Rodrigo's newbie assignment/journal

[Rodrigo]

Hi everyone, first things first, a brief introduction:

I'm from Brazil, 21 years old, still a virgin... my english isn't 100% so please bear with me
So i have very little time right now, it's like almost 10 PM here but for starters i will post a little background info and post observations of day 1 and day 2 of the assignment tomorrow.

So, like i said, i'm a 21 years old virgin; and i've been away from almost any social contact, playing vídeo games/watching porn, listening to crazy music... from my 13/14 until 19 years old. Then i said enough was enough; it was because of a deep depression that i'm still finishing struggling against, and i'm still kinda socially awkward but i'm seeing progress if i look back to my 19 years of age. I've found girlschase when searching for help on google on understading women. I've read a lot of articles and i think Chase's a very, very inteligente person because he really knows how to be real and empathetic, his explanations on the psychology of things is just amazing... that's it for now, i'll edit later.

Journal

Day 1 - Finding 4 locations and scouting

So... it was a bit annoying to find the 4th place. I hit the gym everyday, so it's the first one. Second is a park near my house. Third is a mall moderately near my house (bear in mind that i don't have a vehicle and there's no such thing as subway and trains on my town). Finding a 4th place was kinda difficult, so i ended up choosing a supermarket nearby lol.

Alright, i'm short on time so tomorrow i'll extend day 1 events and write about day 2, and i will be doing day 3 tomorrow. Thanks for Reading.

 

[Raqimus]

Welcome to the boards Rodrigo

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah dude most if not all of us can tell the same story with slight variations, I certainly can good luck with your assignment, I'm subscribed. Shoot those ladies bro
Ray

 

[Rodrigo]

Welcome to the boards Rodrigo

Thank you Raqimus.

Yeah dude most if not all of us can tell the same story with slight variations, I certainly can good luck with your assignment, I'm subscribed. Shoot those ladies bro
Ray

Thanks ray_zorse, that's one of the reasons i'm doing this journal since i have no close friends. And also because i feel more aware of the things going on in my head when i write, and i never did that.

So back to day 1 events, which was on:
Friday 12/12/14 - Scouting

I changed times and started going to the gym in the morning partly because of the assignments. Arriving there, the recepcionist which is a nice looking cougar with fantastic body looked at me as i entered, we made eye contact i said 'hi, how are you?' as always and she did the same, sometimes i catch her looking at me while working out. There was another nice cougar which is a personal trainer there, which i had contact in the past but i was too nice with her, didn't show my true intentions, offered her a supplement that i wasn't using, she accepted of course, why not, lol... kept talking bullshit with her and then one day she mentioned a boyfriend in a conversation and i got cold with her, she started hovering near me during my workouts, there was this time that she even bumped into me while i was SEATED in a fly machine doing my last rep lol... i was like wtf... it was really weird, but i was really bitter with her back then, and one day she stopped and started being a bit cold too, and now she just compliments me occasionally... i think she can tell now that i'm not bitter anymore with her, and that's good. So at the end of the workout a girl in the waterfont asked me something silly like ''where all this water go to?'', but she seemed pretty young so i just answered ''no idea'' and parted. At the exit i asked that recepcionist about the annual plan of the gym, she gave me the details, i kept eye contact with her during the explanation looked slowly to her lips (which are alluring to me) and then slowly back to the bridge of her nose, i said ''bye'' she replied ''bye Rodrigo''... i'm under the impression that she just thinks i'm cute and she somewhats pity me, there's just something about my default facial expression (which is always on when i'm nervous, even when i'm focused on my expression) that smells pity to women, and they look to me with that face ''ohh poor boy'' and i HATE THIS SHIT.

Alright, i went into the park scouted the place briefly, didn't happen anything that matters. Then to the supermarket... nothing to tell. And then to the mall... at the entrance there were these two cutties (waiting for a parent to pick them up or whatever)that were stealing glances at me but i did nothing. So yeah that was it for the first day, to the next one.

Saturday 12/13/14 - Posture

About my posture, it's already good, but i can do a little better, i always pull my shoulders back, chest up, look forward... but sometimes when i'm tense my s i slouch my shoulders a bit but i'm always conscious, and my head sticks a bit forward, got to improve it with streches and a bit more of self awareness. And man, does it draw attention, most days i catch several women stealing glance. So i went to three of the four places with improved posture and observing people's postures and my thoughts about it.

On the gym, i notice a lot of big guys with terrible posture, i gotta be honest and say that my first impressions about a big guy with poor posture are quite bad. It communicates to me low self steem and untidiness. But the few ones with good posture transmits me a strong, confident energy. Most women in my gym have good or great posture though.

On the park, aside from a few muscular dudes jogging, everyone had bad posture and looked very tense walking, it even makes me tense myself lol.

On the supermarket, nothing different to comment.

So, in the end i walked about 30 minutes with improved posture, mission accomplished.

Sunday 12/14/14 - Eye contact

This is fine to me, i don't have much problem making eye contact, BUT i do get nervous and tense while doing it, often times i feel awkward too when mantaining it... so i followed Chase's advice and *tried* to smile and do a head nod toward the person when that happens.
So walking to the gym in the morning, i did eye contact with 1 person, a dude with earphones, we looked at each other and after few seconds i nodded my head and he responded. I tried more though, but people didn't look back. On the gym i made veeery brief eye contact (got nervous) with a new recepcionist so it didn't count. Made eye contact with 4 muscular dudes on the gym... one immediately greeted me when we made eye contact, he seemed nervous. Another one mantained it for a while and i did a head nod and he responded, and the two others looked down, strange right? I'm fairly skinny. So i went for a walk on the evening and made the other 6 eye contacts, i tried more but most people there were wearing sunglasses and some others didn't look back. One old dude mantained eye contact with me for a while and after like 5 seconds i nodded and he looked down and frowning. Another one mantained it for a bit and responded to my nod. A mature woman seemed to think that i was into her by her facial expression lol. Another mature woman with sunglasses on, almost definitely returned my eye contact, since she smiled, another guy broked eye contact looking down, and on the way back a man on the balcony of a restaurant looked, i looked back for a few seconds then nodded, he nodded back. Done.

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That's it guys, thanks for the reading and support. I'm not satisfied with the way i wrote today, but my mind is dispersed today and i can't concentrate, and i guess it influenced my results a bit. I'll do day 4 tomorrow and update as soon as possible

 

[Rodrigo]

Today things didn't go too well... i chickened out with a chick at the entrance of the gym, she looked at me, we made eye contact and i just smiled and nodded and she smiled and nodded back, i could've easily said hi. Inside the gym there were plenty of women but i didn't approach any neither. Later, at the park, there was a beautiful woman walking slowly near me it seemed like a great opportunity to say ''hi' but i didn't, at this point of the day it was really hot and i was wearing a black tshirt and my lower back was tense as fuck from yesterdays's workout, making me walking awkard, so because of these 2 factors i started sweating like crazy, on my forehead and lower back, and that made me nervous . Yesterday did intense squats, deadlifts and stiff, and i'm sleeping only 5 hours per night on these past few days. So yeah, i chickened out... i'm going to sleep earlier starting today and try again tomorrow. I feel really unfocused because of this lack of sleep.

 

[Rodrigo]

Hi guys... who would think that just approaching a woman and saying hi would be so intimidating, yesterday i approached and said hi to 2 women on the way to the gym.

The first one responded well, we were walking on each others way i looked at her with a neutral facial expression, she looked back with a neutral facial expression.
Me:Hi
She:Hi
She didn't seem a lot surpsrised. But when i said this first 'hi' i got a tingling sensation in my brain, but just this time lol.
The second one wasn't expecting it at all, she looked surprised, but i think it was because i approached when she was passing by me and we didn't make eye contact, she just ignored and froze a bit. I laughed it off, but i couldn't handle anymore of it for the day.
Note: what was supposed to be my first approach was kind of funny: i saw this apparently beautiful woman from a distance coming my way and i was decided to approach, but when i got a closer look she was terribly ugly, so i didn't approach.

And today, i only approached one girl on my way to the park with the intent to approach more (but i didn't). Her reaction and how i approached her was almost identical with the second woman from yesterday. I also had two great opportunities: one with a pretty woman standing near the bus stop, i saw her and by the way she was positioned (turned away from me) i thought to myself: this is the perfect opportunity to pre-open her grabbing her shoulder, telling her a complimment which i already had in mind and introducing myself but... i... didn't.
And the other lost opportunity was a chick who looked into my eyes when we were passing by each other, and i froze.

Man... i definitely want to approach 6 women tomorrow, and fuck what they think, i got really anxious for the rest of the day because of the lost opportunities, and i don't want to feel like this again.

So hopefully folks, tomorrow will be the day that i will complete this task. Thanks for Reading.

 

[Rodrigo]

Hey people what's up... so for the past 5 days since the last post (except for today) i've been going out to the park, to the gym and to the mall with the intent to approach and say hi, but i wasn't able to do it even once. A few days ago i just relapsed to porn and today i did it again, and i feel like shit, my mind is always foggy and i can't focus even a notch when i watch porn for about the next 3 days. I've read Chase's article on quitting it, but now i feel like enough is enough... i'll only masturbate like once a week and use my imagination. Tomorrow, no matter what, as awkward as my approaches might be mainly due to my lack of focus induced by porn (i feel like a mindless zombie as Chase described in his article showing scientific evidence), i will approach 6 woman, and i won't go home until i do.

 

[ray_zorse]

I'm keen to hear how things are progressing bro, hope you're not beating yourself up about approach anxiety cos that's normal, I seem to recall even Franco said like the first 10+ times he went out he froze up & couldn't approach, but once u take the plunge it gets easier (sky doesn't fall in, etc). Saying hi to those women was a great start!! Kudos!
cheers, Ray

 

[Rodrigo]

Hey guys

I'm keen to hear how things are progressing bro, hope you're not beating yourself up about approach anxiety cos that's normal, I seem to recall even Franco said like the first 10+ times he went out he froze up & couldn't approach, but once u take the plunge it gets easier (sky doesn't fall in, etc). Saying hi to those women was a great start!! Kudos!
cheers, Ray

Hey Ray, thanks a lot for your support. I'm glad to hear that... it has been around 10 days that i've been going out with the intent to approach.

So, from the day of my last post until today i said 'hi' to only 2 women, and it has been a while since last time. But i stopped going out solely with the intent to approach; and on december 31 i relapsed to porn: for about 7 days i had headaches, foggy mind, i wasn't able to concentrate... and all the time thinking about approaching, beating myself, which made me quite bad.
Today would be the 12th day without porn and masturbation, but then i woke up with wet underwear this morning, and the fogginess returned. From the seventh day on i was feeling really good... even my voice was sounding deeper. I also have hormonal acne, and i tend to catch myself using it as an excuse when i wake up and it's worse than usual to not approach. But when i start to logically think about it, that's when i really should approach, so i can start getting used to rejection, right?
These last 2 days i've been making schedules for going out to approach the night of the day before, then i fail for not approaching even once, beat myself up... and it's consuming me, i feel like i can't do anything until i got the balls to complete this next challenge of the newbie assignment, and also to approach regularly.
I won't say somenthing like ''i'll definitely do it tomorrow'' again and just end up not doing it again... but i'm confident that tomorrow i'll finally tackle it.

Thanks for reading.

 

[ray_zorse]

Shit happens man, be kind to yourself... also it's okay to masturbate just don't use porn... why don't you try this, this is an actual conversation I had yesterday, I wasn't gaming as such cos I was in a city for the day that I don't visit often... getting a picnic lunch for my kids, was at the deli counter in supermarket

Her: hi what can I get you?
Me: (smile, eye contact) I like your eye makeup! You look fabulous!
Her: (smiles, acknowledges the compliment)
Me: (pauses for a bit, looking into her eyes) How about some ham... (take my time deciding) this one
Her: how much would you like? (she's still smiling and looking intently at me, wondering what I'm gonna do next)
Me: say 200g, do you think myself and 3 kids could eat 200g? right now? (I indicate my kids who are in a trolley nearby)
Her: haha yeah, I think you could... (weighs it out) 230 that ok?
blah blah I buy some other stuff
Me: so how is your day going so far?
Her: great blah blah
Me: it's nice and cool in here isn't it (yeah I know, exciting stuff but I know nothing about her yet, also it's more in the nonverbals, the tension is still in the air)
Her: yeah it's been great outside weather though blah blah
Me: so I see that your name is Bethany?
Her: (straightens up from getting me some olives, shows me her badge, smiles) yes!
Me: Raymond... (we shake hands over the counter)
Me: (smile, EC) okay! have a great day! see you!

You can do this too, it's a great warmup! Actually I then made friends with older register chick & also got partway motivated to approach an older woman in a cute outfit who left the store ahead of us, I didn't for several reasons I won't go into, but the whole thing serves to illustrate how a pretty platonic interaction can be made more interesting & give momentum!

Get to it checkout newbie assignment if you need to.

-Ray

 

[Rodrigo]

Hi

Shit happens man, be kind to yourself... also it's okay to masturbate just don't use porn... why don't you try this, this is an actual conversation I had yesterday, I wasn't gaming as such cos I was in a city for the day that I don't visit often... getting a picnic lunch for my kids, was at the deli counter in supermarket

Her: hi what can I get you?
Me: (smile, eye contact) I like your eye makeup! You look fabulous!
Her: (smiles, acknowledges the compliment)
Me: (pauses for a bit, looking into her eyes) How about some ham... (take my time deciding) this one
Her: how much would you like? (she's still smiling and looking intently at me, wondering what I'm gonna do next)
Me: say 200g, do you think myself and 3 kids could eat 200g? right now? (I indicate my kids who are in a trolley nearby)
Her: haha yeah, I think you could... (weighs it out) 230 that ok?
blah blah I buy some other stuff
Me: so how is your day going so far?
Her: great blah blah
Me: it's nice and cool in here isn't it (yeah I know, exciting stuff but I know nothing about her yet, also it's more in the nonverbals, the tension is still in the air)
Her: yeah it's been great outside weather though blah blah
Me: so I see that your name is Bethany?
Her: (straightens up from getting me some olives, shows me her badge, smiles) yes!
Me: Raymond... (we shake hands over the counter)
Me: (smile, EC) okay! have a great day! see you!

You can do this too, it's a great warmup! Actually I then made friends with older register chick & also got partway motivated to approach an older woman in a cute outfit who left the store ahead of us, I didn't for several reasons I won't go into, but the whole thing serves to illustrate how a pretty platonic interaction can be made more interesting & give momentum!

Get to it checkout newbie assignment if you need to.

-Ray

Hey Ray, thanks for stopping by again. This social momentum stuff is really important indeed,.. i feel more relaxed, in the moment and sociable, I've noticed it a few times after reading this post of yours. I didn't use it as in flirting with a girl like you did, but i did; also, i like the eye contact, smile bit at the beginning of the interaction. I forget to smile a lot. About masturbation, at least for now i don't think it would be a good idea for a litlle while... i have a long story of pornography addiction, it all started when i was 13 years old until recently. It messed up my brain, since then i was another person and couldn't think clearly anymore. So, it has been 17 days without masturbation BUT when i recently had this wet dream on the 12th i forgot to mention that it was definitely induced by some pornographic cues that i had seen on that day. I'll give it a time on the masturbation then, so my brain can ''rewire'', you know? As they say in this website on which they explain pornography addiction consenquences: http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/

Breaking news: I've yet to start approaching, got to approach 6 random pretty women and say hi to them. I will post again when i do so.

Thanks for reading.

 

[ray_zorse]

Hehe well I posted FU last night, see FRs board, have not rubbed one out in ages and after this chick got me all steamed up and ran away my balls actually ached for several hours with unreleased cum, I thought that was a myth hahaha better call the Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Sperm... seriously though good on you for approaching I was regularly masturbating to porn from age 13 (and same with most of the dudes here I'd say) although I only discovered Internet porn when I was in an LTR in my early 20's, she'd go to bed kinda early and instead of going with her and giving her the D I'd stay up smoking weed, doing computer programming hobby stuff and fapping to online porn, what a waste hahaha similar kinda story when I was married, my wife busted me once and got all sooky cos she had body image issues and felt she couldn't compete with online hotties, I was puzzled at the time cos we had a good sex life, but looking back, porn=bad.
-Ray

 

[Rodrigo]

So, after more than a year having writing all this, i'm bringing my thread back from the dead because i feel like tackling this women problem of mine again lol. This time i won't give up because i have a goal in mind. Man, having just read all these old posts of mine makes me realize how making anotations is essential. As of now i didn't even remember a lot of those ''hi's'' i said to those girls (perhaps because i keep relapsing to porn, i'm on day 3), but just reading it brought it back to my memory.

And another thing it makes me realize is that if i kept with the nofap thing back then, i'd probably be really successful (i was on a ~30 days streak before i posted about relapsing, and it was like one of the very few times i reached such a mark). But well, i'll use it as inspiration for keep going. I keep coming back to porn because i always forget how awful i feel after relapsing, and this time i had serious suicidal thoughts, so i just wrote in a piece of paper how i felt in that day to keep my future self aware of what is at stake if i decide to watch porn again (perhaps my own life).

09/09/16
Today i went for a little walk in the evening with the intent to approach: had two opportunities and failed. First girl was walking with two big dogs and passed right beside me... or were the two dogs walking with her? Because she was almost being dragged by them lol... so i immediately thought about teasing her about it: i looked at her, she looked in my direction but we didn't make eye contact; she seemed receptive nonetheless, when i'm about to open my mouth, my shoelace gets untied and when i'm done tying she's already considerably ahead of me. I'm not unmotivated but then she takes a different turn than mine and i don't feel like jogging up to her (i know i should). Alright, at this point i already feel considerably bad for not approaching.

Walking back to my place, i come across a pretty cute blonde girl wearing her school uniform. I look at her, she does look back (which is rare when i'm not on a long nofap streak; don't ask me why this happens, but it sure is a curious thing lol). She quickly looks away as she crosses to the other side of the street, as always i use it as an excuse... fuck me. I keep swearing at myself for a while at this point.
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Alright, so now i'll put here what is my short term plan: i'll resume my newbie assignment from where i left off (saying hi to girls). Because unlike when i tried tackling it for the first time, i don't have free time to go out for long periods of time solely to approach anymore, so it has to be close to my house, so the venues i have acess to, as of now, are kinda limited... and there's not much foot traffic around here. So for these reasons i'll modify the newbie assignment a little: so instead of saying ''hi'' to 6 girls tomorrow, i'll reduce it to 3, since i normally don't even come across 6 girls when i'm out around here to begin with lol

 

[Rodrigo]

Saturday i went to the gym... pussied out again: two opportunities to approach or to just say hi(besides the gym receptionist, which was alone when i arrived there).

I just came back from a very small walk on a park nearby, which i never went to on sundays: and now i can say that on sundays (maybe even on saturdays) it's kinda decent for approach, the best spot around here on these days. The instant i got there i got really uncomfortable because i felt some glances/looks directed at me the instant i got there (it was a bit crowded).

I felt like a insecure little bitch, to the point that i got the cellphone from my pocket and pretended to call someone to not feel out of place, like i was just wandering out there alone. So when i ''hung up'' i just went back the way i came, extremely frustrated. And to top it off, some girl on a car passing beside me laughs (i swear she was laughing at me... maybe because of the way i was walking), which makes me feel even more zoned out. I used to walk better, now i feel like i'm all stiff and weird walking.

I was uncomfortable to a point that i couldn't focus my sight straight to a single spot, i felt like i had autism lol. Feeling pretty shitty right now, and probably will for the rest of the day. I can only try and do my best by going out everyday from now on trying to beat this approach anxiety (even if for just a few minutes, because my number 1 focus at this moment of my life is and must be my studies).

I just started visualizing/meditating today. Will be doing at least 15 minutes on the morning, every single day. When i was feeling my best, back when i was on a long nofap streak i was also meditating, which i'm pretty sure made a significant impact on my presence back then.

Today i'm on day 4 of nofap, so my brain is still pretty numb at this point, gotta give it some time too, but at the same time not use it as an excuse to not approach and take immediate action.

 

[Rodrigo]

Wemt out in the evening for a walk in the park (around 5:30). I told myself: alright, let's get just a little out of your comfort today. Yeah, trust me, my social anxiety lately is bad to a point that just going for a walk in the park fazes me. I intended to stay as present and as calm as i could... if i felt like approaching (does one ever feel like approaching whitout having done it before? lol), then cool.

I felt kinda relaxed, calm and present during the walk, to my surprise. I say ''kinda'' because it was like 60-70% present, but wayyy better than yersterday. One thing that bothered me during the walk though, was my sense of direction. The park is not really big and i managed to get a little lost until finding the side i came from again lol. I always had this problem to a certain extent, but i remembered that it got a lot better during my long nofap streak. Well, just another reason to never watch porn again that i'll add on my notes lol

Noticed some girls looking at me, and there was one girl that was giving me strong approach invitations, she stared at me and lingered a bit around me.

Today i felt my best since the first day of my current nofap streak. However, at the same time, the cravings to have just a little peek at porn were craaaazy. I came to the point of searching for some potentially erotic content (that's my brain trying reasoning that it's ok if it doesn't have nudity) for about 15 minutes , but not in a porn site though, luckily i didn't come across anything that arouses me.

Tomorrow i'll go for another walk in the park, this time during the morning. Today i got acclimated to the environment... now it's time to take another step and say at least hi to 3 girls.