RR - few Q's

[girlsfollow]

New things cropping up today - again totally weird I think most of you will agree this is out of the ordinary - but I think it can still be useful for most guys because it shows one extreme of the spectrum of what girls can be like...

So we had sex again three times today (once in the library - she really liked how I just pulled her into an empty room and took her) - she really enjoys it says that I was a good choice and then actually gets a bit upset...

she tells me: she's worried that she'll like me more than I like her

She says because its her first that she'll get really attached/addicted and shes scared...(where is this coming from?) its like she's fighting it - how do I get her to stop fighting it? Not really sure how to respond to this - I can't identify if its a test of some kind other than the obvious searching for a confirmation of committment - im a bit worried I might "break" too easily - and seem like I'm giving my backbone too easily without hwe having to work enough for it?

- I gave it to her since we had just had sex and she was very compliant - so to reward I told her that I really like her and that thats always a concern everyone has.

Also vaginal orgasms seem a little elusive- I get her to cum via clit fine - but I've not had the problem with vaginal before - maybe because its still hurting a little and I'm still being too careful - also havent had a chance to really relax her since it started getting better - I will on sat....

final note:

How do you guys keep your abundance mentalities going? We aren't really going out yet how do you handle this in the "transition phase"?, she's actually quite wild, and certainly has guy friends and must have LOTS of guys approaching her (although I think she has a healthy mix - my ex had no girl friends so this is a nice change) so I still feel like I should keep some options - so I thought I might go meet a girl I've been in contact with tomorrow ....

 

[Just_Dave]

When a girl first loses her virginity or anyone for that matter, they'll be attached to the person who took it. That's why she is acting that way, now you have to determine yourself if you're ready for a relationship with her. This is the time to pick her mind and gather her thoughts on the situation, talk it through with her.

As far as sex, my friend you have to relax the girl. I had the problem when I took my girlfriend's virginity. Girls just don't get turned on as fast as guys do, so make sure to stimulate her properly during foreplay. It's also a good idea to ease your penis slowly into her as she gets wetter. Whispering things in her ear while stroking her thighs and breast help, "Baby, I love the way you smell, and I love how horny you are right now." Do this as sexy as possible. Rubs your fingers through her hair, go passionate!

Abundance mentality, for me it's easy, I don't keep my girlfriend on a pedestal. I still talk to different girls everyday but I control myself because I'm in a relationship. I'm not looking to harm the trust in my relationship. It's like how guys approach my girlfriend and she doesn't let it get out of hand. As long as you're pleasing your woman and handling your busy you won't have to worry about anyone else. If anything worry about yourself, keep yourself distracted by going to the gym or focusing on your goals. Right now I practice Spanish and work on my guitar skills.

 

[girlsfollow]

When a girl first loses her virginity or anyone for that matter, they'll be attached to the person who took it. That's why she is acting that way, now you have to determine yourself if you're ready for a relationship with her. This is the time to pick her mind and gather her thoughts on the situation, talk it through with her.

As far as sex, my friend you have to relax the girl. I had the problem when I took my girlfriend's virginity. Girls just don't get turned on as fast as guys do, so make sure to stimulate her properly during foreplay. It's also a good idea to ease your penis slowly into her as she gets wetter. Whispering things in her ear while stroking her thighs and breast help, "Baby, I love the way you smell, and I love how horny you are right now." Do this as sexy as possible. Rubs your fingers through her hair, go passionate!

Abundance mentality, for me it's easy, I don't keep my girlfriend on a pedestal. I still talk to different girls everyday but I control myself because I'm in a relationship. I'm not looking to harm the trust in my relationship. It's like how guys approach my girlfriend and she doesn't let it get out of hand. As long as you're pleasing your woman and handling your busy you won't have to worry about anyone else. If anything worry about yourself, keep yourself distracted by going to the gym or focusing on your goals. Right now I practice Spanish and work on my guitar skills.

Surprisingly I had a virgin a that wasn't very attached at all - she just decided on the night to do it and it wasn't much of a big deal to her.- although looking back she prob did want a relationship. This one I DO want a relationship though...

Of course you are right about the sex - its all about how turned on they are - and it can take time - but I'm not a big fan of long drawn out foreplay - at least not for the majority of sex - it should be rough raw and primal most of the time - but it can be difficult to create that sometimes - in my eyes its far better than the soft romantic stuff - though it has its place of course - thats also very important. Perfect example is when I pulled her into an empty room in the library and just took her there over a table - she loved it, was wet immediately and it only hurt a little at the start and the rest was awesome and she loved it. You see what I mean?

I do like your soft tips too though don't get me wrong - that is definitely needed some of the time - or it doesn't feel close enough.

Yes keeping yourself distracted is a good idea.

 

[Just_Dave]

Surprisingly I had a virgin a that wasn't very attached at all - she just decided on the night to do it and it wasn't much of a big deal to her.- although looking back she prob did want a relationship. This one I DO want a relationship though...

Of course you are right about the sex - its all about how turned on they are - and it can take time - but I'm not a big fan of long drawn out foreplay - at least not for the majority of sex - it should be rough raw and primal most of the time - but it can be difficult to create that sometimes - in my eyes its far better than the soft romantic stuff - though it has its place of course - thats also very important. Perfect example is when I pulled her into an empty room in the library and just took her there over a table - she loved it, was wet immediately and it only hurt a little at the start and the rest was awesome and she loved it. You see what I mean?

I do like your soft tips too though don't get me wrong - that is definitely needed some of the time - or it doesn't feel close enough.
Yes keeping yourself distracted is a good idea.

Indeed, every girl is different, I lol'd because I took my girlfriend over an office table once, but that's beside the point. Girls get turned on at weird times, so I probably thinking a bed room setting. One thing I should have said, is asking her what turns her on. You can sometimes play around with this yourself and figure it out but asking her is a lot faster. I once came from taking a hot shower with my girlfriend laying in bed, she got turned on from seeing my wet and with a towel.

I lol'd again at your foreplay comment, foreplay isn't really my thing either I do for about five maybe ten minutes max. I kiss on my girl's neck and collar bone while squeezing her butt. Stuff like that

 

[Just_Dave]

Hey follows,

I actually wrote a more complete response about Abundance mentality in relationships over in the long term forum.

 

[girlsfollow]

Indeed, every girl is different, I lol'd because I took my girlfriend over an office table once, but that's beside the point. Girls get turned on at weird times, so I probably thinking a bed room setting. One thing I should have said, is asking her what turns her on. You can sometimes play around with this yourself and figure it out but asking her is a lot faster. I once came from taking a hot shower with my girlfriend laying in bed, she got turned on from seeing my wet and with a towel.

I lol'd again at your foreplay comment, foreplay isn't really my thing either I do for about five maybe ten minutes max. I kiss on my girl's neck and collar bone while squeezing her butt. Stuff like that

Yeh thats good stuff - I suppose you were talking about the majority of times when you can't get out - then I suppose gentle strokes can work well aswell...

- also with other girls I used a lot of dirty talk but with this one it feels difficult - almost like she's too innocent - I need to work out a way of building it up from small rather than starting big.

Any thoughts on her getting upset and being scared?

 

[Just_Dave]

Any thoughts on her getting upset and being scared?

She should be fine being open about your sexual desires is actually a huge turn on to girls. Talk to her about it first before trying and attempting it. This way it won't come off as a surprise or strange.

 

[girlsfollow]

Any thoughts on her getting upset and being scared?[/quote]
I was referring to her getting scared of the relationship....shes scared she'll "like me more than I like her" not sure where this is coming from....

It doesnt make sense to me - If she wants me to commit and I'm showing signs of wanting to why is she holding back - its like she wants me to commit before she does - asking a bit much - especially since she's apparently the one thats apparently going to get "so attached" -

Where's this famous virgin chasing/clinginess- its like she says she has it - doesn't actually show it and then expects me to show it.....

puzzling....on a plus note she has started initiating texts...

 

[Franco]

Hey girlsfollow,

I think you're over-thinking it! All of these concerns are coming simply from the fact that she knows you probably have experience and she does not.

Next time she says something along the lines of:

"I'm worried I'm going to like you more than you like me..."

Pause for a second; stare into her eyes; smile; and then give her a passionate kiss.

Sometimes a girl just needs a little reassurance from an extremely confident man.

- Franco

 

[girlsfollow]

Hey girlsfollow,

I think you're over-thinking it! All of these concerns are coming simply from the fact that she knows you probably have experience and she does not.

Next time she says something along the lines of:

"I'm worried I'm going to like you more than you like me..."

Pause for a second; stare into her eyes; smile; and then give her a passionate kiss.

Sometimes a girl just needs a little reassurance from an extremely confident man.

- Franco

Perfect Franco, you are right - she has even said that's the reason, she said its "different for you because its not your first"

- yeh I tend to think things through quite a bit if they puzzle me, I realise this isn't a big deal its just I wanted to comfort her, kissing is usually the best first plan

- As always just being confident and not really giving too much of a bleep is usually the best thing to do. A kiss can go a long way - nice

 

[Chase]

Hey GF,

she tells me: she's worried that she'll like me more than I like her

Inexperienced girls will sometimes voice this concern with you when they sense themselves falling for you and you aren't like the other guys they're used to - especially if they're somewhat romantically inexperienced but are accustomed to having a leg up on the men around them - they're afraid of losing that CONTROL that they're so used to having.

What I like to say to the girl is this:

• It's impossible for people to be EQUALLY crazy about each other - that only happens in the movies, not real life. So there's always going to be someone more in love than someone else; either the man, or the woman.
  
  When the woman's more in love, typically it's a warm, fulfilling, good relationship for both. When the MAN's more in love, typically the guy gets needy, and the girl gets disgusted at how she could ever end up with such a weak man.
  
  So, so long as you're not TOO much more in love with me, I think we'll both be fine if you are a little bit more crazy about me than I am about you.

Gets them to settle in and actually get comfortable with the idea of surrendering up some control to you and accepting that they're going to feel more deeply toward you than you are going to feel toward them (and that's the way it should be, provided you want things to stay healthy and good).

Also vaginal orgasms seem a little elusive- I get her to cum via clit fine - but I've not had the problem with vaginal before - maybe because its still hurting a little and I'm still being too careful - also havent had a chance to really relax her since it started getting better - I will on sat....

Vaginal orgasms take some time for most women to ease into. If you're good at sex and you're used to sleeping with more experienced women, it can be pretty shocking to sleep with an inexperienced girl and find that suddenly your powers of orgasmic expertise have suddenly vanished. What's happening though is that she isn't really in touch with her body, completely relaxed, or completely comfortable with sex. The more you condition her to enjoy intercourse, the close she'll get to vaginal orgasms - and once she eventually starts having them, the more and better vaginal orgasms you give her, the faster and more easily she'll get them during sex.

How do you guys keep your abundance mentalities going? We aren't really going out yet how do you handle this in the "transition phase"?, she's actually quite wild, and certainly has guy friends and must have LOTS of guys approaching her (although I think she has a healthy mix - my ex had no girl friends so this is a nice change) so I still feel like I should keep some options - so I thought I might go meet a girl I've been in contact with tomorrow ....

You've got to be meeting new women yourself, and you've got know you have options. Sometimes you can structure your life such that you're constantly in contact with new women - this comes down to what extracurricular activities you're involved in (e.g., salsa dancing is a very good one for this) and what kind of work you do (part-time work at a bar or as a lifeguard or a model talent scout are big ones for meeting lots of girls). Other times, you've just got to get out and spark conversations with strangers some of the time.

Chase

 

[girlsfollow]

Hey Chase, Thats absolutely right - that was on the tip of my tongue - exactly it - she's clearly always played the "im a princess and you need to win me over" card before and I can tell she was always very cold towards guys and had ALL THE POWER. of course what you suggest saying is the TRUTH but do you really think stating it outright is a good idea?

she tells me: she's worried that she'll like me more than I like her

Inexperienced girls will sometimes voice this concern with you when they sense themselves falling for you and you aren't like the other guys they're used to - especially if they're somewhat romantically inexperienced but are accustomed to having a leg up on the men around them - they're afraid of losing that CONTROL that they're so used to having.

What I like to say to the girl is this:

• It's impossible for people to be EQUALLY crazy about each other - that only happens in the movies, not real life. So there's always going to be someone more in love than someone else; either the man, or the woman.
  
  When the woman's more in love, typically it's a warm, fulfilling, good relationship for both. When the MAN's more in love, typically the guy gets needy, and the girl gets disgusted at how she could ever end up with such a weak man.
  
  So, so long as you're not TOO much more in love with me, I think we'll both be fine if you are a little bit more crazy about me than I am about you.

- I think there's a chance she might take it the wrong way - think I'm trying to manipulate her somehow.... Also when I've said things like this before to girls and they often refuse to believe it and just interpret it a negative way eg when telling them what orbiters are.

Do you think maybe she loves having that control so much that it could explain why she seems so distant, even robotic sometimes? - unlike most girls I know she is very reserved - almost like I dont really know her I always have to ask etc- I get the feeling that is what I should be doing to her - not the other way around - but then we wouldn't make any progress - she doesn't

I still haven't figured out what the deal is with her rarely texting me first - I keep of switching between her just being inexperienced and not knowing how to open up and partly being a game she's playing (and not playing very well due to being inexperienced)

Gets them to settle in and actually get comfortable with the idea of surrendering up some control to you and accepting that they're going to feel more deeply toward you than you are going to feel toward them (and that's the way it should be, provided you want things to stay healthy and good).

I like this - I might even word it like this instead - she is really quite submissive so I can probably tell her outright that she just needs to surrender her feelings to me and that thats normal in a relationship - or things wont go well - and that should get her used to the idea of it being normal and good....?

Also vaginal orgasms seem a little elusive- I get her to cum via clit fine - but I've not had the problem with vaginal before - maybe because its still hurting a little and I'm still being too careful - also havent had a chance to really relax her since it started getting better - I will on sat....

Vaginal orgasms take some time for most women to ease into. If you're good at sex and you're used to sleeping with more experienced women, it can be pretty shocking to sleep with an inexperienced girl and find that suddenly your powers of orgasmic expertise have suddenly vanished. What's happening though is that she isn't really in touch with her body, completely relaxed, or completely comfortable with sex. The more you condition her to enjoy intercourse, the close she'll get to vaginal orgasms - and once she eventually starts having them, the more and better vaginal orgasms you give her, the faster and more easily she'll get them during sex.

YEP thats right, of course she isnt comfortable yet - she hadn't even put a finger in till she met me! - I can tell she is still really quite anxious about it all - I was thinking of setting her homework and telling her to finger herself properly when she masturbates away from me - so she gets used to associating that with orgasm...

Maybe we should have a separate sex tip section on this forum because this is a whole big topic in itself. I find dirty talk can be amazing but it can get repetitive pretty quickly.....I'm actually stunned that it went so smoothly with her - I was using some pretty hardcore lines that it took me a while to build upto with other girls and she was following so well it was beautiful - I think its partly because I know how to time it better and build quickly when she's hyper aroused.

You've got to be meeting new women yourself, and you've got know you have options. Sometimes you can structure your life such that you're constantly in contact with new women - this comes down to what extracurricular activities you're involved in (e.g., salsa dancing is a very good one for this) and what kind of work you do (part-time work at a bar or as a lifeguard or a model talent scout are big ones for meeting lots of girls). Other times, you've just got to get out and spark conversations with strangers some of the time.

model talent scout sounds like a dream job - sign me up!

==================================UPDATE

I've noticed I'm becoming too nice and lovey dovey over text - we're emailing each other over facebook to stay in touch while we're apart but its close to becoming dull "what did you do today" back and forth- I need to create more tension.... - sounds like less friendliness and more sexiness is in order.... anyone have any tips for what I could do to up the tension for the next two weeks till we see each other?

 

[girlsfollow]

quick update - I mentioned that she can be quite cool and a little closed in person but over facebook its even worse - this really seems to contradict what people were predicting - saying after loosing her V she'd get super clingy and needy.......

I think it might just be the filter of the written word - before we split she was sad we wouldn't be seeing each other. The other explanation is that I have been getting in contact too much - its difficult to imagine with a newly broken V but I need to consider. I'm thinking I might relax the contact a bit - let her take more of an initiative but she's SO bad at that!

I've been putting in the effort in terms of contact because I agreed with another poster that pulling back wouldn't be a good idea - I just worry getting into the habit of initiating is giving her the power she wants and we know mustn't have (once a girl tames you she looses interest).

 

[Chase]

GF-

- I think there's a chance she might take it the wrong way - think I'm trying to manipulate her somehow.... Also when I've said things like this before to girls and they often refuse to believe it and just interpret it a negative way eg when telling them what orbiters are.

It's got to be your tonality / expressions when you're saying this. Or, you might be overreacting to reactions.

I've had girls seemingly get upset when I told them someone's always more interested than the other, and that relationships don't work so well when that someone is the man, but I just ask them, "Okay, how SHOULD it be then?" when they start getting dramatic, and then they start going on about fairy tales and sugar drops and rainbows and ponies and I interrupt them and ask them, "Okay, cool. How many of your friends have a relationship like that?" And they'll go, "Ummm...." And then you'll say, "And how many of your relationships are relationships where either the guy is a little bit over the girl, or the girl is a little bit over the guy?" And they'll go, "... all of them." And then you'll say, "And which girls seem the happiest? Like, sweet and happy and head-over-heels in love? The ones who call the shots with their guys? Or the ones who have strong guys they're crazy about?"

And then your work is done, and you've given her an education on the state of the world simply by looking at the real people around her she knows.

Do you think maybe she loves having that control so much that it could explain why she seems so distant, even robotic sometimes? - unlike most girls I know she is very reserved - almost like I dont really know her I always have to ask etc- I get the feeling that is what I should be doing to her - not the other way around - but then we wouldn't make any progress - she doesn't

"Robotic-ness" is typically an indication of someone who's very uncomfortable in their own skin and afraid of making mistakes or losing power. It's not that she "loves" the control, most likely, so much as it is that she fears losing it. She's probably afraid that if she gives up her control, you'll hurt her.

I still haven't figured out what the deal is with her rarely texting me first - I keep of switching between her just being inexperienced and not knowing how to open up and partly being a game she's playing (and not playing very well due to being inexperienced)

Some women simply are passive, and some women believe it's the man's role to chase and they simply won't do it themselves because it feels wrong to them.

These girls you just have to take command with, and tell them when and how to see you and what they should do. And if you want them contact you more frequently, you need to instruct them to do that too.

You said that she's pretty submissive - this is likely an extension of that. A girl needs to be pretty ballsy and bold to start asking a guy out over text and initiating things, because the fear of rejection (you not answering; you refusing a date; you being cold in response to a warm message from her) is ever-present.

YEP thats right, of course she isnt comfortable yet - she hadn't even put a finger in till she met me! - I can tell she is still really quite anxious about it all - I was thinking of setting her homework and telling her to finger herself properly when she masturbates away from me - so she gets used to associating that with orgasm...

You might also try getting her a vibrator. These can be helpful for getting girls who are inexperienced and uncomfortable with their bodies to just let go and let the toy do the work. You'll find some inexperienced girls can't get off from sex, and can't get off from manual masturbation, but you get them a vibrator and very soon they're addicted. The orgasms from a hand or a vibrator are never really satisfying, though, and if you give them good sex they'll keep coming to you for that even after they use their hands or vibrator, and vaginal orgasms tend not to come too long after that, normally.

Maybe we should have a separate sex tip section on this forum because this is a whole big topic in itself.

You're right, that is lacking here, isn't?

Well, maybe we'll launch a board like that a little bit into the new year.

I've noticed I'm becoming too nice and lovey dovey over text - we're emailing each other over facebook to stay in touch while we're apart but its close to becoming dull "what did you do today" back and forth- I need to create more tension.... - sounds like less friendliness and more sexiness is in order.... anyone have any tips for what I could do to up the tension for the next two weeks till we see each other?

Personally, I hardly contact girlfriends when on travel or out of town. Actually, I used to be MUCH worse at this, and NEVER contact them, but that ended up leading to more drama than I wanted to deal with.

I'd recommend you don't contact a girl for the first couple of days you don't see her, unless she writes you first. If she doesn't, you can send her a brief email (no questions in it) telling her a few things about what you've been up to and saying you hope she's doing great.

Keep the contact levels low, and don't go getting gushy. It's fine for her to say she misses you, but if you say it... well, let's just say girls are the ones who do the missing. Guys are the ones who are missed.

Chase

 

[girlsfollow]

Hi Chase, Some brilliant insights here again....

And then your work is done, and you've given her an education on the state of the world simply by looking at the real people around her she knows.

Its interesting that you like to talk these things out logically - I'm pretty sure a lot of PUA advice out there including the very good DD basically advise not talking about this stuff so much because emotions are more important and it can often make things worse - but clearly if its done well it can also work I can believe that!

"Robotic-ness" is typically an indication of someone who's very uncomfortable in their own skin and afraid of making mistakes or losing power. It's not that she "loves" the control, most likely, so much as it is that she fears losing it. She's probably afraid that if she gives up her control, you'll hurt her.

Thats absolutely right! PERFECT. and your solution of just telling her that she needs to let go has worked like a charm - I told her she needs to take a leap of faith just as I do and that that is normal - she needs to give up control - shes said she has now and she will - although she added that I still need to keep on trying - againt he hint of her trying to keep some control here.

Some women simply are passive, and some women believe it's the man's role to chase and they simply won't do it themselves because it feels wrong to them.

this is bang on again! - her conservative background says I need to initiate everything and dominate everything - its actually really nice now that I understand it, I tell her when and how often t text and she does - I love the old system of dating -she is a real gem.I have her texting me every time she has an orgasm thinking about me and thanking me, she loves it i love it win all around.

These girls you just have to take command with, and tell them when and how to see you and what they should do. And if you want them contact you more frequently, you need to instruct them to do that too.

You said that she's pretty submissive - this is likely an extension of that. A girl needs to be pretty ballsy and bold to start asking a guy out over text and initiating things, because the fear of rejection (you not answering; you refusing a date; you being cold in response to a warm message from her) is ever-present.

You might also try getting her a vibrator. These can be helpful for getting girls who are inexperienced and uncomfortable with their bodies to just let go and let the toy do the work. You'll find some inexperienced girls can't get off from sex, and can't get off from manual masturbation, but you get them a vibrator and very soon they're addicted. The orgasms from a hand or a vibrator are never really satisfying, though, and if you give them good sex they'll keep coming to you for that even after they use their hands or vibrator, and vaginal orgasms tend not to come too long after that, normally.

as you clearly anticipated her getting addicted to a vibrator is a little intimidating ("its never really satisfying though") - but I can totally see what you mean and i'm sure it would work, am seriously considering it - you think its necessary? - I can see what you mean - it teaches them opens their minds/body

Maybe we should have a separate sex tip section on this forum because this is a whole big topic in itself.

You're right, that is lacking here, isn't?

Well, maybe we'll launch a board like that a little bit into the new year.

yeh I think we agree its a seriously important part, possibly the most important part of dating, relationships and seduction aswell as making girls chase so it does totally deserve to be here....

Personally, I hardly contact girlfriends when on travel or out of town. Actually, I used to be MUCH worse at this, and NEVER contact them, but that ended up leading to more drama than I wanted to deal with.

I'd recommend you don't contact a girl for the first couple of days you don't see her, unless she writes you first. If she doesn't, you can send her a brief email (no questions in it) telling her a few things about what you've been up to and saying you hope she's doing great.

Keep the contact levels low, and don't go getting gushy. It's fine for her to say she misses you, but if you say it... well, let's just say girls are the ones who do the missing. Guys are the ones who are missed.

good stuff! - altough I need to be very careful not to push her into autorejection - I've extended my stay here twice and its been as long apart as we have known each other so its tight

 

[girlsfollow]

Ok new issue here, everything is going well - perhaps too well...

I've realised that I'm not sure if I'm really looking for a full on relationship with this girl - I may have made it seem like I was at the beginning but now since I got back from travelling for 2 months I'm not so sure anymore. So how do I make sure this doesn't become too serious and that I don't end up getting her making BIG demands of commitment and getting her upset - I don't want to hurt her. She's actually been totally ok with it so far - since she's so submissive she's ok with meeting me when I want to - which is generally once per week (probably on average more because I go to a class with her) - I think I'm just going to make sure I dont see her more than once per week. But I can feel Q's coming up like "are we exclusive" and "are you seeing other girls" how do I handle these - remember she is very inexperienced so might not know the game like most girls.

Other question is valentines day - Do you do anything for this for girls you're seeing? Its a difficult Q because we all know its just a commercial excuse but ignoring it totally makes you seem no fun to many....