She won't meet me, finally does, great date, then suddenly she's distant on text and screening my age

[iceberg slim]

Met a chick at a live music event really quickly and got her number.

Texted her, asked her to meet me in my hood. She said no, I should meet her in her hood. I persisted playfully for a while and she resists also playfully. Finally I gave up, telling her I have low back pain and don't want to leave my hood, but that we'd make something happen another time (I didn't believe this but was just being nice). Suddenly she folds and says she's down to come meet me.

Sweet!

We meet up and have a really nice middle of the day date with excellent deep diving and connection. She's rather pretty as well. At the end of the date I tell her to send me some songs from the music she told me she likes. An hour laterr she sends me a long list of her favorite songs hand typed.

Me: Oh sweet I'll have a jam session and report back. I already listened to X song--it's beautiful thanks for reminding me of it!

24 hours later (I knew something was up with this delay) Her: Yea lmk your thoughts! Can't go wrong w any of his songs. Btw I forgot to ask, but how old are you?

2 hours later (responded too quickly after her full day of radio silence?) Me: *comments positively on her music, which songs I like etc* My age? Guess...curious what you think.

Literally 7 minutes less than 24 hrs later, her: *music blah blah* I'm guessing +30?

The 24 hour gaps are honestly pissing me off but I don't want to act out of emotion. I feel like either deleting and moving on or calling her out. What's a good strategy for dealing with this?

Clearly I made a good impression on the approach because she drove across the city to meet me after resisting for a while. The date honestly seemed great, one of the best flowing conversations I can remember. Then she follows up with a hand picked list of songs, and then boom she's taking forever to respond and screening me on my age.

The fuck?

 

[Will_V]

Met a chick at a live music event really quickly and got her number.

Texted her, asked her to meet me in my hood. She said no, I should meet her in her hood. I persisted playfully for a while and she resists also playfully. Finally I gave up, telling her I have low back pain and don't want to leave my hood, but that we'd make something happen another time (I didn't believe this but was just being nice). Suddenly she folds and says she's down to come meet me.

Sweet!

We meet up and have a really nice middle of the day date with excellent deep diving and connection. She's rather pretty as well. At the end of the date I tell her to send me some songs from the music she told me she likes. An hour laterr she sends me a long list of her favorite songs hand typed.

Me: Oh sweet I'll have a jam session and report back. I already listened to X song--it's beautiful thanks for reminding me of it!

24 hours later (I knew something was up with this delay) Her: Yea lmk your thoughts! Can't go wrong w any of his songs. Btw I forgot to ask, but how old are you?

2 hours later (responded too quickly after her full day of radio silence?) Me: *comments positively on her music, which songs I like etc* My age? Guess...curious what you think.

Literally 7 minutes less than 24 hrs later, her: *music blah blah* I'm guessing +30?

The 24 hour gaps are honestly pissing me off but I don't want to act out of emotion. I feel like either deleting and moving on or calling her out. What's a good strategy for dealing with this?

Clearly I made a good impression on the approach because she drove across the city to meet me after resisting for a while. The date honestly seemed great, one of the best flowing conversations I can remember. Then she follows up with a hand picked list of songs, and then boom she's taking forever to respond and screening me on my age.

The fuck?

Generally when girls object with things like age it's because they aren't interested and want to find an excuse .. a bit surprising considering how well the date went down. If you had to say one thing that didn't go well on the date, what would it be?

I'd probably make fun of the whole thing for a while without telling her my age, e.g.

"Too old for you, I should be in a nursing home"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you"
"157"

Since she responded well when you did a sort of takeaway the first time, maybe you could eventually try something like:

"You know what, I think we have great chemistry but maybe you're just too young for me, I'm looking for a girl can keep up with me".

If she really won't let go of it, I'd eventually tell her - better get it over with than have her waste any more time. If it's such a big deal to her, I'm not going to sit there and try to convince her otherwise. But by adding another takeaway in between, there's a better chance she'll end up binning the whole issue.

 

[iceberg slim]

Generally when girls object with things like age it's because they aren't interested and want to find an excuse .. a bit surprising considering how well the date went down. If you had to say one thing that didn't go well on the date, what would it be?

I'd probably make fun of the whole thing for a while without telling her my age, e.g.

"Too old for you, I should be in a nursing home"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you"
"157"

Since she responded well when you did a sort of takeaway the first time, maybe you could eventually try something like:

"You know what, I think we have great chemistry but maybe you're just too young for me, I'm looking for a girl can keep up with me".

If she really won't let go of it, I'd eventually tell her - better get it over with than have her waste any more time. If it's such a big deal to her, I'm not going to sit there and try to convince her otherwise. But by adding another takeaway in between, there's a better chance she'll end up binning the whole issue.

I was glad to see you chimed in because it seems like you always bring solid insight.

I think I'll follow your advice to the T: I'm going to joke about how old I am without telling my exact age. Then I'll do a takeaway, if she even responds, and if she doesn't at least I went down having fun instead of trying to qualify myself/chase her.

Honestly, the only issue I can think of is that I startled her a little bit at the beginning of the date, because she was waiting for me on a bench facing the water, so I basically had to approach from behind. But I could have started speaking from further away. Anyways, it didn't seem like a big deal at all, as she was waiting for me and maybe a bit nervous already.

I didn't get a lot of touching in, but I pinged her with a bit of touch and she gave me indicators that she was not ready for touch, so I kept it to a minimum. So if anything this was a positive, as I was able to gauge where she was at subtly without making her uncomfortable or being unsmooth, and acted accordingly.

 

[Will_V]

I was glad to see you chimed in because it seems like you always bring solid insight.

I think I'll follow your advice to the T: I'm going to joke about how old I am without telling my exact age. Then I'll do a takeaway, if she even responds, and if she doesn't at least I went down having fun instead of trying to qualify myself/chase her.

Honestly, the only issue I can think of is that I startled her a little bit at the beginning of the date, because she was waiting for me on a bench facing the water, so I basically had to approach from behind. But I could have started speaking from further away. Anyways, it didn't seem like a big deal at all, as she was waiting for me and maybe a bit nervous already.

I didn't get a lot of touching in, but I pinged her with a bit of touch and she gave me indicators that she was not ready for touch, so I kept it to a minimum. So if anything this was a positive, as I was able to gauge where she was at subtly without making her uncomfortable or being unsmooth, and acted accordingly.

Her being uncomfortable with touch is a big sign she's not bought in, there can be lots of reasons, but I wouldn't call a date with minimal touching a successful one. Until you break that barrier, things aren't going to progress very far.

How old do you estimate this girl is? She sounds pretty young and nervous.

If she's young and nervous, you'll not want to tease her super hard or say things that can be taken the wrong way, you mostly just want to stay super chill, make kind of dumb jokes, and lead her gently along while letting her stimulate herself.

With younger girls you also want to make sure you do a lot of leading and commanding aka getting compliance. There's a great post in a recent thread on using lots of small compliance to get a skittish girl to be more comfortable and submissive with you.

The dynamic with younger girls is an interesting one - you can end up doing a number on yourself by trying to build too much commonality, since she's often super aware of (what she believes to be) the different realities you live in, so she can end up trusting you less if you try to be too much on her level. That's why being authoritative and getting lots of compliance works well, because that's a frame she intuitively understands when dealing with older dudes, and makes her feel like she understands you and can trust you.

Seems like the biggest problem with the date is perhaps that you didn't establish that dynamic well enough, and she's feeling like you aren't being completely honest with her.

 

[Skills]

Talking about the "hood" is a strong dhv that makes panties wet....

 

[iceberg slim]

Her being uncomfortable with touch is a big sign she's not bought in, there can be lots of reasons, but I wouldn't call a date with minimal touching a successful one. Until you break that barrier, things aren't going to progress very far.

How old do you estimate this girl is? She sounds pretty young and nervous.

If she's young and nervous, you'll not want to tease her super hard or say things that can be taken the wrong way, you mostly just want to stay super chill, make kind of dumb jokes, and lead her gently along while letting her stimulate herself.

With younger girls you also want to make sure you do a lot of leading and commanding aka getting compliance. There's a great post in a recent thread on using lots of small compliance to get a skittish girl to be more comfortable and submissive with you.

The dynamic with younger girls is an interesting one - you can end up doing a number on yourself by trying to build too much commonality, since she's often super aware of (what she believes to be) the different realities you live in, so she can end up trusting you less if you try to be too much on her level. That's why being authoritative and getting lots of compliance works well, because that's a frame she intuitively understands when dealing with older dudes, and makes her feel like she understands you and can trust you.

Seems like the biggest problem with the date is perhaps that you didn't establish that dynamic well enough, and she's feeling like you aren't being completely honest with her.

I think she's 26, so not all that young. She's smart and has traveled a fair bit.

Regarding compliance, getting her to drive across the city to meet me is a nice chunk of compliance, no? I read Chase's comment you linked to (I'll read the whole thread later) and I actually got a decent amount of the compliance he specifies:

1. "Tell me more about that" <-- compliance demand (I did a lot of this throughout the convo)
2. "Scoot over a little, it's too sunny here" <-- compliance demand (I had us sit on a bench, and then had her give me her hand to look at her fingernails; at this point I also put my arm around her but she leaned forward to get away, so I withdrew my arm and then she leaned back; this was the touch she seemed averse to, though she gave me her hand to look at her nails and didn't seem bothered by it--maybe arm around her while sitting is too generic and she didn't want a big arm planted on her for an indefinite period of time...?)
3. Put your hand on her lower back to guide her across while remaining interested/attentive as she talks <-- touch/compliance (I believe I put my hand on her back to change her trajectory down some stairs)

I also put my hand on her shoulder and warmly smiled while explaining something, so more touch there. So I did touch, it just wasn't a lot. I guess it depends on what you mean by minimal touch. And it was only the arm plant that she didn't seem to like. So I may have misrepresented when I said she wasn't into the touch.

All that being said, you very well might be right that I didn't do a good enough job establishing the authoritative/compliance dynamic.

Where things stand now: I responded to her age screen by joking about how old I am (without telling her), and then told her I hope she's doing ok following the election. She responded saying she torn up over the election, and then pressed me on exactly how old I am. I'll probably respond tomorrow. Ideas on what to say?

 

[alexlaguma]

Ideas on what to say?

Tell her? What's the big deal?

 

[Will_V]

I think she's 26, so not all that young. She's smart and has traveled a fair bit.

That's not the vibe I got from what you posted so far, did you two connect over life experiences? Deep diving her on where she's at in life, where she's going? Talking adventures, good sex/bad sex, that type of stuff? Sharing music playlists is the sort of thing you'd typically do with a younger girl where your life experiences don't have a lot in common.

By 26 a woman is usually experienced and comfortable enough with herself that she'll respond well to a deeper, more philosophical, more self-aware seduction.

Are you a lot older or younger than her?

Regarding compliance, getting her to drive across the city to meet me is a nice chunk of compliance, no? I read Chase's comment you linked to (I'll read the whole thread later) and I actually got a decent amount of the compliance he specifies:

1. "Tell me more about that" <-- compliance demand (I did a lot of this throughout the convo)
2. "Scoot over a little, it's too sunny here" <-- compliance demand (I had us sit on a bench, and then had her give me her hand to look at her fingernails; at this point I also put my arm around her but she leaned forward to get away, so I withdrew my arm and then she leaned back; this was the touch she seemed averse to, though she gave me her hand to look at her nails and didn't seem bothered by it--maybe arm around her while sitting is too generic and she didn't want a big arm planted on her for an indefinite period of time...?)
3. Put your hand on her lower back to guide her across while remaining interested/attentive as she talks <-- touch/compliance (I believe I put my hand on her back to change her trajectory down some stairs)

Those are all good except for the arm around, yeah, it's generally not something I do unless maybe we're walking I'll pull her in for a few seconds and then let go. Has too much of a possessive vs stimulating vibe.

Where things stand now: I responded to her age screen by joking about how old I am (without telling her), and then told her I hope she's doing ok following the election. She responded saying she torn up over the election, and then pressed me on exactly how old I am. I'll probably respond tomorrow. Ideas on what to say?

She's not particularly young, at this age she's typically got a pretty firm idea of what she likes/wants or doesn't. There's no point beating around the bush except for last-minute frame corrections if you realize something was wildly wrong about it.

When she asks your age over the phone though, it's almost always over, she's already decided it doesn't feel the way it should, and you can't really fix that over the phone.

 

[Bill Juan]

I don't think the date went that "well".

You don't have enough passive value to be attractive just by being platonic and it looks like the date stayed platonic. So now she will come up with the shit tests to disqualify you because in all honesty she doesn't see the need to keep in touch with you besides maybe being "nice" What's in it for her ?

Next time on dates have a PLAN to escalate verbally, physically and even in terms of locations, getting closer to your place.

A recurring sticky point I see with guys who come to me is purposeless escalation. Touching for the sake of touching . That's not seduction, that's just touching . Your touches must go in the same direction and at the same pace as your verbal sexualising .