Alright, here's an extended story of two girls from my journal now that I'm a bit more awake.
Last night, I went out dancing and had a good time.
Now, this is one of my main social outlets, so I did a lot of catching up with folks I know and just having fun, but I also put a fair bit of effort into finding and charming some of the more...interesting ladies.
Sarcastic and sophisticated:
I went in with the intention of putting the moves on a young woman I'd met the previous week who sparked a renewed enthusiasm for seduction in me. I'm going to talk about her first.
When she first came in, she was very warm -- we danced, she smiled quite a bit. Positive conversation fragments that I remember:
(Immediately after I feigned an angry reaction to something she said, and she laughed somewhat unsurely and said "I hope you were joking...I THINK that was joke...")
Me: "Ah, right, you've just met me...you don't know my sense of humor perfectly yet."
Her: "Well, I know you have one...and that's good, that's all I NEED to know." (Note on this bit: This seemed like a pretty positive indicator, like she's saying it's all she needs to know to, y'know, bang.)
Me: "True. I could actually be prone to fits of anger, though. I mean, we've only been around each other a few hours."
Her: "Oh, that's true! I didn't think of that."
Me: "If I EVER seem angry, I'm faking it. I really don't get angry. But..." (trail off to deep diving, getting her talking about herself)
During said deep diving, she brought up one of her favorite authors -- who happened to be my absolute favorite author during my teenage years -- and this author probably still would be today if I hadn't already read all of her books. When she said the author's name, I grinned, picked her up and spun her around, and said, "I LOVE <authorname>!" and we started geeking out about her stuff. She responded positively. Lots of laughs and excitement.
At the end of the dance, I told her I wanted to dance again as we were in the midst of conversation, and she said she needed to get a drink of water real quick. She ended up chatting up another dude (pretty standup guy, only one in the place I'd say rivals me at all in attractiveness) in the kitchen. I just grabbed someone else nearby and danced once I realized what was going on.
I'm not sure about the best way to handle the situation above. Input on that would be helpful.
A bit later, she was dancing with someone else, and I cut in between songs and said to him, "I'm stealing her from you.", then turned to her and said, "Let's dance."
They were having what looked like a pretty decent conversation. I'm a dick. Haha.
She said sarcastically as she took my hand, "Gee, thanks."
I raised my eyebrows and asked her, in an amused voice, "Oh, didn't like that, did you?"
Her reaction kind of surprised me. She looked at the floor and smiled really big. I then recalled her saying the other day that she was a really sarcastic person, but generally not on the dance floor, so I said,
"Ah, this is that sarcasm on the dance floor you mentioned! Got it."
Proceed to further deep diving from there. Again, warm and receptive demeanor throughout.
However, the next two times I approached her for a dance, she came up with something else to do and turned me down, then proceeded to go do that thing. Mind you, I followed law of least effort / sprezzatura on this and didn't go out of my way to be near her / approach her...mostly just asked if we were pretty close to each other to begin with.
After those couple of asks (quite a ways apart, spread out in the night as we both did other things), I ended up talking in the kitchen with a guy about my upcoming move, and she drew herself into the conversation. Her sister was there with her. Anyway, the guy asked me why I was moving, and I told him (it basically boils down to world travel), and she jumped in, got excited eyes, etc. I reminded her that I had already told her this the last time we'd met, and she said, 'Oh, yeah...' and looked a bit deflated. I then said,
"Then again, you were pretty drunk when I said it. Well, both of us were."
At this point, her older sister's eyes shot WIDE open, and she turned and looked at her in disbelief (oops?), and they whispered back and forth.
I think I fucked this one up by not hooking on her apparent interest -- I think she was trying to reconnect a perceived gulf and I made it harder for her to do.
A third time I asked her, some time later, and she said, "Just a second", and proceeded to keep talking to the person next to her, facing away from me. This lasted at least a minute, and I was honestly kind of miffed (poor emotional control, need to work on that) and someone else I love to dance with was nearby, so I grabbed her and we started dancing instead. I was feeling a tad bitter and wanted her to realize that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for her. RIGHT as I did this, she turned around and was ready to dance.
At this precise moment in time, I believe I fucked up twice.
First fuckup: I let go of the girl I'd grabbed to dance with, and took one step towards the woman I'd been working on in my standard nonverbal, "Let's dance" gesture. This was a screwup because since I had already decided to go with the "Don't leave me waiting" power play, I reneged.
Second fuckup: She waved me away slightly and said, "No, it's fine, you can dance with her." And then I turned around and went back to the other girl. This was a fuckup because I acquiesed to her frame instead of insisting that no, I wanted to dance with her.
I think this pushed her over the edge into autorejection, as interested/flirty gazes stopped and her body language really closed off. I didn't interact with her again the rest of the night.
I'd appreciate input on my thoughts on the above two mistakes.
Sultry and adventurous:
Starting about halfway through the above drama, I ran into another girl there who was...very different, and very interesting. Actually a close friend of a girl I'd been received by very warmly but ultimately turned down due to her being overly religious -- but we were still on good terms.
I did my standard nonverbal dance invite, pulled her in, and started, well, dancing. We had a moderately paced song that I did a modified, smooth east coast swing to, which she followed with ease. She actually suggested that I try west coast swing, and recommended her favorite venue, as it was stylistically similar to what I was doing with my east coast steps. This launched into actual conversation, where I got her name and proceeded to start deep diving on her career (which was pretty awesome).
Before I go further, though, let me describe this woman to you.
She was pretty damned tall -- about 5'10, maybe 5'11. That's not my usual, but she had a body that made it work. Speaking of that body: Her breasts were massive, her waist was tiny, and her hips were perfectly curved. Seriously, she looked great. Top it off with a head of red hair and a sweet and sultry disposition, and I was starting to feel a lot better about the other girl really fast.
We reconnected for quite a few songs throughout the night, she clearly loved dancing with me and even approached me to dance once. After each song, I sat her down next to me using gently dominant body language and got her talking about herself. She did turn it back to me, but I managed to avoid saying much about myself other than the fact that I was in the same industry as she was and that her research subject was something that I was very conversant in -- ie, she only learned stuff about me that related me to her.
There's not a ton to say there, except that at the end of the night, I approached her, feeling not the slightly bit nervous, and asked her if she wanted to grab a drink some time. She smiled and gave me a very warm "Yes", we haggled schedules and realized our available evenings weren't compatible, and agreed to reconnect at the end of this week to work something out for the next week. She then threw on motorcycle chaps and a helmet and left. Yeah, not feeling too bad about the evening.
Overall, I felt it was a fairly productive evening, as even in the case where it didn't go well, I learned quite a bit and think I will be better calibrated for similar situations in the future. Naturally, all input is appreciated.
Last night, I went out dancing and had a good time.
Now, this is one of my main social outlets, so I did a lot of catching up with folks I know and just having fun, but I also put a fair bit of effort into finding and charming some of the more...interesting ladies.
Sarcastic and sophisticated:
I went in with the intention of putting the moves on a young woman I'd met the previous week who sparked a renewed enthusiasm for seduction in me. I'm going to talk about her first.
When she first came in, she was very warm -- we danced, she smiled quite a bit. Positive conversation fragments that I remember:
(Immediately after I feigned an angry reaction to something she said, and she laughed somewhat unsurely and said "I hope you were joking...I THINK that was joke...")
Me: "Ah, right, you've just met me...you don't know my sense of humor perfectly yet."
Her: "Well, I know you have one...and that's good, that's all I NEED to know." (Note on this bit: This seemed like a pretty positive indicator, like she's saying it's all she needs to know to, y'know, bang.)
Me: "True. I could actually be prone to fits of anger, though. I mean, we've only been around each other a few hours."
Her: "Oh, that's true! I didn't think of that."
Me: "If I EVER seem angry, I'm faking it. I really don't get angry. But..." (trail off to deep diving, getting her talking about herself)
During said deep diving, she brought up one of her favorite authors -- who happened to be my absolute favorite author during my teenage years -- and this author probably still would be today if I hadn't already read all of her books. When she said the author's name, I grinned, picked her up and spun her around, and said, "I LOVE <authorname>!" and we started geeking out about her stuff. She responded positively. Lots of laughs and excitement.
At the end of the dance, I told her I wanted to dance again as we were in the midst of conversation, and she said she needed to get a drink of water real quick. She ended up chatting up another dude (pretty standup guy, only one in the place I'd say rivals me at all in attractiveness) in the kitchen. I just grabbed someone else nearby and danced once I realized what was going on.
I'm not sure about the best way to handle the situation above. Input on that would be helpful.
A bit later, she was dancing with someone else, and I cut in between songs and said to him, "I'm stealing her from you.", then turned to her and said, "Let's dance."
They were having what looked like a pretty decent conversation. I'm a dick. Haha.
She said sarcastically as she took my hand, "Gee, thanks."
I raised my eyebrows and asked her, in an amused voice, "Oh, didn't like that, did you?"
Her reaction kind of surprised me. She looked at the floor and smiled really big. I then recalled her saying the other day that she was a really sarcastic person, but generally not on the dance floor, so I said,
"Ah, this is that sarcasm on the dance floor you mentioned! Got it."
Proceed to further deep diving from there. Again, warm and receptive demeanor throughout.
However, the next two times I approached her for a dance, she came up with something else to do and turned me down, then proceeded to go do that thing. Mind you, I followed law of least effort / sprezzatura on this and didn't go out of my way to be near her / approach her...mostly just asked if we were pretty close to each other to begin with.
After those couple of asks (quite a ways apart, spread out in the night as we both did other things), I ended up talking in the kitchen with a guy about my upcoming move, and she drew herself into the conversation. Her sister was there with her. Anyway, the guy asked me why I was moving, and I told him (it basically boils down to world travel), and she jumped in, got excited eyes, etc. I reminded her that I had already told her this the last time we'd met, and she said, 'Oh, yeah...' and looked a bit deflated. I then said,
"Then again, you were pretty drunk when I said it. Well, both of us were."
At this point, her older sister's eyes shot WIDE open, and she turned and looked at her in disbelief (oops?), and they whispered back and forth.
I think I fucked this one up by not hooking on her apparent interest -- I think she was trying to reconnect a perceived gulf and I made it harder for her to do.
A third time I asked her, some time later, and she said, "Just a second", and proceeded to keep talking to the person next to her, facing away from me. This lasted at least a minute, and I was honestly kind of miffed (poor emotional control, need to work on that) and someone else I love to dance with was nearby, so I grabbed her and we started dancing instead. I was feeling a tad bitter and wanted her to realize that I wasn't going to sit around and wait for her. RIGHT as I did this, she turned around and was ready to dance.
At this precise moment in time, I believe I fucked up twice.
First fuckup: I let go of the girl I'd grabbed to dance with, and took one step towards the woman I'd been working on in my standard nonverbal, "Let's dance" gesture. This was a screwup because since I had already decided to go with the "Don't leave me waiting" power play, I reneged.
Second fuckup: She waved me away slightly and said, "No, it's fine, you can dance with her." And then I turned around and went back to the other girl. This was a fuckup because I acquiesed to her frame instead of insisting that no, I wanted to dance with her.
I think this pushed her over the edge into autorejection, as interested/flirty gazes stopped and her body language really closed off. I didn't interact with her again the rest of the night.
I'd appreciate input on my thoughts on the above two mistakes.
Sultry and adventurous:
Starting about halfway through the above drama, I ran into another girl there who was...very different, and very interesting. Actually a close friend of a girl I'd been received by very warmly but ultimately turned down due to her being overly religious -- but we were still on good terms.
I did my standard nonverbal dance invite, pulled her in, and started, well, dancing. We had a moderately paced song that I did a modified, smooth east coast swing to, which she followed with ease. She actually suggested that I try west coast swing, and recommended her favorite venue, as it was stylistically similar to what I was doing with my east coast steps. This launched into actual conversation, where I got her name and proceeded to start deep diving on her career (which was pretty awesome).
Before I go further, though, let me describe this woman to you.
She was pretty damned tall -- about 5'10, maybe 5'11. That's not my usual, but she had a body that made it work. Speaking of that body: Her breasts were massive, her waist was tiny, and her hips were perfectly curved. Seriously, she looked great. Top it off with a head of red hair and a sweet and sultry disposition, and I was starting to feel a lot better about the other girl really fast.
We reconnected for quite a few songs throughout the night, she clearly loved dancing with me and even approached me to dance once. After each song, I sat her down next to me using gently dominant body language and got her talking about herself. She did turn it back to me, but I managed to avoid saying much about myself other than the fact that I was in the same industry as she was and that her research subject was something that I was very conversant in -- ie, she only learned stuff about me that related me to her.
There's not a ton to say there, except that at the end of the night, I approached her, feeling not the slightly bit nervous, and asked her if she wanted to grab a drink some time. She smiled and gave me a very warm "Yes", we haggled schedules and realized our available evenings weren't compatible, and agreed to reconnect at the end of this week to work something out for the next week. She then threw on motorcycle chaps and a helmet and left. Yeah, not feeling too bad about the evening.
Overall, I felt it was a fairly productive evening, as even in the case where it didn't go well, I learned quite a bit and think I will be better calibrated for similar situations in the future. Naturally, all input is appreciated.
