety, fundamentals, being social, confidence, even the stupid pandemic - I've overcome the parts that guys get stuck on, and I've loosened up. I was expecting things to become easier now! But instead of becoming easier, I merely now don't understand why I'm failing and I'm sitting here frustrated after a day that by all rights I should be proud of.
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