Seeing your girlfriend everyday?

[Garrett]

Hey guys,

I've been thinking about something a lot lately...

Oftentimes, I see so many guys, some of which are my friends, who spend HOURS with their girlfriends EVERYDAY. I just don't get it, and I'm trying not to be judgmental. The fact that they spend all that time together, how is that normal/healthy for the relationship? Doesn't attraction dip after a while? When I'm in a committed relationship with a girl, I'll normally see her twice a week, or spend the day with her, and the rest of the week, I'm working on myself, my work, etc. If I see her more than a few times, I'll get bored and anxious because I'll want to work on myself, my goals, or hangout with friends/family.

The thing is, I want to help these guys but I don't see the point; they don't see the train wreck that's coming. They lose contact with friends, with girls, and basically everyone and spend all their time with their girlfriends. Sometimes these guys eventually get bored and take a break, only for them to come right back less than a week later after realizing how hard it is for them to meet other girls.

In my opinion, it just doesn't make sense how some guys feel that the girl is like a part of them, and that they can't live without them. I used to be like this but I quickly realized how detrimental this view could be, so I decided to change that about myself, and I'm happy I did.

People give up their careers, their life dreams, ambitions; all of which, they've spent a great deal of their time on, to be with someone who oftentimes, is just mediocre. Commitment is great, and it's always fun to have a girl to talk to, to spend time with, to have sex with, or whatever your goal in your relationship is. The thing is, people just follow their emotions, and go with the flow to wherever that takes them, without any plan whatsoever. They eventually get crushed once they breakup, and rightly so. It takes experience though to recognize why this happens, and I went through this so I had to learn the hard way.

I mean, yeah, it's easier said than done. A lot of guys will say the same things as me, yet once an attractive girl with a tolerable personality rolls around, they throw logic out the window. In order to avoid this, sometimes it's good to take a step back, and really analyze the situation. Think about what you wanted before the relationship, such as goals, and see if the girl truly fits into your plan. If she doesn't, then reconsider. The thing is, you have to do this early on, otherwise you'll lead the girl on and you'll really hurt her. It's best to go out on a date, screen the girl for qualities you're interested in, have sex if you want, then after you handle everything according to plan, take a step back and analyze the situation for a second, before jumping the gun. It's always good to go into relationships with a realistic game plan.

If you'd like, feel free to share your views and opinions
Garrett

 

[Reaper]

Hi Garrett

I actually feel like you about relationships (on any kind, not just with women) if you spend much time with someone eventually you either get bored or start to see things of that person that you don't like and overdo it. That's why i try to give a day or two to my friends/partner, other two to my family and the rest for me(goals or just to relax).
About your friends i think some people likes to spend much time with someone because it makes them feel save and cared, or at least more than with other people. Also they may be a little needy or feel insecure and because the're girlfriend is someone they have secured they rather spend time with her.
I believe that to overcome this feelings its necessary to have defined goals and to feel comfortable with yourself.
I would like to know what you think .

Cheers

-Alex

 

[The Tool]

I totally Agree Garrett. Spending alot of time with a girl especially everyday not only will eventually create boredom and other problems but it also sets horrible relationship expectations. She expects you to see her everyday, talk to her everyday and so forth, and as soon as that stops or begins to be altered in anyway she is going to become susupicious, angry, and upset and will create alot of drama.

I typicaly See my girlfriend 3 days a week, text her only to set up dates and logistics, and she mainly texts me first. She has even stated "your not like most guys you dont text me all the time, your so mysterious I wonder all the time what your up to" To which I reply "oh you know im up to a little bit of this and a little bit of that ) to which she replies "YOUR SO FRUSTRATING!! but in a good way "

Yes seeing a girl everyday (unless you live with her) or in my opinion more than 4 days a week is caused by alack of confidance, abundance mentality, and to get right down to it. A LIFE!!

The days inbetween cause her to be intrigued, anxious, and looking forward to the next meet they also prevent boredom on both ends. I got told yesterday "Sometimes I just want to call you and tell you to come over!! but I never know what your up to unless you say your working"

All in all its best to Live your own life and let her live hers, A relationship is essentially two people living their own lives but everyonce in a while those lives intertwine and can become some of the happiest times you have. Its always great to be looking forward to something.

Anyway I think I've rambled on quite a bit.

Cheers, The Tool

 

[PinotNoir]

Yes, I agree a thousand times with this. Some people have more of a tendency to do this than others, and I just don't get it. Especially once married.

I was best man for my best friend from high school at his wedding. I've tried to text/call him since then, and I've hung out with him about 3 times, and the wedding was over a year ago.

I have a few ideas for reasons:

• 1 mate mentality. A guy/girl has no other options, so thinks there are no other options. "This is my only chance. No one else likes me."
• Society training. "When a guy/girl are committed, they're supposed to spend every waking second together."
• Fear. Fear of cheating or her thinking that you're cheating. Fear of going out with your single friends, and they "force" you to do something with someone else. If you truly love someone and they truly love you, then there is no fear here.
• Attachment issues. "I need someone constantly loving me." Not being able to be independent. They can't even enjoy the present moment with friends during a really good time. They're wishing they were getting constant "you're so hot" and "I love you" remarks.

Some of these are fine during the initial relationship, but I see them as unhealthy further down the line.

I guess I just don't get it. I need guy time. I actually like my friends and enjoy being around them. :\

Heck, I even need some time to just be alone.

If I ever get married, I really hope that I'm never like these people.

 

[Garrett]

You guys all raise intriguing points.

The reason I posted this was because my sister has her boyfriend over practically everyday, especially on summer/winter break and all. It can be annoying at times, especially because they act like this behaviour is completely normal. My mom cooks him dinner everyday, and my sister, who's normally really quiet, only has a mouth once her boyfriend comes over; she's quiet when he's gone, but gets loud when he's over. It's like he's her security or something. It pisses me off, and I want to say something, but it's best to keep my mouth shut. She acts like she's psychotic/intoxicated around this guy, and it just looks so needy/desperate, I have to hold back from laughing. I realize this may come off as a bit of an emotional rant, and I realize I'm passing some harsh judgment, but keep reading...

So eventually, the bf told her he wanted to take a break, but came right back less than a week later after he probably realized he couldn't get anyone else. It can be frustrating at times, especially if you aren't particularly fond of the guy. The funny thing is, you can't even explain to these people anything, without them going defensive, so I learned and I don't talk about relationships or anything around them. It's also hard because you feel pressured to act nice around this guy, when in actuality, you'd be quite delighted to never see him again.

To be honest about this, I think moderation is key with relationships. Tool, I think you raise a great point about the mysterious aspect attributed to spending some time away from your girl. It's healthy, and beneficial for you to some spend time with her, and at the same time, on yourself, with your friends/family. Most people jump into these relationships, give up everything, then fall flat on their face when they breakup, and look back to realize how much they've missed out on in their life. It's hard, especially when it's a close friend. Eventually you see this happen so often that you can tell that the guy is going to get himself into this type of situation. You say to yourself, 'Well, there goes another one! '

This relates to the point about being judgmental and discriminatory that Chase posted up a few days ago. Rather than being judgmental of people and saying that it's wrong (I realize I did this above, but it was an emotional rant), it's probably better to think to yourself, 'I see a lot of people jump into relationships without a plan, and let their emotions run their lives. I don't want to live my life like this, so when I meet a girl I'm attracted to, I'm going to be careful before jumping into anything, and make sure this is someone I want to spend some of my time with. You may/may not want to do the same.

Also, if anyone of you have seen your friends disappear, as you have mentioned with your close friend PinotNoir, when you see them again, you may notice that they're quite different. For example, my buddy used to hangout with me all the time, but once this girl came along, he dropped all his friends for her. He basically disappeared. I knew the girl he was seeing, and if I were to honestly describe her it would be one of those girls who doesn't have much going on other than studying/schoolwork. Once I saw my friend months later, he actually became like her, and now he spends his time studying or with this girl. You'd be amazed at how people change due to subconscious influence from their girlfriends. Hopefully you take that into consideration .

Cheers,
Garrett