Sticking Point: Maintaining Momentum

[Rakehell]

This marks a year of me putting my social life into over drive. Up until now i’ve kind of been hitting every aspect of myself from all angles, and i’ve seen pretty good results in my opinion.

That being said I’ve had no linear clear cut process in regards to getting better. I’ve just been studying, taking notes, and implementing independently, and using the advice i’ve gotten from you guys when I felt I needed it. I recently started a journal that I plan on updating so that I can have more structure in getting better.

Right now my biggest issue is maintaining a social momentum. My life isn’t set up for constant socialization so I find myself starting cold all the time. This is partially because of the winter.

Lately it’s been messing with my frame of mind and I feel myself fighting out of negative feedback loops. I feel myself fighting AA and SA more often when this wasn’t a problem months ago. That being said I still go out alone, but that doesn’t make it any less grueling, and I think it feeds the negative loop. Right now i’m processing things like so:

low performance (due to aa, sa/ weaker frame of mind)> kicking myself for not performing how I know i’m capable> sticking through it> low performance

Wash rinse repeat.

I made a post on how I was essentially ridding myself of toxic feelings, but it’s been more like a quick fix. It’s like filling a flat tire with air, it works for a little but then it goes back flat again. right now i’m putting myself on overhaul by getting back into the gym and being more productive.

But I have to ask for any advice on getting over this rut i’ve found myself in? Has anyone else had this issue earlier on in their journey? Mid game is the easy part, Opening and Closing is like a tug of war for me right now and I feel as though i’ve regressed.

Am I going about it wrong?

 

[LemurKing]

This marks a year of me putting my social life into over drive. Up until now i’ve kind of been hitting every aspect of myself from all angles, and i’ve seen pretty good results in my opinion.

That being said I’ve had no linear clear cut process in regards to getting better. I’ve just been studying, taking notes, and implementing independently, and using the advice i’ve gotten from you guys when I felt I needed it. I recently started a journal that I plan on updating so that I can have more structure in getting better.

Right now my biggest issue is maintaining a social momentum. My life isn’t set up for constant socialization so I find myself starting cold all the time. This is partially because of the winter.

Lately it’s been messing with my frame of mind and I feel myself fighting out of negative feedback loops. I feel myself fighting AA and SA more often when this wasn’t a problem months ago. That being said I still go out alone, but that doesn’t make it any less grueling, and I think it feeds the negative loop. Right now i’m processing things like so:

low performance (due to aa, sa/ weaker frame of mind)> kicking myself for not performing how I know i’m capable> sticking through it> low performance

Wash rinse repeat.

I made a post on how I was essentially ridding myself of toxic feelings, but it’s been more like a quick fix. It’s like filling a flat tire with air, it works for a little but then it goes back flat again. right now i’m putting myself on overhaul by getting back into the gym and being more productive.

But I have to ask for any advice on getting over this rut i’ve found myself in? Has anyone else had this issue earlier on in their journey? Mid game is the easy part, Opening and Closing is like a tug of war for me right now and I feel as though i’ve regressed.

Am I going about it wrong?

I'm dealing with a momentum issue myself. My location and job just don't allow me to go out and practice every day. I go out 2 days a week to practice on the weekends. Not sure what advice I can offer, but you're not alone in this.

 

[Karea Ricardus D.]

Wow I actually read this post with my own voice in my head cause I could have written that at some point in the past... the only thing that really solved it for me permanently was actually re-engineering my life style in such a way that I had time to go out 3 times a week. And I think that's probably your answer. That's still on the low side, many of the best PUAs I know went out 7 days a week, some of them for years on end, but I never went more than 3 days a week and I think that should suffice if you take those practice sessions seriously.

 

[sab]

Re-engineer/restructure your life as Karea said to free time to practice PU. Mindset shifts help as well. Realize opportunities to practice are everywhere. In the Gym, lunch breaks, commuting in public transport ... even during a run I stop sometimes to approach a woman I like. Momentum creates its own momentum. Never quit.

 

[Rakehell]

@ninjaboynaru precisely, atleast I know i’m not alone with this. Thanks

Wow I actually read this post with my own voice in my head cause I could have written that at some point in the past... the only thing that really solved it for me permanently was actually re-engineering my life style in such a way that I had time to go out 3 times a week. And I think that's probably your answer. That's still on the low side, many of the best PUAs I know went out 7 days a week, some of them for years on end, but I never went more than 3 days a week and I think that should suffice if you take those practice sessions seriously.

@Karea Ricardus D.
This is reassuring to say the least. Ironically I was using your X-Factor articles to help combat this. Any advice on staving off the rust until I can get more active consistently ? I’ve been forcing myself into situations despite them being uncomfortable but it’s been kind of like playing football with the flu.

 

[ElderPrice]

If you can't restructure your life to go out more frequently as others suggested, I have two thoughts that come to mind:

1. Give yourself time to warm up when you do manage to go out. If you're doing your current routine, go out a little earlier than normal. Now, go do 10 approaches. These will count as warm ups. Your night doesn't start until you've got your warmups in!

2. Stop worrying about it. Anxiety/worrying can't be defeated by fighting it. That only makes it worse. Just accept it and take action. Go ahead and do sets that *feel* crappy. It's okay. You don't need to be perfect to succeed. Just take action regardless of your feelings and you'll eventually find success and feel rejuvenated.

 

[Toby2030]

After a long day without talking to a lot of people, the first couple of sets can be pretty hard. Just don't expect much from the first 1-2 sets, and you'll feel better. Consistency is key - force yourself to go out x times per week and you will get the momentum you need. You will most often not progress in a complete linear fashion but more in waves. Be consistent, trust the process and write FRs, and you will improve with time.

 

[Don Giovanni]

There are some days when I don't talk to people at all (have uni stuff to do at home, no roommates) and then go out in the evening solo. First few sets suck and I try to get that out of the way. I try to be social with everyone and get myself in the mood, out of my head. Or even if that doesn't work, I still approach.

Some nights suck, yes, but I've noticed that the more I do this, less I need to ''warm up''. You kinda train your brain to switch to a social part faster. Like hitting a cold shower, you get used to it.

Therefore go out MORE not less.

But I think your problem is that you're too harsh on yourself not momentum. Realize that this is a hobby, people forget awkward situations, that you're going to die someday and that it doesn't really matter. This kind of thought process helps me, for you it might be something different. Meditation and gratitude also helped me a lot with this (in general and before going out).

 

[sab]

There are some days when I don't talk to people at all (have uni stuff to do at home, no roommates) and then go out in the evening solo. First few sets suck and I try to get that out of the way. I try to be social with everyone and get myself in the mood, out of my head. Or even if that doesn't work, I still approach.

Some nights suck, yes, but I've noticed that the more I do this, less I need to ''warm up''. You kinda train your brain to switch to a social part faster. Like hitting a cold shower, you get used to it.

Therefore go out MORE not less.

But I think your problem is that you're too harsh on yourself not momentum. Realize that this is a hobby, people forget awkward situations, that you're going to die someday and that it doesn't really matter. This kind of thought process helps me, for you it might be something different. Meditation and gratitude also helped me a lot with this (in general and before going out).

Love that.