FR Shirtless street-stop

[Rakkum]

Hey fellas!

Can you street-sop chicks while out running SHIRTLESS?? Apparanetly yes. Can you always get at least a #-close? Probably not if you don't reach the hook point.

Yesterday I did my second shirtless jogging street-stop. It's not a goal in itself but I looove running shirtless, especially in the winter - it's more of a challenge and I always get a little pleasure out of shocking people

The first approach I did like this was a few months ago - when there corona thing here was at it's worst. Saw a chick checking me out... ran past her, thought a few sec too long, turned around and went and found her. Opened from the side, chatted for a short while and grabbed her number. I think I was too straight-forward in texting her later. Got a sweet reply to the ice-breaker text but later she ghosted me... maybe I was nonchalant about the corona thing... Don't know, really.

Yesterday, I managed to stop a cute walking straight in my direction... Got to decide fast in such a situation. The interaction went like this:

I spotted her walking in my direction and slowed down, smiled and put out my arm. She was smiling and seemed receptive.

So I told her she looks cute so I wanted stop and say hi.
Shot back immediately with something along the lines of "I don't give out my number" (cue to me not to bulldoze through this interaction)
"Who said anythin about a number?"
"So you just wanted to say hi..."
I do the shrug-head-tilt wit ha smile (== "maybe so")
"I saw you running the other day"
"I think I've seen you too" (dumbass rookie mistake, should have asked her "Oh really?" with the quizzical look, let her speak and put my shirt on maybe)

Asks me "Where are you from bla bla bla"
"I'm from here."
"Oh really bla bla"
"Listen, I need to get home but we should grab a few drinks some time" (I was not thinking here, blurted it out on autopilot instead of thinking)
Her guard goes right up (body-language closes, turns slightly away from me as if about to walk away)

I realize I messed this one up said bye or smth lame like that and left.


My analysis:
* Seemed obvious from the get-go that her guard was up
* Should have spent a few minutes talking and making her comfortable
* Need to get comfortable with approaches - time flows too quickly to make intelligent decisions on my feet


Questions:
* This chick seemed receptive to me but what's with the "I don't give my number"?


Cheers,
Rakkum

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Rakkum dude! The I don't give my number is an auto pilot shit test, think of it as the canned i have a boyfriend, tell her you have a pet goldfish your response to this was good and it broke her out of auto pilot and she started to invest and give good signs telling you that she seen you running the other day and then asking where you're from.

Your rookie mistake was a rookie mistake but she carried you through here. Another route other than oh really would be to tease that she's stalking you, this is fun, light hearted, shows that you're not too serious and it already sets the frame that she's chasing you. The quizzical look would have also been good and gets her talking more.

I don't think you made a huge mistake saying you had to run, you literally had to run but she needed more comfort here. This could have been something as simple as I have to run but you seem really cool, we should grab drinks sometime and this validates her a little. It's hard to comment with the "oh really bla bla" she might haves have you something here or just asking her where she's from back, it shows mutual interest.

She seemed receptive, with her guard up its cause you're a stranger and coming in from running you're in a higher intensity state than she is so you have to slow down and catch your breath dude.

 

[Rakkum]

@Rakkum dude! The I don't give my number is an auto pilot shit test, think of it as the canned i have a boyfriend, tell her you have a pet goldfish

Yes, goddamit, all the chicks I'm approaching seem to have a boyfriend wtf. Dude, stealing the petfish line

Your rookie mistake was a rookie mistake but she carried you through here. Another route other than oh really would be to tease that she's stalking you, this is fun, light hearted, shows that you're not too serious and it already sets the frame that she's chasing you. The quizzical look would have also been good and gets her talking more.

I'm thinking maybe I should said something nice to compliment her, something about myself open myself just a bit to her, to seem like a real person and suggest some innocent thing do together (Let's do drinks is the only one in my toolbox atm hahah. I think I need diversify).

 

[Bismarck]

Hi Rokkum,

Props on having the gumption to approach girls during the day!

I'm at a place where I want to start approaching female joggers, as where I go for walks I always see at least a handful of delicious fitness gals, but haven't started yet. That's the next frontier.

Onto your report: I would be a bit less harsh on myself ("dumbass", "lame", etc.) After all, nobody is born with the knowledge of how to do what we do here. This is an art which is a constant challenge, where skills are being constantly honed.

When she said "I saw you running the other day" this was not only a hook but an IOI. Whenever a girl remembers you this means you made an impression, which usually means she's attracted to you.

Regarding what you should say to girls (and believe me self-sabotaging/self-ejecting is one of those ego/self-protection mechanisms we all have to consciously work at removing, unless you're doing a takeaway in nightgame but that's another story) when I am at ease I just talk about what I'm doing that day, and kind of work off of what she gives me.

Cold reads (making observations about her) also work. So does looking at her waiting for her to look away first at least twice (credit Gun) and in general projecting sexual state (which means if she turns you on, not hiding the fact from your thoughts, instead transmitting it through your eyes).

Later, you might try the experiment of telling yourself that the next girl you talk to wants to sleep with you, and when you're approaching and interacting with her, acting as if that were the case (credit Swinggcat).

Hope this helps!

 

[Rakkum]

What a coincidence, I saw the same chick having a coffee at a terrace near my house yesterday. So, of course I dove in. She was alone, having a coffee so I smiled, said hi and chatted her up and sat at her table.

I thought I'd bust her chops a bit by asking what's up with doing the "no number" shtick as the first thing in the interaction. The aim was to frame it being as a little bit ungraceful and get her to qualify herself.

Thinking about, probably not the best idea in the first place to remind her that she already shot me down. Also, I messed up the delivery so it ended backfiring - "yes, I have a boyfriend"

:| Fuck... Hahha, okay, live and learn!

Kept on talking with her, though. Found out that part of her family is from a Central Asian family. I'm look like a foreigner myself so I got that out of her by saying along the lines "You look ... uh ... a bit oriental like myself". I usually keep my mouth shut about that aspect of me. They almost always ask sooner or later if they are interested in me. So I kind of gave away some of the passive mystique I got going for me.

Chatted with her a bit more but ran out of ideas how to turn this thing around and excused myself....

What I should have done, instead, is to mention I had actually been planning to visit her country and go into a emotional narrative about how I would feel in the plain steppes and segue into some other related travel story...

One of the reasons I ended up ejecting too soon from the interaction was that she mentioned she was waiting for a friend. Guys, how to stay in the interaction while being graceful and socially attuned in such a situation?

 

[Rakkum]

I'm at a place where I want to start approaching female joggers, as where I go for walks I always see at least a handful of delicious fitness gals, but haven't started yet. That's the next frontier.

Would love to hear how this goes for you! Do keep us posted!

When she said "I saw you running the other day" this was not only a hook but an IOI. Whenever a girl remembers you this means you made an impression, which usually means she's attracted to you.

I thought so too. And you are spot on about what you are saying about self-ejecting!

So does looking at her waiting for her to look away first at least twice (credit Gun) and in general projecting sexual state (which means if she turns you on, not hiding the fact from your thoughts, instead transmitting it through your eyes).

Ah, I have been completely overlooking this! Tried something similar years ago - I think the technique was called dominance vacuum or something similar and it actually worked!

Hope this helps!

It does. Thanks a lot for the advice, highly appreciated!

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Rakkum dude! I'd have probably gone with a stalker role play tease with this girl, wow twice in one week are you following me? How do you know where I'm going to be? Something playful like this is better than reminding her she ejected from you.

When she told you she had a boyfriend you should have told her you have a Ferrari! I'm joking, don't say that :') but you know how to handle this auto pilot response and how to break it.

Keeping in this set longer while being socially attuned could have been oh that's cool ask some shit about what they're going to do, how they know each other and ultimately your saving grace here is that's cool I'll keep you company until they turn up. Alternatively if the chat is engaging enough you just keep talking ofcourse if you run out of stuff to say because she's not giving you anything to work with you can always eject dude

 

[Rakkum]

When she told you she had a boyfriend you should have told her you have a Ferrari! I'm joking, don't say that :') but you know how to handle this auto pilot response and how to break it.

Dude, I tried the pet goldfish thing on a chick who told me she had a boyfriend. She replied with having a cat lol But definitely two levels up than standing in akward silence for a few seconds when she says she has a boyfriend.

Keeping in this set longer while being socially attuned could have been oh that's cool ask some shit about what they're going to do, how they know each other and ultimately your saving grace here is that's cool I'll keep you company until they turn up.

Good advice, thanks!

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Rakkum dude! Haha it's cool you used the gold fish line, definitely would have been better than standing awkwardly! The cat you can work with, you've moved away from the boyfriend so you can ask the cats name or make a joke that you can't introduce the cat to the goldfish or use innuendo. There's a huge scope to work with here, if she thinks you're cool and you handle this objection the boyfriend might quickly disappear.

 

[HandsomeSexGod]

I love that you were jogging without your shirt dude haha badass!

 

[Fuck This]

I really think you should be looking for more IOI's before you stop women on the trail. For one thing, if she led with "I don't give out my number" then she sure didn't have a high enough buying temperature. You do that too many times and you are known as "that guy that tries to pickup women along the run path."

The other thing about stopping your run to talk to some girl is that you also signal that your TIME is less valuable than some random female. That is not operating from a position of "being the prize". If I'm dedicating the time to workout or do a run, it is for me. Believe me if a woman is interested in you she will make herself available...If you have to jump through hoops to talk to her it isn't gonna be worth it.

I recall when I changed my shirt outside my car one time after a run as a couple of women were coming the other way on the sidewalk. They actually made eye contact and motioned for me to roll down the window. The one asked me if she could introduce me to her girlfriend then saw my ring and said "Oh but you are married". Another time after a race I was walking , hands on my head trying to catch my breath, sweat pouring off me, and I had a woman open me by saying "you're cute"...so they will signal their interest.

 

[Rakkum]

@Fuck This

Thanks for weighing in!

I really think you should be looking for more IOI's before you stop women on the trail. For one thing, if she led with "I don't give out my number" then she sure didn't have a high enough buying temperature. You do that too many times and you are known as "that guy that tries to pickup women along the run path."

I see what you mean here. I'm guessing you see this as an uncalibrated guy running around and spam-approaching chicks in broad daylight I think, I hope that this is not the case with me haha! Some times there is no time for them to signal you or they won't give you IOIs but still be warm to you when you open. Also, the thing with running is the time from the me spotting a chick and she seeing and assessing me is super short...

As to being "that guy", isn't it the same with all environments? Besides, I never run the same trail, so I would have to be off the mark a lot of time for it to be noticed.

The other thing about stopping your run to talk to some girl is that you also signal that your TIME is less valuable than some random female. That is not operating from a position of "being the prize".

Let me reframe this. I am leisurely jogging home from my workout spot in the park. I LOVE MEETING CHICKS and am outgoing enough to talk up complete strangers when out and running... I like it and spending a minute to figure out whether she is someone is hardly an effort

Believe me if a woman is interested in you she will make herself available...If you have to jump through hoops to talk to her it isn't gonna be worth it.

I agree with you on this one!

I recall when I changed my shirt outside my car one time after a run as a couple of women were coming the other way on the sidewalk. They actually made eye contact and motioned for me to roll down the window. The one asked me if she could introduce me to her girlfriend then saw my ring and said "Oh but you are married". Another time after a race I was walking , hands on my head trying to catch my breath, sweat pouring off me, and I had a woman open me by saying "you're cute"...so they will signal their interest.

That's awesome, man! I have approach and slept with chicks who did not give me a lot of signal either because they were in a different headspace at the time or barely even noticed me. True, I get plenty of harsh rejections, too... But hey, still learning, better to err on the side of getting rejected more than not approaching enough (the latter being a serious problem for me at the moment; as long as it's not a massive reputation destroyer).

I hope I wasn't misreading you, bro!

 

[Chase]

Nice to see you getting some day game reps in, @Rakkum.

One way for handling a knee-jerk defensive quasi-rejection like that:

HER: I don't give out my number.​

YOU: Good, because I don't take them. (pattern interrupt)​

HER: So you just wanted to say hi...?​

YOU: No, I like to do things with people in person. (seeding) Where you running off to? (open loop)​

Then interrupt her answer (don't let her finish it, leaving it as an open loop), banter with her, or compliment her, get some compliance. After a few minutes circle back to the "Where are you going?" open loop and either try to go with her or try to get her to go with you.

I thought I'd bust her chops a bit by asking what's up with doing the "no number" shtick as the first thing in the interaction. The aim was to frame it being as a little bit ungraceful and get her to qualify herself.

Thinking about, probably not the best idea in the first place to remind her that she already shot me down. Also, I messed up the delivery so it ended backfiring - "yes, I have a boyfriend"

Yes, exactly.

Well, live and learn (as you said).

Gotta get these bumps to figure out what stuff to do and not to do.

Smoother way would've just been, "Hiya stranger, care for some company?" and just plop down at her table as if you're old friends.

Especially when girls are hitting you with insta-rejections, they are communicating that they are on their guard around you for whatever reason (my suspicion, based on what you've shared here: she's attracted to you, yet trying to remain loyal to her boyfriend).

Approaching them in an "old friends, very comfortable" way is one of the surest shots to melting those icy barriers.

Kept on talking with her, though. Found out that part of her family is from a Central Asian family. I'm look like a foreigner myself so I got that out of her by saying along the lines "You look ... uh ... a bit oriental like myself". I usually keep my mouth shut about that aspect of me. They almost always ask sooner or later if they are interested in me. So I kind of gave away some of the passive mystique I got going for me.

Yeah.

Seems like you were aware she needed to be more comfortable with you and tried to build commonalities here. Except you forced it a bit.

Non-forced would just be, "You're part Asian, right? There is this moderately exotic look to you, compared with most of the locals here anyway."

Then if she wants to ask you if you're Asian too, cool. If she doesn't -- well, she has eyes! If you're visibly Asian, she can see that

One of the reasons I ended up ejecting too soon from the interaction was that she mentioned she was waiting for a friend. Guys, how to stay in the interaction while being graceful and socially attuned in such a situation?

"Cool, cool. I'll keep you company until your friend gets here, or I finish my iced chocolate. I mean unless I'm imposing!"

You know, the other thing you can do if you've carved out some time with her and she has a boyfriend and seems like she's keeping it pretty closed down is to tell her, "So you've got a boyfriend. You're totally off the market, it's not like on its way out or anything. You guys didn't just have a big fight or anything... [give her a chance to acknowledge here] so tell me this. Are you the prettiest girl in your friend group?"

If she says yes, say ohhhh, no, that's a bummer... well do you have any girlfriends who are as CLOSE to as pretty as you? If she says yes, find out if they're single. If they're single, ask her if she likes playing matchmaker. If she says no, she's not the prettiest, tell her noooo, I don't believe it, well that's gotta be one high quality friend group if there are girls who are that pretty in the group! Then ask if they're single and ask if she likes to play matchmaker.

If she says she doesn't want to play matchmaker: "Oh come on, every girl likes that. They're sitting at home, bored out of their minds, wishing they could meet an incredible man," etc., blah blah. Self-points and a little basic NLP.

Get her to intro you to her friends, maybe you can shag one of them. Even if they're all taken or you go out with one and it doesn't work out you're now a lot more memorable to her and when she breaks up with the boyfriend in 5 months you're the first one she's contacting.

Chase