Social Anxiety

[asmi8803]

Hi

I've just got back from a short trip to Amsterdam with my brother visiting a few friends of his.

Normally, in social situations when i don't know anyone, I'm ok.

But, I think because my brother knows these other people and I don't, conversation didn't flow for me. What I found is that I would think through anything that was being said and by the time I had thought of something to say the conversation had moved on and I end up not saying much at all.

At one point I was in my own head so much that when I did speak I started to speak over someone without realising.

Any guys who have been through something like this and overcome it got any tips?

I'm not socially awkward, I can usually hold a conversation with people I don't know but maybe because these weren't just randoms I was thinking too much about what they thought of me. But how do I stop that!

If you've not been in this situation it might be easy to say just don't worry what other people think but it's definitely not as easy as that.

Cheers guys!

 

[Thedoctor]

asmi,

It kinda sounds like you were trying to force conversation. There are times when maybe you don't have much to say, so don't. Typically, if you just chill there and look comfortable, you'll come off better than if you just spew out pointless dribble.

Most times, if you're the odd guy out, someone will include you into the conversation. If not, no biggie. Those who say less look more intriguing and mysterious.

-John

 

[asmi8803]

Hey, thanks for your reply.

Yeah I think in a way I was, because everyone else was contributing quite a bit and I'm just sitting there listening not really adding anything. I think if they'd have been friends of mine I would have contributed easily but I seem to be a little uncomfortable when they're people I don't know. Maybe I care too much about what they'll think of me but how do I change that feeling?

I may have even been aware of that and that's why I tried forcing conversation.

 

[Thedoctor]

asmi,

Of course it will be easier to strike up conversations with people you know, and it's normal to feel anxious when you're attempting to get to know a new person. After all, no one likes being rejected. But, like anything else, it gets easier with practice. If you start to talk to more random strangers, you'll get better at it, and eventually, the anxiety will go away. You'll probably also find that you start to care less and less what people think the more you do it.

My advice is to brush up on the "Conversation" articles on the main site. Then go out and apply what you've learned.

-John