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- Oct 9, 2012
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- 6,170
If you're quick on your feet, here's a little tactic you can use to buy yourself a bit more time:
When a girl starts to go into a somewhat-hesitant rejection (e.g., "You know, I really have to go get back to my friends," or "All right, well, I guess I should be going"), interrupt her mid-rejection with an emphatic, "Wait! Wait. Move over here," and move her just a few feet or inches - if you're standing, have her take a couple of steps with you (doesn't matter where to); if you're sitting, have her either scooch over a little closer to you, or scooch a bit away if she's already right next to you and then you move along with her so you're still next to her.
After she moves, then say, "Okay, sorry - what were you saying?"
She'll now go back into that rejection, but it's even more half-hearted this time, and because you've just established a bit more compliance/dominance, it's easier to get yourself a second chance here. So once she finishes delivering her "I've got to go" announcement, you follow up with something peppy and higher energy:
Then follow up with your proposal. It helps if it's something fun and a little zany, but it can be something as simple as telling her you just want her to go get a hot chocolate with you over at the café just across the street from where you are right now.
The point is to escalate things because if she's hesitant in leaving, she doesn't completely want to go, so you're going to escalate them to the next level once you've delivered the pattern interrupt to her mid-announcement and then had her resume her announcement half-heartedly after complying with you.
The reason you don't just do this right away without asking her what she was going to say is because without letting her say what she was trying to say, you leave it as both an open loop in her mind that needs to be completed (she still needs to tell you she's leaving), and it also feels like you're trying to avoid her saying she's leaving, rather than hear it, then deal with it / counter it. So, better to have her spit it out first - after you've already established some compliance precedent - then counter her proposal of her leaving with your proposal of the two of you going and doing something fun after.
(if you're worried about her asking you why you made her move, she won't - she's more interested in completing her delivery of her announcement than finding out why you wanted her to move. By the time she's decided to either go along with your counteroffer or to leave anyway, she's almost completely forgotten that you ever moved her at all. If she still asks for some reason, just tell her you thought that girl was about to run into her or hit her with her purse)
Here's an example:
Obviously, this won't work if she isn't interested in you at all and is determined to get out of there, but if she's on the fence and finds you likable enough, some movement in the interaction + rebuilt compliance + a fun new thing to do + her objections addressed often means you've got a little more time now to see where you can take things.
Chase
When a girl starts to go into a somewhat-hesitant rejection (e.g., "You know, I really have to go get back to my friends," or "All right, well, I guess I should be going"), interrupt her mid-rejection with an emphatic, "Wait! Wait. Move over here," and move her just a few feet or inches - if you're standing, have her take a couple of steps with you (doesn't matter where to); if you're sitting, have her either scooch over a little closer to you, or scooch a bit away if she's already right next to you and then you move along with her so you're still next to her.
After she moves, then say, "Okay, sorry - what were you saying?"
She'll now go back into that rejection, but it's even more half-hearted this time, and because you've just established a bit more compliance/dominance, it's easier to get yourself a second chance here. So once she finishes delivering her "I've got to go" announcement, you follow up with something peppy and higher energy:
- (big smile) "I have a better idea"
- (big smile) "Okay, hold that thought"
- (big smile) "Nope, we're not going to do that - here's what we'll do instead"
Then follow up with your proposal. It helps if it's something fun and a little zany, but it can be something as simple as telling her you just want her to go get a hot chocolate with you over at the café just across the street from where you are right now.
The point is to escalate things because if she's hesitant in leaving, she doesn't completely want to go, so you're going to escalate them to the next level once you've delivered the pattern interrupt to her mid-announcement and then had her resume her announcement half-heartedly after complying with you.
The reason you don't just do this right away without asking her what she was going to say is because without letting her say what she was trying to say, you leave it as both an open loop in her mind that needs to be completed (she still needs to tell you she's leaving), and it also feels like you're trying to avoid her saying she's leaving, rather than hear it, then deal with it / counter it. So, better to have her spit it out first - after you've already established some compliance precedent - then counter her proposal of her leaving with your proposal of the two of you going and doing something fun after.
(if you're worried about her asking you why you made her move, she won't - she's more interested in completing her delivery of her announcement than finding out why you wanted her to move. By the time she's decided to either go along with your counteroffer or to leave anyway, she's almost completely forgotten that you ever moved her at all. If she still asks for some reason, just tell her you thought that girl was about to run into her or hit her with her purse)
Here's an example:
You: And then blah blah I've been talking about myself WAY too long
Her: All right, well, I guess I should-
You: Wait! Hold on a second - move over here? [she moves] Okay, awesome. Sorry; what were you saying?
Her: Uh... I was just saying I should probably get back to my friends.
You: Hmm... nope. I have a better idea.
Her: What do you mean?
You: You said you like waffles?
Her: Um, yeah.
You: And are you hungry right now?
Her: Maybe a little bit...
You: Cool. In that case, you and I are going to the waffle shop across the street to grab some grub.
Her: But my friends are...
You: Your friends are fine here, having a good time. Come on, we'll be right across the street.
Her: Okay.
Obviously, this won't work if she isn't interested in you at all and is determined to get out of there, but if she's on the fence and finds you likable enough, some movement in the interaction + rebuilt compliance + a fun new thing to do + her objections addressed often means you've got a little more time now to see where you can take things.
Chase
