FR Sticking Point

[Gentle_Phrases]

*me, yesterday

Cold approaching is life changing. I feel like I've stepped out of a box that I just can't step back into. Yet, I imagine quitting all the time. Thing is, the pain of persisting is nothing compared to the torture of "what if." It's like being in abject poverty and knowing there's a tremendous pot of gold buried somewhere in your back yard but where? Dig until you're tired, curse the earth, throw down your shovel. Regardless, you'll start dreaming once more, then pick it back up and try again.

Setting

Lunchroom by the salad bar. I spot an Asian girl about three inches taller than me, dressed ultra-chic. Her friend, an even taller brunette (maybe 6 ft.) splits away for a moment. I go for the lettuce next to her

Open

Me: "Where's the party?" [I stare at the peas]

Her: "What?"

Me: "You're looking very snazzy today! I'm guessing your hitting the town tonight" [I look at her]

Her: "What, really" *smile*

Me: "Yeah, I like the way you've put everything together. Very classy"

Her: "Aw, well than you!"

Rapartee

Me: "There's only one problem though.."

Her: "What?"

Me: "You look very sneaky."

Her: "Hahaha! What! Why?"

Me: "I dunno..something just tells me you're up to no good. What have you got in there? Probably something suspicious.." [I point at her sealed container of what is most likely some peas]

Her: "Hahaha"

Me: "That's alright though...I might still invite you to my shingdig."

Her: "What shindig?"

Me: "The rager back at my place, should be fun" [said with obvious sarcasm and a hearty chuckle]

Her: "Oh yeah" *smile*

Me: "Can you tell that I'm bantering with you right now. You know what bantering is right?"

Her: "Yes!" *nod and smile

Me: "Okay well, how are we going to get people to this gig. Any ideas? Right now it's only me and you..."

Her: "I dunno..." *smile, shoulder shrug* [here she was looking behind and past me multiple times at what must have been her friend]

Brief Rapport + Friend Interruption

Me: "What's your name by the way?" [we exchange names and shake hands]

[the friend saunters over. I can tell she's coming by looking into the Asian girl's eyes. The Asian girl strokes her hair and moves it behind her ear. I wonder if that's for me, or her friend. Am I about to be cockblocked?]

Her: "This is my friend XYZ."

Me: "Hi XYZ. Nice to meet you" *hand shake* [the friend is equally attractive, about 3 inches taller. She gives me a wry smile upon contact. It doesn't seem like she's there to play interference. The Asian girl is still squarely facing me with open body language]

Friend: "Nice to meet you too!" [I turn my attention back to original girl]

Me: "Well, look, I have to go but let's stay in contact"

Her: "Okay sure" *head nod* [here her friend does the "oops" eye roll like she walked in on a private moment, then walks off without a word. In hindsight, maybe I should have addressed her more. She looked like she was surprised I didn't care to exchange pleasantries. Whoopsies! Man on a mission here]

Her: [while I'm pulling out my phone] "Where do you live?" [so I'm back at university. this question probably doesn't mean much then, does it?]

We share our locales. She lives 2 minutes away.

Her: "We're transfers, so we just got here and don't know where anything is."

Me: "Oh wow, where are you from"

We chat a bit more for a second.

Me: "Okay, well, I gotta go. It was nice talking to you!"

Follow Up

It's about 7pm. I follow up at 9:49 with a text:

"Hey, happy to run into you today, [her name] - [my name]"

24 hours later

No response.

Outlook

Of the past 5 numbers I got this week, 3 responded to the initial text around four hours later. No responses to a subsequent message by me. We here know that girls are subtle. Maybe her friend had come to save her. Or maybe she just wanted to see what I look like. Or maybe the set was too short and there was a need for more comfort.

I'm considering sending a text tomorrow: "Sup, [her name]. Just bought myself a dozen delicious smelling candles . How are you?"

This is typical of my approaches now. Any thoughts on flaws in this approach you guys/things to tweak? I'm hesitant to conclude that she just "wasn't interested."

 

[Mr.Rob]

Referring to

It's like being in abject poverty and knowing there's a tremendous pot of gold buried somewhere in your back yard but where? Dig until you're tired, curse the earth, throw down your shovel. Regardless, you'll start dreaming once more, then pick it back up and try again.

Confusion guards life's treasures. Did you understand how to do algebra before you learned how to do algebra? No it was confusing and intimidating looking at all the numbers and letters.
The thing is anyone that has ever been enlightened was always confused before they were enlightened. Knowing that confusion comes before enlightenment should assure you that your destiny is assured.

You might like a book called The Travelers Gift by Andy Andrews. It's actually my favorite book! Idk what you read but at least look into it. It gives you a new perspective on how to think when on a bumpy road to success, especially when you're ready to throw in the towel. I definitely wouldn't have gotten laid without applying the principles and ways of thinking that the book talks about. It's fiction to so it's fun to read. Check into it.

Any thoughts on flaws in this approach you guys/things to tweak? I'm hesitant to conclude that she just "wasn't interested."

I think you do decent in the banter department I think you need to focus on forming a connection, even just a small one in the couple minutes that your with a girl. I saw nothing that showed you digging deeper to see what kind of person she was and connect with that. It's kind of like me just meeting you and finding out we go to the same school and then saying "wow that's so cool we go to the same school your awesome we need to hang out. Give your number so we can chill tomorrow."
It's like wtf everybody goes to this school why the fuck would he pick me over some other random guy to hang with.. this guy is probably just looking for a friend and I definitely don't want to hang around some clingy social burden.

Now that may not even be the case. That guy may be the most charismatic well connected cool person but the way he presented and propositioned himself to you just made you get a little creeped out.

Instead if he asked you a question about what you were studying and you said business. And you told him you were studying so you could open a wildlife sanctuary one day to save animals from starving in the cold. Then if he was like "wait hold up a second G_P you're doing all this hard studying just so you can open a wildlife sanctuary that's a nonprofit? Dude that so killer you have the generosity and selfless heart to want to do something like that. I really appreciate that in a person, selfish people are so rampart and unrefreshing. We need to get up and have a beer so you can tell me more about your business venture. Perhaps I'll learn something in the process.. I could probably use a lesson on selflessness! What do you say G_P?"

Perhaps that was a bad metaphor but you should have felt more connected to the second guy. Like it made sense that he wanted to have a beer with you because there was something he genuinely liked about you that made him genuinely want to get to know you more because of that.

Perhaps you've seen it before but peep this. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhZ11ktUrPc
I don't always like or agree with everything Sasha teaches but I think this is pretty on point with what you need to start focusing on more.

-Rob

 

[ProblemSolving]

Well GP,

I've got good news and bad news for you. The bad news is she probably won't be seeing you, but the good news is that it had very little to do with you or your "game". I'd be willing to bet that you were the victim of latent cockblocking haha - it's always a problem with 2 sets. Here's what it looks like after you've left and it's just the two of them:

Her friend: OMG Tina! You barely know that guy. Don't tell me you're actually going to see him again? (Social policing)

Tina:...

It doesn't matter how sexy you are or how much this Asian chick wanted you, in order to protect her reputation, she can't respond to you. All because her friend considered you a STRANGER.

How do you avoid this type of cockblocking? You have to charm both of them, so neither of them considers you a stranger. When you were talking to the Asian chick, her friend was left out which instantly builds some animosity towards you. You have to engage the friend, compliment her to get her on your side, so she doesn't cut you down the second you leave.

It's a tough situation because the friend is always going to be a little butt hurt that she wasn't picked.

 

[Gentle_Phrases]

ProblemSolving, I can see your point for this interaction. I also understand Rob's insight from my general trend. It's interesting to me that you use the word "picked." I've been thinking about that a lot. It seems downright neurotic to me that a girl would get upset for not getting "picked," especially an attractive one - trust me, I take your word for it. The funny part is that the only thing she didn't get was the option to "pick" me at that time since I didn't approach her (now..had she asked...). How could a woman ever be jealous of her friend with the entire male population as her "options." Crazy. They're actually crazy.

Rob! I watched that Sasha video and reflected on it and your comment for a few days. At first I was like, "oh God, am I a chode!" Regardless, I cut through the ego and I've tried including more deep diving and issuing suggestions based on that. It's a fair point you make that I tend to wax very surface level. Sometimes I get numbers before names. I had an experience a few nights ago that totally opened my eyes to something related to this.

Thank you , both of you for the replies!

You might like a book called The Travelers Gift by Andy Andrews. It's actually my favorite book!

I'll check that one out!

 

[maximus6004]

i think as soon as she asked where you lived, you should have said here ill show you lets go turned around and started walking or grabbed her hand. or at least tried, could have pulled her like hey to another spot closer for a more private event between the two of you.

I'm pretty sure you had it.