Serious loss of motivation since I "got the girl"

[Loverboy]

Hey guys,

This may sound like a rich kid problem or a newbie talking higher than his level. Opinions very welcome as I'm at a bit of a loss, existentially speaking.

So recently I finally did it. I'm in my 30s and got myself a date with a girl in her early 20s. Sexy, beautiful, smart, we had instant chemistry and things transitioned to the bedroom easily. First time felt like bliss. Then we met again and bliss downgraded to "I guess this is normal now?" very fast. We've met again we'll probably keep meeting for a while.

Right now I'm at a loss that can best be described as "Mario finally got the princess, and she wasn't as great as he had dreamed of". This girl is nice and sweet but I've already screened her and identified key areas of incompatibility.
Problem is, I've aimed at that proverbial cute sexy fit girl in her 20s for so long; and, now that I've got her, realized that she's just flesh and blood, I'm struggling to find something even higher to aim at. It's like hitting the ceiling of women, it doesn't get much better than the sexy girl with firm curves.

I had another date yesterday, although this one came with a twist: she seemed eager about the date despite mentioning that she's currently dating someone so I thought maybe she's flexible for an upgrade. Same thing, she's in her early-mid 20s, obviously sexy, goes to the gym regularly. Definitely a career-driven girl with a nerdy edge. She's smart and spiritual which should be my soft spot. She wore a white body without bra, it wasn't hard to guess the shape of her nipples. We had a nice conversation, I practiced deep eye contact and breaking the touch barrier with her. After a solid 1h30 date I realized that (1) she's a nice, nerdy, sexy girl; (2) she's new in town and looking for buddies to build herself a social circle. She was slightly too nerdy for my liking, and the fact that she didn't respond to my romantic cues killed the desire to invest further in her.

Last week I bumped into another girl. Had taken her number in public transport, she had dodged 2 dating invites due to a hectic schedule, then out of nowhere I saw her outside a supermarket. We had a friendly conversation where she apologized for dodging, explained herself, then said "hey you know what, Thursday after work could work for me, let's see". (Spoiler: she canceled the next day and I didn't bother insisting further, this girl works until 8pm on weekdays, juggles 3 hobbies and after works with colleagues and brunches and family weekends and city trips.)
This girl is fresh out of university on her 1st job. She's beautiful as a rose. She dresses elegantly/classy. The way she looks when she puts her curvy ginger hair on her chest casts a mesmerizing charm. But the charm didn't work on me.

I'm feeling at a loss. I've seen one sexy girl naked and it feels like I've seen them all. Beautiful girls at the park don't do it for me like they used to. It's like I have x-ray vision now and I can see that underneath their clothes they are the same flesh and bones as any other.
I'm also disappointed/disillusioned. I guess I was secretly believing that the beautiful sexy girl would turn out perfect for me. Turns out she's just a girl, as compatible/incompatible as any other.

Probably just a phase.


Edit: Already answered almost word for word by Chase here

losing motivation for the game?

hey guys, have you guys experienced this? Not as excited about gaming anymore? I want to feel the drive for gaming girls and getting validation etc.... something in me just not having the fire like before. when I was night gaming, half of the time I NEEDED to drink to be more fun and get more...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[TestY]

Yes, guys like CJ and DrJekyll have also commented on a similar issue in the past:


Captain Jack's approach:

I have lost most interest in Same Night Lays. Though, I still love teaching and talking about it. It’s funny because when I got SNLs down I really thought THAT would be IT. I thought I would just be in hog heaven. Well, I was for awhile

In fact, I got to the point where I rarely needed more than ONE NIGHT to achieve it.
And… it was fun! For awhile at least… then it got to be kind of normal but the REAL result of achieving that goal shook me up a bit.
The reason?
Well, it didn’t actually give me what I REALLY wanted. That happens sometimes. You start off with one goal, achieve it and then think, “Hey, you know, this isn’t quite what I wanted. I need to re-examine this. “You see, I realized what I REALLY wanted was more like this… Get good at getting high quality women to become my girlfriend and have the assurance of knowing that, if for some reason it doesn’t work out, I can go find another one in short order.

Now, a couple of guys asked me some questions in this basic vein: “Weren’t you afraid if you didn’t close the deal right then you’d lose her?” That is a bit of a risk… however, I learned that it is usually such a shock to them that it PULLS ALL their attention away from any other men in their lives and focuses on you. So, it’s a very small risk to take for the amount of benefit it creates.
The hotter and/or more “in demand” they are the more true it is. Remember, every other guy is either trying to play super nice thinking eventually she’ll see what a great guy he is and then give in (barf)… or, rushing hastily to closing the deal.

Good old DrJekyll, originator of the "Shock and Awe"-approach wrote much the same thing back in 2008:

And then you meet some girl you really like - which is the reason most guys get into this - and you get into a relationship with her. And you have sex.
And after about a month ... You've done everything to her that you can do. And no matter how hot she is, you cannot get that "yeah, I just fucked a hot chick" buzz off her anymore.

You see, what would normally replace that ego hit - that sex would be a deep and mutually connective and loving experience - just isn't there for you anymore because you have conditioned your mind to equate sex with victory.

So the takeaway might be CJ and Karea's recommendations
a) Screen before getting intimate, like CJ recommends:

Qualifying: The True Path to Girlfriendhood!
Ok, now you have her intrigued and interested. This is the IMPORTANT part when you are talking about a relationship.
You need to qualify her. But, not the fake pseudo-qualification the Community uses. No… you want to get to know three things:

1. Do you guys have similar values?
2. Do you guys agree on what your future should look like?
3. Do you find your moment-by-moment interactions with her awesome?

Edit: "Eliciting values" is taken from NLP, and Style (Neil Strauss) was famous for this 'routine'.

b) Develop relationships like Tony Robbins' "Ultimate Relationship Program"

 

[TomInHo]

Girls are just girls man. No need to read so much into it

Just keep fucking girls and you’ll find one you click with eventually

And even when you find her, it will at some point feel like it’s something that just nice to have and not really the end all be all

There’s more to life that fucking random sluts and honestly that won’t really make you happy or complete you

So if you’re not content with life right now, no girl is going to fix all your problems.

Women are just fun companions to have in this journey called life and should never be your main purpose

 

[theReason]

Opinions very welcome

loverboy, you know more about women than i do, which is why i’m only giving you advice about you and not about women.

it really sounds like you missed out on a couple chances with women you were interested in (more interested in than you are in your current fwb), and that is kind of putting you in a depressed state.

This girl is nice and sweet but I've already screened her and identified key areas of incompatibility.

it’s clearly not the “why” you are thinking is the “why” behind your problem here, but i would like you to consider it, give it a little thought, maybe it might surprise you and actually be the root of the problem.

 

[Loverboy]

Thanks for stepping in guys.

@TestY very close to the mark. There is definitely an effect of "I reached the top of this mountain, the scenery was beautiful for 10 minutes, now what?"
My long-term dream remains unchanged: find intimacy with a Truly beautiful woman. With this fwb I've gotten closer (at least physically speaking) but still a few points off the bullseye, now I need to re-assess the next direction to aim at. Essentially this is the question of identifying what my "beauty compass" is pointing towards. Are we talking youthful curves? Are we talking "beautiful personality"? Are we talking "that infatuating chemistry"? Are we talking "all-in-all healthy, loving girl"?

@theReason thanks for the echo. Not exactly true but getting in the right direction. My motivation got sacked before seeing these two other beautiful girls again.
It's a horrible thing to say but this fwb hit me like a deep disappointment. She's a sweet girl and I wish her well. But I just can't see myself maintaining this proto-relationship with her. It just feels like homework to me, I'm not getting much enjoyment out of it. And that hits quite hard knowing that my first gut feeling with her was very positive. She moved from "sweet wholesome girl" to "not at all my ideal type" in just a few hours of talking. Don't wanna reveal too much about her but it has to do with the areas of incompatibility.
Sounds like the thing to do is to split things up with her, do it as gently as possible, then get back on the horse with my same old upbeat "let's keep at it because who knows, next one who bites could very well be Truly beautiful!"

 

[Atlas IV]

Girls are just girls man. No need to read so much into it

Just keep fucking girls and you’ll find one you click with eventually

And even when you find her, it will at some point feel like it’s something that just nice to have and not really the end all be all

There’s more to life that fucking random sluts and honestly that won’t really make you happy or complete you

So if you’re not content with life right now, no girl is going to fix all your problems.

Women are just fun companions to have in this journey called life and should never be your main purpose

Couldn't agree more with this. It's fine to focus exclusively on women for a phase or phases in your life, but they shouldn't be the sole focus of one's entire life. The great men of history aren't remembered for the women they fucked.

(Well except for the great seducers of their time like Casanova and Rasputin)

 

[POB]

"Mario finally got the princess, and she wasn't as great as he had dreamed of"

"I'm sorry Mario but the princess is in another castle"
Just keep looking, a better one will eventually come your way