LR Starting Out Part IV (1/3)

[AFCnoob]

Summary: Meet a girl at the venue where I work, with some management, everything falls into place.

[Kate] French [Rating: objective 7/subjective 7][Age: @22](closed)

Open: natural
[Kate] showed up at the venue where I work. I had met her before, but had forgotten her name (she remembered mine). She had previously expressed strong IOI's but I had thought nothing of it. I noticed it and called her over. She invited me to go with her friends to another venue after I got off work.

Move:
One of the people in [Kate]'s group of friends had a car, and we all piled in to go to the next venue. There wasn't really enough room to fit everyone in the car, so I told [Kate] she would just have to sit on my lap. She agreed, but sort of ended up straddling my knee instead (vaginal contact). She was also holding and stroking my hand. I engaged the group of friends only minimally, but I was friendly and polite, and seemed to leave a good impression.

We arrived at the next venue, but [Kate] wanted to go get some money from an ATM before we went in (old me would have offered to just pay for her, like an idiot). We went to the ATM, but a friend from the group just would not leave us alone, I gave him minimal attention until he got the hint (don't break circle). Inside the venue, [Kate] and I danced and engaged in light conversation. I was careful to do light sexual framing and cold reading with daring/adventurous clues throughout the interaction.

Things were pretty "friendly" ([Kate] kept peeling off to talk to a friend), but I she also grabbed my cigarette at one point and took a puff, so I wasn't that worried. Things wound down at the venue, and the other members of the group left while [Kate] and her friend went to the bathroom. I caught up with them outside the venue, and [Kate]'s friend said she was going to anther event, but that it probably wouldn't be that interesting (actually, she was obviously pushing for [Kate] and I to get together). I suggested [Kate] come back to the park near my home, and she agreed. I made sure to keep conversation light during the transition.

Escalation:
I wanted to escalate immediately, but had always been awkward at initiating kisses. Fortunately, I had just read Can't-Miss Tips for Getting the First Kiss with a Girl, so it played out like this:

Me: "Yeah, I want to kiss you, but that security guard over there looks like he's watching us."

Her: "You think so?"

Me: "Yeah, it's probably the high point of his night--watching couples come here and make out, we should move over to that river over there." [guard is bored as hell and seated facing the opposite way]

Her: "What, so you can dump me in the riv---" [she didn't even finish her sentence, and actually initiated the kiss with me]

Things got pretty heavy pretty fast. [Kate] straddled me on the park bench and (for some reason) my hand kind of moved on its own and undid her bra. After a minute or two of kissing, [Kate] suggested we continue things at my place.

Close:
I seated [Kate] on the couch, gave her some water, and put on some music. [Kate] was quite eager to get intimate though, so we pretty much went directly to bed. However, I was amazed to find myself...not aroused. I was certainly attracted to [Kate], but a combination of drunkeness and a head game problem (I have guilt issues) prevented me from becoming aroused.

I fell back on other tactics to make sure [Kate] reached climax, and she fell off to sleep. I couldn't sleep at all because executing the whole thing had been so mentally draining, and then actually doing it had started to mess with my head something fierce. I had accomplished my goal, but felt terrible because I was essentially leading [Kate] on. I had no plans to pursue a relationship with her, and had number closed that night with another girl minutes before she arrived.

I kissed [Kate] goodbye the next morning (we both had work) and didn't call/text her until a few days later, which was the weekend.

[Interaction Rating]: 9
Everything was textbook. I gave it a 9 because I accidentally burned [Kate] on the arm a bit with a cigarette while we were dancing (clumsy much?), and because I managed to offend [Kate]'s friend a bit when I ignored him, rather than finding a more socially graceful way to isolate her.

 

[AFCnoob]

LR: Starting Out Part IV (2/3)

Summary: Meet [Kate] again, ran more successful game, but unwittingly court disaster at the same time

[Kate] French [Rating: objective 7/subjective 7][Age: @22](closed)

Open: pre-existing
[Kate] and I met up at a shopping location and shopped around for a bit, then we got some dinner. I kept conversation flowing with sexual framing here and there, to keep things from drifting too far into BF territory.

Move: forced
Even though I had closed with [Kate] before, I knew things wouldn't be automatic, especially since this interaction would cement the tone of our relationship. As expected, she threw up resistance when I suggested we go back to my place. But I had been hard at work reading (Secrets to Getting Girls: Addressing Women's Objections), and I calmly, and persistently gave her reasons to do so, and she did (I realized later what I really did was override her).

Escalation: difficult
Again, when we got back to my place, I encountered resistance when trying to escalate. Luckily, as I mentioned, I had been reading GC like a maniac, and had also read (How to Get a Girl in Bed: 10 Crucial Tips for Making Her Yours), and just slowed down to her pace until she was comfortable.

Close: success
[Kate] was giving some resistance, she wouldn't even let me take her shirt off. I was a bit confused, because I knew she wanted to get intimate, but then she simply suggested I actually take her to bed (we were on the couch). I smacked my head, and then we closed.

I was better, but still not fully aroused (guilt is killing my boner...). I made sure [Kate] was satisfied, even more satisfied than the previous time, and I forced myself to reach climax as well. I knew I had broken down [Kate]'s ego quite a bit that night, so we took a shower together, and I tried to make her feel a little better.

[Interaction Rating]: 8
There I was, using all of the techniques I had been learning, and they were working great. I was feeling pretty good about myself, but again there was the dark side--guilt from my recently ended relationship was ruining my intimacy. I felt guilty about [Kate] too, because the more I got to know her, the more I felt she was really great--I had even been entertaining making her my girlfriend. Little did I know that I had been using my new tools far too clumsily...

 

[AFCnoob]

FU: Starting Out Part IV (3/3)

Summary: What I think is a good thing...evaporates.

[Kate] French [Rating: objective 7/subjective 7][Age: @22](closed)

Open: pre-existing
The night before this interaction, I had gone to dinner with [Kate] and her friends before cutting out early to go to a previous unbreakable engagement. [Kate] seemed alright, but just a bit standoffish, I figured it was because she was around her friends, and considered ours a mainly sexual relationship. I was open and friendly with her friends, but for some reason, [Kate] was even more standoffish when I left.

[Kate] and I had scheduled to meet, but then her phone was off when I called her earlier in the day. When I finally got through with a text, she responded by calling off the date and saying she "just wasn't feeling it". I called her immediately and asked her to come out and meet me anyway. She grudgingly complied.

I was quite confused, and gently tried to get to the bottom of why she was pulling away. If anything, I thought she would be warming up even more after I had attended the dinner, indicating that I wanted something more than just sex. I suspected that:
a) she had a really negative reaction from my overriding her on the previous date
b) she had found out about some other girl (I was engaged with 2 others at the time)
c) she had met someone else
d) her attraction to me had simply reached it's expiration date (Attraction Has an Expiration Date) (this is what she claimed herself)

She also said that she felt like she always had to act around me like something that she wasn't. I suggested we go back to my place to talk about it, I promised I wouldn't try anything, but she flatly refused, and I didn't push her. She was quite cagey, wouldn't even drink a coffee with me. She didn't even want to go into the venue (a cafe). She didn't want to do anything I wanted, which strengthened my suspicion that it was my overriding her, and not simple lack of attraction that had sunk me. I probed as much as I could on all four theories, but she just wouldn't say much. In retrospect, I spent too much time trying to drag answers out of her, and came off as weak/needy. I had really been warming up to her, and was quite upset to see her pulling away. I got stupid/desperate and confessed that I'd met an ex at the event the previous night and had tried to make her jealous by dancing with another girl.

[Kate] was unfazed. "Great," she said "see, you'll be over me in no time then." I inferred that this meant she pretty much had me pegged as a user/player.

We left the venue, I hugged her, and we walked our separate ways. I had to fight the urge to call/text her for days afterward. In all my "studies" on GC, I hadn't read a single post on what to do when these rather "short" relationships come to an abrupt end...

Move: fail

Escalation: N/A

Close: N/A

[Interaction Rating]: 10
I wouldn't understand until later (just today, actually) what was happening. I was also starting to develop real feelings for [Kate], or at least I thought I was. The thing is, it seems like I'm the same as a girl when it comes to emotions and the number of partners I've had (How Many Partners Has Your Girlfriend Had?). That's a bit emasculating, but that's just the way I feel.

I even debated tossing out the whole GC/PU thing. I thought to myself "what's the point?" I worked so hard, then she feels used/cheap and I feel like shit for using her, and terrible that this nice girl is gone from my life forever. I dealt with this for a while, and still have a bit of a sore spot for it even now, weeks later after several more interactions and one close. I gave this interaction a 10, because it cuts to the core of some dark issues I have yet to fully understand/address.

 

[Franco]

Hey AFC,

I kinda skimmed through all three days of this report -- it sounds to me like there might have been an issue with managing her expectations.

It seems like the first two interactions went relatively well... you were able to eventually close with her, which was the most important thing. However, she probably began to get mixed signals from you, and it sounds like these mixed signals stem from the fact that you were dealing with internal struggles yourself. To add to that, constantly asking women what is wrong is usually a path to destruction; women can't stand when men constantly probe them. It makes them feel like they aren't understood (on top of making the man look needy and weak).

If I know that I am hooking up with a girl that I have no intentions of getting serious with, then I definitely try to avoid interaction with her friends if at all possible. See Chase's article on being her "secret lover" if you haven't.

You obviously met her when you were with other people that she knew, but once you've slept with her, you should probably focus on just having her come directly over to your place so that she can be away from her friends and not have to worry about them judging her. Whether you want a casual partner or a relationship, it is almost always best to meet with her alone at your place or her place for awhile until she knows exactly what SHE wants from you (whether it is just sex or something more).

So next time you close with a girl and are looking to see her again, I would just try inviting her over to your place for "dinner and a movie" (or pizza and a movie if you're like me and too lazy to cook). She'll probably be much more comfortable with this since she knows there will be no pressure involved from her social circle. If she offers to have you come out and do something with her friends, just politely tell her that you have plans (or you're busy) and that you should get together later in the week. This is usually what I do, and it has been working very well for me.

Hope this helps.

- Franco

 

[AFCnoob]

Thanks a lot, Franco. I actually thought the phrase "mixed signals" as I was writing this. I know she was not fully comfortable with the idea of "just sleeping with me"(she's young, and a bit inexperienced), but she was doing it, and I definitely started messing with my classification in her mind when I attended that dinner.

You're 100% correct, I didn't know what the heck I did want to do with her, so that messed things up as well. Also, I was kicking myself for days over how I'd handled our last interaction. I believe I behaved like an inexperienced idiot for asking her to explain in detail why she was calling it quits. I felt like such a dumbass, and wished I could go back and just...not do it, but hey, at least I'll never do it again. Again, thanks for the sound analysis.

 

[Mr. oblivious]

I fell back on other tactics to make sure [Kate] reached climax, and she fell off to sleep. I couldn't sleep at all because executing the whole thing had been so mentally draining, and then actually doing it had started to mess with my head something fierce. I had accomplished my goal, but felt terrible because I was essentially leading [Kate] on. I had no plans to pursue a relationship with her, and had number closed that night with another girl minutes before she arrived.

you may feel guilt but half the time girls just want sex or they would of done it anyways even if it wouldn't result in a relationship. (so don't feel bad unless you full on said you would start a relationship) (i know you probably already sorted this out since this is an old post but people with similar mind sets)


Anyways good report's I think all reports should be based structurally similar to this cause its easy to read hits the points it needs to hit (some variations should be made make it unique it is your field report)

Anyways i think a template should be made structurally based on this cause even if you don't want to upload a report filling in the template will help you reflect on the interaction


good report good read