Calls & Texts Reframing "friendly" / professional frames

[new_rabbit]

I went with a group of friends to an escape room and met a cute girl there.
The first time we went there she was aloof and not very conversational, but on our next visit a few days later she recognized us and was more open. I striked up a conversation and got to know her a bit more, and later discovered she's the one to guide us in the room itself as an actress.

Still, casual flirting is a skill I've yet to hone, especially in situations like this where more subtlety and deniability is warranted.

At the end, I excused myself to the group after they went away to stay alone for a bit and ask her out, going to the bathroom as an excuse, but then they went back to wait for me in the room, foiling my plans to make it private (for her sake, but mostly mine).

In the end, I settled for getting her contact with an excuse for getting her into a group of amateur actors I'm a part of (while also feigning interest in working in that escape room, too). It's all kinda overly elaborate, but at the end of the day at least I got what I wanted, albeit in false pretenses.

I messaged her a few hours later, commenting on the fact she took a picture of herself too when she took pictures of us in the room (using one of our phones), as well as asking some questions about the job and notifying her about the next performances she could participate at.
And a few hours after that at 1am, I gave her a compliment regarding her eyes on the picture she took of herself with our phone, to which she reacted with "haha thanks" an hour later.

My conundrum is two-fold:
First, what can I do to turn friendly / professional scenarios into something more I can later use to "close" (or just learn how to get better at in general)
And secondly and much more practically, what approach should one take when a new contact is still in the friendly territory.

I consider being blunt and telling it outright.

And as an aside, whether or not I showing interest or suggesting an activity should be done regardless of my or her friends in the mix, and elaborate plans for having privacy are counter productive.

 

[Will_V]

I went with a group of friends to an escape room and met a cute girl there.
The first time we went there she was aloof and not very conversational, but on our next visit a few days later she recognized us and was more open. I striked up a conversation and got to know her a bit more, and later discovered she's the one to guide us in the room itself as an actress.

Still, casual flirting is a skill I've yet to hone, especially in situations like this where more subtlety and deniability is warranted.

At the end, I excused myself to the group after they went away to stay alone for a bit and ask her out, going to the bathroom as an excuse, but then they went back to wait for me in the room, foiling my plans to make it private (for her sake, but mostly mine).

You don't need privacy to flirt with a girl, because flirting shouldn't look thirsty or weird. When you do it well, other people sense there's something between you but usually can't put their finger on it.

Things like:

- Holding eye contact a little longer than necessary
- Using casual touch that maybe lingers a fraction of a section (or brushes on its way out)
- Telling her you like her smile/hair/eyes/style/whatever
- Commenting on her vibe/aura/personality etc

All these things shift the interaction out of the friend zone but none of them require actual privacy to pull off.

In the end, I settled for getting her contact with an excuse for getting her into a group of amateur actors I'm a part of (while also feigning interest in working in that escape room, too). It's all kinda overly elaborate, but at the end of the day at least I got what I wanted, albeit in false pretenses.

Yeah, this is what the coaches call 'hiding your cock'. Pretending you don't have a real sexual interest. She knows, believe me, when a guy wants her, and there's hardly anything that's more of a turnoff than when he seems afraid to show it or afraid of being 'caught' having a cock.

I messaged her a few hours later, commenting on the fact she took a picture of herself too when she took pictures of us in the room (using one of our phones), as well as asking some questions about the job and notifying her about the next performances she could participate at.

Did she respond to any of this? Or was it one long message from you?

And a few hours after that at 1am, I gave her a compliment regarding her eyes on the picture she took of herself with our phone, to which she reacted with "haha thanks" an hour later.

Yeap, that's what you shoulda done in person. Text is not a fortified position from which to start flirting incognito.

This is her thinking "oh crap, here we go, he didn't have a cock when he was in front of me, now suddenly he does" and feeling uncomfortable.

My conundrum is two-fold:
First, what can I do to turn friendly / professional scenarios into something more I can later use to "close" (or just learn how to get better at in general)

Flirt in person, show interest in person, build a little tension and vibe in person, and try to use text only to set up the date. All momentum is built in person, texting can only maintain it in best case scenario.

And secondly and much more practically, what approach should one take when a new contact is still in the friendly territory.

Again, seduction happens in-person. Don't be afraid, just calibrate to the environment and her comfort level.

I consider being blunt and telling it outright.

Not over text! And if you get her in person, you might as well just re-seduce her as if you just met.

And as an aside, whether or not I showing interest or suggesting an activity should be done regardless of my or her friends in the mix, and elaborate plans for having privacy are counter productive.

You're being way too afraid of privacy concerns and whatnot. Girls like guys who are not afraid to express themselves under social pressure. Just don't overdo it, keep it subtle but clear, and it will be fine.

 

[new_rabbit]

Did she respond to any of this? Or was it one long message from you?

Yes, we had a back and forth.

Not over text! And if you get her in person, you might as well just re-seduce her as if you just met.

Well in my current predicament arranging a meeting I'll either have to "reveal my cock" over text or still play it like I just wanna meet her as a friend which would arguably be worse. We aren't going to bump into each other just like that.

As an aside, I'll be abroad for a couple of weeks now and am busy in preparation, so even if we do somehow meet it'll only be when I come back.

 

[Will_V]

Yes, we had a back and forth.

Well in my current predicament arranging a meeting I'll either have to "reveal my cock" over text or still play it like I just wanna meet her as a friend which would arguably be worse. We aren't going to bump into each other just like that.

As an aside, I'll be abroad for a couple of weeks now and am busy in preparation, so even if we do somehow meet it'll only be when I come back.

I mean, converting a phone number to a date, where the phone number was gotten in the frame of friends/acquaintances, is difficult.

What I'd do at this point is just try to build up a bit of banter over text, not overdoing it, and seed the idea of catching up when you get back. Like after a bit of back and forth go "You know, I'd love to see you when I get back " something direct, but not a request. Something a little bit ambiguous and leaving space for her to wonder what you mean and ask questions.

The idea is to get her to start thinking about the idea of you and her together, without the pressure of having to decide something on the spot - this is what the initial approach should have done.

 

[Red]

Yes, we had a back and forth.

Well in my current predicament arranging a meeting I'll either have to "reveal my cock" over text or still play it like I just wanna meet her as a friend which would arguably be worse. We aren't going to bump into each other just like that.

As an aside, I'll be abroad for a couple of weeks now and am busy in preparation, so even if we do somehow meet it'll only be when I come back.

She already knows you like her. It's why guys get girls phone numbers, even when they make up an excuse. So, your options are look like a timid man who is ashamed of his desires, thus making her feel awkward, or just straight up ask her out for a drink.

 

[Chase]

@new_rabbit,

Like @Will_V notes, you're stuck now trying to do over phone what it'd have been better to have done in-person.

A few tips:

• With groups, just tell them what you need and they will generally work with you. "Hey guys, you continue on ahead. I want to chat with that chick real quick and maybe ask her out if she's feeling it." IME pretty much everyone is cool about this. They don't have to be 'game' friends. Regular people will support you too. You'll just have to give them an update when you return to the group ("Sooo... how'd it gooooo???!" Worst case you tell them "She has a boyfriend" and they all go "Ahhhhh! Maaan!" and you all have a good time commiserating over it).
  
  
• The real value in asking her out directly in-person is that you screen out girls who aren't interested, so you aren't stuck trying to tiptoe around trying to build interest indirectly with a girl whose number you took by putting on platonic airs. Once you've had a couple of awkward dances like this, pussyfooting around the ask, it's generally enough to make you decide, "No more of this taking numbers under platonic pretenses!"

You could draw it out, trying to build banter over text in hopes of interesting her in a meet, as @Will_V suggests.

You could also just go for the gold and ask her out now, like @Red suggests.

Value of the former is there's some chance you might intrigue her enough with the banter that she switches from disinterested to interested.

Value of the latter is you get a decision ASAP... if she is already into you and was just waiting for the ask, she'll be happy you asked; if she wasn't interested, then you'll get "let's just be friends." Either way, it's done and out of the way and you can either go meet more girls or (if she says yes) schedule the date (then... also go meet more girls ).

Your call on how you proceed.

But keep it in mind with the next girl you chat up: put the ask before the number grab, for much trustier numbers!

Chase

 

[alexlaguma]

A few tips:

• With groups, just tell them what you need and they will generally work with you. "Hey guys, you continue on ahead. I want to chat with that chick real quick and maybe ask her out if she's feeling it." IME pretty much everyone is cool about this. They don't have to be 'game' friends. Regular people will support you too. You'll just have to give them an update when you return to the group ("Sooo... how'd it gooooo???!" Worst case you tell them "She has a boyfriend" and they all go "Ahhhhh! Maaan!" and you all have a good time commiserating over it).

I love this advice ... I actually do this all the time when I'm out with work friends. I often find by declaring it to others, it makes me 'committed' to the approach and means I won't pussy out. I actually did this the other day when I was out with 2 work friends (non-game friends). A hot girl walked past, they saw me looking, I said something along the lines of "I should go and talk to her". And then they both totally agreed and basically wouldn't shut up about it until I had went and approached.

It forced me to approach (which I might have pussied out of otherwise) and I got her number, we're going for a date this Saturday. That stuff works.

 

[Will_V]

@new_rabbit,

Like @Will_V notes, you're stuck now trying to do over phone what it'd have been better to have done in-person.

A few tips:

• With groups, just tell them what you need and they will generally work with you. "Hey guys, you continue on ahead. I want to chat with that chick real quick and maybe ask her out if she's feeling it." IME pretty much everyone is cool about this. They don't have to be 'game' friends. Regular people will support you too. You'll just have to give them an update when you return to the group ("Sooo... how'd it gooooo???!" Worst case you tell them "She has a boyfriend" and they all go "Ahhhhh! Maaan!" and you all have a good time commiserating over it).
  
  
• The real value in asking her out directly in-person is that you screen out girls who aren't interested, so you aren't stuck trying to tiptoe around trying to build interest indirectly with a girl whose number you took by putting on platonic airs. Once you've had a couple of awkward dances like this, pussyfooting around the ask, it's generally enough to make you decide, "No more of this taking numbers under platonic pretenses!"

You could draw it out, trying to build banter over text in hopes of interesting her in a meet, as @Will_V suggests.

You could also just go for the gold and ask her out now, like @Red suggests.

Value of the former is there's some chance you might intrigue her enough with the banter that she switches from disinterested to interested.

Value of the latter is you get a decision ASAP... if she is already into you and was just waiting for the ask, she'll be happy you asked; if she wasn't interested, then you'll get "let's just be friends." Either way, it's done and out of the way and you can either go meet more girls or (if she says yes) schedule the date (then... also go meet more girls ).

Your call on how you proceed.

But keep it in mind with the next girl you chat up: put the ask before the number grab, for much trustier numbers!

Chase

To be clear, only reason I suggested not going straight for the date is because he's leaving the country for two weeks. Otherwise going for the date right away would be a great idea!

And I don't mean draw it out, it's just about making a statement and not a request, like a soft close.