Steff - How deep the rabbit hole goes...

[steff]

I gave this title to my journal, because the day I realized that something is totally wrong with the way I am living my life was like some kind of enlightenment. When I actually decided that I really want to handle this part of my life was exactly like taking the red pill. The things I learned in a very short time was something my brain could hardly handle. After 10 years wasted on nonsense, I finally realized that I did everything the wrong way.

It's been 6 months since I took the red pill. It's a journey with lots of very thrilling, but at the same time very exciting moments (mostly thrilling). But now is the point when I feel more determined than anything to do this. The last 6 months were spent in the company of a girl I wanted a relationship with. I was unsure what to do with her. I was to weak to let her go, and eventually I got her back a lot of times, just when I thought, there is no possible way to get out of the friendzone, but deep down inside I always knew that it is not the right thing I am doing.

It's not my purpose...

It's not my purpose in life to get a girlfriend just to have one. I don't want a girlfriend whose looks I don't like. I don't want to be in a relationship with somebody, just because everybody always taught me that this is the process I should follow. Get a girlfriend and stay with her for the rest of your life, or at least 2-3 years, so you can be proud that you had a long term relationship.

Well fuck that!

I don't want that. It took me 10 years to realize this, but it is not what I want, and that is the reason why I never succeeded in seducing women.
I just want to have good times with girls. I want go give them the times of their lives. I want them to remember me, like the best lover they ever had. I want to give everything to them. EVERYTHING in my power to make them happy - and to make them happy without money or status or all that bullshit.

So this is my decision. The girl with who I had this "relationship" of 6 months (I'd rather call it an escape process than a relationship) was both the worst and the best thing that happened to me.

The relationship was very bad, but it made me realize one thing:

There are always two sides of everything. I fucked up completely with this girl, but it made me realize that this is not what I want, and the knowledge of that is pure gold. All my life when I fucked up a relationship I was the victim, and kept blaming the girl. Even though I was not treated like a man in this relationship, I still have respect for this girl, because if it wasn't for her, I'd still be the victim.

So after finally deciding to cut her out completely, there were two very hard weeks. But now I'm starting to feel good again, and I am finally losing all those stupid emotions that I don't need. It feels amazing.

So back to the journey...

I did about 20-25 cold approaches while I've been with this girl, but all of these were in clubs. Clubs with loud music, so when I tried to talk to girls, everything was like:
WHAT???? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Then I started to try dance floor games, until I made it to kiss a girl.

At that point I felt more confident than ever. Even though it's a very very minor success, it's still my success, and not just pure luck. But because of my other project (the relationship with the other girl) I stopped all the cold approaches. It was a bad decision, now I realize. I lost all the confidence I built up through the process of 6 months. And that is one thing I never want to lose again.

I kept the fire burning with some social circle approaches, but it still started to fade away. And today I realized why...

It's just because none of these are the real deal.

All of this is an additional help that we don't need. When you approach a girl in a club it's not a challenge as big as approaching a girl in a mall or on the street. I mean it feels more legit to approach a girl in a club than to approach a girl on the street. But to succeed, I believe that we need to take a tougher challenge, so that's why I decided to cut out the night life, and approach girls in the daytime.

If I can do that, I can do anything...

 

[steff]

So the first day...

Just when I woke up this morning I felt it was a very very special day. I knew that today is the day I am going out to meet girls. I felt incredibly motivated all day, even my pulse was faster. Actually it's the first time in my life I decided to go out of the house during the daytime, to meet girls.

One thing I did wrong: I kept waiting.

Waiting and hesitating. At 2 PM I was still full of energy, but i didn't get out of the house, I told myself, I need to sleep a bit before. Than eat a bit. Stay a bit more inside, because the weather is too hot.

I'll come back to this about waiting and hesitating...

So finally I got into my car, and drove to the first supermarket. I was unsure of what I was doing. Am I just scouting and monitoring, or am I actually here to meet girls? The supermarket was quite empty. I saw a girl who was dressed up very nice, but she was putting all these child's stuff in her shopping cart, like coloring books, and all that. I don't know if I should have made the approach, I thought it's better not to, she must have a child. After a while I saw her again, with a man, it was probably her husband, so I guess this was the right decision.

I spent some more time inside, but it was so empty, I couldn't find anyone to approach. Okay so I came out and just then... a stunning "just my type" blondish girl came out from another shop. I really really really felt that this is it, I should make the move now. As she came out from the shop, she turned in one direction, but she did caught me in a glimpse. She was walking in front of me, I wasn't sure how to approach her. Whistle to her? Yell at her? Walk faster to catch her? So I kept hesitating again, and I spent so much time hesitating, that there was one point, when she actually turned around, like she forgot something, and I just didn't had the balls to approach her. I hesitated too much. I can actually believe that this turnaround was an invitation for me to approach her, but I didn't make a move.

So I head back to my car, to go to the other supermarket.
Just as i got into my car, I say the beautiful girl walking to the bus stop. She was incredibly cute, and I actually felt some kind of connection with her, right in the moment when she walked out from that shop. I don't know is she felt the same way, but indeed she was the girl of my day... and I didn't approach her.

Okay.. so I went to the other supermarket.

At the entrance a promoter girl grabbed me to try some perfume. I flirted a bit with her, but realized quickly that this is not my mission for today. My mission is to make approaches, not to get approached. Okay so entered the supermarket, definitely more people here, but no single ladies. Every girl was with her boyfriend. After a bit more scouting I spotted a girl, I think she was about 17-18 years old. I started walking in her direction, but still couldn't make the approach. I don't know what the fuck kept holding me back, but I couldn't make it.

Finally I drove to a mall, with loads of people. Kept walking and walking, scouting, watching, monitoring. I really wanted to approach someone, so all the outgoing would be worth of something. But I just couldn't do it. Went to 4 clothing shops, and there were indeed lots of beautiful girls here, I just couldn't approach any of them.

So after that I went to drink a lemonade with a friend, and now I'm home.

What the actual fuck is holding me back??? - I ask myself.
I just cannot tell. But I know I must do this. I must do this if I want to succeed in seduction. If I don't have the balls to do daytime approaches, I am doomed. I have no logical reason for not approaching a girl. The worst thing that could happen is she would say to me: "Get away!" - and that's all. I remember a few days ago, I gave advice to someone right here on the forum, to just go and say hello, and now I am the one who hesitates.

Well even if it was a complete waste of the day, at least I learned that there is no room for hesitation.
I shouldn't have hesitated in the first place, when deciding to sleep a bit before going out. And I definitely shouldn't have hesitated with that very cute blonde girl.

The worst thing is that this was the last chance in my life to meet her, and I didn't met her. And to think of how many thousands of girls I have already lost this way is just insane. It is insane how my goddamn brain is holding me back from my dreams. I keep calling myself a coward, and I feel terribly shameful.

But I won't give up.

This was just the first day. I am not pleased at all with what I did, but there is no option of giving up. I took the red pill, this is what I chose, this is the life I have to live from now on. So tomorrow I am going out again, and I will keep going out, I don't care if I have to spend all my life in supermarkets or on the street, I want to have the balls to approach girls this way! I don't care of what results I am going to have. I just want to stand up for my decision. I never felt anything like this.

So as a punishment, I won't read anything on this website, until I've made 50 approaches.

 

[steff]

So after last week, I've decided to do the newbie assignment first. Actually, I decided it right after the first day. I can't swim properly because I learned it the wrong way, and now I look like an idiot whenever I'm swimming. But I want to learn the seduction skill the right way. Eventually, the first day was good for scouting.

Targets for pick-up: 2 big supermarkets and one mall.

I have to admit, it is scarier than I thought it would be. Although I believed that cold approaching is not a big deal, and did that lots of times in nightclubs, during the daytime, when I am 100% sober it becomes scary. But it just feels so goddamn real.

So... the second day I practiced with my posture. Kept analyzing other people, I think I did a good job with it, and don't have too much problem with this one. I make lots of push ups and after a few months of training you push your chest out automatically. But i did have to focus on the position of my head. I believe it's getting better.

Today was Day 3 - Eye contact day. This exercise was a bit harder than I thought, and I am not 100% sure that I did it right. What I did was, whenever someone approached me, I locked my eyes straight on his/hers, and tried to make eye contact. Some people looked back at me, some didn't. The longest time I held I contact with someone was about 5 seconds. Most of the breaks were neutral and submissive, and there were two girls who gave dismissive eye contact break. To note some:

1) Very cute girl in the parking lot. Looked into her eyes as she was coming closer. She immediately turned her head to the side, and was trying not to smile. I kept staring into her eyes as she opened the car door. She looked back at me, gave a little smile, and got into the car with her dad.
2) Confused girl in the mall, sitting on a bench, I keep looking into her eye, she gives me a disgusting look and rolls her eyes up.
3) Girl walking with her boyfriend, I make eye contact with the girl, she keeps looking and locking her eyes on mine... this time I was the one who turned his head away.
4) Girl in a convertible car as she stopped next to me at a signal. I kept looking into her eyes, after she noticed I am looking at her, she started to hurry, and stepped on the gas immediatly as the lights turned green.

I also kept looking into the eyes of men and children. With most of the men there was nothing special, just neutral eye contact breaks.
The funny part was when I looked into the eyes of a kid (about 2 or 3 years old), and he kept looking back. The most funny thing is that he made me turn my head away. They seem to be fearless.

There was a slightly unconfortable moment during today. Now each time I go out, I feel like I am on a mission, and I don't like it if i am interrupted. So as I walk in the mall, I notice a hot girl and she says: Hey! I keep looking at her, and than I notice that she's one of my former classmates ex-girlfriend. I talked to her a bit, but then I became nervous around her, started sweating, and wanted to end the conversation. After 2 minutes, we were already talking about her past relationships and I knew almost everything she was doing at the moment, but somehow she felt that I am not too open to talk and she was the one who ended the conversation. I don't know if it was her or because I wanted to mind my own business, but I just can't tell what happened. I got confused for a moment, and also started to feel a bit dizzy so I had to sit down. Took some deep breaths, went out for some fresh air and started eye contacting again.

I keep realizing, that without alcohol, I am more anxious than I thought, and there are lots of simple social situations, that I can't handle well.

Oh well.. tommorow's "Hi" day. And I am thrilled...

 

[steff]

Just got home from day 4 of the newbie assignment, and...

MISSION FAILED

I could only approach 3 girls and say hi to them. This took me 2 hours, and another 2 hours I was just walking not knowing what I am doing.

In the first supermarket there were 2 girls I could've approach. I didn't do it.
In the second I saw a girl with a sexy back, walked up to her and was like this: "HiIAmLookingForDrinksDoYouKnowWhereICanFindSome". Yeah, lame I know. She looked like: uuuummm.. dunno, try it over there. So I didn't count this one.

In the mall I walked up to 3 girls quickly just right after I noticed them.

1st one was with her mom. I said hi to her, she gave a "Hey! Who are you? Do I know you?" look, than I told her "I just confused you with someone else". "Oh, okay", she said.
2nd one was a younger one (17-18 years old). She was walking with a friend of hers in my direction. Stopped, said hi to her, they both kept walking.
3rd one was in a clothing store. Said "Hi" to her. She was freaked out a bit. I defused the tension again with the same line.

After that I got confused again. Some stupid thoughts started running through my head like:

"Oh, this is the 5th time I pass the same security this day, I must be suspicious"
"Damn, I already entered this clothing store 3 times"
"Those shop assistants are looking at me"
"Everyone here must think I am crazy"

Then I've decided to leave the mall and go back to the supermarket, but I was still too confused. I couldn't focus. Two cute girls passed by me and I haven't even noticed them. So I've decided to abort my mission.

I don't know if I should've forced myself to stay and find 3 more girls. I was way too up in my head overthinking things. So I came home.

I shall redo this day in the next week, and will try to approach it from different angles:

- I won't give myself 6 hours for all the action, like I did today. I will go out on a very busy day, when I only have one hour (or less) for all the action.
- I will fix my facial hair, it was kind of a mess today
- I will scout for some more places to meet girls
- I will do more exercise next week, run a bit more and do more push ups... I think it does give some additional help to kill the anxiety
- I also noticed that I can only say hi to someone if I start walking up to her right in the moment I've noticed her, so I'll keep approaching this way1

I feel like shit for this failure but I have no option of turning back so I'll keep trying and kill this BS hesitation somehow.

Steff

 

[steff]

Had a lot of work today, and my accountant called me that I must bring her some papers today.
She works near the mall where I go out to approach girls, so I quickly decided to take a look at least.

I don't know what happened to me today, I had a very bad headache all day, and my hands were literally shaking as I entered the mall. I think it was because of the approach anxiety, and perhaps the sudden weather change.

Anyway, I quickly spotted a cute girl as I entered, and rushed to her to say hi!
She was just staring at me, and then I asked if she knows what time it is. I felt like she was kind of surprized that some stranger said hi to her. She started searching for her phone in her purse, and then her friend with a 2-3 year old child came to us and asked her:
- What does he want?
- He's just asking what time it is. (I kept waiting for the answer)
- It's 4:20. (and her voice was like "here you go, now GTFO of here creep!").

At least the girl who I approached wasn't mean at all. I felt like she was surprized and a bit nervous.

After that I walked a bit more in the mall but it was kind of empty. I spotted 2 or 3 attractive girls, but didn't approached them. I guess it's better to go out after 6-7'o clock, when everyone has finished the work/school, etc.

Still couldn't pass day 4's test, but it was worth a shot. At least my headache is gone now.

 

[steff]

Finally nailed the 6 "Hi"-s.

I tried to focus today on not being a creep, so I wrote down on a piece of paper some questions I can ask from girls in different situations, different places.
I scouted a street yesterday with some pretty decent traffic, and lots of beautiful girls, but couldn't go there because of the rain.

Okay, so:

Girl #1:
Furniture / Home design store (I don't know how these are called) - the traffic is low here, but 30% of the people inside are beautiful girls, so I always give it a shot, it only consumes 2 minutes of my time.

Spotted two very beautiful girls here, walked up to them:

Me: Hi, can you tell me where can I find (name of the product)?
Her: Um, I saw that just a moment ago, *asks her friend* do you know where it is?
... she showed me the direction
Me: Thanks a lot! Bye!
Her: Bye!

Girl #2:`
Grocery store - spotted her with her mother first at the wine aisle. Then I started walking towards the chocolates, and they showed up again. Walked up to the girl immedeatly:

Me: Hi! Can you help me?
Her: Hi! *and keeps looking*
Me: I want to buy a chocolate for my mother, cause it's her birthday, and I thought a girl could tell me which one is better, cause I don't really eat chocolate.
Her: *smiles* This one is very good, or try that one! Or maybe that.
... then suddenly her mother starts to help me out to
Mother: Oh, look, this one is also very good! You can also buy that one!
Me: Oh... I think I'll try that. (should've remain with the girl's suggestion.. turned back to her after that) Thank you very much for your help!
Her: You are welcome!

It was funny when the mother rushed to help me, liked this one very much. I put back the chocolate afterwards. It actually was my mom's b-day, but I wanted to play with this a bit more.

Girl #3
Another grocery store. I can't even remember how or why did I approach the girl, I think she was with 2 other people. Instantly walked up to her:

Me: Hi! Can you tell me where can I find chocolate?
Her: *with a very helpful voice* 3 aisles to the right!
Me: Thanks.

Nothing fun here.

Girl #4
Went back to the 1st grocery store, I usually don't stay more than 10 mins at a single place, and start it all over again, when I'm done with all the places I visit, because the people inside change.
I attacked the chocolate aisle again, just as I entered spotted a cute girl, couldn't see her in detail, I was trying to look like, I am looking for something. Approached her immediately:

Me: Hi! Help me please!
Her: *turns to me and smiles* Hi! ... as she turned to me I noticed she had incredibly beautiful blue eyes, I became a bit intimidated.
Me: I want to buy a chocolate for my mom, but I just don't know which one is good, cause I don't really eat chocolate. Do you have any suggestions?
Her: *laughs a bit* Well I don't know, chose any of these!
Me: Don't you eat chocolate?
Her: *suddenly switches to a very flirty voice and gives a strong eye contact* Well you can chose this one, it leaves a very good impression. *and rolls her eyes/gives a flirty smile* - I think this was a huge sign of interest.
Me: Oh, okay, I'll try that then!
Her: (said something after that, but I can't remember, I lost control) ... I think she wanted to continue the conversation, but I had to exit. I really wish I could continue.
Me: Thanks a lot for your help! Bye!
Her: *smiles and turns back with a dissapointed look* Bye!

I really really wish I could continue the conversation with her, she was the girl of my day. After that all I could think about were those beautiful blue eyes (even though I like brown eyed girls more). Gave an imaginery slap to myself to keep my mind focused and rushed back to the mall.

Girl #5
Just as I entered the mall. I saw a girl talking with a friend. Walked up to them (she noticed me walking in their direction and I could see that she was nervous):

Me: Hi.
She was like she didn't want to turn to me and I felt like she was creeped out.
Me: Do you know where is the entrance to the (name of the clothing store)? ... I have no idea why I asked where the entrance is, just wanted to asked where the store is.
Her: You just go into that direction, and there and there blablabla ... she suddenly turned into being very helpful.
Me: Thanks! Bye!
(no response)

I think this one was quite awful.

Girl #6
Another grocery store. Spotted a girl with her mom again.

Me: Hi! Do you know where can I find chocolate?
Her: Hi! ... and gives directions very helpfully and smiles.
Me: Okay, thanks! Bye!

Nothing fun again, but at least I am starting to feel a bit comfortable with approching girls who are not by themselves.

Girl #4 was definitely something worth going out for. There was also another girl at the same grocery store looking at something, like she couldn't decide what to buy. I had a thought of helping her out, but I became intimidated again, because she was extremely beautiful. There is also another grocery store where I spotted a very beautiful girl the first time I went there, but since then I can't find a girl there. I'll keep trying 2 or 3 more times there, at different hours, but I'll find some other place to replace that if the situation remains the same.

Things learned:

- keep approaching without any thinking ... have an opener in your head, but don't think of anything else, just spot and approach
- mom's or friends are not enemies, daddies/boyfriends may be..
- girls love chocolate, so the chocolate aisle should be checked out each time
- talk slowly and don't forget to breath
- if you clarify your appearance just after the opening, you won't come across as a creep, I think it's going to be the same with direct openers too (I'm really curious what reactions will that bring).
- grocery stores are amazing, although not too high on traffic, you always find at least 1 or 2 "your type of girls" here
- noticing girls is starting to become easier, actually when I spot a cute one somewhere, sometimes my body automatically turns into that direction, and I just notice that I am actually walking up to her

To improve:

- approaching girls who are walking ... this is the one I find most difficult, I can approach a girl who is just standing or walking slowly in a grocery store, but those who are walking with a decent speed are a bit harder to approach
- keeping eye contact
- smiling more after the "Hi"
- finding more places to meet girls
- being more direct

I was very hungry after today, so I grabbed a cheeseburger at the McDrive. I ate it at the parking lot in the car, when suddenly I hear a voice:

- Hi! Sorry, can you help me out?
I turn my head in that direction and see a beautiful blonde from another car (sadly with her boyfriend)
Me: Oh hi! Sure!
Her: Do you know how can I get to (name of the town)?
Me: *think a bit* To the left and then blablabla ... gave the directions.
Her: Oh thank you very much! Enjoy your dinner!

That's Karma... lol

 

[Gonzaleth]

Great job bro! You're getting there!

I actually do some of the stuff mentioned in the newbie assignment in my day to day, albeit not in order, when things had not yet turn rough and I was still pretty sure about myself. There is a way to cheat with saying "Hi!" from my experience. I am not qualified to teach you anything so don't take it the wrong way, just sharing some thing I find that works.

I find getting in line behind a pretty girl in a cafe works really well. She is waiting for her turn and will not be preoccupied. It is rather easy to open her and have a conversation with the girl and they are usually quite receptive.

But of course, to get to 6 "hi" doing it this way will mean a lot of coffee lol.

And girl #4 sounds great! I always dig girls with crystal blue eyes, I can spend the whole day just looking into those eyes!

 

[steff]

But of course, to get to 6 "hi" doing it this way will mean a lot of coffee lol.

Yes, that was the same thought I had in the grocery stores. If I just hover with an empty basket here, I'll look like a creep.
I figured out, that from now on, I will always ask my mom if she needs something from the grocery store, so I'll be able to help her out, and at the same time I will not look like a creep when I actually go out to meet girls.

I mean, I think it's just kind of awkward to have a conversation like this:

Guy: Hey! What are you up to?
Girl: Just shopping. You?
Guy: Oh, I'm here to pick up girls.

Even if you have some good lines I think the girl will sense that. And I bet there are lots of other options for this, in different situations.
But if your mom asks you to buy some bleach you will immediately have a reason to be on that aisle, where you don't really see men, but you do see a lot of beautiful women. It's not like you don't have the right to walk up to a women, but I think it's much more casual and you feel more relaxed this way.
Haven't figured out yet how to do this in clothing stores, where girls are looking for bra's... lol.

_________________________________________________________________

Back to the rabbit hole...

Had an extremely swingy mood yesterday, and a very bad sexual frustration. In the morning I was bursting with energy, towards the evening I checked my facebook, saw some pictures of hot girls. It fucked my brain completely, I became so frustrated, I couldn't focus on anything.

I was thinking that if I had more REAL girls in my life, and lived a healthy sexual life, this wouldn't happen again. But that feeling was something horrible. I tried to concentrate on my work but I just couldn't. I did some push ups after that, and washed my face with cold water, it cooled me off a bit, but I just couldn't help myself, so after almost one month, I relapsed, and had to masturbate.

I know it's not a crime, but I was so used to pleasing myself, that I actually forgot how to connect with real girls. Although my libido got much higher, I still don't feel like I am completely rewired to the real deal. Maybe my body just needs to reproduce some chemicals for this. I think it's exactly the same stuff like swimming, as I mentioned in my first post. When your brain learns something the wrong way, it's just too hard to make it work the right way.

I learnt to throw darts the wrong way, after that a friend of mine showed me how to throw it the right way.
By throwing the darts the wrong way I was able to score triple 20's sometimes, but my 2 other throws were completely off the target. The results were satisfying, but not good, and nowhere near perfect.
After I started throwing them the right way, they were not only off the target, they were completely off the board, and I told myself that this is not working.
However, I kept practicing and practicing for months, and right now, what I see is that almost everytime I throw a dart, it goes in the direction where I want it to go.
I still don't score triple 20's all the time, but it is starting to work, and the results are way better than they were at the time when I learnt it the wrong way.
The biggest difference is that the dart is flying smoothly.

So it has to work the same way with women.
I'll try to stay away from everything that is digital.

 

[steff]

This week was a very busy one.
Unfortunately I had only one day to actually approach girls.

Yesterday I had to find some boxes for packing. They are usually thrown out at supermarkets, and grocery stores, so I went to find some.
I accidentally scouted another huge mall, which I knew that it existed, but never even thought of going to that area.
Yes, a small town can also have it's surprises sometimes.
Gave a look inside, the traffic was not too huge, but it was worth to check it out, i'll add it to my areas.

Another thing I noticed, that on Saturday, there is huge traffic between 11AM and 1PM almost everywhere.
After that the whole town is empty. Maybe everyone is preparing for the night.

Anyway. I didn't approach nobody yesterday, but went out today.

The results: complete bullshit.

Did one more chocolate opener with a girl, and asked another one where do I find the exit from the store, I tried to move the action to a more meaningful conversation, but I just couldn't. Got scared again. Both girls were very helpful, but I just felt like I'm not giving 100%. I didn't approach anyone after that.

So hopefully the next week is not going to be a very busy one. I want to go out AT LEAST twice a week to meet girls.
I'll just switch to the "Are you single?" opener, to be more direct with women, and ask how their days are going after that.

_____

To add one more thing.

I started on the street today. I was amazed how low it was on traffic. Then at one moment I spotted a not too hot, but kind of cute girl. I was thinking a moment to approach her or not, when I noticed that she's smiling at someone. I looked in that direction and saw another cute girl (cuter then the 1st one). As I was looking at her I noticed that: wait a sec... I know here from somewhere. Then she threw a look at me and what do you know...

It was "the (former) girl of my dreams". Yepp. I met her 2 or 3 years ago, while I was working as a bartender and had an instant crush on her. She was something I was looking for at that moment. Beautiful black hair, a very cute smile, and an extraordinary charisma. From the very first moment I felt somekind of connection with her.

I tried to get her with the 3 date rule back then. Needless to say I fucked it up, even though she was EXTREMELY attracted to me. I did kiss her, but she told me EXACTLY the same words as in my favorite article from this website:

"Pete," she tells him, "you're great, but this is way too fast for me." - with my name instead of Pete's.

And yes, after that I was like "OH GOD! WHYYYY? WHY? LIFE HATES ME!" ... and more like that.

To be completely honest, I'm glad that it happened like that back then. I'm sure that my relationship with her wouldn't have lasted forever, and after the break-up, I would have been totally depressed, and maybe wouldn't want to meet women anymore. It would be something like this: "I already found the girl of my dreams, there's no one like her... life sucks..."

So anyway I saw this girl again, we smiled at each other, and I walked up to her to greet her. I also gave her a compliment that she looks really good, she looked down after that. Had some small talk with her, I felt like she wanted to talk a bit more to me, but was also in a hurry to meet her friend. So I ended the conversation, and told her that we'll catch up again someday.

I'll be honest, I had very mixed feelings after I ended the short conversation with her. She is still beautiful, she still has that very special charisma. And yes, her presence always fucks my mind a bit.

But after I approached the first girl, it passed immediately.

And to think that I was still pursuing this girl for one whole year after that, and the only result I got was her ending up in a relationship with another guy who was 15 years older than her... 2 or 3 approaches could've changed everything and spare one whole year for me.

Oh well... at least it's another case closed.

Steff

 

[steff]

3rd weekend to try the direct opener (are you single) and still no courage and no success.

I keep telling myself that even if I get embarrassed, I will never ever see those people again who are around me when the girl rejects me, and still can't conquer it.

I am starting to see that there is no perfect moment to approach. I mean I never catch a girl who is actually just standing somewhere totally confused, with no people around her. And when I do, I get up in my head, and I'm like:

Okay, what is she going to say?
What if she says yes? How should I continue with her?
Will someone see me if she says no?
It's the best oppurtunity today, I better not blow it!
Should I approach her right now, or should I sneak around her somehow?
She caught me looking at her! She must think I'm a freak.

And I keep having this nonsense in my head until the moment I notice, the girl is disappeared.

I really really felt like approaching today, but this waiting for the perfect moment kind of fucked it. The traffic was also very slim today, I just cannot predict at what hour will the crowd show up, so I guess it's best to go out as soon as possible and spend the whole day doing this.

So I am going to try to approach the girls who are with their friends/mothers. It's just kind of awkward to ask a girl if she's single when her mom is around, but I'll figure out something for this one.

I am also thinking of finding someone who also wants to get better with girls, and challenge him somehow. For instance, the last one to open 4 girls on one particular day buys a shirt for the other one. I was able to quit smoking this way, so it has to work with other things too.

If I can't find anyone I'll try to listen to some music that I utterly hate (like some satanic metal or something like that) and the only way to pull out the earphones and stop it will be to go and talk to a girl.

Or maybe I'll hire someone to kick my ass to do things.

Autumn is here, and I really feel like hanging out with some cute girl(s). I have to admit, I am a bit more emotional during autumn and winter, probably that's why I usually have more success during spring and summer. Right now I feel like I would really like a cute girlfriend who just comes over to my place on weekends to have some amazing sex, watch movies, and have some nice conversations with her, and some amazing sex again. Although I still need 2 more months to handle the logistics, because I don't have the money yet, to rent my own flat. Until then I'll keep trying to practice approaching and getting used to rejections... and hopefully some good conversations too.