Should you buy girls drinks?

[RodeoRyan]

So I know Chase covers in depth that you shouldn't pay for her food/drinks when you're on a date with a girl.

However, all of my friends, past and present, have always claimed the proverbial, "If you buy girls drinks at the bar, you increase your chances of getting laid." Their logic is that if you don't buy her a drink, some other guy will, and she will be more interested in him. And also, you seem like a stingy asshole and that's clearly not what a girl wants. Further, the belief is if you just get them drunk enough...blah blah blah

I completely disagree.

My friends constantly chastise me for not buying girls drinks. Problem is, I do much better than them without paying for girls' alcohol. I absolutely never buy girls drinks. It's a waste of my money. I have done just fine without ever buying drinks. I think it's perfectly fine for the girl to pay for her own drink.

In my opinion, buying drinks for girls can actually hurt. You could be raising your value too high and she could consider trying to keep you around for the sole purpose of paying for her drinks. I also think the girl might get the impression that you're just trying to get her drunk enough to take her home and go cold on you. After all, she got what she wanted: free drinks!

Thoughts??

 

[Garrett]

Ryan,

If you want one of us to validate your answer, then yes, you're right my friend!

What your friends don't understand is that buying drinks for girls makes them like you more, but the fact that they like you more isn't a good thing. You want them to like you just enough to sleep with you, and as a result, a lot of the girls you'll sleep with may not actually really like you all that much. If the girl doesn't like you that much, she'll be thinking, "Screw it, I don't really care if I ever see this guy again, so what have I got to lose?" She may throw a few objections in there for safe measure, but with a little 'deflection', she'll sleep with you, and she'll be hooked .

Hope that clarified things for you,
Garrett

 

[skin_man]

Hi Ryan,

Buying girls drinks is definitely a no-no. Think of it this way. If she were always going home with the guys that buy her drinks, then that would make her the sort of girl that goes home with every guy. Meaning that if you bought her a drink she would have to go home with you.

Think of the number of guys that buy her a drink in reality and the number of them that try to take her home after buying her a drink. With time she begins to place such guys in a cartegory as soon as they get them a drink and she habitually would expect them to want to take her home etc.

So then if you stand out as one of the few guys who would not buy her drinks but is willing to flirt and get her excited with your intention clear to her, she would see you much differently from the other dudes and can then begin trying to prod for more from you...even intimacy


P.S.: i dont recommend this but, if you do get into this sort of debate^^ with any girl at the bar after she asks you for a drink or after you just met her, you'd be faced with the highest rejection LOL cuz it screws with her logical mind too much.

 

[MisterX]

I don't know where you live, but I can say that It depends on the culture.

Where I'm from (Bulgaria, Europe) you don't buy girls drinks, it will never work and is probably the creepiest thing you can do.
Even on a date, you cannot pay the hole bill, even if it's just coffee. The girls just wont let you pay and will insist to split the bill, until you agree. Only if you're good friends or dating will a girl ever let you pay for her drink/food.

This is the case with 99% of girls from all ages, the only exceptions are the ones who only want to use you for free food/drinks, but if she has the slightest of interest, there is no way she'll let you pay the whole bill.


I've heard though and seen in movies/sitcoms that in the US it's normal to buy girls drinks and food (don't know if it's true or not), but here in Europe it's mostly a no no, as in it's not okay to do that.


So I guess it depends on where you live, the culture and the girls.

 

[Flames]

If you want to buy a girl drink then buy her drinks, if you don't then don't. The point isn't the buying of drinks it's the fact that you think that buying a girl drinks will 'make her like you' cause that's not going to happen.

It's the intention not the deed.

 

[RodeoRyan]

So I talked more to one of my friends about this - he's dead set that you have to buy drinks for girls.

His claim is that if the girl is going to have to endure spending X amount of time with you in the bar, the least you could do is "reward" her by buying her a drink. He goes further to claim that all girls "know" you're just trying to bang them if you're talking to them in the bar, so again, the least you could do is buy her a drink...

I mean, at the end of the day, the way I see it is that buying a girl a drink is not gonna get you over that last hump to get her to bed. In other words, her thinking DOES NOT go like this: "Hmmm, I'm really interested in this guy, but geez, he made me pay for my drink...had he bought this drink for me, or offered to buy me a drink at a different time, I'd go home with him. However, even though he's a cool guy I'd like to go home with, he didn't pay for my drink(s). So I'm going to have to pass on him."

I really don't think a girl cares much whether you buy her a drink or not, regardless of what part of the world you're from, as long as you're fundamentals are down.

To me, buying drinks for a girl is just a mental crutch guys use for an excuse in lack of fundamentals/game/confidence.

~ Cheers

 

[Franco]

Hey Ryan,

I'm in a bit of hurry here, but I'll give you a quick summary of when/why I buy girls drinks.

First of all, you should never open a girl by buying her a drink. It immediately puts you in the chasing category and will probably lead to you having a very empty wallet every week if you decide to do so.

When do I like to buy a girl a drink? The best time to buy a girl a drink is after you've already opened her, made some conversation, possibly deep-dived a bit (depending on your personal process), and then are looking to move her somewhere to get further investment from her. I often move a girl to the bar because it is a very natural place to take her, and she'll usually be comfortable with it. Once you've moved her there, then you can offer to buy her a drink -- the one great thing this does for you is that it lets her know that you're interested in getting to know her better.

This is just my personal preference, but it is absolutely not necessary. I have found, however, that the girls that I've bought drinks for are much more likely to hang around and allow you to deep-dive more since what you are basically purchasing is more "time" for her to spend with you.

Ricardus and myself usually buy drinks for women, but I know Chase prefers not to, so I would say to experiment with it and see what works best for you. Just don't buy a drink as an opener! It's not an effective method at all in my opinion.

Hope this helps.

- Franco

 

[Garrett]

Franco,

Thanks for clarifying that, and it's interesting how you and Ricardus have different views from Chase. Out of curiosity, what happens when you don't buy the girl a drink? In other words, how does she usually respond during and after the two are ordering if you don't offer to buy her a drink?

Garrett

 

[Chase]

Garrett-

Thanks for clarifying that, and it's interesting how you and Ricardus have different views from Chase. Out of curiosity, what happens when you don't buy the girl a drink? In other words, how does she usually respond during and after the two are ordering if you don't offer to buy her a drink?

Once your fundamentals are solid, buying drinks for girls really is a matter of preference. A drink buy from a sexy, confident guy doesn't look contrived because it's just another way of him showing interest in a girl, so it's okay.

However, you also stop running into situations where women ask you to buy them drinks altogether, for the most part. The tighter your fundamentals get, the less often you get asked to buy drinks.

The only time I hear "Buy me a drink" as either a question or a command anymore is if A) I came in off-my-game and the girl is trying to blow me out - and in that case, touche! or - B) she's a very experienced woman sexually / hook-up wise (typically somewhere over age 30), and she uses a sexily said, "Buy me a drink?" mid-conversation to help move things forward (in that case, I might laugh a little, and then tell her, in an equally sexy tone of voice, "Okay, but you have to make it up to me later").

Chase

 

[RodeoRyan]

Once your fundamentals are solid, buying drinks for girls really is a matter of preference. A drink buy from a sexy, confident guy doesn't look contrived because it's just another way of him showing interest in a girl, so it's okay.

Chase/Franco,

So would an example of this be like what Ryan Gosling does in 'Crazy, Stupid, Love' when he confidently and sexily walks up to women and opens immediately with "Let me buy you a drink"?

I mean, it probably doesn't hurt that Gosling is off the scale from a 1-10...so I guess in his situation, it doesn't matter what the hell he says/does.

~Cheers

 

[Franco]

Garrett,

Out of curiosity, what happens when you don't buy the girl a drink? In other words, how does she usually respond during and after the two are ordering if you don't offer to buy her a drink?

Ordering a drink is usually part of my "move for investment" process. So what I mean is, I usually only buy a girl a drink if I have moved her from somewhere nearby the bar to the actual bar itself. At that point, I know she's at LEAST willing to move with me, so there's a much greater chance that she is willing to go even further with me. Once we make it to the bar, then I'll offer to buy the drink.

So I guess your question doesn't really apply to my process since I never just order a drink in front of her for myself and then offer nothing for her. Sometimes I'll already have a drink in hand, so she may decide to order one for herself (and in that case, I don't usually pay since I wasn't the one to offer). Don't over-think this too much though. I just like to buy a girl a drink after I've moved her because it tells me she's interested, so I know that ordering her a drink is essentially buying me "deep-diving" time as well as an opportunity for her to get a little more buzzed and sexually aroused.

Ryan,

So would an example of this be like what Ryan Gosling does in 'Crazy, Stupid, Love' when he confidently and sexily walks up to women and opens immediately with "Let me buy you a drink"?

Personally, I don't ever (and will never) open a girl by offering to buy her a drink. A lot of guys who start doing this think it is an effective way of opening on women because they notice that the women almost ALWAYS accept and almost ALWAYS will talk to you for a few minutes afterward. However, as we know from reading on this website, reactions does not equal results. The only reason almost all women will do this is that they are socially savvy and know that it would be extremely impolite to just accept a drink and then leave. By talking to you for a bit, it clears a girl's conscience that she wasn't just accepting a drink without being grateful for the kind gesture (although you'll sometimes run into women who won't even converse with you after you buy them a drink -- then you'll really be against opening by buying girls a drink).

As far as Ryan Gosling and Crazy, Stupid, Love, keep in mind that...

• A) it's Ryan Gosling and
  B) it's a movie.

In this scenario, the director/producer gets to decide how the girl responds to this. Not the girl.

- Franco

 

[PinotNoir]

I completely agree with not opening a girl by buying a drink. I never ever do this anymore. Even with girls that were flattered and interested, it just made the opening a little awkward because then she knew exactly that I liked her and wanted something more but that I had to rely on a clutch of buying a drink instead of directly telling her. If you've never done it, then try it out, but I think you'll quickly learn how much of a waste it is -- and not just money-wise.

I do have 2 things that I usually do, and I'm wondering if you guys think they're bad or good ideas.

1.) If she asks for a drink or if the question of paying for both drinks comes up, I'll look at her and say something similar to, "I would offer to pay, but looking at you, I know that you're a successful (and strong) woman that doesn't need a man to buy her a drink." I may continue with, "I'd rather enjoy our conversation than enjoy watching you drink" or something similar. Then if the girl says "no, I'm not successful, blah...", I just continue conversation on something else. The few times I tried this it seemed to have good results. She respected me more and wanted to keep conversing, but it didn't go anymore. This is probably more due to my fundamentals that need work: being sexy, moving fast, framing, etc.

2.) I may try to surprise a girl by buying her a drink. This is after already talking and building a connection. Then without her asking or any indication, I just buy her a drink. This has worked well in the past, but I have ended up buying a drink that the girl didn't like, so then I had to drink it haha. The few girls I have done this with were quite flattered though and told me that no one has just done that spontaneously before. Next time, I'll just figure out what she's currently drinking or has drunk and make sure to order that or something similar.

Thoughts?

 

[Garrett]

I completely agree with not opening a girl by buying a drink. I never ever do this anymore. Even with girls that were flattered and interested, it just made the opening a little awkward because then she knew exactly that I liked her and wanted something more but that I had to rely on a clutch of buying a drink instead of directly telling her. If you've never done it, then try it out, but I think you'll quickly learn how much of a waste it is -- and not just money-wise.

I do have 2 things that I usually do, and I'm wondering if you guys think they're bad or good ideas.

1.) If she asks for a drink or if the question of paying for both drinks comes up, I'll look at her and say something similar to, "I would offer to pay, but looking at you, I know that you're a successful (and strong) woman that doesn't need a man to buy her a drink." I may continue with, "I'd rather enjoy our conversation than enjoy watching you drink" or something similar. Then if the girl says "no, I'm not successful, blah...", I just continue conversation on something else. The few times I tried this it seemed to have good results. She respected me more and wanted to keep conversing, but it didn't go anymore. This is probably more due to my fundamentals that need work: being sexy, moving fast, framing, etc.

2.) I may try to surprise a girl by buying her a drink. This is after already talking and building a connection. Then without her asking or any indication, I just buy her a drink. This has worked well in the past, but I have ended up buying a drink that the girl didn't like, so then I had to drink it haha. The few girls I have done this with were quite flattered though and told me that no one has just done that spontaneously before. Next time, I'll just figure out what she's currently drinking or has drunk and make sure to order that or something similar.

Thoughts?

PinotNoir,

I like your ideas. Remember, a lot of it comes down to how you act/who you are, and not the actual words. You can take a phrase that sounds like the sweetest thing in the world, but if you get a sexy man to repeat that phrase, it won't come off the same. Although both persons would mean the same, the sexy man will get more results, and with that being said, I think if you come off sexy, both of your ideas could work quite effectively. Granted, I'm no expert on picking up girls via buying them a beverage, but through a logical interpretation, I believe it can be done well, so long as you apply what you learn on here to your actions .

Cheers,
Garrett