Socializing Responding to friendly ribbing, teasing

[dark hawk]

I have read chase's articles on being playful, bantering, shit tests, how to give zingers, and pretty much everything else he has written on this topic. I still have trouble responding to banter and light tease aimed at me, I tend to get tongue tied and a little angry when I'm unable to respond. I was thinking if you guys out there could provide like general outlines to rib other people and keep up a back and forth with them. I end up getting defensive and very logical when they bust my chops, how do I get creative with the responses while being relevant to the context and not complexly random?
I'm sorry I don't remember specific examples.

 

[Fuck This]

Agree and amplify.

"Yeah my Covid hair is WILD! I'm gonna start an 80's tribute band..."
"I know I dress like a Dad, you should see my lawn though ..Crisp Mower lines..."

When you can bust on yourself better than they can, they realize you might turn it on them....and every now and then you can zing them back with a smile.

 

[PalmaSailor]

You’ve got three options with shit tests, which are actually fitness tests and those are

ignore
Reduce to absurdity (agree and amplify)
Misdirect

witty responses come over time as you grow with confidence but don’t feel you have to respond to everything, most of the time just ignoring what’s said with a smirk is enough to pass a shit test.

you can just ignore what’s said a lot of the time.
You don’t owe anyone an answer to their question

*When you can bust on yourself better than they can*

self deprecation is a dangerous path to lead down. You can only do it from a position of AF. Even then I wouldn’t do it.

 

[Fuck This]

self deprecation is a dangerous path to lead down. You can only do it from a position of AF. Even then I wouldn’t do it.

The key is to deliver it deadpan, and totally unaffected except a wry smile, and then continue on your agenda. It is as if you acknowledge it and dismiss it as unimportant, and insignificant...

Case in point from popular media....

Look at the difference in reactions between the Hicks and the Hockey players in Letterkenny.

 

[trashKENNUT]

. I was thinking if you guys out there could provide like general outlines to rib other people and keep up a back and forth with them.

Sneeze on them until they die! This is life

z@c+

 

[PalmaSailor]

The key is to deliver it deadpan, and totally unaffected except a wry smile, and then continue on your agenda. It is as if you acknowledge it and dismiss it as unimportant, and insignificant...

Case in point from popular media....

Look at the difference in reactions between the Hicks and the Hockey players in Letterkenny.

I said you can do it from a position of AF.

but even then you shouldn’t do it.

but it’s up to you.

 

[Fuck This]

Don't even know what AF means... In my world it stands for "As Fed". What are you feedin' me bro?

 

[PalmaSailor]

AF means “Alpha Fucks” as opposed to BB which means “Beta Bux”

ITs about how she has. You placed in her subconscious.

 

[dark hawk]

I'm pretty good at bantering with women and handling their teasing or shit tests, but when I'm out with my guys ,I just can't seem to be able to banter back:
eg:
Friend: We are not actually your friends, none of us here would remember you if you stopped contacting us

I was silent for a while and laughed it off(it was a forced laugh.....what he said hurt me coz it was true)
even though he said that I know he busting my chops and did not actually mean it......I think

what would be a good comeback to such a comment.

Here my friend has put up an barrier........how would you deal with such a barrier in a fun and humorous way?

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@dark hawk dude! I don't know what relationship you have with your "friends" but if you honestly feel that wasn't banter and was true you need better friends.

Not sure on your sense of humour or the other type of banter you have. (Your age could also impact your response) but the first thing I thought of was: "Haha your mum certainly remembers me " "why do you invite me out then? Don't you have any friends?" "Sorry who are you?"

 

[dark hawk]

@dark hawk dude! I don't know what relationship you have with your "friends" but if you honestly feel that wasn't banter and was true you need better friends.

Not sure on your sense of humour or the other type of banter you have. (Your age could also impact your response) but the first thing I thought of was: "Haha your mum certainly remembers me " "why do you invite me out then? Don't you have any friends?" "Sorry who are you?"

whoa @Fluxcapacitor that is savage af, this will stop them dead in their tracks. My friends are total crapheads, they try to outdo each other in ribbing others...sometimes it goes overboard.
cheers man

 

[Fuck This]

I'm pretty good at bantering with women and handling their teasing or shit tests, but when I'm out with my guys ,I just can't seem to be able to banter back:
eg:
Friend: We are not actually your friends, none of us here would remember you if you stopped contacting us

.

Here my friend has put up an barrier........how would you deal with such a barrier in a fun and humorous way?

"oh good, I was just hanging out here with you to spare your feelings. Glad to know i don't have to anymore!"

 

[Elwa]

I'm pretty good at bantering with women and handling their teasing or shit tests, but when I'm out with my guys ,I just can't seem to be able to banter back:
eg:
Friend: We are not actually your friends, none of us here would remember you if you stopped contacting us

I was silent for a while and laughed it off(it was a forced laugh.....what he said hurt me coz it was true)
even though he said that I know he busting my chops and did not actually mean it......I think

what would be a good comeback to such a comment.

Here my friend has put up an barrier........how would you deal with such a barrier in a fun and humorous way?

"Thank god, I can finally stop acting nice to you" "YES! That's what I was planning to do, glad I know you won't bother me" I personally make sarcastic expressions with a smile.

You need to make sure it's in a fun no-care attitude, think of the guy banter as a shit test and you'll be good, stop seeing the guys as above you.

 

[dark hawk]

"oh good, I was just hanging out here with you to spare your feelings. Glad to know i don't have to anymore!"

@Fuck This, This is a great line to banter with, thanks man....how do I come up with these kinda lines on the spur of the moment...any ideas? Thanks man

 

[dark hawk]

"Thank god, I can finally stop acting nice to you" "YES! That's what I was planning to do, glad I know you won't bother me" I personally make sarcastic expressions with a smile.

You need to make sure it's in a fun no-care attitude, think of the guy banter as a shit test and you'll be good, stop seeing the guys as above you.

My reply was something along what you suggested, I replied "I'm finding myself a new set of friends"

The problem I have is two fold,
one: As you said I need to cultivate a fun no-care attitude
second: how to deal with guy banter specifically...things that work with women do not work here with guy banter

ANY THOUGHTS?
how do generally have a good banter going on in a group?

 

[dark hawk]

Whenever I imagine group banter, I see the image of Joe, Sal, Murr and Q FROM Impractical jokers..how do i develop that kind of banter?

 

[MuST0BtA1NSkR1Lla]

Can you give an example of a line and we’ll throw in responses.

 

[Elwa]

Whenever I imagine group banter, I see the image of Joe, Sal, Murr and Q FROM Impractical jokers..how do i develop that kind of banter?

The key is not to take the banter as an attack, rather a joke.

I'm from the middle east so I'm used to this sort of thing, no matter how "harsh" the comment may seem, think of it as a friend challenging you not attacking you.

I'm pretty good at bantering with women and handling their teasing or shit tests, but when I'm out with my guys ,I just can't seem to be able to banter back:
eg:
Friend: We are not actually your friends, none of us here would remember you if you stopped contacting us

If you look at this as your "friend"(s) testing whether they really are your friend(s) by seeing whether you'd be annoyed (because what they said is true) or laugh it off/throw it back (because you are stronger than you seem) then you'll be good.

A man and a woman's teases are different due to the underlying perceived attitude.

A woman is not trying to fight you she's testing you, while a man you're not close to generally feels like they're fighting you, so don't get intimidated.

Whenever I imagine group banter, I see the image of Joe, Sal, Murr and Q FROM Impractical jokers..how do i develop that kind of banter?

The only way for you to develop this banter is to understand these guys are very close FRIENDS. They already feel comfortable with each other.

I was silent for a while and laughed it off(it was a forced laugh.....what he said hurt me coz it was true)
even though he said that I know he busting my chops and did not actually mean it......I think

From your attitude it means you don't really consider the guy your friend, what he said is true after all. If that's the case either drop him as a friend or change your perspective to be "I'm not that close to this/these guy(s) yet, I'm gonna have fun hanging out with them and getting closer to them until I feel more comfortable around them"

 

[dark hawk]

@Elwa dude thanks for your answers, it really helped, you get my situation.

The key is not to take the banter as an attack, rather a joke.

This is a pretty common line, for eg friend: go die in hell
when he says this I tend to get all defensive and think logically, even though I try moving away from responding logically, I still lamely replied why should I? (what would you say?)
I have that mentality where I think, i should have a response which will shut them up all for once. But I have come to realize banter is like improv....I don't need to shut them down rather I have to continue the process.

 

[dark hawk]

How do I keep myself involved in the banter? I usually find myself drifting of to some other thoughts when people are ribbing me coz i can't keep up with the bantering...so what i do is I tend to smile and nod along to the banter(kind of like accept and amplify) but the conversations that way are no fun and tend to die out quickly.