- Joined
- Jan 13, 2014
- Messages
- 3
Hi guys,
Bit of a unique situation going on, and was wondering if I could get some advice. Here's the back story:
Met a girl at work (I'm a bartender) and we hit it off. She asked for my number, we texted for a bit and then I asked her out on a date. Date was amazing, intense
attraction was had, and we slept together, and proceeded to sleep together for about a month and date. Sex was out of this world and frequent, far and away the most intense either of us had experienced.
Originally, she was planning on moving away in early December, and the plan was to call things off before that. She ramped up the time spent with me before that
, and I was receptive, but accepting that there may not be a relationship at hand, with her being across the country. After she left, we talked a bit, and she
mentioned that she would be open to do a long distance relationship, and the she couldn't stop thinking about me. I said I would have to think about it, and then
finally agreed I could make it work.
Fast forward 3 weeks later, she is coming home, citing the employment opportunity not working out and missing home/me.The relationship was great while she was
away, and she admitted multiple times to being very glad she had met me etc. Things were great until NYE of this year. She was very sweet, came to see me at
work at midnight, and then went back to the party she was at and partied the night away. She was supposed to come to my place after the party, but said she got
very intoxicated and her sister took her home. She didn't contact me that night to tell me she wasn't coming by, so naturally I was worried for her safety. When
she woke the next morning I confronted her about it, and she told me the story of her night. Angrily, I questioned the story and she rebutted with anger that
I didn't trust her. We talked it out, made up, and I proceeded to try and forgive her.
A few days later (7th or 8th), she was out with friends, and stopped by work to say hi. I had been having a bad week due to a lot of stress, and I told her I would
meet her upstairs at the bar after I was off. Everything was fine, she was talking about how she was planning on booking a week trip for us down south.
That night, I had a bit too much to drink, and was a bit clingy with her up at the bar. I wanted her to go home with me, and she had already committed to staying
with her friend for the night, and doing a breakfast with the girls the next morning. I made some jealous moves with her guy friends, then left and proceeded to
immediately apologize over text.
The next day, she was very distant. I messaged her in the morning wanting to talk about what had went down last night, and she replied that she was cranky and
didn't want to talk, and needed some space. I panicked a bit, and told her that that was what I wanted to apologize to her for not giving, and pushed her to talk
anyway. Eventually she just said that she felt like I was being overbearing and i didn't contact her for the rest of the day.
After a day and a bit of space, I contacted her in the case of the anniversary of my Dad's death, and I was quite upset and wanted to talk. The conversation
eventually turned toward our fight, and I maintained that I had been having a bad week, and couldn't tell why i had been acting so oddly. I suggested maybe I
didnt take enough time to reconcile NYE, and that I was letting that color the way I treated her. She said she didn't want to break up, but that she wanted to feel
like I supported her through everything, and that she wanted to feel like she could do what she wanted to do in life like travel without feeling like I was trying
to hold her back. I expressed the same need. Conversation ended well, and we returned to 'space'
Three days later, she calls me late at night after work, saying that she had to be honest with me, and that the timing just wasn't right for her. She had strong
feelings for her but that it had really spooked her when I was a touch jealous and a bit overbearing, and that she wasn't sure that she was ready for a
serious commitment. This after she was repeatedly saying at how she could see herself spending a long time with me.
Here's where it gets hairy: I chased her back a bit. We talked on the phone for about an hour, and I tried to convince her we could make it work, and it was
just a bad spell. She said she wasn't so sure, and I countered with the fact that maybe I was feeling some stuff that remained from my last relationship and
just needed to confront that and sort it out. She agreed that maybe that was it and we should not be together while I sort my stuff out. I was fairly calm about
it and we agreed to take some time to heal and figure out what we wanted.
Two days later she shows up at an event I'm at, and I'm quite inebriated for a friends birthday. She walks by and I say hi, we start talking and she says that
I should cab home because I'm a bit far gone. I agree and we go outside. She kisses me and puts me in the cab. I get home, and later that night she shows up,
stopping in on her way to her place to check on me, we talk and kiss, and she finally leaves. The next day I confront her about needing to respect my space, and
not messing around with my heart like that, but she then proceeds to text me during the day trying to make small talk. I say I need time to figure my things out,
and I wont be able to talk to her until I do. She says ok, she'll give me all the time I need, and that she feels like she tried, and it's unfortunate that the timing
isn't.
There's the background, now I need help finding a solution. I really enjoy spending time with this girl. Connection was there, sex was great. How do I go about getting her back without the chase? Do I just have to let her cool off and make the first move? Do I display as much confidence and desirability as I can? I have been good so far, not texting her or contacting her for the last few days. My current strategy is to display as much value as possible and make her miss me. I cannot chase, as I know I've been hovering close to that line already, and it has only served to scare her off a bit.
What's my play?
Bit of a unique situation going on, and was wondering if I could get some advice. Here's the back story:
Met a girl at work (I'm a bartender) and we hit it off. She asked for my number, we texted for a bit and then I asked her out on a date. Date was amazing, intense
attraction was had, and we slept together, and proceeded to sleep together for about a month and date. Sex was out of this world and frequent, far and away the most intense either of us had experienced.
Originally, she was planning on moving away in early December, and the plan was to call things off before that. She ramped up the time spent with me before that
, and I was receptive, but accepting that there may not be a relationship at hand, with her being across the country. After she left, we talked a bit, and she
mentioned that she would be open to do a long distance relationship, and the she couldn't stop thinking about me. I said I would have to think about it, and then
finally agreed I could make it work.
Fast forward 3 weeks later, she is coming home, citing the employment opportunity not working out and missing home/me.The relationship was great while she was
away, and she admitted multiple times to being very glad she had met me etc. Things were great until NYE of this year. She was very sweet, came to see me at
work at midnight, and then went back to the party she was at and partied the night away. She was supposed to come to my place after the party, but said she got
very intoxicated and her sister took her home. She didn't contact me that night to tell me she wasn't coming by, so naturally I was worried for her safety. When
she woke the next morning I confronted her about it, and she told me the story of her night. Angrily, I questioned the story and she rebutted with anger that
I didn't trust her. We talked it out, made up, and I proceeded to try and forgive her.
A few days later (7th or 8th), she was out with friends, and stopped by work to say hi. I had been having a bad week due to a lot of stress, and I told her I would
meet her upstairs at the bar after I was off. Everything was fine, she was talking about how she was planning on booking a week trip for us down south.
That night, I had a bit too much to drink, and was a bit clingy with her up at the bar. I wanted her to go home with me, and she had already committed to staying
with her friend for the night, and doing a breakfast with the girls the next morning. I made some jealous moves with her guy friends, then left and proceeded to
immediately apologize over text.
The next day, she was very distant. I messaged her in the morning wanting to talk about what had went down last night, and she replied that she was cranky and
didn't want to talk, and needed some space. I panicked a bit, and told her that that was what I wanted to apologize to her for not giving, and pushed her to talk
anyway. Eventually she just said that she felt like I was being overbearing and i didn't contact her for the rest of the day.
After a day and a bit of space, I contacted her in the case of the anniversary of my Dad's death, and I was quite upset and wanted to talk. The conversation
eventually turned toward our fight, and I maintained that I had been having a bad week, and couldn't tell why i had been acting so oddly. I suggested maybe I
didnt take enough time to reconcile NYE, and that I was letting that color the way I treated her. She said she didn't want to break up, but that she wanted to feel
like I supported her through everything, and that she wanted to feel like she could do what she wanted to do in life like travel without feeling like I was trying
to hold her back. I expressed the same need. Conversation ended well, and we returned to 'space'
Three days later, she calls me late at night after work, saying that she had to be honest with me, and that the timing just wasn't right for her. She had strong
feelings for her but that it had really spooked her when I was a touch jealous and a bit overbearing, and that she wasn't sure that she was ready for a
serious commitment. This after she was repeatedly saying at how she could see herself spending a long time with me.
Here's where it gets hairy: I chased her back a bit. We talked on the phone for about an hour, and I tried to convince her we could make it work, and it was
just a bad spell. She said she wasn't so sure, and I countered with the fact that maybe I was feeling some stuff that remained from my last relationship and
just needed to confront that and sort it out. She agreed that maybe that was it and we should not be together while I sort my stuff out. I was fairly calm about
it and we agreed to take some time to heal and figure out what we wanted.
Two days later she shows up at an event I'm at, and I'm quite inebriated for a friends birthday. She walks by and I say hi, we start talking and she says that
I should cab home because I'm a bit far gone. I agree and we go outside. She kisses me and puts me in the cab. I get home, and later that night she shows up,
stopping in on her way to her place to check on me, we talk and kiss, and she finally leaves. The next day I confront her about needing to respect my space, and
not messing around with my heart like that, but she then proceeds to text me during the day trying to make small talk. I say I need time to figure my things out,
and I wont be able to talk to her until I do. She says ok, she'll give me all the time I need, and that she feels like she tried, and it's unfortunate that the timing
isn't.
There's the background, now I need help finding a solution. I really enjoy spending time with this girl. Connection was there, sex was great. How do I go about getting her back without the chase? Do I just have to let her cool off and make the first move? Do I display as much confidence and desirability as I can? I have been good so far, not texting her or contacting her for the last few days. My current strategy is to display as much value as possible and make her miss me. I cannot chase, as I know I've been hovering close to that line already, and it has only served to scare her off a bit.
What's my play?
