[Sticky Point] Back At Home: What's a good process?

[lux7]

Hey guys,

My biggest sticky point right now is once I'm back home with her.

FLATMATE ISSUE
Part of it is because I have either a flatmate or some Airbnb guests. And I feel like I need to provide a good stay to paying people. So I'm uncomfortable that some commotion could be heard.
All the lays indeed happened when the flat was empty, which is hardly a coincidence.

That's something I need to come to grips by myself and I will.
But that's not the only issue:

TAKE NO PRISONERS MINDSET
I have noticed that I suck particularly bad when the girl rejects me the first time or when she's a bit nervous.

I believe part of the issue is a bad mindset I have. My mindset is that, once at home, I feel that the talking part has already happened before and now it's either sex quick or go out. I don't feel like chit chatting or "wasting" a good bottle of wine and I only see one option: escalate and have sex.

That led to some beautiful steamy encounters when the girl is comfortable and/or horny herself, but backfired hugely in all the other scenarios.

PROCESS
So I was wondering, have you got any feedback or suggestions?
What's a solid process that's been working for you?

 

[silenceinthesnow]

Hey Lux,

I think its your mindset that's tripping you up. You're totally justified to think the chatting has been done and we're here for one thing and that's fine when they're already in that mindset. What you're ignoring is the fact that they can change their mind or try to slow down the interaction to make themselves feel more in control of the situation. They'll be realizing they have some consequences to their actions and you'd be amazed how they get themselves into situations without even realizing it.

A solid process is to run the interaction as normal, if you put your goal to the forefront and they think you're only after achieving that they're not always going to be comfortable with that; queue last minute resistance. This is a test, and sometimes you can fail even at your best. However some nice footwork could set up another date, another opportunity. When the rules change, get comfortable with the uncomfortable and adapt. 'Okay, time for plan B!' If they're worth it another date on your calendar isn't going to be a problem.

If they show last minute resistance be comfortable with it, take time to build comfort with them. Like with any escalation attempt if you get resistance slow down and even take a step back. Your end goal in this situation isn't always removed from play and a little persistence can go a long way. If it is removed from play unless you're really pressed for time or decide that the two of you can go out instead keep your cool and show her that you're not phased by it. Some resistance you can't overcome, but that doesn't mean to say you shouldn't argue your point. Giving up on the first hurdle means you've failed any test she was running. In the animal kingdom some females fight of the males until they find a suitable partner to submit to, don't back down at the first punch,

SilenceintheSnow

 

[lux7]

Thanks mate!
Very true and very helpful to read.

Very pirckish mindset. Was almost thinking as if she owed it to me at times, and how did she dare think I had to spend more time on her.

Cheers!

 

[silenceinthesnow]

No problem man glad I could help. Always remember the world doesn't owe you anything; but you've still got to contribute.

SilenceintheSnow