Social-Skills Tips and Improvement Help Anyone?

[Joniman]

Hey Guys,

I have been having problems with my social skills recently. In middle school, I was really social and unafraid of situation especially with other guys. I was friends with most of the guys and had many girl friends and one girlfriend. But as I progressed, I became more quiet and developed I believe social anxiety. I don't necessarily fear talking to people. I actually like meeting new people rather I can't relate to the students and people at my high school(senior year!!). I can't basically engage my friends to make them invite me to parties. I cant even hold conversations enough with them to invite me or casually invite myself to eat lunch at table with them. I moved from Africa to US this past summer and I don't seem to make friends that are not from my country; I basically hang out with my African friends who are all female and who I don't really relate to in terms of interests.

Anyways, I don't see much of social hierarchical progression at my high school since it is a high school and since I have only one semester left. I want to become more social, not necessarily with women but with guys too, by the time I get to college and have a fresh start. So I have a couple of solutions that I think might help and I hope you provide feedback on my potential solutions or provide better solutions which you think is better.

Solution 1: Get A Job as a waiter at a trendy engaging restaurant that requires meeting new people every second. I am not talking about McDonald's where you stand there and pass on orders and where you don't need to act nice. I was thinking of TGI fridays which is close to my home. Any place I could work you recommend to improve social skills and decrease social judgment anxiety. Do you know a place where co-workers are very close to each other and engage each other and invite each other to parties or is that just in movies? Any place where teenagers work the most that are not dull fast food places? Or any other job other than sales (which I don't want. I hate them. No offense)

Solution 2: Bulk and Develop a Godly Body: I think having a muscular and atheistic body would provide more confidence to me. It will indirectly make me confident. Any insight? I am a thin scrawny guy. I am currently trying to increase weight and I gained 8 pounds this past 1.5 months. Mediocre results, I am seeking better results.

Thanks for anyone willing to help. Please consider the fact that I am a high school student so keep your advice related to me (I am not going to cold approach people on the street for now!). Any advice on first 2 months of college also appreciated

 

[Howell]

Hi Joniman,

You sound like you're in the process of figuring out what you want. At this stage, I think being open minded and trying new things is super essential. Find something you enjoy and stick with it. Whether that's going to the gym, doing sales, or whatever. Don't box yourself in though.

Also, you probably aren't in any significantly different social situation than your peers. Egotism I think is the biggest obstacle with guys and gals your age. That's why in high school and Freshman year college the guy with the best sense of humor often is king -- because he offers that freedom to laugh at oneself a little bit. However, as college goes on that guy generally loses his social influence, to be overtaken by the people with more career or artistic oriented talents, and a more laidback attitude.

Especially after college, which I know is some way off, but especially after college, the laidback attitude is probably the most versatile grounding.

For starters, if you haven't done so already, I recommend thinking of a few things that seem reasonably attainable to you in under 6 months, and working towards those things. Could be to gain 10 pounds of muscle. Could be to get a new job where you can interact with people and sell them things. I bet something like a Men's Warehouse or something like that is the kind of environment you would thrive in and learn a lot.

Howell

 

[Bboy100]

Chase just wrote this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-g ... y-hopeless
I think it might be of use to you.

You might not necessarily be "socially hopeless" as the article's title suggests. But it sounds like you're new to the area and you're not yet used to the way people around you socialize. So I feel like the advice that article gives will work just as well for you as it does for its intended audience.

 

[Paulie Walnuts]

Could try a combination of phenibut and massive exposure therapy, the exposure therapy worked to fight my social anxiety (which like you I also had in high school but mine was from elementary school onwards).

Just started with phenibut but it seems to help a fair amount!