Personally, I'd suggest beginning with what Chase calls 'The Fundamentals'.
Which are things like; your body language, which is a big topic as well as basic fashion and skin/hair care.
Body language stuff:
1. Posture
2. Eye contact
3. Voice
4. How you walk
As far as fashion stuff goes, I can never recommend SexyStyleForJoe enough. Love Darius' stuff and in my opinion is the best out there.
Then there's other stuff like your mental stuff:
A lot of guys talk about meditation and how it helps them but I've personally never enjoyed it much. I did however get into hypnosis and NLP quite a bit which, personally, helped me a SHIT ton. But it's all the same stuff in the end. It's just a way for you to clear out some of the negative shit rattling around in your brain so that you can de-stress and de-toxify more or less.
A few years ago I had to learn this the hard way, but if you're pissed off at life then nobody wants to be around you lol. Seriously, I'd upgraded myself like a fiend and by all rights I was 10x more attractive than I'd ever been in my opinion, and I also learned about all kinds of cool stuff that, in theory, should have helped me with women and people in general.
But my vibe was off because I was always angry and always on edge. Stuff like that leaks out in ways that you'll never be able to pick up on unless you really focus on it. Other people won't be able to point out what makes them feel weird around you, but they'll still feel it most likely, which is what happened to me.
After clearing out a lot of that negative crap, suddenly I was like a brand new man! It was kinda cool to see lol
Top things I think you'd need to know:
1. You cannot choose who you are attracted to but you are able to choose who you attract
--> what that means is that you if you go out looking like a jock you're going to attract chicks that like jocks. If you go out looking like a surfer then you're going to get chicks that like surfers. Same with rockers and whatever else. The basic gist of this is, find what you genuinely enjoy doing in your life, and then cultivate your image around that attractive archetype that matches everything as well as you can make it.
So for me, I'm more of an artistic guy. So I try to dress with a little bit of edge but for the most part I aim for elegance. I also try to aim for that in my interactions with women with my attitude and behavior. I try to come across as elegant as I can but with a little bit of edge. Which I understand might not make a ton of sense right out of the gate, but it will when you start thinking about and choosing your own attractive image to kind of slide into.
Basically what you want is to find something that women find attractive, first mold yourself into something that is like a stereotype for that (at the first stage so you start to understand the positives/negatives/if you even like this version of yourself). Then you want to add in other things that make up who you are basically so that you mostly fit into that stereotype but there's little things here and there that set you a part in attractive ways.
That way you come across as comfortable/congruent to the women that you want, but also just different enough to stay mysterious and add elements of intrigue.
So it's for attraction purposes but it's also because a lot of couples kind of look similar. Which is basically the "Similarity of Attraction Effect", or more simply; birds of a feather flock together
2. Women like sex, but the vast majority of guys aren't attractive so women don't want to fuck them
It would be like, a 700 hundred pound wildabeast of a woman constantly asking you why you don't want to fuck her. Because she's ugly! Lmao
One of the biggest obstacles for a lot of men when it comes to improving with women is fixating on the wrong thing. Much of this seems to come from improper understanding of some of the raw basics of attraction. When you see guys get hung up on one specific characteristic and blame that as the...
www.girlschase.com
3.
Women have a "Kill, Marry, Bang" kinda thing going on in their heads where they put you into different boxes. In the manosphere in general you'll hear it described like one of these: alpha vs. beta/alpha fucks and beta bucks
Around here you'll hear it described as the lover, provider or friend categories.
But there's another one that I like as well that that talks about it like this: there's friend/ally, enemy, indifferent and mate category. Also, some people will tend to create more 'boxes' depending on how they live their life. And those people are generally fucked up in the head in some way.
Like some people will put people into a 'sucker' box/category. Stay away from those people.
Then you could say that people have sub-categories within each of those categories above. Example:
a) inside the friend/ally category you could say there's the guy you hang out with at happy hour after work with. Then there's the guy you play tennis with and etc.
Same thing happens with women and the 'mate' box. We ourselves have the exact same thing going on inside of our own heads: for example, there's that crazy bitch that you want to hate-fuck like there's no tomorrow and then there's the other girl who you wouldn't mind bringing home to a nice dinner with your parents.
Women are no different.
4. Learn about what turns you on, both emotionally and physically. Not enough people focus on this in my opinion.
5. Focus on your own mental health and getting your own life to a place of 'fuck you'
There's an absolute MEGA-TON of good wisdom in that short little clip which is why I love it so much
EDIT: doesn't wanna embed itself so
click this link for it or just search 'The Gambler Fuck You Scene'
6.
Figure out common problems in your life and figure out why they keep coming up. Then fix them, because if you can you'll be more attractive by default because you'll be much more centered and in control of your own life
7.
Learn what the Law of Diminishing Returns means and understand that if you're mostly attractive in all but one area, but in that one area you're like a bum then it's easier to fix that problem than it is to make your other attractive areas more attractive
Or another way to think about it: there aren't a ton of things in seduction that will really help you, in my opinion. But if there's even one thing that's really wrong, then it becomes the only thing that matters.
For my example, it was my general hatred of basically everything that I mentioned up above. Like yeah, I worked on my fashion, got in better shape while also working on my game and fundamentals. All of those things improved by a lot.
But there was this one thing that made the difference literally every single time. And it was the fact that I fucking hated just about everything.
This one area was so terrible that it stuck out like a third eye popping out of my forehead. Didn't matter how much of myself I worked on in other areas, that third eye was still there and I needed to take care of it.
Also I use the example of a third eye as a drastic example that's easy to visualize but would never actually happen in real life. This is in no way related to your looks, your height or even the size of your penis. Chances are, you're average and you can work on it or work around it enough to where it's not going to be a problem.
But also realize that average is ugly and unattractive (at least in the western world right now, the bar is pretty damn low).
And if there is truly something that stands out, like a hunchback or something, well there's good news for that: modern medicine has come a long way. Hell, I've seen some burn victims that made miraculous recoveries.
But if you're reading this, then I highly, highly doubt in you're in that category.
I once heard a quote about women that I think applies to like 80% of the planet's population: there are no ugly women. Just lazy ones.
Put another way:
Get to a basic level of health/fashion/skin and haircare/mental health/finances and then try to upgrade from there. It's a lot easier to turn something that's a 2/10 into a 6/10 than it is to get something from a 6/10 to an 8/10.
If that doesn't make sense then think about it like a video game. Let's say you have worked on your fashion since forever and you're like an 8/10 when it comes to fashion. You could continue to work on your fashion until you're a 9/10 or you can look to your eye contact which is a 2/10 and really hurts you. Make that 2/10 a 6/10 and you'll get far more out of that improvement (which will be a helluva lot easier) than you would just hammering away on your fashion
8.
Find other men/mentors who you think are cool/attractive/identify with in some ways that get women and try to copy them. Figure out what they do that works and why it works. Really figure out why it works, then move on and try to integrate more of your own personality/character into it. BUT NOT BEFORE MAKING IT WORK AND FIGURING OUT WHY IT WORKS.
--> that last part is extremely important
9.
Figure out why you're really trying to learn seduction
Because this is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong journey. There are some amazing parts to it and there are parts that are going to make you want to shake a baby, kick a puppy and eat a kitten just to make the world feel the same torturous pain that you're feeling.
It's not easy, and you're going to need to a damn good reason about why you should keep going when all you want to do is quit.
As for me, I suffered from crippling loneliness and I have an enormous sex drive. They why that I used is that I didn't have a choice. I was being torn apart from the inside because I had needs that weren't being met and they gnawed at my mind like starving rats day in and day out.
I literally didn't have a choice. And the way that I see it, neither do you
10.
Get yourself some friends to enjoy life with outside of seduction and realize and understand that to them, seduction will probably be this weird thing that they won't understand or be able to relate to. And that's okay
Also hobbies, hobbies help
Hey man,
That’s great. Thanks you so much.
RE Body language stuff.
I’ve been working on all of these over the last 12 months, and I have definitely noticed a difference in myself as they have improved. So I’m going to keep at it.
Good to know that is the stuff to keep working on though - Thanks.
RE Fashion
Thanks, wow, sexystyleforjoe website looks great.
My fashion game is deffo better than most 42 yo men - that’s not saying much though! - but this will help a lot cheers!
Of course, It needs to be better than a 32 yo man - 42 yo men are not my competition!
RE mental stuff
For me, getting up early in the morning and doing exercise is the best. 15-20 minute run, and then a load of pushups, situp, squats. I’ve tried yoga and meditation, but I find running with some heavy metal on and then some resistance exercise works best for me. I’m planning to join a gym sometime soon - I’m not sure what the covid situation is atm for gyms here, but they should be back to normal soon.
I’ve been working on myself - mental, physical, since last August, and I feel better than I ever have done in my life. Just need to quit smoking (again) cuz that’s not doing me any good.
Been slacking off on the exercise in the last 2 weeks and not getting enough sleep. I doubt this has helped with my mental blip during the last week or so. Some work stress didn’t either, but that’s life. Back in the office and can talk to other people next week, so I think that will help my brain. Actually, I'm going to the office toroow. Quite excited about it, strange times.
Yeah, I know what you mean. I used to be angry, depressed, anxious - a winning combination if ever there was one!
My vibe was off, people can tell.
A friend said to me once “you used to have a dark sense of humour, but now you’re just dark”
I don’t think I was very fun to be around for a while.
I refuse to go back to being like that, it’s fucking awful. It’s great when you get that shit out of your head.
RE Top Things
1. That’s brilliant - makes total sense - I’m part of your tribe, we have something in common, I’m obviously the sort of dude you’d be having wet dreams about!
2. Brilliant thanks - been working on the fundies for a good while now - definitely way better than a few months ago.
So I need to understand the whole game bit from the article you linked.
I’m definitely improving and getting more confident about that. I did my best chatting up ever today, and felt like I knew what I was doing a bit more (thanks to feedback on this and previous posts - thanks guys - it’s working)
3. I definitely want to avoid the first 2!
So, I’ll opt for being the BangBro!
That’s interesting about the categories. I’m trying to be friends with the girls at work, I’m fun work guy. They’re going to help me (although they don’t know it yet) - social proof when out “who’s that guy? He’s making all those girls laugh”, “hey friend from college, who’s just split up your boyfriend - I know a fun guy, you’ll love him” etc
Of course, there’s the new Brazillian girl at work, pretty hot… but she’s married. Anyway I don’t want an HR situation on my hands. They’ll be helpful, they all like me.
I’ve become very Machiavellian recently. It's quite the thing.
Cool. That’s very interesting. Thanks.
4. Yeah, I’m starting to think about what I actually want a lot more.
I’m not into braindead party girl for instance. Well, I wouldn’t say no, but she wouldn’t be my first choice.
5. Yes!!! I think I am pretty much there with having the ‘fuck you’ mental attitude. It’s quite new, but I’m pretty into it! So looking to explore that a bit more.
Thank you for the link, I will check it out
6. I need to think about this definitely. Got some of my issues sorted, some still to sort
7. Cool. Get the thing that’s at 20% up to 80%. Don’t worry about the thing that’s at 80% already until everything else is there - cheers.
Yes. I think the bar is very low too.
Well, I got rid of my hunchback years ago! Lol.
The exercise, skin routine, going to the hair salon, healthy eating (been slacking a bit in last 2 weeks though) etc has made a noticeable difference over the last year or so. Last few month’s I’ve made very noticeable gains - gotta keep at the exercise though - makes a big difference to everything I think.
That makes total sense man
8. That’s why I’m here! I think I’m in the right place.
I’m on the lookout for dudes like that IRL.
I actually had a work call with a client today, and the main dude there struck me as a pretty no-nonsense alpha guy who takes action, knows what he wants, and goes and gets it. Worlds apart from the other guy on the call, who did not seem like that at all. I don’t know much about him, but from his demeanor, I’d assume he either does alright with chicks or has a pretty hot wife who isn’t thinking about going anywhere else anytime soon.
So, I am thinking about other dudes in that sense. Haven’t spotted any in the wild yet.
9. Obviously I wanna bang loads of hot babes.
But the real reason is that I’m tired of being someone who just thinks about how great it would be if everything was great.
I want to be someone who goes and makes it happen.
So, for me, a way to become confident (like unshaking confidence) and assertive, is to overcome my fears and get really good at something that will really challenge me on multiple levels to develop my brain, body, and everything else about me.
So going up to hot chicks (whom I would previously have just admired from afar) and acting in such a way that they are thinking “fuck me! Who’s this guy? I must get him to fuck me!” will develop my social skills, confidence, assertiveness, ability to think on my feet, and all the stuff that makes the 1% dude the 1% dude.
There are so many gains to be had from getting good at this stuff. I know it's about a lot more than getting your dick sucked.
In the last 2 weeks, since I’ve a fucking tiny tiny bit of success...
ie. Approached a hot girl, chatted her up, asked her out, did the same with others - no sex yet, not even been on date yet, its been mostly rejections, then throw in some unreturned texts - still fucking light years ahead of what my game was like before - and I do think today's new girl is the most promising one yet, and that was down to how I behaved, not her.
... I’ve become more confident and assertive than I’ve ever been in my life, and it’s only going to get better.
So, I’m all in!
10. Working on the friends thing - Covid doesn’t help - has anyone said covid helps with anything? Probably not. Big Pharma maybe. Fuck you covid you fucking bastard!
There's the guys and gals at work (new job, only been there a few months, been WFH, I hate WFH). Also, I kinda know a few people in my new city - some are music people, so I’m going to pop along to some gigs, get reacquainted, they’ll introduce me to others because I’m a fun cool guy now, music people know lots of people. I used to be in a band and take loads of drugs, so I can hang with them - I’ve got a plan!
I’m not bothered about them relating to it. I think they’ll find the stories of my upcoming exploits quite amusing. I think they just be - he’s a laugh, he’s divorced, he’s getting around, why not?
Yeah hobbies, hobbies do help - been going to the driving range with my bro, so getting back into the swing of things with the golf, don’t think I’ll be turning pro anytime soon though. There’s music, I like that. All the artsy stuff, I’m into that too.
Might pop along to some football matches as well, y’know, Scottish football, best in the world!
