Social Circle Escalation

[dark hawk]

I'm talking to a girl from my distant social circle with whom I was once very close many years back , she moved out of town and we lost touch, she also is an amateur painter, I hadn't met her in a while and recently when she was here on a trip we reconnected and became close, I haven't been able to meet her since she went back to her town almost a fortnight back and she is not sure when she is coming back and I can go there only after two months or so, we mostly resort to texting everyday and seldom call each other because of our schedules, she is very sweet and a little on the shy side and most times it feels like I'm the one carrying and initiating conversations either through calls or texts, I'm not sure whether she is actually interested or just being polite coz she hardly initiates any conversation herself and doesn't ask any questions back and she is sweet to almost everyone, I have put down this mostly to her being shy and introverted. Is she actually interested or just being polite? When I ask her to show me her paintings, at first she politely declined and after I persisted she acquiesced, recently when I asked her for her new piece, she said she is working on it and I said that's fine coz I wanna look and she still did not comply and this didn't feel right to me.. coz what' s the big deal, why is she being so hard about a painting. It's not like I'm going to judge her and I have already told her that I think she is an awesome painter.

What do you guys think, would love to hear you ideas on this and also on where I could have done better.

 

[sneaky_charm]

Invite her out, that'll indicate where you stand

 

[ulrich]

Who knows... better make a move soon just in case

There is really not enough information to come up with any conclusion. I could tell you what you did right or wrong or what she is thinking but it’s mostly going to be assumptions.

When in doubt, move faster.

 

[fog]

When I ask her to show me her paintings, at first she politely declined and after I persisted she acquiesced, recently when I asked her for her new piece, she said she is working on it and I said that's fine coz I wanna look and she still did not comply and this didn't feel right to me.. coz what' s the big deal, why is she being so hard about a painting. It's not like I'm going to judge her and I have already told her that I think she is an awesome painter.

she feels uncomfortable sharing it with you. shes could be expressing herself through her art, and, in that case, it would be more of an intimate thing to share herself with you. soo... it didnt work because you dont know each other on that level yet

about the persisting. reminds me of this part of a video. the guy (a tourist) is filming and asking the girl hes with to do pull ups in on the gym equipment in the park. she declines, he keeps pressing. its awkward and it was because he didnt consider the emotional implication of the situation.....the girl feels uncomfortable being filmed doing pull ups...

youll get a sense for when and when not to persist as you continue getting more experience. you could do a bit of deep diving on her passion for art...find out her motivations behind it....if her art is a negative emotional topic for her in any way, then you're better off not going further like you did here and instead steer the conversation to a positive direction. if her art is a positive emotional topic for her (or she doesnt feel any emotions towards it at all) then thats a great time to ask for more.

 

[Beck Bass]

Who knows... better make a move soon just in case

I like you attitude sir hehe

There is really not enough information to come up with any conclusion.

I make your words mine.

I'm going out with a shy girl and she also doesn't text me much, in fact we went almost a week without texting each other, but I invited her out, she agreed right away and we had a great time. It usually was going like that (lately we've been texting more, she's opening more up to me, I guess), and to me, if she's complying, just go with it, you don't need to be texting buddies chatting up all the time (in fact I prefer talking less via text as I find it very little engaging and fun in general).
The only way to know for sure where she stands is to try and escalate, wondering around will do you no good. Maybe she doesn't really like you that much, maybe she's really shy and hopes you'll be bale to make her open up?
There's really no way to know without trying.
Break that stupid Schrodinger box of hopes that she likes you and act on it, show intent, try to go out with her, have deep conversations, touch, kiss, sex. Maybe she doesn't like you, and then you can move on and stop thinking about her, or maybe she really likes you and you will have a great time together. Seems like a win-win for me, either way.
Peace

 

[dark hawk]

Who knows... better make a move soon just in case

I really want to escalate, and that's what I would do normally, since she is a part of my social circle, after I escalate if things go south..it could get messy really fast

 

[dark hawk]

youll get a sense for when and when not to persist as you continue getting more experience. you could do a bit of deep diving on her passion for art...find out her motivations behind it....if her art is a negative emotional topic for her in any way, then you're better off not going further like you did here and instead steer the conversation to a positive direction. if her art is a positive emotional topic for her (or she doesnt feel any emotions towards it at all) then thats a great time to

She is hesitant to show me her art, not sure why though. I'm not sure whether to address her resistance or ignore it and plough on. I have told her that I genuinely think that she is an amazing artist and that I love her art style, so maybe by saying that I have set a really high expectation for her to live up to and now she is afraid that her art does not meet those standards and refuses to show me her art. if that is so I don't know how to handle this.

 

[dark hawk]

There's really no way to know without trying.

I agree, if I escalate and move forward and things go south, I'm not sure what the consequences will be since she is in my social circle. Normally I would not care so much about escalating.

 

[ulrich]

I really want to escalate, and that's what I would do normally, since she is a part of my social circle, after I escalate if things go south..it could get messy really fast

Then go for another girl.

If you don’t care for this one enough to be willing to deal with the awkwardness of hitting on her, she probably won’t respect you anyway.

 

[dark hawk]

If you don’t care for this one enough to be willing to deal with the awkwardness of hitting on her

I'm not concerned about her reaction, her family and mine are pretty tight and if things don't work out it's gonna mess up all of us

 

[ulrich]

I'm not concerned about her reaction, her family and mine are pretty tight and if things don't work out it's gonna mess up all of us

It is the same.
You need to decide if this girls is worth the trouble or not.

I can’t tell if she is going to like you as a boyfriend but I can tell you that if you hit on her on a half-assed way, she is not going to get horny for you.
You can be very discreet and ambiguous when you pick up... BUT you must be CONFIDENT.

First, make a decision... if she is interested, will you deal with all the shit that may come?
If you don’t know or don’t want, go look for another girl.
It’s time to decide if she is worth risking the status quo.

 

[Fuck This]

I haven't been able to meet her since she went back to her town almost a fortnight back and she is not sure when she is coming back and I can go there only after two months or so,

What do you guys think, would love to hear you ideas on this and also on where I could have done better.

Sounds as if she is outside of your town?

Simple....Invite her to join you for an overnight trip together to a museum in a city away from either of your homes. You line up the hotel and have some other fun activities like dinners out with alcohol.

If you have any reservations about doing that/spensding the money with a distant girl she is not worth the space in your mind and heart...

 

[Will_V]

You're texting every day and you're the one initiating and carrying the conversation and she isn't asking any questions and sounds like she's just being polite? And you haven't banged?

That's the problem. She feels like she's got you on a string. You are very likely neck deep in the friend zone.