FR SEMIDIRECT STYLE with a HB, bad texting (I guess)

[THEelegance]

INTRO: Im from Spain, and I have been in the US for 4 months (sorry for the spelling errors)

Friday 30 november: I was at a bar with a friend relaxing (not in PUAwannabe mode), and I saw a girl that I really like, but she was with a guy. I saw her looking towards me sometimes but nothing special.

Saturday 1 december: I went back to the same bar, and after approaching some I saw that girl sitting down with 2 girlfriends. 10 min later I saw her ordering some drinks while talking to a guy. Once she gets the drinks, she passes infront of me, with one drink in each hand.

SEDUCTION PHASE:
Me (I grabbed her arm), she looked at me and smiled.
Me: Hey, wait a second, let me grap one of this drinks, so we are more confortable.
.....So I grabbed her drink gently....
She: Do you want it?
Me: No I’m fine. (and with a half smile) The reason why I’m stopping you is because I saw you yesterday... you saw me.. so now I want to know you better… What’s your name?
She: XXX. Yes I saw you also on Halloween, sitting in the same table as you were yesterday
.....At this point there were a lot of people, so I put my hand around her waist and told her to move (physical dominance)....
Me: So yes, and actually I was with the same friend, do you remember how I was dressed?
She: Was it a doctor? (actually I was the character of American psycho).
….. So from here on, kino escalation, hand on the arm, acceptance, hand on the hip and moving it around....
She: So you have an accent, where are you from?
Me: I let you guess that one
She: mmm…. Spanish…
Me: Wooow!! You got it, come here and give me a hug for this one (so we gave us a hug). Where would be your favourite place to visit (creating positive emotional connection)
… (after 5 min of conversation)…
She: So I still remember you from Halloween because I thought you were attractive.
Me: I like that, what type of guys do you like?
She: I like tall, dark hair, tan, blue eyes better… (she pointed at me and start laughing, because she was basically describing me)
She: I don’t want to say to many good things but blablabla
Me: Hey girl, you are making me blush, touch my face (I grabbed her hand and put it on my cheek, did that because she didn’t kino back, so I wanted her to be confortable touching me).
She: So why didn’t I see you talking to girls all those days I have been out
(I didn’t understand if she said did or didn’t, because I was talking to 3 different groups, although I started of the night just chilling). So after she repeated her question I thought it was a shit test so I replied:
Me: Well, I do talk to girls, but not in the way you mean because I’m very selective…
She: Well you better be bc blablabla…
….. (15 min later ) ….
Me: Hey, lets get back to your friends otherwise these drinks will get warm (and I started to move)
She: Do you want my number?
Me: (I looked at her and put a :S) your number? No...
Then I hugged her and told her later when we get to the table.
When we arrived at the table, I saw her friends, so I thought that a good way of getting their acceptance was doing the following.
Me: (while putting down one of the drinks for the girls) Hi there…. I’m the new waiter, your friend XXX just hired me.

So everybody started laughing, we exchanged names and I did like a quick 1 min talk to make sure I made a good impression. My target was still standing next to me (instead of sitting down) so I basically, continue talking with her.
…
Me: So do you know how to use this phone? (and while doing this I put my two fingers on her forehead like measuring it, and while moving my fingers so she can see it, I make the distance smaller (like telling her she hardly has a brain)). So basically im joking around a little bit.
…. (2min)…
Me: Ok I got to go to find my friends
She: If you want to come back later and sit with us you’re welcome.
Me: Ok, maybe… (and here I made a mistake by saying) BTW, I’m bad a texting (its true but I never say It, there is no benefit for me saying this)
….
Me: In Spain we give two kisses before leaving
She was hesitating
Me: I know you can do it, it’s on the cheek. (so we just kissed on the cheek).

OK: So until here I would qualify it as a semidirect approach (in a moreless confident way I would say), easy handling conversation, with maybe one shit test, a lot of kino from my behalf, some jokes about her, physical dominance, creating some emotional bond, and she was interested.
I always look into her eyes, kino touching from arm, ending in the hips (as fast as they let me) and looking to her lips after a certain amound of time. So attraction was created.
OH and I don't drink alcohol. (maybe one rum with coke with friends before going out, but alwayss completly sober)

 

[THEelegance]

Re: SEMIDIRECT STYLE with a HB, bad texting (I guess)

So the 1st post was basically me in battlefield, I think I did alright, not my best not my worst. So any feedback is welcome, but this post is where im extremely interested to know what went good or what went wrong.
I posted the infield just because I know that people like that and someone may get something out of it.
The text sended are all of them exactly as they are.

SUNDAY
Me(3pm) : XXXX! I’m the Spanish special waiter . It was really nice meeting you. YYY(my name)
She(4:09pm): Hey you! It was wonderful meeting you!
Me(6:52pm): It was wonderful but there was something wrong..
She(7:03pm): What was wrong?
Me(7:15pm): I couldn’t hear your voice well enough, but I know how to solve that..
She(7:29pm): Haha and how is that? 
Me(8:55pm): The best swirls in one of my favorite places... You’ll love it!
She(9pm): What place would that be?
Me(9:05pm): The Mont.. But only one bc we want to be fit for finals
She(9:07pm): They do have wonderful Swirls! I love their blueberry margaritas as well! Haha of course! Mr. Responsible!
Me(9:16pm): I never tried those.. Well, we want to stay focused senorita XD! Atleast this next 2 weeks. I can meet Wednesday or Thursday between 6-8.
She(9:52pm): Haha! I was just giving you a hard time! I should be able to do one of those days, Ill just have to wait and see how much progress I make on my research proposal.
Me(10:26pm): Haha! I like it when people give me hard time, bc I do it and they never do it back.. What is you proposal about?
She(10:35pm): Well you have met your match. I’ll give you a run for your money! My proposal is about blabla.

MONDAY
After sending a friend request on facebook.
ME(5pm): Pff… you think you can compete against me?hah!we will check that out. BTw, who is that tall,tan,blue eyed guy that just added you on facebook?
SHE(5:51pm): I’m very comptetitive so you better watch it! And Tom Welling added me on Facebook? Geez I’m a lucky girl!
ME(10:22pm): You will lose every competition we have.. What are you good at? We should bet something with some game (not money)

TUESDAY
SHE: Hahah right! I’m good at a lot of things!

WEDNESDAY
ME(10am): Remember when I met you, I grabbed your drink, you asked me:”do you want it?”. Were you going to give it to me? xDD!
SHE(10:21am): Yeah, I was being nice by offering you a drink
ME(10:27am): Do u always do that? XD!
SHE(10:41) I’m usually nice to everyone but I was being sweet to you.
ME(2:21pm) I like this special treat! I have heard amazing stories about girls that walk in (BAR NAME) with two drinks..
SHE(2:23pm): I didn’t have two drinks when I walked in? I walked in with my friends and then went up to the bar to get two waters, that were for my two friends.
ME(2:38pm): Oh, I thought you were offering me a gin tonic! XD! Anyway, same amazing stories with water, ill explain them to you later at 7om at the mont .
SHE(2:43) Haha uh huh! And I am still working on my research proposal. I agree with your statement about only having one drink because of finals , but this research proposal is me last final and then I’m done.
ME(2:44) For when do you need to finish it?
SHE(2:46) It’s due in a week, so I have time to finish it but one drink for this girl is a lot !Plus, I don’t know you intentions haha
ME(3pm) Intentions? Hah! Don’t worry, people call me “saint”. I got the solution,we just share one, or we can have something without alcohol..
SHE(3:12): So basically you just want another American friend?
ME(3:16pm): That guy you where with Friday is your boyfriend?XD! That’s the only reason I was hesitating talking to you.
SHE(3:19pm): The guy I was Friday was a guy I am talking to yes. You were not the only one. I saw the first night on Halloween. And then I even told him I thought you were attractive. Friday night, I wanted my friend to come up to (THE BAR NAME), so you two could meet. I had been talking about you since Halloween because I had never seen you here before

OK, I KNOW THIS LAST longassTEXT DOESN’T MAKE TO MUCH SENSE IN SOME OF THE LINES…. I was like :S.

ME(3:28): Ok, so this is the case: you want to see me, I want to see you, (just to “chill” and get to know you). So where is the problem? Why did you want him to meet me?
SHE(3:31 pm another 500pag text): I was just asking your intentions because girls have to do that nowadays. You know how guys are and lot of the time, they are just trying to hook up with girls. I’m not saying that’s your intention at all, but I’m just that type of girl. I have morals and self respect. That’s the only reason I asked.
Me(3:39): I just want to see what’s up and get to know you better. Maybe we will be some awesome friends. I think its to complicated to discuss it through text. So why did you want him to meet me? Why didn’t you come to say hi then on Friday?
SHE(3:42 another poem): No, I never had intentions of you two meeting. I just thought you were attractive, and by nature, I checked you out. On Friday, I almost came up to you multiple times, but each time I decided not to because I didn’t know what I would say to you. Trust me, I thought about it. I’m sure you could tell because I constantly was looking over there.
(SHE HAD APROACH ANXIETY LMAO) So I tried to call her 30min later. She didn’t answer so I texted her.
ME(4:26): I tried to call bc text is to slow. XXX, let’s just check us out again today bc u want it and I want it. By 7 at starkys?
ME(4:29) And we can talk about all this if u want xD! Now I’m curious.. I have a meeting from 5 to 6 at s.campus so Ill not be able to answer.
SHE(4:39) I’m sorry! I was in the shower. I can’t tonight but let me know of another time and we will try again.

And I didn’t reply anymore, I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to sound angry, but I don’t want it to happen again. And I really want her in my bed. This girl is sooo hot (otherwise I wouldn’t post) Any critique on my texts in general?

And the most important part, how should I proceed?

 

[Ross]

Re: SEMIDIRECT STYLE with a HB, bad texting (I guess)

THEelegance, I would suggest you use two different topics for two different interactions, especially ones as long and detailed as these. Also take a look at the board rules before posting to be refreshed with what exactly they are. I'll attempt to respond to both anyways.

On Friday were you sitting alone? That kind of kills your value if you weren't with anyone, but she thought you were cute anyways.

SEDUCTION PHASE:
Me (I grabbed her arm), she looked at me and smiled.
Me: Hey, wait a second, let me grap one of this drinks, so we are more confortable.
.....So I grabbed her drink gently....
She: Do you want it?
Me: No I’m fine. (and with a half smile) The reason why I’m stopping you is because I saw you yesterday... you saw me.. so now I want to know you better… What’s your name?
She: XXX. Yes I saw you also on Halloween, sitting in the same table as you were yesterday
.....At this point there were a lot of people, so I put my hand around her waist and told her to move (physical dominance)....
Me: So yes, and actually I was with the same friend, do you remember how I was dressed?
She: Was it a doctor? (actually I was the character of American psycho).
….. So from here on, kino escalation, hand on the arm, acceptance, hand on the hip and moving it around....

I personally think this whole kino escalation PUA stuff is garbage. They're like, touch the girl ASAP! That would honestly creep me the fuck out if a girl randomly started touching me when I had no idea who she was, and she probably thinks the same thing, especially when you are not going direct with your intentions with her. This probably explains why she didn't kino back, because it was a bit odd that you were touching her like that in the first place. You aren't allowing for any tension to built up, you are simply diving right into touch, which isn't that powerful unless she is willing to accept it and touch back. It really doesn't open her up more, it kind of shuts her down.

She: So you have an accent, where are you from?
Me: I let you guess that one
She: mmm…. Spanish…
Me: Wooow!! You got it, come here and give me a hug for this one (so we gave us a hug). Where would be your favourite place to visit (creating positive emotional connection)
… (after 5 min of conversation)…
She: So I still remember you from Halloween because I thought you were attractive.
Me: I like that, what type of guys do you like?
She: I like tall, dark hair, tan, blue eyes better… (she pointed at me and start laughing, because she was basically describing me)
She: I don’t want to say to many good things but blablabla
Me: Hey girl, you are making me blush, touch my face (I grabbed her hand and put it on my cheek, did that because she didn’t kino back, so I wanted her to be confortable touching me).

You really aren't allowing for much mystery to flow here, and you certainly had the chance. You already have a mysterious aura about you because you are from Spain, but you don't allow for the aura to stay. When she asks where you are from, a nice answer would be something ambiguous such as "Many places" (builds mystery) or "Tell me where you are from first" (builds investment). I would have returned the compliment and rewarded her for it. I also would've began to find a way to get her out of there and into my home, because attraction is really all she needed to come with you, along with some persistence since she was with friends. Instead you go on with boring conversation and seem to talk a lot about yourself rather than moving the conversation along, stroking your own ego.

She: So why didn’t I see you talking to girls all those days I have been out
(I didn’t understand if she said did or didn’t, because I was talking to 3 different groups, although I started of the night just chilling). So after she repeated her question I thought it was a shit test so I replied:
Me: Well, I do talk to girls, but not in the way you mean because I’m very selective…
She: Well you better be bc blablabla…
….. (15 min later ) ….

It was a shit test, but you replied by being defensive. I usually ignore shit tests, as I have nothing to prove to the chick. Also, saying you are selective is something that every guy seems to say, it would've been cooler to deprecate and say you were easy, and then be hard to get. Confusion is close to love my friend.

Me: Hey, lets get back to your friends otherwise these drinks will get warm (and I started to move)
She: Do you want my number?
Me: (I looked at her and put a :S) your number? No...
Then I hugged her and told her later when we get to the table.
When we arrived at the table, I saw her friends, so I thought that a good way of getting their acceptance was doing the following.
Me: (while putting down one of the drinks for the girls) Hi there…. I’m the new waiter, your friend XXX just hired me.

You did a good job here by finally moving her and ignoring her wanting to give you her number. At least in my book, I usually plan on bringing the girl home, and don't need her number which will allow her to part from me, always knowing I was a text away. That way she fears losing me if the investment is large enough. I personally wouldn't head back towards her friends, and you don't really need their acceptance. Seeing you are attractive and sexy is good enough, you don't want them to invest in you because it'll become harder to split because they might want to hang around you.

OK: So until here I would qualify it as a semidirect approach (in a moreless confident way I would say), easy handling conversation, with maybe one shit test, a lot of kino from my behalf, some jokes about her, physical dominance, creating some emotional bond, and she was interested.
I always look into her eyes, kino touching from arm, ending in the hips (as fast as they let me) and looking to her lips after a certain amound of time. So attraction was created.
OH and I don't drink alcohol. (maybe one rum with coke with friends before going out, but alwayss completly sober)

I fail to see where it was really direct. It seemed extremely indirect to me, as you never truly said your intent with her. Conversation seemed to go along fine, yes. A lot of kino from you means you were trying hard when you didn't need to, she was already attracted to you. Attraction wasn't even created at all, it was already present and you seemed to mess things up a little, but she was already attracted to you physically so it didn't completely screw things up.

The text conversation is a bit painful to read, but I'll give feedback.

Me(3pm) : XXXX! I’m the Spanish special waiter . It was really nice meeting you. YYY(my name)
She(4:09pm): Hey you! It was wonderful meeting you!
Me(6:52pm): It was wonderful but there was something wrong..
She(7:03pm): What was wrong?
Me(7:15pm): I couldn’t hear your voice well enough, but I know how to solve that..
She(7:29pm): Haha and how is that? 
Me(8:55pm): The best swirls in one of my favorite places... You’ll love it!
She(9pm): What place would that be?
Me(9:05pm): The Mont.. But only one bc we want to be fit for finals
She(9:07pm): They do have wonderful Swirls! I love their blueberry margaritas as well! Haha of course! Mr. Responsible!
Me(9:16pm): I never tried those.. Well, we want to stay focused senorita XD! Atleast this next 2 weeks. I can meet Wednesday or Thursday between 6-8.
She(9:52pm): Haha! I was just giving you a hard time! I should be able to do one of those days, Ill just have to wait and see how much progress I make on my research proposal.
Me(10:26pm): Haha! I like it when people give me hard time, bc I do it and they never do it back.. What is you proposal about?
She(10:35pm): Well you have met your match. I’ll give you a run for your money! My proposal is about blabla.

You start out doing everything right, even though it was a little longer than it needed to be. But then you.. Went on and changed the subject from meeting up to trying to learn more about them. No no no. Bad idea. You want to get a meet-up set and leave it at that, maybe check up on her before leaving for that meetup or the day before to make sure it is still on. It's kind of lost at this point, but I'll continue to critique.

ME(5pm): Pff… you think you can compete against me?hah!we will check that out. BTw, who is that tall,tan,blue eyed guy that just added you on facebook?
SHE(5:51pm): I’m very comptetitive so you better watch it! And Tom Welling added me on Facebook? Geez I’m a lucky girl!
ME(10:22pm): You will lose every competition we have.. What are you good at? We should bet something with some game (not money)

You are building yourself up again when it's not needed. And then you try to talk about something unrelated again. In order to salvage some meet-up it would've been great to tell her you want to confirm a meet-up time and date.

The rest of the conversation is normal. She really doesn't need to finish that paper, she is just using it as an excuse to seem busy and not need to see you. You continue to talk about the past when it really isn't needed, and makes for awkward conversation.

And I didn’t reply anymore, I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to sound angry, but I don’t want it to happen again. And I really want her in my bed. This girl is sooo hot (otherwise I wouldn’t post) Any critique on my texts in general?

And the most important part, how should I proceed?

She doesn't really care about getting with you because you are too busy trying to get to know her and not really leading her to the bedroom. The texts are really not needed, you just need to meet up, but instead you killed it by bringing up other topics. I'll offer you a text, but don't expect much to happen. You've dug a pretty deep ditch with this girl and it'll take a massive overhaul to fix it, but I'm not sure you have the experience to be able to do it.

Here's the text I'd suggest sending:

"Okay, you are winning. You are too hard to meet up with, it's really not worth my time to keep asking!"

Nothing is probably going to happen, but you are speaking the truth. She seems to be avoiding talking to you, and is trying to play hard to get, so let her know she is too hard to get and she might concede. This is a tactic I've seen girls use, but it's often girls I didn't want to hang out with in the first place. Probably a 10% chance she'll try and reconcile into meeting up again, but that's probably your best bet.

 

[Franco]

Hi THEelegance,

A quick note: make sure to read the posting rules for this forum. Since this was a Field Report with no kissing, it should be labeled with "FR" in the subject. To see the rest of the rules, please check here.

As far as a critique, RTB has given you a lot of good advice in his rundown of your interaction. I would highly recommend checking out Chase's article on The Law of Least Effort. Learn to spend less effort on "impressing" women and more on moving things forward with them by making them invest in you rather than you investing in them.

Hope this helps!

Franco

 

[THEelegance]

RTB, thank you so much for your reply. I thought about putting them in the same post, because the interaction is with the same girl.
RTB, I wasn't expecting to get so much feedback on my infield report. Basically because I see myself quite strong so I might sound defensive, when replying to you.

If more people think I did bad on the infield please let me know!!
I know its not excelent because I didn't Kclose or Fclose...

As I wrote in the text Friday I was sitting down with a friend.

About KINO, I always touch the girl from the first we talk. But with escalation I mean that I don't touch her hips the first second. I'll be like: "hey girl (and touch her arm)" and from here on I would escalate as fast as she lets me be. I don't really think you need to be direct with words in order to touch her (or that is what my experience says). Basically I build up attraction in a more physical way with eye contact, kino, looking at the lips and teasing her a little bit.

On the other hand, I certainly could have created more mystery, and tell less about myself when she asks. BUT, after trying a lot of different things I have noticed that for my game it works best to be a little more playful when answering this questions like trying to guess my age, instead of saying: "69, but I have had some surgeries".
About the compliment, you are right and it's in every book, reward her, "say she is attractive", but in my experience (and this sounds weird) how more good things girls say about me, how harder it is for me to get them...
You are certainly right about my mistake of not finding a way to bring her home. That was a fail.
You are also right about the shit test, as you said, it might have been better something like: "Yeah, and I don't know why because I'm so easy to get..."

About my needing acceptance about their friends... I can tell you how more acceptance you have, or how more girls you have in one group that fight to get you, how more attracted they get. Basically because you are building preselection with her friends, and a competition gets created between them.

The reason for me about being semidirect, is because of the way I approached here ("hey girl I noticed you" and not "hey where can I go after this") and also because my bodylanguage and Kino is more direct than what I say, so I expect them to be confused and think ("damn, I like this guy, but I can't figure out if he wants something with me or not...). Maybe I'm sooo wrong about thinking that. Although in my experience it works (I really don't want to sound cocky), but again, if you guys really think I could improve my game with being more coherent, please let me know.

RTB, I really like your texting comments, thank you so much for those... So you just use your phone to set up meeting for next days? You never text about different topics? I do that because I want a girl to be more confortable with me. Is that very wrong?

 

[Franco]

THEelegance,

I'll let RTB reply to your comments on his critique.

As far as texting and phone calls go, we take a very minimalist approach on this website for a number of reasons. You are one of many guys out there who believes that you have to "build comfort" over the phone when all you are really doing is beating around the bush and coming across as either "gamey," "needy," or "unconfident." For example, you just mentioned that you feel like you "need" to text her to build comfort. Girls are highly socially calibrated -- she will know exactly what you are doing, and in her mind, this shows that you didn't feel confident enough in your initial interaction with her, so you are trying to win her over by texting. This displays a lack of confidence and, therefore, is not the best way to approach it.

There are a handful of blog posts on this website on how to work on your texting game -- try checking them out in the Phone / Text / E-mail section.

- Franco

 

[Ross]

About KINO, I always touch the girl from the first we talk. But with escalation I mean that I don't touch her hips the first second. I'll be like: "hey girl (and touch her arm)" and from here on I would escalate as fast as she lets me be. I don't really think you need to be direct with words in order to touch her (or that is what my experience says). Basically I build up attraction in a more physical way with eye contact, kino, looking at the lips and teasing her a little bit.

I've just found the whole concept of Kino as looking odd to me. I've had friends that do it with girls and I see them feeling a little awkward. Not touching can be as powerful, if not more powerful than touching. Touching has a time and place (yes, even just initial contact), but I feel it shouldn't happen right away.

About the compliment, you are right and it's in every book, reward her, "say she is attractive", but in my experience (and this sounds weird) how more good things girls say about me, how harder it is for me to get them...

You don't have to say it exactly along those lines, as you can reward her with some nice, intimate eye contact and act more interested, which works quite nicely as well. When a girl starts building you up it's easy to let it get to you and continue to seek more of that. Being a rock and refusing to get flustered by compliments is one of the keys to being a more powerful man, as you look in control and not baffled by the fact that a girl actually finds you attractive; it also gives off the feeling that you frequently receive compliments, so one more isn't a big deal.

You are also right about the shit test, as you said, it might have been better something like: "Yeah, and I don't know why because I'm so easy to get..."

Yeah, that sounds good, but don't forget to flip the script and put the focus on her; ending with the focus on you allows for further shit testing of yourself.

The reason for me about being semidirect, is because of the way I approached here ("hey girl I noticed you" and not "hey where can I go after this") and also because my bodylanguage and Kino is more direct than what I say, so I expect them to be confused and think ("damn, I like this guy, but I can't figure out if he wants something with me or not...). Maybe I'm sooo wrong about thinking that. Although in my experience it works (I really don't want to sound cocky), but again, if you guys really think I could improve my game with being more coherent, please let me know.

It's just a name game with naming what skill is what, and I don't really like getting into conversations about what the correct labeling of something is, though I accidentally bring it up. Way back when I was starting to learn about this stuff I basically did what you are doing now, and it really didn't work for me, but I also had a lot of other things fundamentally wrong, most noticeably my logistics. Something about me says that I'd rather let the girl try and touch me and try to have nice posture and what not while I chill and give her a simple direct compliment without being too over the top about it. Makes for a lot less effort on my part, I don't have to go crazy about the right times to touch and wondering about whether or not she'll touch back. Just open up and allow for her to do that. I refer you to Franco about texting, he covers the jist of it; read those posts, they did wonders for many people.

 

[AFCnoob]

I used to text like that---or try to advance the relationship by phone/text. Now I just see it as a means to an end---a device to set up a meet, or handle logistics. That is up there with the best advice I've received on the GC blog---so many things can go wrong with texting. If I can't get a girl to meet me after a text or two, I keep it light, and leave the door open for a later interaction, but I stop texting her.

As far as the semi-direct style, I have to agree with RTB and say that it seemed quite indirect. I mentioned in another reply that kino/touching seems to be frame-sensitive, just like talking about sex--it can be sexy, or completely platonic. I touch a girl's waist--but hell, I put my arm around my grandmother's waist. With [Cathy] (2/3) I held her hands for minutes on end, I picked her up in my arms, she even let me look down her shirt! But I ended up solidifying our platonic/friendship frame, because all those things were done within that frame. What about strong eye contact and chase framing/sexual framing? You don't have to be over the top (I admire the fact that you were not), but then you seem to let things remain a bit too platonic so...you end up here:

Me(3:39): I just want to see what’s up and get to know you better. Maybe we will be some awesome friends. I think its to complicated to discuss it through text. So why did you want him to meet me? Why didn’t you come to say hi then on Friday?

Then again, I've been in the same exact spot, when those things weren't really my intention at all. She ended up kind of "explaining herself" to you (who was the other guy, etc. etc.). It seems like that is always very, very bad. I hate to pretend to give advice (check the forum handle), but it seems like she had some genuine interest in you, but you didn't manage to sort her out quickly by setting a strong, sexual intent frame to your interaction, and finding out if she was willing to move forward in a sexual relationship with you.

I’m not saying that’s your intention at all, but I’m just that type of girl. I have morals and self respect.

It seems that if I ever hear this from a girl, it's because I've unwittingly crossed one of the "tiers" in our dynamic (i.e.: lover potential--BF potential--friend potential). Girls seem to say stuff like this not because it's what they believe, but because it's how they now feel they have to represent themselves to you. I think there was actually a good chance that this girl would have a sexual relationship with you. I suspect her real thinking it's more like this: "YOU never said that was your intention (to sleep with me), so since it's not, I have to moralize, otherwise I would come off looking weak/needy, or like a slut to you."


On a completely different note, if I'm reading this right:

but in my experience (and this sounds weird) how more good things girls say about me, how harder it is for me to get them...

I find this very odd too! The more a girl compliments me, or states outright how "hot" she thinks I am, the harder it is to get with her, and the less she seems genuinely attracted to me. I have no idea why this is, but I have a theory:

It seems that girls have so much to lose by openly admitting attraction to a guy (social stigma, giving up power), that it's a huge risk for them to do so, and they generally don't unless:
a) they're friend-zoning the guy, so it doesn't matter--"Yeah, you're cute." "Yeah, you're an attractive guy--(not to me, I'm just saying...)."
or
b) they're confident that they've already secured enough power/investment from you in the interaction--"This guy is so into me, I can admit finding him attractive, and it doesn't matter."

Anyway, I find that girls who are really, really attracted to me (as in: "Omg, he's so hot, I hope he likes me!") generally tend to:
a) keep it a secret (I only hear about it much later, if ever)
b) compliment me on small, specific things (one specific feature) in a very shy way, instead of making a bold, general "you're hot"/"you're attractive" statement
c) spend much more time qualifying themselves and giving off IOI's rather than focusing on how "hot" I am

I watch a lot of James Bond (Roger Moor, Sean Connery! and yeah...that new guy is pretty OK) and I can't say I've ever heard a girl tell old James how "hot" she thought he was, and these are girls who want him like there's no tomorrow.

 

[Eternity]

I find this very odd too! The more a girl compliments me, or states outright how "hot" she thinks I am, the harder it is to get with her, and the less she seems genuinely attracted to me. I have no idea why this is, but I have a theory:

It seems that girls have so much to lose by openly admitting attraction to a guy (social stigma, giving up power), that it's a huge risk for them to do so, and they generally don't unless:
a) they're friend-zoning the guy, so it doesn't matter--"Yeah, you're cute." "Yeah, you're an attractive guy--(not to me, I'm just saying...)."
or
b) they're confident that they've already secured enough power/investment from you in the interaction--"This guy is so into me, I can admit finding him attractive, and it doesn't matter."

Anyway, I find that girls who are really, really attracted to me (as in: "Omg, he's so hot, I hope he likes me!") generally tend to:
a) keep it a secret (I only hear about it much later, if ever)
b) compliment me on small, specific things (one specific feature) in a very shy way, instead of making a bold, general "you're hot"/"you're attractive" statement
c) spend much more time qualifying themselves and giving off IOI's rather than focusing on how "hot" I am

I watch a lot of James Bond (Roger Moor, Sean Connery! and yeah...that new guy is pretty OK) and I can't say I've ever heard a girl tell old James how "hot" she thought he was, and these are girls who want him like there's no tomorrow.

I always beated my head over this frustration in thinking a girl wasn't attracted to me because they never said it aloud like u state above. I heard them say it other guys but i assumed it was because they were better looking or had better game. But this is a refreshing perspective, since i never thought of it this way. The more i think about this the more interactions from the past make sense to me now and realize these girls were a bit shy and were holding their true feelings back. Tnx 4 the perspective.

 

[douchecookie]

So... I know I am being an ahole for saying this but...

I would never spend this much time texting a girl back and forth if she has not at least gone out on "multiple" dates with me... As chase put it best texting is only a tool to meet this chick in real life. Honestly I dont want to waste my time texting a chick back and forth if I have not gone out on a date with her because I have no reason to invest time into her when A) I could be texting other chicks B) Im usually working so time is scarce and C) I could be doing other things with my time other than texting this random girl who i have not slept with... When u text her that much she finds out more and more about you putting you in the boyfriend category and idk if that is your goal but just a heads up.

But on the interaction. It seems like it went great at the beginning . But the close I believe just made it awkward for both of you, I wouldnt kiss chicks at the very end and it could very well work for some chicks but most are gonna be hesitant and that is gonna push u as more of a "chaser". Also for the first date just dont make it anything fancy just grab a bite to eat, starbucks, etc. After she stood you up you should not have kept on texting her because you are kinda "chasing" and when u added her on facebook after she stood u up kinda fortified that belief that you are the chaser. If it was me I would not have texted her for two days then just shot her back a text asking her what days she is free and if she says she's busy... hell i wouldnt ask her out or text her for another week. But something you could do to help stop flaking (FYI Ive only tried this twice) is to actually stand HER up on the first date before she can stand u up... then reschedule after 2 days or so. Something else I have tried a lot is to text the girl and set up a date and time then leave her guessing for the location and tell her that you will call or text her to work out the details when you get a chance. Call or text her about the details the day before just to mess with her and it decreases ur chance of getting stood up... but ya it works for me so idk about u brah.

Good luck!!

 

[douchecookie]

Oh yeah!
And one more thing about the interaction... I would have cut the interaction a little bit shorter to maybe 5-10 minutes because for some reason girls who you talk to for a "long" period of time at a bar and I get a NUMBER from them they dont text back that often and/or we dont hook up. If you knew that you werent gonna take her home you should ask for the number at the highest point of the conversation then excuse urself and go hit on other chicks... This way she leaves the conversation with lots of good strong emotions of you rather than that awkward feeling she had... and talking less gives you more of that mystery appeal which girls love!! So talking to girls for long periods of time are okay only if you are trying to pull.. if you see you cant pull just grab a number at a high point and just move on to the next one.

 

[stratvm]

Absolutely can confirm that texting strategy used on this site is working 100%. No BS just setting up dates and pre-date pinging.

To me from this FR seems you could have taken her home without problems...