Health Starting to think jacking it to p*rn is actual self harm

[Kezarin]

At this point for me, personally, jerking off to porn or hentai might actually be worse than many other ways of self harm, including alcohol and cigarettes.

Two weeks nofap. First 5-6 days, feeling some weird heat in my chest. Decide to ignore it.
After the seventh day, I am a social butterfly. I talk to anyone about anything. I think about doing something and I jump out of bed right away. I don’t shy away from presentations in my course, the entire group loves me and declares me their leader. I compliment the teacher on her hair and give her a banana cause she didn’t have time to buy lunch. Gives me fuck me eyes for the rest of the week.

I make out with a girl and it’s stronger than any drug.
People tell me I’m glowing. I feel bulletproof. Like the man I was always meant to be.

Then I hit a low point. Too many girls flaking on me or cancelling stuff. Takes a toll on me emotionally. I cave and jerk off to porn.

Now I shy away from even making eye contact, much less talking to people. Can’t think of anything to say. Voice is less deep. I feel like I cut out my frontal lobe and chucked it in the trash. I smell different.

Nothing has ever sucked more in my life than porn.

Anyone else?

 

[Zoro]

You’re not alone.

I think the men who feel the most negative effects from it are actually addicted to it in some way.

Most men who use it tend to scoff at the idea of it being harmful or wave around studies that show it only boosts testosterone for a week.

I think the real issue is what is does to the brain, and especially if you’re a compulsive/addictive user of it.

For men like that, quitting will usually result in the “super powers” which are the brains normal functions being restored and in such a way that it feels like you’re a new man.

I assume the men who aren’t experiencing much changes in the brain, can’t relate to the huge impact it has on the men where it does.

As for me, I have been trying and failing to quit for years and still am frustrated by it. I think my game would 10x and I’m not exaggerating. In the times I have gone without it, I picked up girls with much more ease and luck, it really did feel like a super power. Not to mention the better concentration, energy levels, mood, sleep, even digestion.

yourbrainonporn.com is a great resource for learning about those brain changes I mentioned.

I personally think that women can pick up on porn brain, or it affects a man’s personal magnetism as well. Because I notice a significant difference in reception from women when on nofap.

Id argue that your average non addicted joe would still benefit from nofap, but they most likely will be wondering what the fuss is all about, since they may not experience much difference.

Another aspect to be mindful of is semen retention. I ascribe the Chinese medicine view that it’s a very vital fluid that should not be wasted, they even call ejaculation “the little death” since it draws from your life force.

It’s also possible to have an orgasm without ejaculation and this is what the Chinese and Ayurvedic systems recommend. I’ve pretty much always known how to separate the two, but it’s possible to learn. There is a great thread on forum here from @StrayDog on how to do it.

If you’re considering quitting, I’d encourage you to do it and combine it with learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. You maximum the benefits of sexual kung fu that way, and you can have way more enjoyable sex, even having more orgasms in a session than your girl lol. You’ll just have to learn how to tell your lovers about the liquid gold and why you don’t blast it, because they often feel like they’ve not done a good job or insecure when you don’t ejaculate. Not a big problem and worth it in my opinion to deal with from time to time to conserve your life force and vibrant energy.

 

[Kezarin]

You’re not alone.

I think the men who feel the most negative effects from it are actually addicted to it in some way.

Most men who use it tend to scoff at the idea of it being harmful or wave around studies that show it only boosts testosterone for a week.

I think the real issue is what is does to the brain, and especially if you’re a compulsive/addictive user of it.

For men like that, quitting will usually result in the “super powers” which are the brains normal functions being restored and in such a way that it feels like you’re a new man.

I assume the men who aren’t experiencing much changes in the brain, can’t relate to the huge impact it has on the men where it does.

As for me, I have been trying and failing to quit for years and still am frustrated by it. I think my game would 10x and I’m not exaggerating. In the times I have gone without it, I picked up girls with much more ease and luck, it really did feel like a super power. Not to mention the better concentration, energy levels, mood, sleep, even digestion.

yourbrainonporn.com is a great resource for learning about those brain changes I mentioned.

I personally think that women can pick up on porn brain, or it affects a man’s personal magnetism as well. Because I notice a significant difference in reception from women when on nofap.

Id argue that your average non addicted joe would still benefit from nofap, but they most likely will be wondering what the fuss is all about, since they may not experience much difference.

Another aspect to be mindful of is semen retention. I ascribe the Chinese medicine view that it’s a very vital fluid that should not be wasted, they even call ejaculation “the little death” since it draws from your life force.

It’s also possible to have an orgasm without ejaculation and this is what the Chinese and Ayurvedic systems recommend. I’ve pretty much always known how to separate the two, but it’s possible to learn. There is a great thread on forum here from @StrayDog on how to do it.

If you’re considering quitting, I’d encourage you to do it and combine it with learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation. You maximum the benefits of sexual kung fu that way, and you can have way more enjoyable sex, even having more orgasms in a session than your girl lol. You’ll just have to learn how to tell your lovers about the liquid gold and why you don’t blast it, because they often feel like they’ve not done a good job or insecure when you don’t ejaculate. Not a big problem and worth it in my opinion to deal with from time to time to conserve your life force and vibrant energy.

Thanks for sharing your experience, yes this is 100% how I experienced it. Also an addict since I was like 5 years old. And I have also seen women‘s reactions change depending on whether I laid off the porn or not. As I said even my smell changed.

Also 100% agree on what the Chinese medicine view. It actually feels like I‘m ejecting out my life force, because after the deed it’s like I‘m a walling zombie for a while, no ambition to do anything big or small. So we must conserve our life energy at all costs.

Thanks for the website recommendation, I‘ll be checking it out.

 

[Will_V]

At this point for me, personally, jerking off to porn or hentai might actually be worse than many other ways of self harm, including alcohol and cigarettes.

Two weeks nofap. First 5-6 days, feeling some weird heat in my chest. Decide to ignore it.
After the seventh day, I am a social butterfly. I talk to anyone about anything. I think about doing something and I jump out of bed right away. I don’t shy away from presentations in my course, the entire group loves me and declares me their leader. I compliment the teacher on her hair and give her a banana cause she didn’t have time to buy lunch. Gives me fuck me eyes for the rest of the week.

I make out with a girl and it’s stronger than any drug.
People tell me I’m glowing. I feel bulletproof. Like the man I was always meant to be.

Then I hit a low point. Too many girls flaking on me or cancelling stuff. Takes a toll on me emotionally. I cave and jerk off to porn.

Now I shy away from even making eye contact, much less talking to people. Can’t think of anything to say. Voice is less deep. I feel like I cut out my frontal lobe and chucked it in the trash. I smell different.

Nothing has ever sucked more in my life than porn.

Anyone else?

If you're into reading, I recommend 'The Power of Habit' by Charles Duhigg.

The way habits operate has a structure, and when you understand it you can learn how to replace it with a different, better habit, rather than just trying to resist the habit outright.

 

[Atlas IV]

@Wick,

Do you have a link to that thread by @StrayDog? I couldn't find it.

Will just share this though, which is some really good advice he posted in a thread about subcomms:

all excellent answers here from the guys

-Work out regularly and really focus on having good form. This keeps you strong in your body

-Have a restorative body practice. Yoga, Qi Gong, some form of PT. Learn to relax your body deeply. Feel whole. Rooted. Flowing. Centered. Vital, yet at ease.

-Mediate 20 min daily. Learn patience, temperance, and stillness. Learn to observe the patterns of your mind. the way your thoughts and emotions ebb and flow.

-Candle gaze. Learn how to focus your eyesight. Watch with a gentle sense of wonder but also deep unwavering attention. like steel wrapped in silk. Learn to turn this gaze on and off like the flip of a switch. In the field, this same gaze will turn itself towards the flickering flame of life in her eyes.

-Reduce ejaculation to a minimum of once a week, and no ejaculation at least two days before gaming. Learn methods for managing your sexual impulse. Let your sexual intuition guide you in the field

-Dopamine detox from the internet. Social media, porn. All those things that program habits of unfounded chemical/emotional responses.

-as @FunGuy suggested, desensitize yourself to social situations. Get as much in-field experience as you can. Put yourself in a diverse array of social situations.

-Keep a journal in field. Take note of any mental or physical patterns that arise. Take note of common situations they tend to arise in. Then, tune into your body. Picture yourself back in the interaction. Enact the subcomm posture vocal tone, facial expression, emotional response (and so on) you would have preferred. Visualize how the interaction could have gone with these more desired subcomms. write down how you feel.

-Rehearse routines and gambits in front of the mirror.

-Do positive affirmations in front of the mirror daily

-Do manly shit that challenges your limits. Confront a fear daily no matter how big or small. Learn to stay cool in uncomfortable situations.

-cultivate a sense of 'winning' in life

Subcomms arise from the psychological, physiological, and emotional rhythms/patterns of your body and mind. The more mastery you gain over these elements of your life the more you will be able to have command over your subcomms in field. Ultimately the goal is to just be present, relaxed, tuned in, confident, adaptive, centered, vital. All that jazz

You know, basic seduction ninja training routines and shit

 

[Zoro]

@Wick,

Do you have a link to that thread by @StrayDog? I couldn't find it.

Will just share this though, which is some really good advice he posted in a thread about subcomms:

lots of good stuff there

here’s the link


Thread 'How to Draw Orgasms up Your Spine'
https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/how-to-draw-orgasms-up-your-spine.26872/

 

[ChrisXKiss]

Then I hit a low point. Too many girls flaking on me or cancelling stuff. Takes a toll on me emotionally. I cave and jerk off to porn.

I was there. At different low points, bad mood, sickness, rejections, you can name them. No matter how much I had stayed away, I was having this thought of: It won't be bad to get some pleasure from it, just once to feel something good. Then after 2-3 days of going hard with porn I was feeling defeated and like a total loser. At some point I would promise myself not to do it, I would take a break from it and then after some weeks it happened all the same.

I've stayed away from it now for about 6 months. I don't know if it will be forever but that is my plan. At least I know that the more busy I am, and the more I interact with women sexually the less my mind goes there.

How do you deal with staying away at your lowest? My approach is simple. At some point I accepted that I am weak, that this is destroying me, and I cannot simply control it and watch some porn here and there. So I decided that no matter how I feel, no matter if I have nothing and it feels it could give me some pleasure, I will not open the websites. For this, it's important to know your triggers.

The whole process of falling into porn again starts way before you really open the computer and go online to search for it. So it's important to cultivate a healthy lifestyle, and take care of your body and mind to be resilient even when things don't go well.

That said if everything goes wrong and you just feel you crave it, you have to absolutely not do the thing that will get you watching it. For me I know that the moment I enter certain websites it's over, there is no way I won't watch, and if not right now, after few days for sure. Maybe for you it's opening a video, or checking some specific pornstar. You should find out for yourself this moment of no return.

And then you simply don't cross it again, ever.

I am still curious about some of the new videos from these websites I was entering. Some were pretty creative so I was finding them interesting even without getting pleasure from them. And I've passed periods where I enter there, look around but don't masturbate. That's when you think it's fine I am stronger than this.

And then the low point hits you, and you are already used to entering there, so your first thought is: Why not, won't do any harm, these videos are pretty hot anyway.

So my advice would be, based on what you described, to identify and absolutely stay away from your point of no return. And to any thought of maybe checking it out for a bit, you just say no. You don't negotiate it, you know what it does to you and you stay away. Period.

Then you can also go get busy with other things, and work on the stuff that brought you to the low point. You will have more time doing that without porn anyway.

PS. Be kind to yourself. Especially if you relapse. You just have to recognise the signs and what led to it. Maybe you didn't realise your real triggers, and now you identified them. Then you start staying away from it again, with better understanding of the situation.

To not feel absolutely defeated and disgusted with yourself when you fall back to it after all this effort is the most difficult thing. Accept it happened, take the lessons and move on. You may be weak in a moment but that doesn't identify you.

 

[spear_kin]

I never experienced superpowers.
After years of trying I quitted porn for like a year and a half, and after some situations watched a couple times this year (I caught a friend watching and heard from another that she was watching, then I felt like I got some kind of PERMISSION to do so, it's fucked up but that's something to have in mind).

I can tell for sure that watching kind of takes part of your soul. It's not right.

As for masturbation, it takes away all that extra energy that sometimes store. If you don't have where to put it, taking it away with masturbation is a bad idea. And if you do have, then it's a a bad idea too. That liquid is like fuel for the doing.

Having frequent big waves of pleasure isn't good for the mind either.

 

[Chase]

Crazy re: the porn addiction stuff.

I researched it for an article I wrote years back. It really affects the brain:

4 Ways Porn Addiction Changes Your Brain

I've had a few folks write in recently asking about pornography addiction and excessive masturbation. It's not really a subject I've been especially excited about broaching... I mean, who really wants to talk about watching other people do the deed on video while giving himself a hand?

www.girlschase.com

If you're at the point where you have a strong mental association between voyeurism (which is really what porn is) + jerking off = pleasure/relaxation, I wonder if you could change that by building a different habit around it.

The first image that comes to mind is "sandpaper masturbation only" but of course then we're getting into ACTUAL self-harm So don't do that.

But what if you adopted a rule of "if there is porn on, I am only allowed to masturbate using these really itchy mittens"...

Or how about "every time I masturbate to porn, I have to call my friend Joe first and tell him I'm going to masturbate to porn."

Or you have to text your uncle Phil you're going to masturbate to porn. Or whoever you decide.

Something irritating or humiliating that you make yourself do long enough for habit formation (i.e., do it consistently for 12 weeks to build a habit around it) so that you are re-mapping your brain to associate "voyeurism + jerking off = really uncomfortable and/or embarrassing."

That way you are not trying to willpower out of the behavior itself (which is very hard if addicted) but simply willpowering in another behavior around it that makes the behavior a lot less appealing over time as your brain starts to associate the two.

Chase

 

[ChrisXKiss]

If you're at the point where you have a strong mental association between voyeurism (which is really what porn is) + jerking off = pleasure/relaxation

Just wanted to mention here that it is possible to be interested in porn without having any tendencies towards voyeurism, although I suspect most people who watch the majority of porn do associate it as you say.

As a personal example, I never enjoyed watching other guys have sex with girls, and preferred point of view videos, where I could feel I was having sex with her. For me that was the selling point, and I would honestly prefer to chat with a pornstar, compared to seeing her have sex with someone else.

And there are people who are into the audio part, or the psychological effect, or the story that is created. @Kezarin you mentioned Hentai as well, and I was wondering whether you watch them, because you want to feel in the shoes of the hero having sex with these girls.

Saying it because when you are feeling down and without any sexual options, it can really feel like a getaway to a different world, that now you live like a hero that has this crazy sexual life. Could also be that you just like the hot anime girls of course.

In the end, it really is about putting some rules that can help you not get back to it though. So find something that could work well for you

 

[spear_kin]

Saying it because when you are feeling down and without any sexual options, it can really feel like a getaway to a different world, that now you live like a hero that has this crazy sexual life. Could also be that you just like the hot anime girls of course.

Completely agree. Sometimes our life position is though.
But with time I've learnt that there's more dignity in not getting sex that there is in not getting sex + indulging in fantasy world.

 

[Chase]

Hmm.

I went through a breakup that bummed me out in 2010. I went out and picked up some ONS right away but I was still kind of bummed and took a break from pickup for a couple of months to just veg out and play video games.

I ended up hanging around on Newgrounds a lot and eventually playing a series of 18+ dating simulator Hentai games. I had never looked at Hentai before and haven't since but for about a few weeks it was fun playing these games where you are just fucking these blushing, bashful anime chicks with massive tits making these little moans, then you creampie in them.

Anyway, I decided to take that as inspiration for some visualization. I quit playing the games but started visualizing fucking some real life Hentai-like chick.

Fast forward 2.5 months, I am traveling the world, picking up here and there, decide to settle in a place for a while; a buddy wants to go to a bar for one of his friends' birthdays one night, I was tired but went along. I meet this chick on the way out, very hot, dressed in a t-shirt (every other chick there is in a fancy dress), we start talking, she is feeling it. I hang out with this girl a couple of times and get her over to my place for dinner. She shows up all blushing and super bashful. About an hour into it, I manhandle kiss her a few times, and she is extremely bashful each time. Eventually we get to kissing properly, I am fingering her, take off the panties from under her skirt... at that point she just goes ahead and takes off her sweater, then her shirt, and then massive tits pop out in this bra that has been holding them back. I had not realized how big her tits were because she'd shown zero cleavage and had this tight bra on.

Perfect Hentai body once she was naked: little bitty waist, giant natural milkers.

I took one look at that body and was like, "Well, I'm not using a rubber on this one. Not pulling out either "

So I am fucking this girl with this Hentai body, and after a while she starts to cum -- and when she does it, she sounds exactly like one of those Hentai girls, with the "Oooooooh" moans and all.

And at that point it hit me all at once: "This girl is the girl I was visualizing! I am living the Hentai games!"

So I kept seeing this girl and just proceeded to fuck her in every position I could remember from the Hentai games: on the table, in a chair, doggystyle, cowgirl, huge tits smashed up against the window ("Everyone is watching you get fucked by me right now"), etc.

So I dunno... moral of the story: hang up the games and switch to visualizing, perhaps?

At least I can say it worked for me...

 

[Kezarin]

Just wanted to mention here that it is possible to be interested in porn without having any tendencies towards voyeurism, although I suspect most people who watch the majority of porn do associate it as you say.

As a personal example, I never enjoyed watching other guys have sex with girls, and preferred point of view videos, where I could feel I was having sex with her. For me that was the selling point, and I would honestly prefer to chat with a pornstar, compared to seeing her have sex with someone else.

And there are people who are into the audio part, or the psychological effect, or the story that is created. @Kezarin you mentioned Hentai as well, and I was wondering whether you watch them, because you want to feel in the shoes of the hero having sex with these girls.

Saying it because when you are feeling down and without any sexual options, it can really feel like a getaway to a different world, that now you live like a hero that has this crazy sexual life. Could also be that you just like the hot anime girls of course.

In the end, it really is about putting some rules that can help you not get back to it though. So find something that could work well for you

Yep, absolutely true. And the hentai stuff just hits different spots. Sometimes the art is just extremely good. I’m an artist so I even take screenshots for reference from time to time hahah!
And yes, it’s thinking of being the guy fucking those girls of course, and imagining giving them that insane pleasure they seem to be getting lol.

Hmm.

I went through a breakup that bummed me out in 2010. I went out and picked up some ONS right away but I was still kind of bummed and took a break from pickup for a couple of months to just veg out and play video games.

I ended up hanging around on Newgrounds a lot and eventually playing a series of 18+ dating simulator Hentai games. I had never looked at Hentai before and haven't since but for about a few weeks it was fun playing these games where you are just fucking these blushing, bashful anime chicks with massive tits making these little moans, then you creampie in them.

Anyway, I decided to take that as inspiration for some visualization. I quit playing the games but started visualizing fucking some real life Hentai-like chick.

Fast forward 2.5 months, I am traveling the world, picking up here and there, decide to settle in a place for a while; a buddy wants to go to a bar for one of his friends' birthdays one night, I was tired but went along. I meet this chick on the way out, very hot, dressed in a t-shirt (every other chick there is in a fancy dress), we start talking, she is feeling it. I hang out with this girl a couple of times and get her over to my place for dinner. She shows up all blushing and super bashful. About an hour into it, I manhandle kiss her a few times, and she is extremely bashful each time. Eventually we get to kissing properly, I am fingering her, take off the panties from under her skirt... at that point she just goes ahead and takes off her sweater, then her shirt, and then massive tits pop out in this bra that has been holding them back. I had not realized how big her tits were because she'd shown zero cleavage and had this tight bra on.

Perfect Hentai body once she was naked: little bitty waist, giant natural milkers.

I took one look at that body and was like, "Well, I'm not using a rubber on this one. Not pulling out either "

So I am fucking this girl with this Hentai body, and after a while she starts to cum -- and when she does it, she sounds exactly like one of those Hentai girls, with the "Oooooooh" moans and all.

And at that point it hit me all at once: "This girl is the girl I was visualizing! I am living the Hentai games!"

So I kept seeing this girl and just proceeded to fuck her in every position I could remember from the Hentai games: on the table, in a chair, doggystyle, cowgirl, huge tits smashed up against the window ("Everyone is watching you get fucked by me right now"), etc.

So I dunno... moral of the story: hang up the games and switch to visualizing, perhaps?

At least I can say it worked for me...

Chase this is brilliant! Congratulations for fucking a real life hentai chick
This is actually real though.

Hentai has steadily gotten better in quality since then, and there were times where I was looking at some chick from a hentai and thought “yeah she’s extremely hot, but no way these girls exist in real life”.
Maybe a week or two later-and I’d see a girl just like that on the street or on social media! Absolutely crazy work.

Next time I’ll print those girls out and put them on my visualization board, lol!

 

[spear_kin]

Hmm.

I need to read that damn article...

 

[Warped Mindless]

I have a buddy who swears that quitting porn is what caused him to start getting laid a lot more.

Small sample size of one there but take it for what it’s worth.

 

[Hue]

Total side note here, but the topic made me think of this.

I met a dude at a rave who's OnlyFans wife got him into doing porn with her. Dude has orgies (I looked, lol couldn't kill the curiosity to see if his life was legit) all the time with his pornstar wife and her friends, and they recently joined in on a very popular site that I guarantee you all know of.

I wonder if that guy watches porn... . He literally has no reason to outside of approving the edits lol. "Don't get high on your own supply".

Maybe we quit porn until we're all banging pornstars - if you can't beat it, join it.

 

[ChrisVirtue]

Total side note here, but the topic made me think of this.

I met a dude at a rave who's OnlyFans wife got him into doing porn with her. Dude has orgies (I looked, lol couldn't kill the curiosity to see if his life was legit) all the time with his pornstar wife and her friends, and they recently joined in on a very popular site that I guarantee you all know of.

I wonder if that guy watches porn... . He literally has no reason to outside of approving the edits lol. "Don't get high on your own supply".

Maybe we quit porn until we're all banging pornstars - if you can't beat it, join it.

I have filmed some onlyfans videos anonymously in the past for girls to post on their onlyfans.

For privacy concerns, I made sure that I controlled the footage, and edited it to remove my face, only sending it to the girl after the edit was completed.

However, when editing the videos myself, it is basically the same thing as watching a random porn video on pornhub (still giving the same damaging effects). It was hard for me to edit the video without jacking off midway through the editing process lol.

So, agreed that if you were to make porn videos, I think it's better to not watch them lol.