Coming from a background of social awkwardness, I had plenty bad shit happening to me when asking people out ( I mean, you wouldn't go for a beer with the shy guy, would you? ). And I've come to realise that the main reason for this was my lack of bringing value to the group.
Now that I've ironed out the kinks, it's time to finally take the initiative and try making people go places. But I am still fearful. I remember a couple of years ago having sent texts to a social group, wanting to organise an outing to go play basketball (which we used to do regularly), and from the 20 folks I messaged I only got 1 reply saying "Who is this? I don't have your number." Yikes. Obviously nobody showed up that day...
With girls, it's kind of worse. You can be the dominant guy and just say "Yeah let's go for a coffee sometime. What's your schedule?", but if she rejects you, to me that flat-out says "I don't wanna spend another minute with you". I think a lot of guys have this state of mind, hence why they become bitter when rejected.
Now I know that having a solid frame is, to me at least, the CRUCIAL bit when tackling a fear of something. For instance, I used to be afraid of flirting until I found GC and read up. I now realise flirting's merely humour laced with sexual innuendo. If the girl gets offended / isn't cool with it I'll just say "I'm only joking!" and then continue. The tension instantly dissipates, and I can say whatever the fuck I want, as long as I have the right tone.
Invitations are more serious. For me, I always feel like I'm in a position of weakness when inviting people anywhere, because I'm up for rejection.
So, how do you frame rejection? What do you say / think when people reject you?
Massive thanks to everyone on this forum, you've been really inspiring.
Mars
Now that I've ironed out the kinks, it's time to finally take the initiative and try making people go places. But I am still fearful. I remember a couple of years ago having sent texts to a social group, wanting to organise an outing to go play basketball (which we used to do regularly), and from the 20 folks I messaged I only got 1 reply saying "Who is this? I don't have your number." Yikes. Obviously nobody showed up that day...
With girls, it's kind of worse. You can be the dominant guy and just say "Yeah let's go for a coffee sometime. What's your schedule?", but if she rejects you, to me that flat-out says "I don't wanna spend another minute with you". I think a lot of guys have this state of mind, hence why they become bitter when rejected.
Now I know that having a solid frame is, to me at least, the CRUCIAL bit when tackling a fear of something. For instance, I used to be afraid of flirting until I found GC and read up. I now realise flirting's merely humour laced with sexual innuendo. If the girl gets offended / isn't cool with it I'll just say "I'm only joking!" and then continue. The tension instantly dissipates, and I can say whatever the fuck I want, as long as I have the right tone.
Invitations are more serious. For me, I always feel like I'm in a position of weakness when inviting people anywhere, because I'm up for rejection.
So, how do you frame rejection? What do you say / think when people reject you?
Massive thanks to everyone on this forum, you've been really inspiring.
Mars
