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FR++  She cut it short, but we set up another time/date

randy__bobandy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2014
Messages
83
Hello gents, this is an update to my previous post in the beginners forum: viewtopic.php?f=2&t=5037

She came over, and I opened a bottle of wine for the two of us as I cooked a simple meal for the two of us. We were sitting on the couch in my dorms common room (room mates were gone). At first I was sitting about a foot away from her with my arm rested on the back of the couch behind her. Each time I had to get up to check the food, I came back and sat closer to her, and eventually had my arm around her. We were chatting about our passions and such, and I was honestly having a bit of a hard time finding something that she said that I could "latch onto" and use some flirtatious language in.

At one point, she mentioned in passing that when she was in high school, she was teased about something she did which earned her a nickname. I asked what it was that she had done, but she wouldn't tell me (all the conversation was very casual, she was laughing as she said she wouldn't tell me, it wasn't serious or anything). I worked her down to a quid pro quo situation, she said that if she tells me an embarrassing story about myself, she'll tell me one about her.

So I took a page straight from the "How to flirt with a girl" article and repeated, nearly verbatim, one of the example conversations. I said she'd have to tell me hers first. She still laughed and said no. I said it must be something she's ashamed of. The more I pressed the situation, the more she seemed to laugh and smile.

So after the two of us had gone through one more glass of wine (which polished off the entire bottle between us two), I pressed her on the embarrassing story again. She still responded positively, but still saying no. The rest of the conversation went like this:

(Me) "I'll find out eventually."

(Her) "Oh yeah? you will?"

(Me) "yeah, it may not be 5 minutes from now, a week from now, or even 10 years from now, but I'll find out."

(Her) "Oh yeah? Are you one of those people who stays in touch with people for very long times?"

(Me) "yes."

(Her) "How can you be sure?"

(Me) "I just know, its instinctual"

So after each back and fourth, our heads get closer and closer, until we're both at first base in my common room. Now keep in mind, my room mates had returned by this point already and they were chatting w/ each other in their rooms with their doors open, but it didn't matter, emotions were running high. So after a minute or two, I say lets go to my room. She follows me there, I hit the lights, and we both get on the bed. So we start at first base, I round my way to second, nearing third but she stops me.

Shit......

She said that she's not the person to have sex the first night. Okay fine, I understand. So we're on the bed, I'm lying down, she's in a cowgirl position. I say, that it's fine, I don't want to force you to do anything unless you're entirely comfortable with it. We talk for another minute or so. I must have said the right thing because she goes "Oh, fuck it", and we start making out again. So I make it to first, round my way to second, nearing third base, but she stops me again.

God..... damnit......

Again, she said she's not comfortable with one night hookups. Long story short, we set up another date/time to get together, we just ended up cuddling and making out intermittently for the next hour.

So a sincere thank you to everyone for their help, and the authors of the numerous articles on this site I've read.
 

PrettyDecent

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Mar 2, 2013
Messages
865
Howdy Randy,

Nice job getting her out. I'll have to read the whole report later on today, but I saw this:

randy__bobandy said:
(Her) "Oh yeah? Are you one of those people who stays in touch with people for very long times?"

(Me) "yes."

Careful about seeding future events about you two. That makes you more of a future boyfriend/friend rather than a ONS, and that's where all the LMR comes in. She doesn't want to risk losing you to something as common as sex. Something better for lowering LMR may have been:

Well, who knows? People are always coming in and out of my life, and there are so many variables in life - who knows where we'll even be tomorrow...we can only enjoy the moment we're experiencing right now.

That exact sentence might sound a little off considering the context of the conversation - but that's the vibe you're going for.

Anyways, sounds like you two had an awesome connection. Let us know about part two!

~Nick
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

randy__bobandy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 17, 2014
Messages
83
Hey PD, thanks for the response.

It was hard to really nail the tone of the conversation. But it was light hearted. She almost said it as if it was a joke, we weren't bearing our souls to eachother at the time. I took a bit of a joking/cocky tone with it.

This next part is going to come off as a lame high-schooly gossip rant, but please bear with me.

Something I heard tonight could be big trouble. Just for sake of ease, I'll call the girl I FR++'d with Kate. So I was at a friends place tonight, my friend Matt who was having a small get together of some close friends, and Kate's room mate, Liz, was there. Matt is very into Kate, physically, but not the other way around, she doesn't have any sort of feelings for him. So they sort of teased him about how he always tries so hard to get with her and she doesn't respond to his advances. Then Liz had mentioned that Kate had only 1 boyfriend before who she was with for 5 years (I can confirm this, Kate had told me this previously). But then Liz said that the relationship had ended because Kate had cheated on her boyfriend.

Naturally my "uh-oh" alarms went off. A relationship of 5 years would have placed the start of the relationship back to her junior/senior year of high school which she would have tried to hold via a long dist relationship through college (for context, I am a 23 yr old graduate student with 1 year left to go after this semester, she is a 21 yr old undergrad in her last semester). Now I am stuck at a crossroads.

Situation A)
She had cheated on her boyfriend because both of them were in an unsustainable long distance relationship, and therefore, comes as no surprise. In which case, I wouldn't worry about it.

Situation B)
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I realized that when we first met, that if we had set up a relationship, the maximum possible time I could be with her would be a few months, and possibly the summer (we don't live too far from eachother). So I figured it's a decent get in/get out quick deal.
 
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