Long-Term Serious relationships - what to do pre and post break-up

[POB]

Hey guys, quick update.
Me and the main are not together anymore.
After almost 4 years, we decided to end things.
It was the most rational and smooth break-up of my life (not easy though).
She even asked me if she can be downgraded from OLTR to MLTR, so we can keep having sex.
(I'm still on the fence about this one, after all she was the second woman I've ever loved...I like the sex, but don't know if I can change how I look at her so soon...but I digress)

Yes, I'm a little upset, but the main diference from my past break-ups is that I'm not sad at all.
In fact I'm super pumped and excited to push forward on my life projects and goals, and the extra time will be very welcome.

That said, I've decided to write this post not only to help other guys' journeys, but to use it as future refence if I find myself straying from the right path.

For context please refer to these 2 posts:
https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...et-society-members-seducers-women-gays.22069/
https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...a-serious-relationship-the-seducer-way.27197/

Ok, now you know about the dynamics of break-ups if you are a seducer.
So I want to talk about how to protect yourself and how to prepare for life after you decide to go on a solo path.
(Disclaimer: some young guys probably won't like what I'll write below. You've been warned.)

1) Protecting yourself emotionally
There are some mantras I think guys should have in their hearts before entering any serious relationship:

-everyting in life is in constant motion, thus temporary. This includes relationships.
I'm still in shock at how many guys think that their girls will be there forever. Societal programming is very strong indeed, but this is a sneaky one that is hard to identify. Relationships are temporary. Whether we like it or not, this is how it goes. The sooner you acept that emotionally, the better your relationship life will become.

-she is 1000x stronger than you emotionally
Women always have a network of friends, family and orbiters ready to "be there" at a snap of her fingers. They are encouraged to talk about their emotions. You have maybe one or two trusted friends, perhaps a brother or father, but mostly you are on your own. Double that down if you are a seducer with a past history with lots of women. So it's very very easy to feel alone and devasted after a break-up, especially if you don't prepare yourself and keep your emotions in check.

-she is important, but there are more important things in your life
I don't care if you love her, if she is your wife or even the mother of your kids. The most important thing in your life is taking care and protecting yourself. This is especially true for your finances. It only takes one financial fuck-up with a woman to set your life back for years, maybe beyond recovery. Wanna know what shared finances I had with the ex? A virtual account to pay for movies and dinners, one where we contributed monthly, that I terminated in 10 seconds from my phone after we broke-up.

-if it is not working out, let her go. You will find someone better
I know it's hard to let things go, specially when she is hot and you love her. But love has nothing to do with making it work. Compatibility and common goals trump love any time of the day. If you realize you and her don't have those things 100% down, it's time to move on (this is what happened with me and the main).

2) Post break-up dynamics
Ok, so now you are not a couple anymore. What to do?
Normally you should have big and exciting goals, with or without a serious woman in your life.
This is mostly 50% of the equation.

Even so, there are other things you should do to easy this burden:

-do not move-in together
Is she your de-fact wife? No? Then each must have their own corners. Living together kills attraction (unless you travel a lot and stay out of the house for longer periods of time).

"But I'm married. But we have a kid. How can we not live together?"
Yes, those are exceptions to this rule. I will not argue that it is hard to not live together if you are already married, or at least living a married life.

There are a couple of things you can do to mitigate this:
- bigger house with 2 bathrooms, 2 kitchens. Nothing more stupid than having to share a bathroom or a kitchen with a woman. Men need to take massive dumps that will chernobyl the ambient. We need to fart when we pee. We love to leave a mess on the kitchen. This is how we go.
- get an outside confy office with a sofa/bed and maybe a TV where you can sleep out some nights during the week. This is probably where you will meet your FBs, if you decide to go this route.

-after it's done, initiate contact with her only for logistics or sex
Forget the lovey-dovey bullshit. It's over, move on. You will get in contact with her only for logistic stuff (like her picking up her things at your place) or sex encounters. If she refuses sex (or enters emotional blaming mode), cut it out imediatelly and go no contact for 6 months (more is better).

-do not stay close to her friends or family
G-zus, this is the one where guys really fuck-up. Look, I absolutely love my ex's family and friends. They are awesome people I definitely wish to keep in my life. But I won't seek them anymore, at least not before a period of time has passed. Accept it and get on with your shit.

-get in touch with ALL your distant friends
You'll be amazed at how many people miss your company.
Some may even put you in contact with hot women they know.

Ok, this is it for now gents.
Questions and comments are welcome as always.

~POB

 

[Skills]

You may not feel sadness at the moment of the break up, but within a week or 2 it may be hard.

I don't know if is a good idea to contact for logistic or sex, this will make harder for healing, i would cut contact for at 3 to 6 months... (no contact whatsoever)

- one thing i have been doing with my new relationships, is that i do not have in social media her or her family or friends.... This helps a lot (it may be hard to do for a lot of people for me was easy).

- no moving together also helps with the sex, harder to get coolidge effect.

 

[Will_V]

Hey guys, quick update.
Me and the main are not together anymore.
After almost 4 years, we decided to end things.
It was the most rational and smooth break-up of my life (not easy though).
She even asked me if she can be downgraded from OLTR to MLTR, so we can keep having sex.
(I'm still on the fence about this one, after all she was the second woman I've ever loved...I like the sex, but don't know if I can change how I look at her so soon...but I digress)

Yes, I'm a little upset, but the main diference from my past break-ups is that I'm not sad at all.
In fact I'm super pumped and excited to push forward on my life projects and goals, and the extra time will be very welcome.

That said, I've decided to write this post not only to help other guys' journeys, but to use it as future refence if I find myself straying from the right path.

For context please refer to these 2 posts:
https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...et-society-members-seducers-women-gays.22069/
https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...a-serious-relationship-the-seducer-way.27197/

Ok, now you know about the dynamics of break-ups if you are a seducer.
So I want to talk about how to protect yourself and how to prepare for life after you decide to go on a solo path.
(Disclaimer: some young guys probably won't like what I'll write below. You've been warned.)

1) Protecting yourself emotionally
There are some mantras I think guys should have in their hearts before entering any serious relationship:

-everyting in life is in constant motion, thus temporary. This includes relationships.
I'm still in shock at how many guys think that their girls will be there forever. Societal programming is very strong indeed, but this is a sneaky one that is hard to identify. Relationships are temporary. Whether we like it or not, this is how it goes. The sooner you acept that emotionally, the better your relationship life will become.

-she is 1000x stronger than you emotionally
Women always have a network of friends, family and orbiters ready to "be there" at a snap of her fingers. They are encouraged to talk about their emotions. You have maybe one or two trusted friends, perhaps a brother or father, but mostly you are on your own. Double that down if you are a seducer with a past history with lots of women. So it's very very easy to feel alone and devasted after a break-up, especially if you don't prepare yourself and keep your emotions in check.

-she is important, but there are more important things in your life
I don't care if you love her, if she is your wife or even the mother of your kids. The most important thing in your life is taking care and protecting yourself. This is especially true for your finances. It only takes one financial fuck-up with a woman to set your life back for years, maybe beyond recovery. Wanna know what shared finances I had with the ex? A virtual account to pay for movies and dinners, one where we contributed monthly, that I terminated in 10 seconds from my phone after we broke-up.

-if it is not working out, let her go. You will find someone better
I know it's hard to let things go, specially when she is hot and you love her. But love has nothing to do with making it work. Compatibility and common goals trump love any time of the day. If you realize you and her don't have those things 100% down, it's time to move on (this is what happened with me and the main).

2) Post break-up dynamics
Ok, so now you are not a couple anymore. What to do?
Normally you should have big and exciting goals, with or without a serious woman in your life.
This is mostly 50% of the equation.

Even so, there are other things you should do to easy this burden:

-do not move-in together
Is she your de-fact wife? No? Then each must have their own corners. Living together kills attraction (unless you travel a lot and stay out of the house for longer periods of time).

"But I'm married. But we have a kid. How can we not live together?"
Yes, those are exceptions to this rule. I will not argue that it is hard to not live together if you are already married, or at least living a married life.

There are a couple of things you can do to mitigate this:
- bigger house with 2 bathrooms, 2 kitchens. Nothing more stupid than having to share a bathroom or a kitchen with a woman. Men need to take massive dumps that will chernobyl the ambient. We need to fart when we pee. We love to leave a mess on the kitchen. This is how we go.
- get an outside confy office with a sofa/bed and maybe a TV where you can sleep out some nights during the week. This is probably where you will meet your FBs, if you decide to go this route.

-after it's done, initiate contact with her only for logistics or sex
Forget the lovey-dovey bullshit. It's over, move on. You will get in contact with her only for logistic stuff (like her picking up her things at your place) or sex encounters. If she refuses sex (or enters emotional blaming mode), cut it out imediatelly and go no contact for 6 months (more is better).

-do not stay close to her friends or family
G-zus, this is the one where guys really fuck-up. Look, I absolutely love my ex's family and friends. They are awesome people I definitely wish to keep in my life. But I won't seek them anymore, at least not before a period of time has passed. Accept it and get on with your shit.

-get in touch with ALL your distant friends
You'll be amazed at how many people miss your company.
Some may even put you in contact with hot women they know.

Ok, this is it for now gents.
Questions and comments are welcome as always.

~POB

Sorry to hear it!

Good points there. On maintaining contact after breakup, in my experience it's turned out positive to have a certain amount of contact where you just talk things over every now and then, or whatever needs to be done to get it out of the system for both of you. Might be dependent on personality though.

What has tripped me up though and is all-round a plain bad idea is to maintain any sort of contact related to something that you were doing together, such as a project, shared assets, etc. It ends up making you feel unable to let the person go even though it's not the relationship itself that is continuing per se.

 

[POB]

You may not feel sadness at the moment of the break up, but within a week or 2 it may be hard.

Dunno, I'm kinda of numb to these things tbh...had too many bad break-ups before, this one feels like a breeze in comparison

I don't know if is a good idea to contact for logistic or sex, this will make harder for healing, i would cut contact for at 3 to 6 months... (no contact whatsoever)

Agree. But it depends a litlle bit, each situation is unique. But yes, usually no contact is better to reset everything.

- one thing i have been doing with my new relationships, is that i do not have in social media her or her family or friends.... This helps a lot (it may be hard to do for a lot of people for me was easy).

Great point! Forgot to mention it, you are right.

- no moving together also helps with the sex, harder to get coolidge effect.

Exactly!

 

[POB]

Sorry to hear it!

Good points there. On maintaining contact after breakup, in my experience it's turned out positive to have a certain amount of contact where you just talk things over every now and then, or whatever needs to be done to get it out of the system for both of you. Might be dependent on personality though.

I have no desire to do it. What needed to be said was said in person.
But yes, guess it depends on your personality.

What has tripped me up though and is all-round a plain bad idea is to maintain any sort of contact related to something that you were doing together, such as a project, shared assets, etc. It ends up making you feel unable to let the person go even though it's not the relationship itself that is continuing per se.

Yeah, I would put a hard stop on all of those, if you have any.
This is why it is a bad idea to share work related stuff with your girls.
After all the client has nothing to do with it, he just wants the job done.

 

[DarkKnight]

Just saw this post , sorry for your loss POB. Usually this is a way of also trying to filter your mind out while giving "advice", which is fine. I tend to do this as well.

I think big reason of why we cope much better is because we get blindsided less and have more experience about as you write the motion of relationships. Sometimes it is like a graph in my mind or something where I can view where I am and where the girl is, I mean we are extremely knowledgeable right now.

I believe women indeed have huge group of supporters but this community provides us something better. Guys who actually understand dynamics and who help you get to the core instead of bullshit feel good mainstream advice. I believe we are stronger in that regard.

Also I agree with Skills I too in the moment am unfeeling and really strong frame control but feelings can resurface later.

Always good to keep a couple of good friends on standby.. who actually know what they are talking about instead of "buy her flowers"

 

[POB]

Just saw this post , sorry for your loss POB. Usually this is a way of also trying to filter your mind out while giving "advice", which is fine. I tend to do this as well.

Yeah, that's my rational. I tend to be more clean and honest if I don't have too much time to think about stuff.

I think big reason of why we cope much better is because we get blindsided less and have more experience about as you write the motion of relationships. Sometimes it is like a graph in my mind or something where I can view where I am and where the girl is, I mean we are extremely knowledgeable right now.

Precisely! I wish my younger self was like that.

I believe women indeed have huge group of supporters but this community provides us something better. Guys who actually understand dynamics and who help you get to the core instead of bullshit feel good mainstream advice. I believe we are stronger in that regard.

For sure!!! I would not go anywhere else to get input on this kind of subject.

Also I agree with Skills I too in the moment am unfeeling and really strong frame control but feelings can resurface later.

I admit I'm on a different spot emotionally than most people.
In 2021 I've spent a lot of days in the hospital with my sick dad.
As the days went by, I basically I was by his side watching him slowly pass away.
That has really put a lot of things in perspective for me, especially when it comes to the scale of importance of life's biggest events.

Yes, it sucks to end a relationship with someone you care about.
But to be honest, it pales in comparison with what I went through on those terrible 40 days.
My connection to life, as a whole journey, really changed after that.

In some ways, it made me care more about people that are close to me, on deeper levels than before.
I began to realize that, although we strive to do our best for others, we cannot put a hold on our plans for anybody.
In the end, the right person will always come along to be at your side and teach you how to grow and move forward.
Sometimes situations are what they are...we just have to ride along and try to be our best

Always good to keep a couple of good friends on standby.. who actually know what they are talking about instead of "buy her flowers"

Indeed. Thx for great the input!

 

[DarkKnight]

As the days went by, I basically I was by his side watching him slowly pass away

Im sorry for your loss. For some reason when I encounter loss like this it kicks me into gear that I actually need to procreate. Perhaps it is my way of denying death and doing what truly matters.

 

[samuraijack]

I know it's hard to let things go, specially when she is hot and you love her. But love has nothing to do with making it work. Compatibility and common goals trump love any time of the day. If you realize you and her don't have those things 100% down, it's time to move on (this is what happened with me and the main).

What was the compatibility and goal issues you had with her?

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Sorry to hear that POB.

Agreed with skills, I've found it's easy to underestimate the emotional impact... not so much in the short or long term but especially in the medium term. It can suddenly hit a lot harder than expected.

I had an article about a few things that helped me the most after breakups, maybe some of it helps if that happens.

Get Over Your Ex: 13 Steps to (Emotional) Freedom

In yesterday’s post on ways you can lose a girlfriend, we went over the 4 things that can and almost universally WILL lead to the demise of your relationship (when you’re guilty of them): being too weak, fighting too much, bad sex, and taking her for granted. Those things happen. In fact, they...

www.girlschase.com

Karea

 

[POB]

Im sorry for your loss. For some reason when I encounter loss like this it kicks me into gear that I actually need to procreate. Perhaps it is my way of denying death and doing what truly matters.

Had this feeling when I lost my grandfather.
Although it feels natural, it is not the right mindset when it comes to having a baby

What was the compatibility and goal issues you had with her?

- age. She is past the age of wanting kids. I still want to be a father.
- working schedule. She is a consummate workaholic. I'm an artist who likes balancing work with contemplating a beautiful life.
- personality. She is a super energetic extrovert who's all over the place. I'm super introverted and chill.
- where to live. She chose to be glued to this city because of her location-dependent business. I'm returning to the coast to live closer to the beach, then going abroad for a while when my new digital business takes off.
- living together. We tried for two months and almost murdered each other.

Sorry to hear that POB.

Thx Man!

Agreed with skills, I've found it's easy to underestimate the emotional impact... not so much in the short or long term but especially in the medium term. It can suddenly hit a lot harder than expected.

I had this on my previous splits.
But again, this time it feels different. There was no fight, no drama, just a very positive talk that lift us both to a better place.
And I'm feeling really good about our decision because I know it was the right one.

I had an article about a few things that helped me the most after breakups, maybe some of it helps if that happens.

Get Over Your Ex: 13 Steps to (Emotional) Freedom

In yesterday’s post on ways you can lose a girlfriend, we went over the 4 things that can and almost universally WILL lead to the demise of your relationship (when you’re guilty of them): being too weak, fighting too much, bad sex, and taking her for granted. Those things happen. In fact, they...

www.girlschase.com

Will look into that, thx a lot!

 

[Conquistador]

There are some mantras I think guys should have in their hearts before entering any serious relationship:

-everyting in life is in constant motion, thus temporary. This includes relationships.
I'm still in shock at how many guys think that their girls will be there forever. Societal programming is very strong indeed, but this is a sneaky one that is hard to identify. Relationships are temporary. Whether we like it or not, this is how it goes. The sooner you acept that emotionally, the better your relationship life will become.

-she is 1000x stronger than you emotionally
Women always have a network of friends, family and orbiters ready to "be there" at a snap of her fingers. They are encouraged to talk about their emotions. You have maybe one or two trusted friends, perhaps a brother or father, but mostly you are on your own. Double that down if you are a seducer with a past history with lots of women. So it's very very easy to feel alone and devasted after a break-up, especially if you don't prepare yourself and keep your emotions in check.

-she is important, but there are more important things in your life
I don't care if you love her, if she is your wife or even the mother of your kids. The most important thing in your life is taking care and protecting yourself. This is especially true for your finances. It only takes one financial fuck-up with a woman to set your life back for years, maybe beyond recovery. Wanna know what shared finances I had with the ex? A virtual account to pay for movies and dinners, one where we contributed monthly, that I terminated in 10 seconds from my phone after we broke-up.

-if it is not working out, let her go. You will find someone better
I know it's hard to let things go, specially when she is hot and you love her. But love has nothing to do with making it work. Compatibility and common goals trump love any time of the day. If you realize you and her don't have those things 100% down, it's time to move on (this is what happened with me and the main).

Well I’m glad I read this before I got into anything serious…

 

[POB]

Well I’m glad I read this before I got into anything serious…

90% of guys will want something serious down the road.
(Usually between 35-45yo mark)
So it's better to prepare and adjust, than to be surprised and injured when it happens.
Other than that, the best course of action IMO is just to go with the flow and enjoy the most you can.

 

[Chase]

@POB,

Just to chime in, sorry to hear about the breakup, brother. Hope you bounce back quick.

Re: to continue seeing the ex or not... I think that depends a lot on the man. It's pretty much always messy though.

I've had girls propose the "well let's at least keep having sex" thing post-breakup. Take it as a compliment that you're good enough in bed she isn't so certain you can be easily replaced in that department! However it is also a way to try to keep around a guy she knows/expects will otherwise move on quick without sex on the table.

I just explain it to girls as I want to set them totally free so I'm not holding them back and they can go out there and find the guy for them. Then they will try to insist: "No, it's fine! It's just sex! Blah blah blah!"

BUT... it's never just sex. It's her keeping around a solid guy while she tries to either rope him back in or see if there's another solid guy she can get, and if not, at least she's still got some connection to her solid guy (if she can't find another good guy, at that point then she can start negotiating on terms: "Maybe we can get back together. I'll do that thing you really like! I promise to be more X, Y, and Z. Remember how I used to always complain about A? I don't even need A anymore!").

IMO it always ends up being unfair to somebody. If you've not been at peak game it can take a while to shake the rust off, and then you may need to deal with "someone is boinking my girl, I can tell it, but meanwhile I'm struggling to lay any chicks I'm all that excited about at all", and even if you are not normally a jealous guy and even though LOGICALLY you know the relationship has downgraded, suddenly you start feeling like some limp cuckold, because your emotions are still in "boyfriend-girlfriend" mode. OTOH if you are getting high caliber girls, pretty quickly you start pulling energy and emotion away from the ex as you enjoy the new, hot thing, meanwhile the ex is increasingly desperate trying to revive things with you because she can tell they're fading.

I don't think you always need to go total no-contact so long as you are picking up and getting decent caliber girls. But if you're having any trouble dissociating your emotions from her you should. Or if you don't want to shag her but you're having trouble controlling the urge to, you should.

Chase

 

[nolimits]

My advice for you man is to start obsessing with pick up again. Here’s my challenge for you brother : build a rotation of 4 new chicks and increase the quality of these 4 chicks over time.


I recommend keeping a rotation because that will give you a better feeling of abundance than simple one night stands.

After 3-6 months of pickup + seeing girls in your rotation, you won’t even remember the name of your ex.

I don’t think you need girls who are better then your ex : just keeping a few interesting/ fun chicks gets the job done.

Meanwhile, go forever no contact with your ex and take this as an opportunity to be newly single which you will very soon find out is fucking exciting.

 

[nolimits]

My advice for you man is to start obsessing with pick up again. Here’s my challenge for you brother : build a rotation of 4 new chicks and increase the quality of these 4 chicks over time.

Credit to the man @Karea Ricardus D. for the amount of chicks I’ve just recommended

 

[Skills]

- age. She is past the age of wanting kids. I still want to be a father.
- working schedule. She is a consummate workaholic. I'm an artist who likes balancing work with contemplating a beautiful life.
- personality. She is a super energetic extrovert who's all over the place. I'm super introverted and chill.
- where to live. She chose to be glued to this city because of her location-dependent business. I'm returning to the coast to live closer to the beach, then going abroad for a while when my new digital business takes off.
- living together. We tried for two months and almost murdered each other.

this was exactly my point in that last thread before this one you made, you should have known this duding the auditioning period, she should have never been a main.... If i don't want kids and the girls wants kids in my scenario, girl would never been a main... I found this out in less that 3 months during auditioning periods... I made this point in your last post

@POB the only thing i disagree is the nre, nre is 3 to 6 months can go up to a year... but the more women your bang nre gets shorter and shorter... to wait 3 years for expectations is insane, you 2 will be too emotinally invested... you and her should know expectation during the vetting periods before she earn main status

 

[POB]

this was exactly my point in that last thread before this one you made, you should have known this duding the auditioning period, she should have never been a main.... If i don't want kids and the girls wants kids in my scenario, girl would never been a main... I found this out in less that 3 months during auditioning periods... I made this point in your last post

You are not wrong.
BUT this was not set in stone at the start of the relationship
We discussed it and left it as an open possibility forthe future.
However, when the chips fell down, she was adamant she didn't want it.

@POB,

Just to chime in, sorry to hear about the breakup, brother. Hope you bounce back quick.

Thx. I'm living each day at a time.
So far I'm ok.

Re: to continue seeing the ex or not... I think that depends a lot on the man. It's pretty much always messy though.

Agree.

I've had girls propose the "well let's at least keep having sex" thing post-breakup. Take it as a compliment that you're good enough in bed she isn't so certain you can be easily replaced in that department! However it is also a way to try to keep around a guy she knows/expects will otherwise move on quick without sex on the table.

I just explain it to girls as I want to set them totally free so I'm not holding them back and they can go out there and find the guy for them. Then they will try to insist: "No, it's fine! It's just sex! Blah blah blah!"

Pretty much what happened.
But I've decided to not see her anymore, I think it's better this way.
Too many feelings, and I need to get comfortable with being single again and having a string of new girls in my bed.

BUT... it's never just sex. It's her keeping around a solid guy while she tries to either rope him back in or see if there's another solid guy she can get, and if not, at least she's still got some connection to her solid guy (if she can't find another good guy, at that point then she can start negotiating on terms: "Maybe we can get back together. I'll do that thing you really like! I promise to be more X, Y, and Z. Remember how I used to always complain about A? I don't even need A anymore!").

IMO it always ends up being unfair to somebody.

Completely agree.

If you've not been at peak game it can take a while to shake the rust off, and then you may need to deal with "someone is boinking my girl, I can tell it, but meanwhile I'm struggling to lay any chicks I'm all that excited about at all", and even if you are not normally a jealous guy and even though LOGICALLY you know the relationship has downgraded, suddenly you start feeling like some limp cuckold, because your emotions are still in "boyfriend-girlfriend" mode. OTOH if you are getting high caliber girls, pretty quickly you start pulling energy and emotion away from the ex as you enjoy the new, hot thing, meanwhile the ex is increasingly desperate trying to revive things with you because she can tell they're fading.

Exactly how I view it.
You are on point!
Someone will get hurt eventually.

I don't think you always need to go total no-contact so long as you are picking up and getting decent caliber girls. But if you're having any trouble dissociating your emotions from her you should. Or if you don't want to shag her but you're having trouble controlling the urge to, you should.

We are still talking pure logistics.
I have some of her stuff I need to return.
We exchanged friendly messages after mothers day, but that was it.

My advice for you man is to start obsessing with pick up again. Here’s my challenge for you brother : build a rotation of 4 new chicks and increase the quality of these 4 chicks over time.

Have no interest in doing it now.
Eventually it will happen, but I have more important stuff happening in my life.

I recommend keeping a rotation because that will give you a better feeling of abundance than simple one night stands.

Agree.

After 3-6 months of pickup + seeing girls in your rotation, you won’t even remember the name of your ex.

Nah, that's not how it works for me.
I have fond memories of ALL my important girls.
I don't want to forget it, just keep building on top of it.

I don’t think you need girls who are better then your ex : just keeping a few interesting/ fun chicks gets the job done.

100% agree.

Meanwhile, go forever no contact with your ex and take this as an opportunity to be newly single which you will very soon find out is fucking exciting.

This is not necessary.
I'm still friends with a lot of my exes.
Some of them I still bang from time to time.
It's possible to be mature about break-ups without getting anybody hurt.