Some girls react weird when I ask em a simple question? (Cold Approach)

[DaVinciMatrixStyle]

Hey guys,

So I'm on campus and I test things out. Sometimes I'll ask a girl for directions (legit directions cause my phone service sucks) to a certain building or a certain girl who was on crutches, I'll just ask her what happened to her leg (while I was sitting down).

I'm not sure if girls are just younger or have less self esteem, but some of them are a bit reluctant at first to engage me. There are plenty that engages me as if it's a normal thing, but there are also some girls that reacts a bit hesitant.

Like I'll ask a girl what happened to her leg, and she'll say I broke it during dancing but kind of have this 'why is this stranger talking to me out of the blue'.
Or sometimes I'll point at my phone and ask a random girl for directions, and she'll be hesitant to help or dismiss it like 'oh i dont know'. And then the next girl is perfectly fine like 'oh i can show you right now' and walks with me.

In general, do girls think being cold approached by a stranger is weird?

 

[ulrich]

In general, do girls think being cold approached by a stranger is weird?

Yes. Or to be more precise, they are not used to it at all.

If you’re trying this with younger girls (younger than 22) there’s a high chance they have not matured enough and they are still very shy so even if they like you, a cold approach is waaaay out of what they consider a typical interaction.

Best thing to do here is a balance of insisting and showing attainability… show that you care about her, that you don’t mean to make her uncomfortable and stay just a tiny little more than you think you should.
With some of these girls that will be enough to break the ice.

 

[StrayDog]

In general, do girls think being cold approached by a stranger is weird?

All depends on your approach and the individual woman. There are so many factors that go into how hot or cold she will be.
Approaching strangers and starting conversation is not the most common practice. So being met with initial skepticism is not entirely uncommon. As a seducer it is your job to adjust your approach so that a woman is willing to accept your presence at that moment. She may not accept, no matter how you approach. Could be because reasons that have nothing to do with you, but If you are more often than not met with this sort of response it is definitely something you are doing.
Could be your approach in general, could be your approach+that particular demographic. Look for patterns and try to run a diagnosis.

In my experience younger women do tend to not be as used to cold approach and have typically been the ones most "surprised" by the whole thing. Just in that they are not as experienced.

Speaking of surprises maybe if you found ways to pre-approach they would be caught less off guard. But like I say, could be a number of factors

I don't think asking someone how they broke their leg is really a great opener. I can understand this being met with scpeism or a dismissive attitude. Most people don't want to talk about their injuries with strangers. Maybe if you adjusted it a bit it might land more "congratulations on being vibrant even though you broke your leg." Maybe she would be more open to talking about it then. Or maybe if you followed up asking her how she broke it with something else.

I think Ulrich is correct in saying that sometimes you just have to stick with it a bit more until she warms on you. Sometimes when a woman is unsure as to why you are talking to her she is thinking just that "why is this stranger talking to me." Even if it is not explicit (direct approach) an implied reason should be injected into the conversation as soon as makes sense. This way she is like "oh i think he might be flirting with me. He seems pretty cool too..." Other wise, for all she knows, you are just some dude making chit chat with strangers, and what reason does she have to be invested in that sort of thing?

 

[StrayDog]

Also, never hurts to go over your fundamentals again. Sometimes there is something off, and while some women may over look it, others just can't hang

 

[Will_V]

Just because you're indirect doesn't mean everything is going to be easy.

Also, women can smell intent. They know how to read if someone is a lost college kid or a guy looking for an excuse to pick her up. He moves differently, talks differently, he has different awareness of himself and his surroundings. And most of all, the dissonance between what he's thinking 'she's hot, I want her and I'm going to try and get her' and what he's doing 'don't mind me, I'm just a nice guy looking for directions' creates a palpable tension, both within himself and between him and her.

I've found the best way to counter this is to make sure I'm in a mental place where I'm able to smile easily and stay relaxed even if things get awkward, or teasing her (even just in tone of voice or 'talking down' to her a bit like she's your little sister), because it clarifies things as playful and non-needy without her having to figure it out herself.

In the end though you have to be able to own up to your intentions, the goal is not to hide them or pretend they don't exist, but to be able to have intentions, and for her to be aware of them, without you needing to hide them, make excuses for them, or act immediately upon them as you get to know each other. To do this, you must have a countenance that absorbs tension (by being very relaxed) and demonstrates awareness and social calibration (by reading and adjusting to the situation).

 

[Rakehell]

Hey guys,

So I'm on campus and I test things out. Sometimes I'll ask a girl for directions (legit directions cause my phone service sucks) to a certain building or a certain girl who was on crutches, I'll just ask her what happened to her leg (while I was sitting down).

I'm not sure if girls are just younger or have less self esteem, but some of them are a bit reluctant at first to engage me. There are plenty that engages me as if it's a normal thing, but there are also some girls that reacts a bit hesitant.

Like I'll ask a girl what happened to her leg, and she'll say I broke it during dancing but kind of have this 'why is this stranger talking to me out of the blue'.
Or sometimes I'll point at my phone and ask a random girl for directions, and she'll be hesitant to help or dismiss it like 'oh i dont know'. And then the next girl is perfectly fine like 'oh i can show you right now' and walks with me.

In general, do girls think being cold approached by a stranger is weird?

I get this occasionally.

Sometimes it may be due to you startling her/coming in too high/low energy, or otherwise jarring her out of whatever she had going on.

Other times it’s simply just social anxiety on her part/ not being able to interact with a stranger on the fly in a relaxed way.

I wouldn’t take it personally.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

Some younger girls will be very off put by someone approaching them because it's never happened to them before, but most women will be glad you approached b/c it rarely happens to them. This will sound woo-woo, but I think your problem is potentially the energy you're giving off. You're nervous about displaying your intentions, she can sense that, and she becomes nervous too. There's an elephant in the room that needs to be addressed which isn't, and there is enormous tension. If asking for directions is a consistent opener for you, I'd drop it so you don't have to worry about steering the conversation to a more flirtatious, fun, man-to-woman interaction AFTER the expectation of a platonic stranger-helping-stranger premise has been set.

 

[HumanWhoLearns]

It could also be that you're running into a lot of the younger generation who just don't talk to strangers at all and get their needs satisfied by social media / their circle of friends.

 

[lceman]

I'm not sure if girls are just younger or have less self esteem, but some of them are a bit reluctant at first to engage me. There are plenty that engages me as if it's a normal thing, but there are also some girls that reacts a bit hesitant.

Like I'll ask a girl what happened to her leg, and she'll say I broke it during dancing but kind of have this 'why is this stranger talking to me out of the blue'.
Or sometimes I'll point at my phone and ask a random girl for directions, and she'll be hesitant to help or dismiss it like 'oh i dont know'. And then the next girl is perfectly fine like 'oh i can show you right now' and walks with me.

Whether or not they engage depends on your vibe- friendly, sexy, stalker, etc.

Like Will V said, girls can smell your intent. Keep in mind that spooking some girls a little bit at the beginning is better than never breaking out of the 'friendly stranger' vibe, because at least the girl knows why you're there.

As for trying out openers: when I've said something to someone just to have said something to them, they tend to get confused, because talking to strangers is outside of social norms. Someone comes up to you and genuinely wants to start a conversation? Cool, they probably are bored/looking for more friends/whatever. You go up to a girl because you're a man and you find her attractive? Awesome. But someone says something random to you in public, they're a little hesitant about it, and you don't really know why they're talking to you? I'd think it was weird too. In my experience, if I talk to people purely to deliver openers, the interactions are weird.

Anything about girls being younger is a rationalization, anything about maturity/social media is an excuse. If you come across with the right energy, you'll get a positive response 95% of the time, with the other 5 being random probability of someone having a shitty day/being a shitty person.

 

[Will_V]

Whether or not they engage depends on your vibe- friendly, sexy, stalker, etc.

Like Will V said, girls can smell your intent. Keep in mind that spooking some girls a little bit at the beginning is better than never breaking out of the 'friendly stranger' vibe, because at least the girl knows why you're there.

As for trying out openers: when I've said something to someone just to have said something to them, they tend to get confused, because talking to strangers is outside of social norms. Someone comes up to you and genuinely wants to start a conversation? Cool, they probably are bored/looking for more friends/whatever. You go up to a girl because you're a man and you find her attractive? Awesome. But someone says something random to you in public, they're a little hesitant about it, and you don't really know why they're talking to you? I'd think it was weird too. In my experience, if I talk to people purely to deliver openers, the interactions are weird.

Anything about girls being younger is a rationalization, anything about maturity/social media is an excuse. If you come across with the right energy, you'll get a positive response 95% of the time, with the other 5 being random probability of someone having a shitty day/being a shitty person.

Good points all.

Your point about better risking spooking a girl than being stuck in the friendly stranger zone is a good one, especially those not especially skilled at building vibe over time. But spookiness also is not hard to fix, all you have to do is own your intention fully. Spookiness comes from the sense that something is concealed.

One of the easiest pitfalls to fall into on the approach is the sense that once an intention becomes known, it will either be dramatically consumated or dramatically rejected. I believe this is because for many guys, their intentions are associated with an unstable constellation of emotions that, once they start being expressed, cannot be easily put back, and this makes them uncomfortable about being rejected and try to keep those intentions 'in the back' until they feel like they have a better grip on the situation (i.e. enthusiastic affirmation from the girl). Obviously, this has the reverse effect, because the girl senses that a positive reaction from her will unleash the dam - a dam filled with stuff she doesn't fully understand.

This is where being able be self-aware, relaxed, and able to absorb tension (for which meditation is the best training) is very useful, because it enables you to clarify your emotions and express yourself freely without the need for any particular outcome - acceptance, rejection, they are all simply unique moment-to-moment experiences of the future present, the same way that desire and intent are the moment-to-moment experiences of right now. They happen for their own sake to create the reality of life, and stand on their own feet, and all of them are perfectly acceptable.