- Joined
- Apr 6, 2014
- Messages
- 15
By my nature I am a rather dispassionate person, and I find myself at a sticking point with sex because of this. I want to learn how to be more passionate and give girls sex that exceeds their wildest fantasies, yet currently, even with girls I'm crazy about, I may start out passionate, but once I know that we are definitely having sex, something happens that I can only think of comparing to a "flinch". Not a physical one mind you, more an emotional one -- where I get in a simple and unemotional objective perspective, and I just treat the rest of the interaction as "work". Girls are satisfied with my proficiency, but I know that my emotional frigidity is holding me back from being the sex god I could be. I don't particularly enjoy sex beyond the workout it gives me, the effect it has on the relationship, and the voyeuristic pleasure of perceiving past a girl's usual public character -- getting a more intimate view of who they really are, and because of this, even though I am more than proficient technically, I am not consistently giving girls orgasms (yes, I've read and put into practice Chase's and Ridardus's articles on this). My problem is about opening up sexually. I can get girls into my bed without a problem with my process that I've more or less got down, but once there, I have yet to be able to really open up to someone emotionally, which I think is a vital component of truly excellent sex. Perhaps it's a trust issue?
Basically, the problem is that I'm struggling to get into an emotional state; I am presently incapable of sexually opening up to people, even though I want to. I don't like looking girls in the eyes while having sex, and I usually choose to not cum, as I see it as a waste of energy and as a way for them to sap my power and take advantage of me (think about how many guys make stupid promises or talk too much while in this weakened state). I can get out of my head, but I usually don't go very far, never truly letting go. My daemon demands constant control, and that, coupled with my negatively conditioned fear of betrayal (my only gf I've had was crazy -- tried to drown herself with a weighty anthology of Virginia Woolfe tied to her leg as a brick, and it ended with her sleeping with another man, which in retrospect I see as totally reasonable, since I was a weakling and she was an experienced firecat, but I think it might still effect me on a subconscious emotional level -- though I was pretty closed off before that anyway, having been a virgin and all -- which was some 4 years ago) and the amount of effort I've invested in becoming attractive (which has in fact been quite successful), makes sex, quite frankly, less than satisfying and a risk to my apparently fragile ego.
However, I'm thinking that if I learned to simulate passion I could slowly break down the barrier and become truly passionate, using positive reinforcement from the girls I sleep with. I've watched some videos online, but you can't get inside the lovers' heads from that perspective. You don't see the relationship outside of the narrow window presented (which is yet another reason why porn and sex tapes of any kind are almost always boring).
One important factor I could use some advise on that I learned from multiple girls telling me is that they would like me to make more noise while having sex; to communicate more, and more sexually (I'm still working on my sexual voice, though the biggest thing missing in it is confidence, which I can't force). How much sound do you usually make and what kinds of sound do you prefer? Another thing is the undressing process. Once we are both fully undressed we are more or less going to have sex and I usually "flinch" emotionally at this moment. Any advise on getting undressed that keeps the emotions running hot? I tend to employ a stages kind of thing: first I take off their pants --> then my shirt --> then their shirt --> then their panties --> then their bra --> then my underwear. I do this occasionally in a different order, but this is default, and is broken apart by a little foreplay between each step.
What is a good starting position? I tend to be rather impatient of foreplay (and does that really surprise you
) and usually have an "alright, let's do this" kind of attitude in the bedroom. I don't warm girls up enough apparently though, and I've had a few girls click into their logical mindsets and either ask me to slow down or, on one occasion, get flustered and leave (which was the spark for this post, if you were wondering). What other passion strategies do you employ (consciously or subconsciously) that you think would help out guys like me who struggle to get emotionally invested in sex? One thing I plan on trying is using more foreplay. Another thing that would be great would be to find an object (i.e. girl) who is just seeping with sexual energy who could inspire me. But because of the law of attraction (like attracts like) I've lately (last 2+ years!) been on a streak of rather dispassionate/highly repressed girls, who I want to open up, but who in the end, simply bore me and cause me to move on and tempt me to lose even more faith in the polarity of the sexes. But before I can open them up successfully, I need to figure this problem out for myself. Any advise?
Thanks in advance!
Mani
Edit: It might be worth noting that I've been feeling more than just burnt out sexually, but I'm also losing interest in most things in my life that once I found invigorating, which is damaging my life through a perpetuation of negative reinforcement through hesitation and doubt. I know what I want to do with my life, and am working in that direction, but all too often I am pulled off course because of inner turmoil and lack of confidence. I want to move to a city somewhere, but before I do that i want to get another part-time writing job so I can make enough to live on while I focus on mastering the social arts. But this is probably beyond the scope of this forum. Though, it might be useful for getting a better grasp of the issue at hand.
Basically, the problem is that I'm struggling to get into an emotional state; I am presently incapable of sexually opening up to people, even though I want to. I don't like looking girls in the eyes while having sex, and I usually choose to not cum, as I see it as a waste of energy and as a way for them to sap my power and take advantage of me (think about how many guys make stupid promises or talk too much while in this weakened state). I can get out of my head, but I usually don't go very far, never truly letting go. My daemon demands constant control, and that, coupled with my negatively conditioned fear of betrayal (my only gf I've had was crazy -- tried to drown herself with a weighty anthology of Virginia Woolfe tied to her leg as a brick, and it ended with her sleeping with another man, which in retrospect I see as totally reasonable, since I was a weakling and she was an experienced firecat, but I think it might still effect me on a subconscious emotional level -- though I was pretty closed off before that anyway, having been a virgin and all -- which was some 4 years ago) and the amount of effort I've invested in becoming attractive (which has in fact been quite successful), makes sex, quite frankly, less than satisfying and a risk to my apparently fragile ego.
However, I'm thinking that if I learned to simulate passion I could slowly break down the barrier and become truly passionate, using positive reinforcement from the girls I sleep with. I've watched some videos online, but you can't get inside the lovers' heads from that perspective. You don't see the relationship outside of the narrow window presented (which is yet another reason why porn and sex tapes of any kind are almost always boring).
One important factor I could use some advise on that I learned from multiple girls telling me is that they would like me to make more noise while having sex; to communicate more, and more sexually (I'm still working on my sexual voice, though the biggest thing missing in it is confidence, which I can't force). How much sound do you usually make and what kinds of sound do you prefer? Another thing is the undressing process. Once we are both fully undressed we are more or less going to have sex and I usually "flinch" emotionally at this moment. Any advise on getting undressed that keeps the emotions running hot? I tend to employ a stages kind of thing: first I take off their pants --> then my shirt --> then their shirt --> then their panties --> then their bra --> then my underwear. I do this occasionally in a different order, but this is default, and is broken apart by a little foreplay between each step.
What is a good starting position? I tend to be rather impatient of foreplay (and does that really surprise you
) and usually have an "alright, let's do this" kind of attitude in the bedroom. I don't warm girls up enough apparently though, and I've had a few girls click into their logical mindsets and either ask me to slow down or, on one occasion, get flustered and leave (which was the spark for this post, if you were wondering). What other passion strategies do you employ (consciously or subconsciously) that you think would help out guys like me who struggle to get emotionally invested in sex? One thing I plan on trying is using more foreplay. Another thing that would be great would be to find an object (i.e. girl) who is just seeping with sexual energy who could inspire me. But because of the law of attraction (like attracts like) I've lately (last 2+ years!) been on a streak of rather dispassionate/highly repressed girls, who I want to open up, but who in the end, simply bore me and cause me to move on and tempt me to lose even more faith in the polarity of the sexes. But before I can open them up successfully, I need to figure this problem out for myself. Any advise?Thanks in advance!
Mani
Edit: It might be worth noting that I've been feeling more than just burnt out sexually, but I'm also losing interest in most things in my life that once I found invigorating, which is damaging my life through a perpetuation of negative reinforcement through hesitation and doubt. I know what I want to do with my life, and am working in that direction, but all too often I am pulled off course because of inner turmoil and lack of confidence. I want to move to a city somewhere, but before I do that i want to get another part-time writing job so I can make enough to live on while I focus on mastering the social arts. But this is probably beyond the scope of this forum. Though, it might be useful for getting a better grasp of the issue at hand.
