Strange Situation - What happened? Do I cut her out?

[Anonymous]

Met a girl in my classes at uni. Got her number shortly after. My game at the start was good, bordering on over-gaming but she seemed very positive. During the next month I was dating other girls but kept her on the periphery with regular contact through facebook. I was always very sexual and she responded positively to me framing myself as the prize / she being my girlfriend.

Over Christmas we began talking more and more. She suggested that we study together and I agreed. I realise it's a bad idea to be helpful to girls but it didn't seem as if we could really help each other, it just seemed like her excuse to spend time together. Meanwhile I sexualised it saying that we should break our study sessions up with movies which she responded positively too.

I see her the next week and things are good. She's very flirty, looking at my lips a lot, playing with her hair. But at the same time somewhat resistant to physical touching or directness. She invited me to her room the next study session and I tried to make a move but she resisted and told me quite strongly to move away from her before saying I should leave. I left pretty confused about this since signs had been strong and the action of inviting me to her place was very positive.

Anyway she asks for more help with her work and I begin to state that I'm unavailable and can't right now - in order not to fall into the trap of being seen as useful.

A week of no contact later I see her in person and she's very smiley and flirty. I end the conversation quickly, then text her later that night asking if she'd like to go for a drink. She never replies. Then 2 days later she asks me if I'll help on her essay. She texts again so I call her out for disrespecting me by not responding and that she can't expect any kindness in return and that I'm not a resource. She immediately goes into a LONG MONOLOGUE about how I make her SO uncomfortable when I'm around her through being sexual / flirty (even though she's responsive), how she has never suggested she wanted anything more than friends, how angry she is that I won't talk to her about work, more stuff about how uncomfortable I made her when I texted her asking her out. This is a girl that continually texts me asking to meet up for work, invites me to her room, talked to me nonstop about personal stuff over christmas, told me date ideas sounded hot, refered to me as her boyfriend jokingly etc. So the whole thing was surreal. I state that I was clear in my intent from the beginning and she has been very positive and sexual with me. She replies that she has nothing else to say to me and that I make her really uncomfortable and that I'm just a guy on her course and that's it.

What's going on here? I have never dealt with a girl who has said such things. It seemed anything but friendzone just a week ago and now there has been an enormous switch and she's acting like her feelings now have been the situation since we met.

What's the best approach here? I'm curious about what happened as I'm very confused.

 

[Franco]

Hey GA,

Relatively strange situation here, but you were handling it very well up until the point where you called her out.

Anyway she asks for more help with her work and I begin to state that I'm unavailable and can't right now - in order not to fall into the trap of being seen as useful. A week of no contact later I see her in person and she's very smiley and flirty. I end the conversation quickly, then text her later that night asking if she'd like to go for a drink.

Smart move. You did everything right here, even if she doesn't reply. You need to keep the intrigue up and your intentions clear -- which you did.

Then 2 days later she asks me if I'll help on her essay. She texts again so I call her out for disrespecting me by not responding and that she can't expect any kindness in return and that I'm not a resource.

This was definitely asking for the long monologue that followed it. If a girl continues to try to get you into an environment on her terms, then just respectively decline every single time, and keep it short and polite. Eventually she will get the hint that you are not going to be her "study buddy," and it leaves it up to her to decide whether or not she wants something more from you. You already asked her out for a drink, so she should know what you are looking for at this point. If she declines and continues to keep texting you, then you should just reply to those texts (and maybe not even all of them) with short, vague answers. You need to convey to her that you might be interested in another girl now (without explicitly stating it), and that can sometimes cause her to just step up and ask you out for the drink instead out of fear that she might be losing you. If she doesn't do this, then it means you saved yourself any extra effort because it probably wasn't going anywhere anyway.

The best approach here might be to just leave it alone. If she contacts you in the future, you can maybe try to set something up, but I would just move on to new girls at this point. If she happens to see another girl with you that is extremely happy to be around you, then it will probably make her very jealous and possibly open up doors in the future.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

 

[Anonymous]

Hey GA,

Relatively strange situation here, but you were handling it very well up until the point where you called her out.

Anyway she asks for more help with her work and I begin to state that I'm unavailable and can't right now - in order not to fall into the trap of being seen as useful. A week of no contact later I see her in person and she's very smiley and flirty. I end the conversation quickly, then text her later that night asking if she'd like to go for a drink.

Smart move. You did everything right here, even if she doesn't reply. You need to keep the intrigue up and your intentions clear -- which you did.

Then 2 days later she asks me if I'll help on her essay. She texts again so I call her out for disrespecting me by not responding and that she can't expect any kindness in return and that I'm not a resource.

This was definitely asking for the long monologue that followed it. If a girl continues to try to get you into an environment on her terms, then just respectively decline every single time, and keep it short and polite. Eventually she will get the hint that you are not going to be her "study buddy," and it leaves it up to her to decide whether or not she wants something more from you. You already asked her out for a drink, so she should know what you are looking for at this point. If she declines and continues to keep texting you, then you should just reply to those texts (and maybe not even all of them) with short, vague answers. You need to convey to her that you might be interested in another girl now (without explicitly stating it), and that can sometimes cause her to just step up and ask you out for the drink instead out of fear that she might be losing you. If she doesn't do this, then it means you saved yourself any extra effort because it probably wasn't going anywhere anyway.

The best approach here might be to just leave it alone. If she contacts you in the future, you can maybe try to set something up, but I would just move on to new girls at this point. If she happens to see another girl with you that is extremely happy to be around you, then it will probably make her very jealous and possibly open up doors in the future.

Hope this helps!

- Franco

Thanks for the great reply Franco. Yeah I had been pretty explicit about my intentions from the start and thought she was in agreement with it. I made sure to end the study buddy thing as soon as she started contacting me only when she needed help. Funnily enough I am currently dating a girl who's on the same course as me and the girl I am talking about here, so this is useful. I'm not sure if jealousy will work here though as she seems to have the impression of me as something of a flirt / player already. Some of her comments were along the lines of "you're such a dick to me, why would I want to date you any way?" - regarding to my unwillingness to help her / teasing of her. She seems to have built up a lot of resentment and I'm not entirely sure why.

I will see her twice a week briefly. What do you think is the best approach with facebook / phone, is it a good move to remove her? And what's the best way to deal with her in person? I can see myself getting a little annoyed and obsessed by the fact that I can't have this girl ...

I do have a lot of experience with women, I just haven't dealt with a situation quite as strange and instantly inverted as this one. Thanks again Franco!

 

[Franco]

Hey GA,

Some of her comments were along the lines of "you're such a dick to me, why would I want to date you any way?" - regarding to my unwillingness to help her / teasing of her. She seems to have built up a lot of resentment and I'm not entirely sure why.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing. This is more of a self-defense mechanism that a woman will put up to protect herself in the future if you actually end up being a "true" dick to her and hurting her emotionally. I wouldn't read too much into this, especially if she was being super flirty with you. Women speak with their actions, not their words.

I will see her twice a week briefly. What do you think is the best approach with facebook / phone, is it a good move to remove her? And what's the best way to deal with her in person? I can see myself getting a little annoyed and obsessed by the fact that I can't have this girl ...

Well, if you think that not having her is going to affect you in a very adverse way, then removing her completely from your life might be the way to go. You don't want her affecting your ability to game other women.

However, if you think this won't be an issue (and you still think you actually can get her), then the best move would be to do absolutely nothing. If you delete her on Facebook, then she will assume she got to you and the "fake" resentment will become "real" resentment. As far as making her jealous, the trick is to not make it extremely obvious... don't bring other girls in front of her and flirt. Just talk to other women you're interested in and, if she happens to see them having a good time around you, she'll likely begin to cool her jets and realize that she won't have a chance with you if she keeps pushing you away. Remember, it's not that women don't like players per se (and as a matter of fact, they are usually attracted to men who seem to get women easily), but they worry about the fact that they will get hurt emotionally by them. This is why we always encourage warmth with your sexual vibe on this website. It helps mitigate that fear.

Cheers,

Franco