Saving face, status protection and respect

[DakenMarquis]

So before I start this: let me preface, I know women are "silly & cute." But I can help but take offense at my status and image being disrespected. I never blow up of course, but I have the notion that fighting to preserve your respect/status positioning in a group or with a woman violates the law of least effort and I've gone so long without the dancing monkey routine to get women to react.

About me: very fit, but shorter than average, highly successful young professional, with connections who is lone wolfing/using Sigma strategy to increase my value exponentially until I feel ready to make a consistent social circle. While I can get lays, I hate coming in as low value when I'm not effusive about my interest in a girl. To be frank I'm acting higher than my value on first glance, when in fact its likely very high with the women who are initially attracted to me. I know I'm probably giving cold fish and aloof vibes. But why does that feel so natural to my being? I'm leaning into it as a personality and working on my brand and social identity, which is attracting very quality women, but its not consistent.

So my predicament, how do I use the Law of Least effort in the most subtle ways while protecting my status, keeping interest and making seductions and socializing, effortless? Im very polite when I'm out, and I can't help but feel like I give dangerous, sexy, mafia/made man vibes. An image that in the area, gets me respect on the streets and keeps trouble away. It just hurts Attainability and vulnerability (something I hate giving).

Hope this made sense, feel free to critique or ask for clarification...

 

[ulrich]

Hey @D_Marquis, have you read these articles?

People Who Take Social & Sexual Risks Look Cool

Can you preserve your value by not taking risks with women or people? The truth is you can’t; social and romantic value is predicated on risks. There's a recent post on our forum where a forum member claims seduction is dangerous for men because at some point in the seduction a man must make a...

www.girlschase.com

Reacting to Female Rudeness and Faux Pas

When girls commit faux pas or act rude, you may be tempted to tell them off. This is not what to do… if your plan is to bed them or date them, that is. We had a report on the forum recently where a newer member had a girl show up blacked out drunk to a date. The girl made some basic...

www.girlschase.com

Following the law of least effort means that you take risks and those risks pay dividends.
If you’re erring on the side of not risking, then that means that you’re missing low effort/high reward scenarios.

I know that this is broad advice but the thing I can suggest from reading your post is don’t take yourself so seriously.
You come up as someone who is too worried of what people will think… why not reframe it as being someone who likes to be social and takes some risks (and those risks pay MOST of the time)?

 

[DakenMarquis]

I may have read them, but I'll certainly take notes.
I think I have too much pride, but I dont know how to let go of it, considering I've never relied on a lot of people, so I have this sense of earned respect that I don't like letting go of. Is there a way I can work with this self-image and tailor my social presence & skills to it? I'm also working in entertainment, business and politics and connecting with very high value people, whose mannerisms have rubbed off on me. Should I forego the ultra elite presence i give to be more flexible and inclusive or is the exclusivity a good way to weed out lower quality people (as mean as that sounds)...

 

[Searcher]

I may have read them, but I'll certainly take notes.
I think I have too much pride, but I dont know how to let go of it

Pride? Afraid to take risks? Whatever convenient way you frame it, nobody wants a to be around a guy who sits there sucking off people’s value without giving anything in return.

You say that you give off aloof vibes and are too “high value/sigma” but you also have trouble forming a social circle. Very strange considering there are always people with higher value than everyone.

(Until and unless you are part of some secret organization that rules the world you are not unattainable, its plain delusion).

considering I've never relied on a lot of people, so I have this sense of earned respect that I don't like letting go of.

You are relying right now on this forum. There is no shame in learning.

Is there a way I can work with this self-image and tailor my social presence & skills to it? I'm also working in entertainment, business and politics and connecting with very high value people, whose mannerisms have rubbed off on me.

You are working with very high value people and have trouble with socializing. Very strange.

You seem to have difficulty coming to grasps that you have plenty to learn. Everyone has plenty to learn. The quicker to lose the ego to learn the quicker you will reach your target.

feel free to post any questions or interactions on this forum, quite a lot of knowledgeable people here.

 

[ulrich]

Should I forego the ultra elite presence i give to be more flexible and inclusive or is the exclusivity a good way to weed out lower quality people (as mean as that sounds)...

Well, you have to understand that you are using the same tool for two different purposes and that’s why you’re facing this contradiction.

As men, we tend to simplify everything about us… we tend to become a certain kind of person every day in every place and for every situation… that is practical because it reduces our cognitive load and simplified life.

However, here you are facing a problem in that your mannerisms are optimized to appeal to certain kind of people (high value men) and you are trying to force those mannerisms to also be optimized for getting women.
It’s not gonna happen. You’re using one tool for two different objectives.

In this case, you will need to develop a secondary set of mannerisms to use when you are in seduction mode.
Mode 1) High value distant guy
Mode 2) Open inviting seduction guy

It will take more effort on your part but it will lead to better results.

——-
Food for the thought #1:
If you keep increasing your value indefinitely, you’re going to reach a point where you are practically unattainable to the majority of women.
There is a niche of women that go for hyper-successful distant men but they are a minority.
If you want to be a ladies man, you need to become more attainable as your value increases.

Food for the thought #2:
High value does not necessarily mean distant, cold and exclusive.
There is a certain allure to exclusivity that implies super high value but they don’t necessarily go together all the time.
It would be worth to observe and decide if the guys you are hanging around with are actually high value or just playing the part.
Modt truly high value people don’t feel the need to be distant and cold to other.

 

[DakenMarquis]

@ulrich yes! Thats absolutely what I believe is occurring. Im not used to having to work too hard for girls, so when I get mixed signals or what I perceive as disrespect, I want her to chase. Additionally I'm always dating multiple women or have been more or less for the last few years.

I think the people/women around me that have had these reactions or those I've had trouble with, are not in my "scene." So it's hard to kinda open up about the work, hobbies, lifestyle I'm involved in and working towards, its too jarring and to them seems like I'm bragging(I'm not)...
A lot of them are really simple people, and seem to have a slower dating timeline. I've had more success in bigger cities, but the ones where my parents live(the one I grew up in) didn't make sense socially. I do believe I'm out of the range of attainability for those women, and I dont know how to date them, even casually or one night stands. I'm used to "higher quality," but it sucks that I can't seem to bridge this gap. Plus the people in this smaller city, are not used to guys of my race/height/status dating the way I do, so unfortunately there's a lot of cognitive dissonance it seems I'm working with, been shamed for it too :/(maybe not very sex positive here, possibly a bit racist/Red politically)...

I've never dealt with it much personally, which is why I've been working more on my status and work, but thats different than actual skills, ofc I dont need to date these women or socialize there, but it would be useful to not seem "off" when interacting with them, or giving these girls a chance since they seem intrigued(Im an exotic commodity I guess lol). I'd like to date casually (and discretely) without making it seem like I'm rejecting them personally, since I just don't have time and have bigger sexual appetites I guess lol

 

[ulrich]

I’m pretty sure that some guys here should have more detailed experience dealing with this issue. Let’s wait for them to post.

From my side, the best I can suggest is be warm to women.
Don’t change the way you are with men but when a woman is in front of you, remember that you are a man that is particularly warm to all women.
That identity shift should start making a difference.

 

[DakenMarquis]

@ulrich Thanks for the followup! Ok, I'll keep that mindset in mind, & work on it. Yes hopefully we can get some others to respond here as well

 

[DakenMarquis]

Pride? Afraid to take risks? Whatever convenient way you frame it, nobody wants a to be around a guy who sits there sucking off people’s value without giving anything in return.

You say that you give off aloof vibes and are too “high value/sigma” but you also have trouble forming a social circle. Very strange considering there are always people with higher value than everyone.

(Until and unless you are part of some secret organization that rules the world you are not unattainable, its plain delusion).



You are relying right now on this forum. There is no shame in learning.



You are working with very high value people and have trouble with socializing. Very strange.

You seem to have difficulty coming to grasps that you have plenty to learn. Everyone has plenty to learn. The quicker to lose the ego to learn the quicker you will reach your target.

feel free to post any questions or interactions on this forum, quite a lot of knowledgeable people here.

Thank you for your perspective, I'll consider what you've pointed out and see how it may help improve these aspects if/when applicable