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"still feeling things out" text

stillunknocket

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Dec 13, 2017
Messages
17
I had to take a break from pick up work for a while (except for some light dipping here and there). I did do a very positive approach at Trader Joes then met her. Logistics were not good as I had renovations going on at home, but I also did not want to let the number go cold and she was being responsive. So we found a time during a very busy week, and there was some confusion about a whether a coffee shop was open. Thus, we had to find another venue, and having lost my drivers license I did not want to go to a bar. I suggested a walk, but it seemed she wanted to get food and though I hate those as first dates, I caved.

I thought the date when fairly well, though not much laughter or emotional high points, and the kino only started on the walk by the river after dinner. She seemed happy to interact and be there, but I also noticed a lack of chemistry that I did not know how to fill, except for the occasional touch on the back when it felt appropriate (getting comfortable doing this automatically and hopefully it comes across as not creepy, though sometimes it is slightly more awkward if she was farther away and I did not judge that distance correctly). We stopped to look at something across the river at one point and I felt it would be a good time to stand together and for more kino, but she organically moved further apart from me and I almost got the sense she was trying to keep the distance, though that could be in my mind. I even held her hand, which she was ok with, but later broke away explaining that it was getting sweaty (it was). That said, being with her felt nostalgic of my friends from my high school days, so I was really enjoying the evening, success aside.

All this (plus her claiming work at 6 a.m.) discouraged me from trying to take things farther. I would have also had to have gotten an invitation from her since my place was out, and I did not feel I could pull a kiss.

When I asked if she wanted to hang two days later late the next day (while joking about something we had talked about) she sent me this:

".... I'm still feeling things out and I am not sure if I had a strong connection that I thought I would, I hope you understand"

Any thoughts? I think she would have girlfriend potential if I could develop the chemistry.

So something that I have been working on is my intuition and feel for how comfortable a woman is to move forward. I feel like I am getting the hang of this, and feel I can sometimes "tell" when a girl is ready to be kissed, etc. Not sure how objectively good I am at this though. A few weeks ago I had been on another date, and the chemistry was in contrast very strong there (we are still talking but she left for a 3 week trip after meeting). She was not comfortable holding hands and when I hugged her goodbye, she seemed too reserved to kiss, but during the walk she seemed to want to walk and sit close/touching me.
 

POB

Chieftan
Staff member
tribal-elder
Joined
Nov 13, 2019
Messages
1,357
My train of though is to have logistics in place way before going out, and a planB just in case.
So beforehand I know: where to go to the meet her, where to take her from there and how exactly I'm gonna get to those places with her.

It's hard to know without checking the texting and convos, but an estimated guess is that the lack of proper logistics killed the vibe of HB01.
And the dinner thing, which indeed is very boyfriendish (plus she was the one leading).

To sucessfully turn dates into sex, you need a mix of aprox 80% player+20% provider.
When you show you can lead, you're automatically checking at least half of the provider box.
The other half is just passing a test (I have a home, I have income, I'm not a complete a-hole, etc, etc).

This is what will let you free to run game on dates.
Leading, logistics and a confy place to fuck are def a part of the provider side IMO.
If you get those in check, the rest becomes a lot easier.

Makes sense?
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
Joined
Jul 24, 2015
Messages
2,091
you said yourself about a lack of chemistry during the date...what do you expect?

Keep meeting women and get more comfortable in women's company. Seriously experience helps in these situations.

When it comes to renovations, if you are an active participant, and can talk about the job, it is a bit of a "Man Skill" flex. If chicks don't find you handsome, then maybe they'll find you handy"
Carry her over the hole in the floor on the way to the bedroom, and you'll be drivin nails till the sun comes up....
 

happynanako

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
May 3, 2020
Messages
45
Don't waste your time on someone who tells you upfront. Cut the losses and find someone else. Yes, she might be a good catch but remember, there are a lot better ones out there too.
 

HoofHearted

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Sep 10, 2022
Messages
461
Hi there guy,

From the way you painted it, she don't like you too much. But I like you.

None of us really know, all we have is what you write, and it's coming through strongly that *you* think she don't like you.

That text reads like either a considerate let-down, or maybe an honest appraisal of her feelings in that she is slightly, teeny tiny bit open to giving you another try out.

Look dude, I don't know. What I would do is file it away as a cold lead and get busy elsewhere. If you're interested in playing the odds, I would take another swing in a few weeks. It's no big deal. She'll probably say no or ignore you. But no one knows. Go get to grindin again.

I'll hold your hand in the meantime bro, even if it's sweaty, you animal.
 

Skills

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Nov 11, 2019
Messages
5,075
I had to take a break from pick up work for a while (except for some light dipping here and there). I did do a very positive approach at Trader Joes then met her. Logistics were not good as I had renovations going on at home, but I also did not want to let the number go cold and she was being responsive. So we found a time during a very busy week, and there was some confusion about a whether a coffee shop was open. Thus, we had to find another venue, and having lost my drivers license I did not want to go to a bar. I suggested a walk, but it seemed she wanted to get food and though I hate those as first dates, I caved.

I thought the date when fairly well, though not much laughter or emotional high points, and the kino only started on the walk by the river after dinner. She seemed happy to interact and be there, but I also noticed a lack of chemistry that I did not know how to fill, except for the occasional touch on the back when it felt appropriate (getting comfortable doing this automatically and hopefully it comes across as not creepy, though sometimes it is slightly more awkward if she was farther away and I did not judge that distance correctly). We stopped to look at something across the river at one point and I felt it would be a good time to stand together and for more kino, but she organically moved further apart from me and I almost got the sense she was trying to keep the distance, though that could be in my mind. I even held her hand, which she was ok with, but later broke away explaining that it was getting sweaty (it was). That said, being with her felt nostalgic of my friends from my high school days, so I was really enjoying the evening, success aside.

All this (plus her claiming work at 6 a.m.) discouraged me from trying to take things farther. I would have also had to have gotten an invitation from her since my place was out, and I did not feel I could pull a kiss.

When I asked if she wanted to hang two days later late the next day (while joking about something we had talked about) she sent me this:

".... I'm still feeling things out and I am not sure if I had a strong connection that I thought I would, I hope you understand"

Any thoughts? I think she would have girlfriend potential if I could develop the chemistry.

So something that I have been working on is my intuition and feel for how comfortable a woman is to move forward. I feel like I am getting the hang of this, and feel I can sometimes "tell" when a girl is ready to be kissed, etc. Not sure how objectively good I am at this though. A few weeks ago I had been on another date, and the chemistry was in contrast very strong there (we are still talking but she left for a 3 week trip after meeting). She was not comfortable holding hands and when I hugged her goodbye, she seemed too reserved to kiss, but during the walk she seemed to want to walk and sit close/touching me.
There are many mistakes that you made to work against yourself that are basoc a dinner date is a no no. The worst escalation possible in the histotlry of escalations is that hand on the middle of the back aka death sentence.... post date follow up texting was also bad...

this is by skills:

"So now let me talk to you about dating and my view on it and why i think you should stay away from “traditional dating”.
Women will put a dude into 4 categories( i change my view to 4 instead of 3)
a nothing(not a friend, not an acquaintance, not a person she wants nothing to do with, she just gave him the number for whatever reason)
a friend or emotional tampon( dead zone)
a lover or dude she wants to fuck(best zone to be in even if you want to her to be your gf always fuck them first then walk backwards to a relationship)
a boyfriend/or potential bf ( this may delay sex, or totally kill your chances and put you into friend zone when it comes to dating)

So what is the problem with the traditional dinner, movie, miniature golf, and all that crap that you see on live dating shows like “millionaire match maker”, The problem i see with the traditional dating is that it has a high % to one of these 2 outcomes specially for newer/intermediate guys, you will be put into the possible bf application stack, so you will get screen harder, and your flaws will be looked at or maximize… Now let say you are amazing and you get through her screening, then sex may be delay(since now you will be seen as a bf instead of lover, so she may want you to see her as girlfriend material that she is not that easy, the women 3 date rule crap), plus it is a bad frame you are paying for dates so you are seen as a provider. Anyways the % of success doing the traditional dating in my opinion lower than if you do what i suggest which i will call the lover dates:

1.- Any excuse to be at your house or her house(renting a movie(netflix), dinner at your house, video games,massage etc…)
2.- walk by the beach(night preferably)
3.- Park date (secluded night time)
4.- dancing at a club(easy to escalate)
5.- drinks at a bar( alcohol may be your friend to make her relax)
6.- swingclub, sex shop, sex expo, strip club.(advance level)

The goal of 2 to 6 is to go back home or to a motel and have sex with the exception of the swingclub(cause you fuck them in the swinclub)."


notice how after you moved from dinner, things got less bad, field test this approach

 
Last edited:
the right date makes getting her back home a piece of cake
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