Exes Should I rekindle the fire?

[johndoe]

Hi folks,

I'm the sappy fool who wrote this post half a year ago.

Long-Term - Developing feelings in an open relationship

Hi folks, I've been lingering around and reading GirlsChase for almost a decade now. Don't read it as much as I used to (which is a testament to how well it has taught me) as my life has gotten more busy and packed with relationship and work. To cut a long story short, I've had a very...

www.skilledseducer.com

A lot has happened since then, and I'm back for you folks to bust my balls and give me some clarity on my shit.

Here's a recap of what happened 6 months ago:

1. Left Ex-Girl of 4 years after starting an open relationship, because I met New Girl who I had great sex with.
2. Ex-Girl, who was very enthusiastic about the open relationship previously, wanted me to stop seeing New Girl because I developed feelings.
3. Ex-Girl suggested stopping the open relationship. She was willing to let me have a fuck-around period (time negotiable) while she stopped her fuck-around first, provided I stopped seeing New Girl.
4. That was a no-deal for me. I really liked New Girl and I didn't want to stop seeing her. She had a hot Adonis dude — blonde hair, marginally hotter body and an arguably bigger dick — that she liked seeing too, and I didn't stop her even though it made me uncomfortable. She says its different because she didn't allow herself to develop emotions for him, but I did with New Girl.
5. I broke up with her. Partially because I wanted to bang New Girl without a fucking curfew (metaphorically speaking).
6. Ex-Girl tried to rekindle things. I was fucking sad and guilty, but I didn't want to go back because I would feel like a cuck. She wanted to meet me frequently but I basically told her I don't want to see girls I'm not fucking (look, I said it in a nice way ok).
7. Decided not to talk to Ex-Girl since then. Hey, I wanted her to move on man.

Since then, here's what happened with New GIrl:

1. Fucking, mind-blowing, Nirvana-inducing sex. Even porn stars would be jealous.
2. New Girl asks for commitment 3 months in. I said I wasn't emotionally all there (didn't want to do all the relationship shit again, getting to know friends, family, and fuck all).
3. We had a commitment due date, but the date passed and neither of us broached the topic.

I can't bring myself to do this relationship shit with New Girl, mainly because I'm not over Ex-Girl:

1. We hardly fought man, watched out for each other and shit. Maybe it is hindsight 20/20, I don't know. I thought our chemistry was fucking amazing. I went from being a stud she was scheduling her time around about to a cuck in those 4 years though. If you need a gauge on the level of cuckery, think Rio and Tokyo in Money Heist, or Geralt and Yennefer in Witcher. It wasn't I'M-GETTING-FUCKING-PEGGED-HERE level, but she holds the dominant frame most of the time.
2. Sex was also mind-blowing, but 4 years of fucking can take the mind-blowing out of anything.
3. Fate, destiny and all that mushy sappy bullshit.
4. Don't wanna do all the relationship shit again man. Look, fucking is great, but getting to know someone else's nonsense and getting them to understand yours is hard work. Now I gotta go back to square one, fuck that.

So, what do you folks think? Should I get back with Ex-Girl? I think she fucking hates my guts now, but plebs tell me that I need to get some closure with Ex-Girl.

I'm also interested in some case studies about something @Chase wrote (preferrably from The Man himself). I've bolded the section:

I'm not in favor of continuing things with a woman once things have broken down enough that she's sampled other men. I know guys who've circled back to ex-girlfriends or shifted to monogamy from girls they'd been open with and it always seems like the relationships have tons of problems after that. Seems to put a stain on most relationships you can't much scrub out.

New Girl sounds like she's definitely into you. Sounds like you are handling things well with her too.

All in all, you're not doing too shabby with what started out as a pretty sticky situation.

I'd be wary of going back to monogamy with the 4-year-girlfriend though and giving her what she wants.

Maybe an option if you really think you can buck trends there. But sometimes a relationship has simply run its course.

 

[Ambiance]

Hey man, that is a complicated situation I have a lot of sympathy for. You seem to have a good grasp on the state of where you are with both girls. Here's my advice: don't get back with Ex-Girl. I know that's hard to hear, and that you have so many great memories with her and how important she is to you. But the foundation of that relationship has been heavily, permanently eroded. This is an inevitable thing that happens with relationships that haven't lead to children/higher commitment like marriage. Chase is the expert on this phenomenon, which he calls the Two Year Drop (https://www.girlschase.com/content/2-year-drop). Her sleeping with at least one other guy, or you falling for New-Girl, are symptoms of this.

If I were to wager a guess, I'd bet around the 2, maybe 3 year mark of your relationship with Ex-Girl, things started to go downhill with both parties. You probably started missing variety in women, she probably started getting uncomfortable with the current level of commitment, etc., and these new drives upset the formerly stable equilibrium. It's what happens once the chemical cocktail of infatuation emotions wears off. Just because a relationship hits the 2 Year Drop period doesn't mean it ends right away; often couples will be stubborn or try various strategies to sustain it, like how you and Ex-Girl tried an open relationship.

What you need to know is going back to Ex-Girl is like swimming back to a sinking ship. Sure, you may be able to salvage a bit of wreckage into a makeshift raft, and keep sailing, albeit in far inferior condition, and likely to fail down the road. But unlike the ocean, it is much easier to find a new vessel in the dating world, and now that you're wiser, probably a better one. You may have already found that in New-Girl.

So don't go back. Keep seeing New-Girl, and if you don't want a new committed relationship just like your old one, don't do that. Enjoy your freedom, see what's out there. I'd go even further, and say not to get into a serious relationship until you're ready to settle down/have children, so that all the work you've put into a relationship figuring out each other's nonsense doesn't go to waste via the Two Year Drop, which is bypassed by children.

Another great article by Chase that might pertain to you: https://www.girlschase.com/content/whats-endgame-playboy