Some introspection and some feedback

[Wolfie]

FREEZING UP AND GETTING ATTRACTION FROM GIRLS I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO

I have noticed this happening to me I get attraction signs From either fat chicks or really beautiful girls but I have seen it mostly get from fat girls being aggressive towards me,like asking for number directly , staring at me, intiating the conversation.

I am not saying i don't enjoy the attention i do but sometimes ......it feels like if all fat girls are attracted to me does it mean that I have low sexual value.


Right now I have a such situation where there's a fat chick who is impressed by me and wants my number.

Then there is an another spectrum.

there was this model friend of mine who is really friendly and sweet,she cooks food for me and my team members and one day she asked my cousin about me like does he (me) always dress so good,he has a good fashion sense and she said will he do a couple boudior shoot with me?

And things started to turn better like she said I got a very nice body and one day during her bikini shoot she was standing near trial room in bikini and said to me in a flirty way come take my honour.I am all yours


I froze because

1) I wasn't that attracted to both of these chicks and morally didn't felt right because as bad as it sounds i am a desperate virgin who wants to just fuck


2) i didn't happen to gather balls to flirt back and touch....


3) even on the last date i wanted to kiss my date but I froze up


4) I froze because partially I thought that this isn't happening maybe she was Just teasing and had no intentions....like I felt like I dont think a girl would say something like that to me


Any suggestions ?



Also does it mean that I have a low smv or is it Just me overthinking ?




BEING AROUND GIRLS

I happen to act really weird around girls at workplace, and that's not really good for me even as career wise because I have been told that girls often get bored around me because I come across as someone with an attitude


And I think I have decided to take the advice seriously and treat these girls like best friends ,i remember you saying get friendzoned and this will teach me the discipline and understand women in a better way.

So a stupid question.

How to overcome that shyness , control my sexual urges and make female friends

Because I need to get as much comfortable as possible talking to girls

One decision I have made is to Stop mastrubating and watching porn to control those urges in hopes that it will help me .


I am becoming so much sexually frustrated seeing that men worse than me are getting some action that i thought of pursuing married and committed chicks . but I am gonna have some patience and practice self control



So yeah how do I make female friends ?

 

[Zoro]

One decision I have made is to Stop mastrubating and watching porn to control those urges in hopes that it will help me .

Definitely keep this up.

I have some unconventional tips for you that have helped me.

Meditation helped me start approaching and meeting women. It has so many benefits, but the part that helped with seduction is being able to manage emotions, and being able to feel something and act anyway. You can go from identifying with emotions to being a witness of them while you decide what you will do/be. (From “I’m a guy who freezes up” to “I feel that I’m freezing… anyway hey what’s up girl).

Another “bio hack” is something I’m discovering recently, and I think it is severely underestimated in importance and taken for granted: how you breathe. Most people breath with bad habits, and there is so much going on with breathing, it affects the rate and ratio of certain gas exchange in your body that affects everything you do, it affects your nervous system directly, and if ignored can cause some serious issues. In a nutshell you want to breathe through your nose and use your diaphragm instead of only your chest to move air in and out, and the magic number is 5 seconds in, slight pause, 5 seconds out, slight pause. There is so much more to it than that so I suggest you (and everyone on earth) learn and research this on their own. I have some book suggestions if curious.

Anyway once you do that you’ll notice some positive benefits but here’s the really cool part, you can control your nervous system using your breath. Breathing with longer exhales then inhales sends signals to your nervous system that you are safe and to activate the parasympathetic part of your nervous system. This is the other side of fight or flight, where you can relax, digest, and think clearly. You’ll notice that in stressful situations it’s hard to be creative, but when relaxed things flow. That’s what you want while you’re vibing with a girl, your creative mental resources available so you can run game and be flirty. Here’s how to do it, breath in for 4 seconds, pause for four, breathe out for 8 seconds, slight pause, repeat until you’re feeling relaxed.

The breathing rabbit hole goes even deeper, but even the little bit I’ve learned has helped me a lot. Just used this at an open mic where I played drums for the first time in months in front of a crowd of talented musicians and killed it. I was able to stay calm and let my creative juices flow and play at my best, and enjoy the whole thing. Usually I deal with stage fright despite having performed probably 100 times. Game changer.

As for making female friends, I’d aim for creating a social circle of cool people. The easy way to do this is being a social connector. Find cool people and bring them together, cool people love meeting other cool people, and you’re cool if you are the one making it happen. I mentioned it a million times here, but I think the best way to meet people is to be on a mission of your own and get out there in the world. I meet interested people this way all the time. If I’m out in the world doing nothing (which I spent a while directionless) I don’t meet anyone since there is nothing to connect over. However through music, business, game, travel, all things I’m genuinely passionate about, I meet people because I’m really engaged in these things and people recognize it and are drawn to it and I’m drawn to the people who are doing it too.

I’ll add a couple more quick points. Freezing up is a response to stress.

There are 3 main stages of the nervous system: Just chilling, fight or flight, or shut down.

If everything is safe, you’re chilling,

if your system senses danger, you’re rea for action,

if you are unable to act, you shut down.

It sounds like you’re shutting down, and there is a theory that to go from shutdown you need to pass through fight or flight to get to relaxation. At the risk of confusing you, I’m adding that there to keep in mind if you decide to try out the breathing techniques I mentioned.

One other thing, seems like you’re identifying with your situation quite a bit. Our minds are funny in that what we believe, we enforce in our lives. Change your beliefs and you can change your life. A great book on this is psychocybernetics, @Skills is a big fan on this book. And for good reason.

Ive heard it said it’s easier to change your identity than your habits.

 

[Gram]

@Wick is spot on. James Nestor's book, Breath, changed my life.

That lead me to Jaws by Sandra Kahn.

I stopped at that point in the rabbit hole but key changes were:

- Taped mouth every night and am now a nose breather vs mouth breather. Sinus infections went away. Allergies went down to almost nil.

- Chew mastic everyday. Jawline becoming much more defined and will stop when I lose a bit more weight.

- Rest my tongue in the roof of my mouth to force nose breathing during the day.

- To Wicks point, I can feel the relaxation chemicals kick in when I breathe through my nose. It's incredible. I've never slept so well in my life and because I'm sleeping better I need an hour less sleep, more or less.

Gram

 

[Hector Papi Castillo]

FREEZING UP AND GETTING ATTRACTION FROM GIRLS I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO

I have noticed this happening to me I get attraction signs From either fat chicks or really beautiful girls but I have seen it mostly get from fat girls being aggressive towards me,like asking for number directly , staring at me, intiating the conversation.

Well, this is two things.

1. Unattractive women have to try harder, since they're not going to be approached. They need to make the effort
2. They think you're in their league, so this means you're not coming off high value yet. If you were hotter, most of these girls would feel intimidated to approach you unless given a wide open window (e.g., you're in their social circle and they're introduced to you).

But if very beautiful woman are giving you signals, too, then you are sometimes coming off hot/sexy.

I am not saying i don't enjoy the attention i do but sometimes ......it feels like if all fat girls are attracted to me does it mean that I have low sexual value.

Yes. It does.

Right now I have a such situation where there's a fat chick who is impressed by me and wants my number.

Then there is an another spectrum.

there was this model friend of mine who is really friendly and sweet,she cooks food for me and my team members and one day she asked my cousin about me like does he (me) always dress so good,he has a good fashion sense and she said will he do a couple boudior shoot with me?

This is really good. Why don't you try and ask her out?

And things started to turn better like she said I got a very nice body and one day during her bikini shoot she was standing near trial room in bikini and said to me in a flirty way come take my honour.I am all yours

Ummm, what?

"COME TAKE MY HONOUR? IM ALL YOURS"

She literally invited you to have sex lol. You could have literally walked over to her and kissed her and maybe even fuck her in the changing room.

I froze because

1) I wasn't that attracted to both of these chicks and morally didn't felt right because as bad as it sounds i am a desperate virgin who wants to just fuck

I'm confused. You said she's a model but you're not attracted to her?

I have a feeling and it's a very common thing with inexperienced guys, especially virgins. You have super, unrealistic standards. Unless a girl is super hot, you're hesitant. How do I know?

I was the same way. I had lots of girls I could have gotten, but unless she was gorgeous to me, I considered it a waste of time.

Why?

Because I was seeing girls as potential long-term mates instead of sexually. That's fine if that's what you want. Maybe you want to only focus on girls who are 10/10 to you. That's fine. But it's not going to give you a lot of choices and when you do find a girl you want, it's going to be hard to game her, because you're going to be gunshy as a habit.

Men who are experienced or naturally are fuckers, they see women sexually first and only evaluate her as a long-term option after getting to know her.

3) even on the last date i wanted to kiss my date but I froze up

Oh? Hmmm...

4) I froze because partially I thought that this isn't happening maybe she was Just teasing and had no intentions....like I felt like I dont think a girl would say something like that to me

This is a different situation, I assume? Or is this the same girl who said "come take my honour?"

Yeah, double guessing things is a pretty common thing with inexperienced guys. You get super easy pussy thrown at you and you go "umm, what? Are you sure?" and then you convince yourself she's trolling you or teasing you.

The only way you're going to know if it's fake or not is to try.

But 99% of the time when girls flirt, it's genuine. It's incredibly rare for women to flirt just to fuck with people, and even when they do, it's only after he messed up and she wants to protect her image by retroactively pretending like it was a joke.

Women don't flirt as a joke, because they know that flirting with men invites action and they want to avoid any attempts by unattractive men.

Women who lead men on are actually quite rare. And many times, they're genuinely interested in the guy, but he never makes a move and he friend-zones HIMSELF.

Any suggestions ?



Also does it mean that I have a low smv or is it Just me overthinking ?

Yes, you have low SMV. But your fashion is helping and your sincere desire to get better is occasionally shining through the darkness of your low value.

The only way for the light to become greater than the darkness is to focus on the light.

When you get signals, take it and make a move. There's no secret to forcing things to happen. People can come up with lots of auxiliary supports to their practice, but nothing replaces taking action.


Maybe one day you have a really good day - you get a job promotion or you play a video game you really like - SOMETHING GOOD - and then you go out and a girl flirts with you and because you're in a good mood, you finally take the shot and go for it. It succeeds.

That can happen. But relying on these conditional states is not a good long-term strategy. You become dependent on your emotions. It's like working out when you feel good vs going to the gym as a habit. You won't see much success with the former, but the latter gets amazing results.

I promise you - there is no shortcut. As I've told you many times, you keep searching for some revelation that I'll say and you go 'OMG WOW I CAN APPROACH NOW."

I can see it as clear as day in your messages. I know because I can basically read the minds of students at this point. Just like I can read women like a book.


All your questions, posts, and your history of comments are like a big billboard to me that screams "GIVE ME THE SOLUTION THAT WILL ELIMINATE FEAR."

There is no solution other than having fear come up and challenging it. You stand face to face with your uncertainty.

Girl flirts with you, you question if it's real, what now?

Fear crops up. Memories come up. It's paralyzing.

No matter what philosophy you try to bring up, you can't move.

You simply make a decision - I feel this and will accept it but also cast it aside and decide to try and kiss her.

You kiss her and she kisses you back. You now have CONFIRMED that your fear/anxiety was LYING to you.

+1 knowledge point.

THIS is what builds up your anti-fear mentality, not some piece of wisdom I can give you. Pieces of wisdom can start your path, but only your confrontation with fear and ignorance will teach you HOW to walk the path.

BEING AROUND GIRLS

I happen to act really weird around girls at workplace, and that's not really good for me even as career wise because I have been told that girls often get bored around me because I come across as someone with an attitude

You have a LOT of anger. A LOT. You're incredibly angry with yourself and the world.

I think it comes from the fact that you think people should give things to you, just because they should? It's a symptom of your upbringing and also probably past kamma from a past life. That's purely speculation, so don't take it as a statement, but your energy is VERY much "I deserve things because I deserve them."

You think work is beneath you. And approaching girls and pushing beyond fear is work. But you hate it.

And I think I have decided to take the advice seriously and treat these girls like best friends ,i remember you saying get friendzoned and this will teach me the discipline and understand women in a better way.

So a stupid question.

How to overcome that shyness , control my sexual urges and make female friends

i've explained how to overcome shyness. you have to socialize with people and try different things. See what works and doesn't work. No other way.

Control your sexual urges? Lol. You can't. You can only discipline them, but it's not the final solution. The only way to eradicate sexual desires is to become an enlightened being. Anything else is a temporary fix.

Make female friends - you actually don't need to resist your sexual urges. You just need to not MAKE A MOVE. Every female friend i've ever had I flirted with. Any guy I know who has female friends - they flirt all the time. That's something you CANNOT stop between men and women unless

1. the person isn't attracted to the other person
2. you're enlightened

Any other scenario, THERE WILL BE FLIRTING.

But are you actually MAKING A MOVE ON HER (asking her out, kissing her, etc) - THAT'S what separates the friend vs the lover. But the difference is quite small...

That's why men and women can't really be friend

So flirt and be nice, just DONT MAKE A MOVE.

Treat her like a male friend that you would have sex with. But you DO NOT TRY ANYTHING.

Because I need to get as much comfortable as possible talking to girls

One decision I have made is to Stop mastrubating and watching porn to control those urges in hopes that it will help me .

Maybe it'll help. I think nofap/no porn is highly overrated and a myth. 3DAlpha compiled some studies and concluded nofap/noporn doesn't actually affect testosterone too much (watching porn actually spikes it in the initial stages,cuz your body wants to fuck). I think the obsession with porn being the cause of all society's problems is bullshit. people have had all our problems before porn was a thing.

In fact, I think most of you dudes NEED to see women more sexually, because you already DO but you don't realize it and it creates bullshit fantasies in your head.

I am becoming so much sexually frustrated seeing that men worse than me are getting some action that i thought of pursuing married and committed chicks . but I am gonna have some patience and practice self control



So yeah how do I make female friends ?

If you're getting sexually frustrated, then not jerking off is going to make that worse. If it gets so bad you're gonna lose your mind, then you need to either let one out or meditate. Meditation is very useful for a lot of things Taming the mind is supremely important.

You make female friends by talking to women and telling them they're cool and getting their phone number. Then you text them/chat with them like you would a guy friend. sometimes they will think you're hitting on them, but then you invite them out to a social function. they see clearly you're not trying to fuck and see you as a friend.

You make female friends the same way you fuck girls - you just don't make the final move on the friends.

So we're back to your initial problem - doing the work and going to take to girls

And you know how to do that. So do it.

There's work to be done. Do the work.

Hector

 

[Wolfie]

Well, this is two things.

1. Unattractive women have to try harder, since they're not going to be approached. They need to make the effort
2. They think you're in their league, so this means you're not coming off high value yet. If you were hotter, most of these girls would feel intimidated to approach you unless given a wide open window (e.g., you're in their social circle and they're introduced to you).

But if very beautiful woman are giving you signals, too, then you are sometimes coming off hot/sexy.



Yes. It does.



This is really good. Why don't you try and ask her out?



Ummm, what?

"COME TAKE MY HONOUR? IM ALL YOURS"

She literally invited you to have sex lol. You could have literally walked over to her and kissed her and maybe even fuck her in the changing room.



I'm confused. You said she's a model but you're not attracted to her?

I have a feeling and it's a very common thing with inexperienced guys, especially virgins. You have super, unrealistic standards. Unless a girl is super hot, you're hesitant. How do I know?

I was the same way. I had lots of girls I could have gotten, but unless she was gorgeous to me, I considered it a waste of time.

Why?

Because I was seeing girls as potential long-term mates instead of sexually. That's fine if that's what you want. Maybe you want to only focus on girls who are 10/10 to you. That's fine. But it's not going to give you a lot of choices and when you do find a girl you want, it's going to be hard to game her, because you're going to be gunshy as a habit.

Men who are experienced or naturally are fuckers, they see women sexually first and only evaluate her as a long-term option after getting to know her.




Oh? Hmmm...



This is a different situation, I assume? Or is this the same girl who said "come take my honour?"

Yeah, double guessing things is a pretty common thing with inexperienced guys. You get super easy pussy thrown at you and you go "umm, what? Are you sure?" and then you convince yourself she's trolling you or teasing you.

The only way you're going to know if it's fake or not is to try.

But 99% of the time when girls flirt, it's genuine. It's incredibly rare for women to flirt just to fuck with people, and even when they do, it's only after he messed up and she wants to protect her image by retroactively pretending like it was a joke.

Women don't flirt as a joke, because they know that flirting with men invites action and they want to avoid any attempts by unattractive men.

Women who lead men on are actually quite rare. And many times, they're genuinely interested in the guy, but he never makes a move and he friend-zones HIMSELF.


Yes, you have low SMV. But your fashion is helping and your sincere desire to get better is occasionally shining through the darkness of your low value.

The only way for the light to become greater than the darkness is to focus on the light.

When you get signals, take it and make a move. There's no secret to forcing things to happen. People can come up with lots of auxiliary supports to their practice, but nothing replaces taking action.


Maybe one day you have a really good day - you get a job promotion or you play a video game you really like - SOMETHING GOOD - and then you go out and a girl flirts with you and because you're in a good mood, you finally take the shot and go for it. It succeeds.

That can happen. But relying on these conditional states is not a good long-term strategy. You become dependent on your emotions. It's like working out when you feel good vs going to the gym as a habit. You won't see much success with the former, but the latter gets amazing results.

I promise you - there is no shortcut. As I've told you many times, you keep searching for some revelation that I'll say and you go 'OMG WOW I CAN APPROACH NOW."

I can see it as clear as day in your messages. I know because I can basically read the minds of students at this point. Just like I can read women like a book.


All your questions, posts, and your history of comments are like a big billboard to me that screams "GIVE ME THE SOLUTION THAT WILL ELIMINATE FEAR."

There is no solution other than having fear come up and challenging it. You stand face to face with your uncertainty.

Girl flirts with you, you question if it's real, what now?

Fear crops up. Memories come up. It's paralyzing.

No matter what philosophy you try to bring up, you can't move.

You simply make a decision - I feel this and will accept it but also cast it aside and decide to try and kiss her.

You kiss her and she kisses you back. You now have CONFIRMED that your fear/anxiety was LYING to you.

+1 knowledge point.

THIS is what builds up your anti-fear mentality, not some piece of wisdom I can give you. Pieces of wisdom can start your path, but only your confrontation with fear and ignorance will teach you HOW to walk the path.



You have a LOT of anger. A LOT. You're incredibly angry with yourself and the world.

I think it comes from the fact that you think people should give things to you, just because they should? It's a symptom of your upbringing and also probably past kamma from a past life. That's purely speculation, so don't take it as a statement, but your energy is VERY much "I deserve things because I deserve them."

You think work is beneath you. And approaching girls and pushing beyond fear is work. But you hate it.


i've explained how to overcome shyness. you have to socialize with people and try different things. See what works and doesn't work. No other way.

Control your sexual urges? Lol. You can't. You can only discipline them, but it's not the final solution. The only way to eradicate sexual desires is to become an enlightened being. Anything else is a temporary fix.

Make female friends - you actually don't need to resist your sexual urges. You just need to not MAKE A MOVE. Every female friend i've ever had I flirted with. Any guy I know who has female friends - they flirt all the time. That's something you CANNOT stop between men and women unless

1. the person isn't attracted to the other person
2. you're enlightened

Any other scenario, THERE WILL BE FLIRTING.

But are you actually MAKING A MOVE ON HER (asking her out, kissing her, etc) - THAT'S what separates the friend vs the lover. But the difference is quite small...

That's why men and women can't really be friend

So flirt and be nice, just DONT MAKE A MOVE.

Treat her like a male friend that you would have sex with. But you DO NOT TRY ANYTHING.


Maybe it'll help. I think nofap/no porn is highly overrated and a myth. 3DAlpha compiled some studies and concluded nofap/noporn doesn't actually affect testosterone too much (watching porn actually spikes it in the initial stages,cuz your body wants to fuck). I think the obsession with porn being the cause of all society's problems is bullshit. people have had all our problems before porn was a thing.

In fact, I think most of you dudes NEED to see women more sexually, because you already DO but you don't realize it and it creates bullshit fantasies in your head.

If you're getting sexually frustrated, then not jerking off is going to make that worse. If it gets so bad you're gonna lose your mind, then you need to either let one out or meditate. Meditation is very useful for a lot of things Taming the mind is supremely important.

You make female friends by talking to women and telling them they're cool and getting their phone number. Then you text them/chat with them like you would a guy friend. sometimes they will think you're hitting on them, but then you invite them out to a social function. they see clearly you're not trying to fuck and see you as a friend.

You make female friends the same way you fuck girls - you just don't make the final move on the friends.

So we're back to your initial problem - doing the work and going to take to girls

And you know how to do that. So do it.

There's work to be done. Do the work.

Hector

Thank you so much, really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart