FR++ SO SO close! Pretty blonde

[girlsfollow]

So I met this girl for 10 mins at a pub crawl on the friday, couldn't isolate her as she was with friends there was no space and the bar was closing - was tough enough getting her number right in front of them. This girl is the first in 2 years that ticked all of my boxes hence why I would like input.

Texting was immediately fun though (i've started to notice the trend of less talk on initial meet can be a good thing - if you talk to a girl for more than 45 mins with her friends things just die down because you cant really move things forward - better to get number and or set up meet - then get out!). She was fun and very responsive over text - immediate replies, very playful etc.

I meet her on the wednesday, at the time I had the choice of wednesday or the weekend - I went for the wednesday cause of the expiration date principle and the fact that I'd only seen her for 10mins - thought it would be best to refresh the connection asap. Plan was originally to only go for a short meet this time and end it early. I could anticipate big issues with bringing her to my place 45mins out of town - thought that would be better saved for a second date especially since she is the sweet and shy inexperienced type.

We meet have a reallly good time, things are close, flirty, sexual innuendos are strong (she likes it hard etc). We move to 3 venues and break into a park together. I kiss her when we are standing at a good view, manhandle kiss is needed - she likes it. For this reason I want to capitalise on the momentum, feel like going home now would be a little bit of a disappointment. All the venues are in a line directly towards my place - so by now have cut journey time to about 30mins. Before we board train to go and see something else (not mentioned its my place) she makes it clear that it will be a bit of a rush because the last train is not that much later.

WE get to my place, need to take my time with escalation. By now she has cooled down a little during the journey in the very bright clinical light of the trains with people all around us. Recover from this - escalate: bra off, kissing etc - BIG resistance with jeans says "even if I wanted to I can't" - she's implying she's on her period, stimulate her through the jeans hard - they are flexible so I can basically get inside with my fingers - she is moaning. BIG resistance with jeans again. I try to change to hands in back of jeans - as always difficult to reach around (she's also making it difficult) - I get to touch the edges, some moaning - but its awkward to do (no signs of period btw). I try for trousers again- no.

I think I could have pushed this, but my issue at the moment is that I seem to loose a lot of my interest in a girl when I have to fight her for it. This is without a doubt one of the prettiest girls I've had in my bed, BUT if I'm having to employ all of this persistence I just don't get aroused - its VERY frustrating - anyone else get this? I just get turned on by horny girls that desperately want it - not this! This then gets in the way of using the more hardcore tactics of putting her hand on it etc.

I disengage, she checks the time - we don't realistically have enough time to make it to the last train. I have a choice now, I can say "well since you've missed it now you might aswell stay a little longer the late busses aren't going anywhere" - but I feel like I have been chasing enough, motivation is low - I feel like if I get her home well it might help things next time. Earlier I had tried to organise a cooking date at my place, she says its too far and I should come to her place - its at her brothers place - I say no thats lame (anticipate issues with brother) - she seems to agree and say that I should come by when her brother goes away - but then realises that its 2 weeks away and then catches herself "thats maybe thinking a little far ahead" - does seem like she had entertained the thought though.

This was the main mistake I realise now...I should have persisted for her to stay and put some more time in. Things could have worked out.

We kiss at the bus stop she leaves. Texts are still fast in response, some chat back and forth, I suggest we go check out a park sometime she continues to respond (although now she seems very busy), I try to call her - doesn't pick up, she texts back sorry I fell asleep - (it was late) then I text her the next day say its fine - I ask her when she's free and don't get a response. Wait two days send another text saying Ive been busy and asking what shes upto- no response.

Clearly I had serious attraction and could have very probably closed this girl so this is a BIG deal. What could I have done differently? Would you have ended early and closed on second date? Persisted for her to stay longer? What can I do now? - I'm thinking of waiting next week, telling her that I'll be in her area at some point and could do the meal..

 

[Mr.Rob]

Sup Girlsfollow,
sounds like you got some good field experience from this date. I think you should have handled the resistance better (which is easier said than done, also I feel you on it's kind of a buzzkill). Read Alek's article on handling resistance if you haven't already it seems to be where you fucked up. Check it out:
https://www.girlschase.com/content/what-do-when-women-resist-your-charms

-Rob

 

[Longshanks]

Tough one! Yeah, I agree, you can always try moving sideways to get around the barrier she set up (you seem to have done pretty well by rubbing her hard from outside the jeans, and trying from the back). Might try getting her to rub your rod, many girls get turned on by this, and it sort of makes her think about reciprocating. I hear you about getting turned off by resistance: but keep in mind that 'no' doesn't mean 'never', it usually just means 'not yet.' Once you get some experience overcoming resistance, I think you'll begin to see it as less frustrating and more like an opportunity to demonstrate your prowess.

If she has ignored two texts from you, sequentially, you should lay low for a while. I'm not experienced enough to tell you whether it's better to wait for her to text, or to text her something in a week. At any rate, if you regain contact, keep pushing for a date, don't waste it on chatting.

 

[girlsfollow]

Tough one! Yeah, I agree, you can always try moving sideways to get around the barrier she set up (you seem to have done pretty well by rubbing her hard from outside the jeans, and trying from the back). Might try getting her to rub your rod, many girls get turned on by this, and it sort of makes her think about reciprocating. I hear you about getting turned off by resistance: but keep in mind that 'no' doesn't mean 'never', it usually just means 'not yet.' Once you get some experience overcoming resistance, I think you'll begin to see it as less frustrating and more like an opportunity to demonstrate your prowess.

If she has ignored two texts from you, sequentially, you should lay low for a while. I'm not experienced enough to tell you whether it's better to wait for her to text, or to text her something in a week. At any rate, if you regain contact, keep pushing for a date, don't waste it on chatting.

Thanks both of you for your input. I have become pretty good at dealing with the resistance actually - as I said I knew I could have pushed longer - it wasnt so much the lack of skill in persisting but 1. not enough time before the train (this could maybe have been avoided by suggesting the busses though) and 2. I just get so demotivated by the resistance.

I think you are right I need to see the resistance differently - as part of the fun - more playfully as part of the seduction rather than just a problem. Problem is it just makes me disinterested in the girl - I get turned off, I had thought of the next logical step of taking my jeans off putting her hand on it- itcould have worked but only if I was turned on - she'd soon notice I'm not and then take it as an insult if anything. In future with girls like this I plan to 1. not let them go home so early without persistance! and 2. with more time just relax about the whole resistance thing. 3. get something else todo while escalating - put the news on - (but this is often ignored) or a film - I think the distraction is very useful!

I haven't heard from her, been a week - will prob text her next few days see how she's doing, tell her what I've been upto?

Anyone ahve any fun texts for that?

 

[girlsfollow]

just wondering if she doesnt text back - has anyone ever tried asking why they are not replying - out of genuine interest and possibly to get a conversation going with her!!?

 

[Marty]

Hey GirlsFollow:

I wanted to reply to this thread when you first put it up, but I just got slammed.

On your practical question going forward:

I haven't heard from her, been a week - will prob text her next few days see how she's doing, tell her what I've been upto?

...I assume you've seen Chase's recent response to NJ? Could be helpful to you.

Also, I wanted to ask, why didn't you just ignore the last train issue and keep going, if she wasn't specifically raising it herself? (That's less practical, as it's all in the past now—just out of interest.)

-Marty

 

[girlsfollow]

Hey GirlsFollow:

I wanted to reply to this thread when you first put it up, but I just got slammed.

On your practical question going forward:

I haven't heard from her, been a week - will prob text her next few days see how she's doing, tell her what I've been upto?

...I assume you've seen Chase's recent response to NJ? Could be helpful to you.

Also, I wanted to ask, why didn't you just ignore the last train issue and keep going, if she wasn't specifically raising it herself? (That's less practical, as it's all in the past now—just out of interest.)

-Marty

I was escalating and was essentially fingering her through her jeans..tried to take her jeans off for the second time and she immediately resisted hard...so I pull back relax and don't put any pressure on. She had raised the last train issue even before we had got on the train here so it was obvious she was going to check as she had done a few times during the escalation. This last bout had taken a long time (I wasnt rushing things). So she checked again and seemed really concerned about getting the last train, since I had said I would make sure she would get it and get home well I got caught up in the moment a little and wanted to show that I was keen to help - I thought if I didnt I would seem like I was trying to keep her there and had lied to her.

So I was eager to leave and catch the train.

HOWEVER - now I realise that we were clearly too late to catch it anyway (there were still 10mins and only a short drive, but what cab service arrives that quickly!?) . SO what should I have done? She was quite distraught about missing the last train?

As I did do I told here there were night busses all night so it shouldn't be that much of an issue - I should have calmly said that there was no point in rushing - partially put the fault playfully on both of us for getting distracted for too long and then just continued to do what we had been doing.... - but I'm sure you can see with the context that might have been difficult -

However I now realise I CERTAINLY SHOULD HAVE TRIED. The issue is I think she is a very sweet and innocent girl and she knew after having basically been fingered that I was expecting sex - and she probably felt that that might get awkward when she resisted. I should have acted in more of a way which put much less pressure on her to escalate - I may have pushed things too quickly because I knew there was a time limit.

I think this is a really important moving knife edge - you need to not only know how hard to push, but how hard to push for each particular girl - this calibration is very fine.

Any thoughts on what I could have done differently? I'm thinking I should have focused on other things not just the sex and just had fun with her - the 10min rule is dangerous I think with some girls that are this type?

Alternatively maybe I should have not even taken her back to my place - maybe should have just cut it short as an icebreaker - I think that might have worked better in this case and then sealed it the second meet.. - only issue is I dont have any good second date ideas! - I use all my ideas on my first date!

 

[girlsfollow]

just wondering if she doesnt text back - has anyone ever tried asking why they are not replying - out of genuine interest and possibly to get a conversation going with her!!?

anyone have any input on this?

So far I sent her a one line response to her last text (this is after a little text chat for a few days following the date), then a follow up text 2 days later after no response, and then more than a week later I sent her a whatsapp making it seem I had been too busy to get back to her....

I realise this is now pretty dead with 3 unresponded to texts. And I do have something which is less pressure but ideas would be good

 

[Marty]

Hey GirlsFollow,

I don't often say this, but I really feel for you. If I were in this situation I'd have trouble putting a brave face on it, I know.

Have you read this article: 3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon? I was just re-reading it this morning.

There's this idea that after a failed escalation you could try pretending to friendzone her and ask her to a party you host, so she can see you getting preselected attention... then revert to dating shortly after. Personally, I see this as an incredibly high-risk strategy and I cannot imagine myself having the courage to try it (nor the personality, frankly). But I guess Chase's point is that in this situation you typically have little to lose anyway.

Also:

I was escalating and was essentially fingering her through her jeans..

Was she moaning? Heavy breathing? Other indications of enjoying it?

Also I am having cognitive dissonance trouble with this:

The issue is I think she is a very sweet and innocent girl

So I met this girl for 10 mins at a pub crawl

I'm just having difficulty imagining sweet and innocent girls going on pub crawls. Unless of course just you and your friends were the ones crawling, and she was there for a quick drink only.

-Marty

 

[girlsfollow]

Hey GirlsFollow,

I don't often say this, but I really feel for you. If I were in this situation I'd have trouble putting a brave face on it, I know.

Have you read this article: 3 Second Date Strategies to Make Her Flirt and Swoon? I was just re-reading it this morning.

There's this idea that after a failed escalation you could try pretending to friendzone her and ask her to a party you host, so she can see you getting preselected attention... then revert to dating shortly after. Personally, I see this as an incredibly high-risk strategy and I cannot imagine myself having the courage to try it (nor the personality, frankly). But I guess Chase's point is that in this situation you typically have little to lose anyway.

Also:

I was escalating and was essentially fingering her through her jeans..

Was she moaning? Heavy breathing? Other indications of enjoying it?

Also I am having cognitive dissonance trouble with this:

The issue is I think she is a very sweet and innocent girl

So I met this girl for 10 mins at a pub crawl

I'm just having difficulty imagining sweet and innocent girls going on pub crawls. Unless of course just you and your friends were the ones crawling, and she was there for a quick drink only.

-Marty

Thanks for your response!

Your first Q: I described in my first post that yes she was moaning properly when I was doing this - into it. It was when I tried to take her jeans off the resistance came up HARD.

Yes I want to essentially try something as non-threatening as possible - but at the moment I cant communicate thats the issue!

She popped in with a girlfriend of hers and two orbiter guy friends, she had only one drink and was quite shy (quite a geeky student in one way), -this is what suggested that to me. Although - when out on the date and a little tipsy she took some pretty hardcore innuendos "you like it hard" and agreed and laughed - also she told me about a house party she went to where she drank a large amount - but I think anyone would do that in a safe environment.....


been thinking wait a week then being nice and honest (my suspicion is she things I'm a hardcore player and womaniser after fingering and trying to have sex on the first date - hence why shes avoiding me):

"hey finally finished my exams, sorry been too busy to get back to you. I think we had a really good time hanging out the other day btw and I should be around your area more the next week - would be cool to take you up on your idea of hanging out/cooking at your brothers place after I finish work there sometime."

Maybe add something on the end about "Just my suggestion, would be good to catch up, its up to you "