Stopping escalation when it's ineffective - and taking slow(er)

[lux7]

Girlschase righteously suggests to move quick. And to kiss a girl soon after you've come back.

I don't really kiss on the mouth anymore much. I prefer neck kisses, which in my opinion have much lower resistances and can be more conducive to sexual escalation.

What I think is key is what happens after the first escalation attempt. If you receive a strong refusal, you should take it slow(er).

It's because refusal upon refusal in a short time span will do two bad things:

1. Reinforce in her mind she doesn't want
2. Keep highlighting your ineffectiveness

It happened to me a few times now that I went with this "make it happen ASAP" mentality, and it only turned out well with women who were at least somewhat receptive to begin with.

My rule of thumb is that if I can kiss her neck for at least a few seconds without being pushed back, then keep going for more and more in short succession until she starts getting into it or you can move to the bed.

But if she removes your hand very quickly, doesn't let her hand rest on your or you can't manage to kiss her (neck), you are better served by stopping for a longer while and get out of the "escalate quickly" mindset to rebuild comfort/attraction/intrigue.

 

[BetaBoy]

This has weird written all over it. Girls who don’t seem that interested is because you’ve escalated wrong/lack depth emotionally. If you find this a common issue then you need to learn to escalate properly verbally.

 

[lux7]

This has weird written all over it. Girls who don’t seem that interested is because you’ve escalated wrong/lack depth emotionally. If you find this a common issue then you need to learn to escalate properly verbally.

Why, all your escalations are always well received and/or move quickly to sex?

What do you mean by escalating verbally

 

[silenceinthesnow]

Hey Lux7,

I think BetaBoy means learn to use your words and actually socialize. By all means move fast but walk before you run and gauge the reception. If you're trying to escalate to fast the girl will put a stop to it. If you use pre-selection and escalate accordingly there should never be a strong refusal unless you've done something majorly wrong.

I'd recommend reading the GC article about the no touch pick up and see that you can be just as effective not doing half as much. Sometimes less is more, and it would give you time to build rapport or fix any wrong signals you're accidentally sending. Definitely slow your game down if there's any refusal, reach chases article on the physical escalation ladder again and realize you can climb back down the ladder to make them feel comfortable and help progress at a pace suitable for the girl you're talking to. If you don't want to play a slow game don't bother pursuing and save yourself for the ones that are receptive from the get go. (Did I mention pre-selection?)

A final thought, it doesn't matter how good your fundamentals are, how good your game is and how fast/slow you move. You won't appeal to everyone, and accepting that will stop you driving yourself crazy trying to turn around an approach that isn't working.

SilenceintheSnow

 

[lux7]

Hey Lux7,


A final thought, it doesn't matter how good your fundamentals are, how good your game is and how fast/slow you move. You won't appeal to everyone, and accepting that will stop you driving yourself crazy trying to turn around an approach that isn't working.

So absolutely true.

This topic I opened actually stresses the obvious: step back in the face of a refusal.
I was confused when I opened it and in the midst of a self-analysis.

Why so many late stage seductions crashed and burned the exact same way?

Now I realized what was happening: self sabotaging.

I was afraid of overinvesting into girls that might even not put out.
And if I waste time and resources and won't finally bang her.. I would resent that and feel bad. And it would probably hurt my ego too.
Indeed it happened almost always with girls I wasn't really into. Such as, girls with whom the investment is even more uncalled for.

So I unconsciously put those relations on a crash and burn course.
I escalate quickly without investing anything so that they will either comply or leave soon -not much effort, not much investment from my side-.
Do they come into my place? Not gonna cook or open a wine. Escalate quick and if they have sex, then we can chat a bit and have a drink. If not, I'll work on my things.

This was a big realization for me. I always wondered how the hell "self-sabotaging" even works. Now I know.

I don't know if that any makes any sense for you and if I explained myself well..

 

[silenceinthesnow]

Hey Lux, I understand what you mean; there's a perfect article on this by Hector I read a few weeks back: www.girlschase.com/content/problem-gami ... s-you-dont
Its a fascinating thought, it's similar to working out to look better; you'll usually get more comments from other guys than girls because they usually know and appreciate the effort involved more than the girls. The other issue that can come along with this is becoming complacent with your fundamentals, if you think you look good and rate yourself highly you'd question why girls aren't flocking to you. There's to many parts to this to fully indulge in but an aspect of it can be found here: https://www.girlschase.com/content/dont- ... -way-women

Self sabotage can come in several forms, but I find sabotaging something you weren't interested in anyway is a way of gaming for sport. Sometimes its good to do if they're obviously interested in you because you get to become familiar with what chasing looks like and how it feels to be chased hard. Letting them down gently is something you'll need to learn because it demonstrates how socially graceful you are and who knows they might have a friend you are interested in.

Your OP doesn't really cover this and shows a race to the finish line tactic, which is a fast way to screen for what you want but it doesn't give you chance to use your game. Somewhere between the lines the content is there to slow down if you get resistance but that should be apparent to most GC readers. Slowing down from time to time can shake it up and keep them on their toes and help build comfort with them.

SilenceintheSnow

 

[lux7]

Man, you came in, fresh and guns blazing, and out of nowhere you dropped some deep knowledge and super relevant insight!

Hats off, and thank you for weighing in!

 

[silenceinthesnow]

No problem man, glad I could offer some fresh thoughts!