Rejecting your kiss

[Interruption]

I just went on a date here in NYC with a girl I met on okc (she opened convo to me btw) The date was pretty simple with us walking through part of central park at night since we both wanted to go take a look at the balto statue together. Along the way there we stop to look at stuff like the ice skating rink that's nearby there. I was using some kino escalation on the girl (shoulder touching, taking her by the hand to climb up some rocks to see the cool view of the rink etc.) I did this to slowly escalate the physical aspect between us, and gauge where her buying temperature was. I continued to do this reaching for her hand a few times throughout the night, sitting down at a bench with her while putting my arm around her, but these physical escalations felt like there was a bit of hesitation and tension on her end. She would hold my hand and grasp it, but the moment we had to use our hand to do something she'd put hers back into her pocket also saying that my hand felt cold which so did hers since it is pretty much winter here and it was night time. Our vibe seemed to fluctuate from hot to cold, hot to cold, and then hot again throughout the night but with some moments of the dreaded awkward silences. I'd then either wait for her to say something or force another convo open to keep the energy flowing into our interaction. Since she seemed hesitent to hold my hand I eventually asked her if she's not much of a hand holder. Her reply was that "she doesn't do that since we just met" which is understandable, but I've had interactions with girls where they were extremely compliant with physical touch and would get "touchy feely" even to a sexual extent at times, but somehow this girl was different, and I know there's ways to ramp up the girls temperature but there's even more to this story. At the end of the date I brought her to the subway train she had to take to get home and reached in over the turnstile for a kiss and she said wait don't kiss me (in other words on the lips). I played it off by telling her that I was actually going to kiss her on the cheek (of course I was lying) which I did wind up kissing her on the cheek, and we both said bye for the night to each other. As I left that subway station to head to my train you can imagine how I felt. Could it have been that this girl is just so conservative that she doesn't kiss on the first date?

Could it be that I miscalibrated and my timing was off?

She sent me a text while I was walking across the city to my subway station saying "get there safe thanks!" I replied "Let me know if you get home safe." Later when I got back home I had received a text from her which she texted "I'm home. Goodnight." I called her (no answer) so then I replied by texting "You made it home ok? Goodnight" then I texted "I take it you're exhausted from all the walking" which she replied by texting "Yes I'm home and I'm about to go to sleep :Sleeping emoji:" and that was it for the night when normally before me and her met in person we'd have long drawn out texting convo (exchanging selfies and all and had an hour and 30 minute convo on the phone all lasting until like 3 am full of chemistry, vibing, and tons of fun witty banter.

What gives guy's? Did I miscalibrate with this girl? Is it possible that some girls just like to take things slow. Should I have moved a little slower or were there small windows of opportunity I might have missed throughout the date where I could've landed a more intimate moment with her?

Should I just leave the ball in her court and wait till she contacts me during the day. Should I bring up having a second date? We both have ALOT in common.

What info do guys have on this?

 

[James__Bond]

Just curious--what were the "hot" moments like?

It sounds like the texting chemistry didn't translate into real life. But, who knows, maybe she's feeling different today. I would leave the ball in her court--at least for a day or two. I'm no expert yet though--curious what Chase would say.

 

[Interruption]

Just curious--what were the "hot" moments like?

It sounds like the texting chemistry didn't translate into real life. But, who knows, maybe she's feeling different today. I would leave the ball in her court--at least for a day or two. I'm no expert yet though--curious what Chase would say.

Well maybe a better term for me to use would be "warm", because there would be these short bursts in our interactions walking around in Manhattan where it felt like we were interacting very similar to how we were over the phone. I could hear more energy and excitement in the tonality and pitch of our voices. Everything felt more natural, fun, and less forced.

Then, the awkward silence moments would set in and we'd be walking for a minute or so without saying anything. The funny thing is that at those times of awkward silence I could hear her humming to herself. To me that's a bad sign possibly sub-communicating that she was feeling awkward herself. It felt at times like I had to force conversation just to get the interaction moving again. You can probly imagine what this might've all looked like based on this post and my starting post of this thread. This girl was throwing up some serious last minute resistance, not even being very compliant with hand holding either. I was doing my best to escalate with physical touch but something must've been miscalibrated. I even used a trick I've used on girls before where I say to them "do you consider yourself a good kisser" and midway through their response to that question I'd move in and land a solid kiss where I could feel the girl starting to melt. This has worked for me on numerous occasions before however when I asked this girl that same question her response was "I don't know I've never kissed myself before". Not only that but we were in a crowded area of the city and I asked that question at the wrong time it seems. By the time we got to the turnstile in the subway station she went through the turnstile when I realized I had to buy another metro card. I turned around and none of the machines took bills plus there was no one working at the booth so I couldn't buy another fare at that station to walk in with her (as if the night couldn't get worse). The result was me reaching over the turnstile for a kiss (more bad timing) her verbally shying away from and rejecting it, and me telling her I was going to kiss her on the cheek (which we all know was bullshit and I'm sure she probly knew as well) Also I know it's better not to end the night by kissing a girl on the cheek. It's better to just not kiss her at all if it's not on the lips but just as a last minute attempt I went in for it anyway.

But anyways I gave her the kiss on the cheek and we both said take care to each other, with me walking back out to head to my subway station. The date felt awkward and as you mentioned, texting and our phone conversation chemistry didn't translate into the actual in person meet up. At least not fully.

Today ( a couple days after our date) I texted her something funny about her suddenly not texting me much after our date, and her response was that she's not interested, so it's confirmed that this one is pretty much dead in the water.

Thanks for your response.

If anyone knows the things I may have did wrong on the date feel free to chime in. And if Chase has a response to this as well it would amazing to see and much appreciated

 

[Big Daddy]

OK, so you learned that texting/calling girls for hours don't work (calling for 10-15 before first meet is fine) because not always that connection is translated to real life. It also makes you more invested than you should be, and whatever connection you guys had was probably amplified in your head because you wanted it to be the case as you had "worked hard" to get it.

I don't know what kind of subjects you were talking about on the phone, but you want to minimize looking like a bf candidate as much as you can, specially in this case. Think about it this way: you met her on a dating thing; she opened you; you got the date figured out... she's down. Don't need invest a single calorie of energy on this girl anymore, just go on the date.

Then on the date, you want to not look like a bf either. Hand holding is a great way of measuring interest, but it's not everything. She might not want to be seen holding the hand of another guy. If you feel she's not complying, you gotta start with smaller compliance tests: "hold this for me" "give me your hand" "grab your phone and check where's the closest Starbucks" then start ramping it up.

Again, you don't need to hold hands to get her back to your apartment. You can also get compliance verbally by talking about sex, kisses, positions, etc then asking back to your apartment. If she's gone cold on you, she was probably expecting something to happen on that first date. And if you realize on the spot that you dropped the ball (like you did), don't over invest after the date (like you did). Your reply should've been something like "I will " or "Just got home " and then ignore it for two days or so and call her (because probably she won't reply to your texts).

P.S. Another thing to keep in mind - if every time you guys talked on the phone you spent 1 hour talking, she'll expect that every time you call you are going to take 1 hour of her time. So the chances of her picking up are not so great. Another reason to keep it on the shorter side.

 

[Interruption]

OK, so you learned that texting/calling girls for hours don't work (calling for 10-15 before first meet is fine) because not always that connection is translated to real life. It also makes you more invested than you should be, and whatever connection you guys had was probably amplified in your head because you wanted it to be the case as you had "worked hard" to get it.

I don't know what kind of subjects you were talking about on the phone, but you want to minimize looking like a bf candidate as much as you can, specially in this case. Think about it this way: you met her on a dating thing; she opened you; you got the date figured out... she's down. Don't need invest a single calorie of energy on this girl anymore, just go on the date.

Then on the date, you want to not look like a bf either. Hand holding is a great way of measuring interest, but it's not everything. She might not want to be seen holding the hand of another guy. If you feel she's not complying, you gotta start with smaller compliance tests: "hold this for me" "give me your hand" "grab your phone and check where's the closest Starbucks" then start ramping it up.

Again, you don't need to hold hands to get her back to your apartment. You can also get compliance verbally by talking about sex, kisses, positions, etc then asking back to your apartment. If she's gone cold on you, she was probably expecting something to happen on that first date. And if you realize on the spot that you dropped the ball (like you did), don't over invest after the date (like you did). Your reply should've been something like "I will " or "Just got home " and then ignore it for two days or so and call her (because probably she won't reply to your texts).

P.S. Another thing to keep in mind - if every time you guys talked on the phone you spent 1 hour talking, she'll expect that every time you call you are going to take 1 hour of her time. So the chances of her picking up are not so great. Another reason to keep it on the shorter side.

Thanks for the reply. It has worked for me before as far as talking to the girl on the phone or texting them before the meetup. However the texting/phone chemistry didn't translate well into real life with this one. I quickly put this one behind me, but I get what you mean. And Once again, thanks

 

[strictlyincreasing]

She wasn't interested. It was your fundamentals that did it, I think. Chase has said a few times that she's interested or she isn't i.e. attraction is there or it isn't and you can't create it. It comes down to your fundamentals. You don't need to touch, kiss, hold hands etc. to pull (though it might be part of your style). What you did was effectively screen out a woman who's not interested. It's something that happens a lot in online. She's not interested and the date ends up being a waste. You won't know until you meet in real life...that's the trouble, and maybe that's why lots of the advanced guys here prefer cold approach. I had a similar problems that I described here
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17390

but recently managed to get laid by not touching at all and simply going back to her place. So, what Chase says is true and you should just put this one behind you.

 

[ironore]

I just want to add that getting your kiss rejected can actually be a good thing.

I noticed that making the attempt changes the dynamic of the interaction and you will have a much better chance of escalating with her in the future. You have a much higher chance of another date if you get a rejected kiss attempt than if you don't attempt a kiss at all. Many women won't kiss in public but they appreciate the attempt.

 

[Interruption]

She wasn't interested. It was your fundamentals that did it, I think. Chase has said a few times that she's interested or she isn't i.e. attraction is there or it isn't and you can't create it. It comes down to your fundamentals. You don't need to touch, kiss, hold hands etc. to pull (though it might be part of your style). What you did was effectively screen out a woman who's not interested. It's something that happens a lot in online. She's not interested and the date ends up being a waste. You won't know until you meet in real life...that's the trouble, and maybe that's why lots of the advanced guys here prefer cold approach. I had a similar problems that I described here
viewtopic.php?f=3&t=17390

but recently managed to get laid by not touching at all and simply going back to her place. So, what Chase says is true and you should just put this one behind you.

If you read my post I already stated she wasn't interested and that we confirmed this over text a couple days after the date and I realized I wasn't interested either. I also already stated that I put this one behind me a while back.I've already been talking to other girls besides the one in this post since. Sometimes girls will be extremely attracted and get bedded on the first night, but there are times when they won't no matter what you do or how attractive you are or how good at seduction you are. Yes, Chase does state this. That's just the reality of dating. Thanks for the reply

 

[Smith]

Hi Interruption,

I have had my fair share of dates like this. The date seems warm and cold and physical escalation seems ok. But lately what I have found is that if the girl doesn't seem warm with physical escalation, then backing off and withdrawing physical escalation completely can make a girl like this very comfortable and willing to go further with you. It's attractive when a guy knows when to back off because it communicates this guy has abundance and is not too fussed. I know it seems very counter intuitive, but try it out next time if something like this happen again. I have a feeling she was into you, but just really need more time with you. This is when your fundamentals come into play. Hope this helps buddy!

 

[Interruption]

Hi Interruption,

I have had my fair share of dates like this. The date seems warm and cold and physical escalation seems ok. But lately what I have found is that if the girl doesn't seem warm with physical escalation, then backing off and withdrawing physical escalation completely can make a girl like this very comfortable and willing to go further with you. It's attractive when a guy knows when to back off because it communicates this guy has abundance and is not too fussed. I know it seems very counter intuitive, but try it out next time if something like this happen again. I have a feeling she was into you, but just really need more time with you. This is when your fundamentals come into play. Hope this helps buddy!

Thanks for your reply buddy