Rewarding Good Behavior

[ProblemSolving]

I cringe at the thought of missing so many opportunities to reward good behavior in past relationships. It is natural to reward people for tangible gifts received. However, many times a woman has gone out of her way to make me feel good, by words or by actions, and I did NOTHING to encourage it again. Although, things are a little different now.

Recently, I've been keeping a keen eye out for subtle behaviors that I like and making sure to reward them. This often takes the form of, "Hey, thank you for...", or "I appreciate you for...". The results have been amazing. Her instincts to please me have gone into overdrive. Relationship decisions that used to be a major bone of contention between us now fall in my favor with no resistance from her. It has created a powerful feeling of cohesiveness.

With that said, is it possible that there is a downside to this in the future that I'm not seeing?

 

[DanBloom]

Hey Space Monkey -
yeah rewarding good behavior is an essential part to any relationship.

The only downsides (and I see it all the time) are these:

rewarding good behavior that you really don't want to see again. For example she wants a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but you just want to have fun. Subconsciously you find yourself rewarding her for making steps towards the boyfriend/girlfriend relationship but you really dont want one. Is she texting you regularly like a girlfriend would and you keep texting back right away? That would be an example of that.

taking away the reward for no reason. Did you used to meet your girl every other day and all of a sudden you don't? Her seeing you was a 'reward' for the day. You cut back on the rewarding and she'll freak out.

Those are 2 scenarios I've seen happen again and again.

So be sure to know your relationship expectations and to set them from the BEGINNING.

Dan

 

[ProblemSolving]

Thanks Fellow Space Monkey,

I've been careful to avoid rewarding behaviors that I don't want to see again. I think the biggest example of this is when you rewarding your girl with your attention when she is upset or closed off. I've had to catch myself a few times from doing this in the past. I get called "careless", but it's far more favorable than looking weak by asking "What's wrong?"

As for taking away the rewards for no reason, it hasn't come up yet. I'll be sure to have reasons handy if I drop some rewards.

 

[DanBloom]

haha you're welcome fellow Space Monkey. ;-)

Good point about the 'what's wrong'? Thing.

Dan

 

[Chase]

PS-

The only downside of rewarding things too obviously is that most women will catch onto this eventually, and if it isn't 100% sincere it stops working.

They'll also eventually start using it on YOU... so, be careful!

One alternative to verbally thanking women is thanking them with touch and affection. You can even create some delay in this, so it isn't immediately reactive... this makes the effect more subtle, and it's harder for her to become conscious of it (which makes the effect more profound, since it's operating wholly subconsciously).

Chase