- Joined
- Dec 8, 2024
- Messages
- 3
Hi guys,
The more and more I study seduction, the deeper the rabbit hole it is that I fall down.
Lately, I have been finding it extremely hard to internalise how to adopt the mindset of 'not trying too hard' with the need to actually 'take the lead and show your intent'.
I feel like it's all a big paradox. If I were to put myself into the shoes of an experienced man who was genuinely high value and legitimately got loads of results, then how would he react to a girl who was being aloof and difficult? Surely he'd just not bother trying anything because he could always find somebody easier? But then, this creates an issue where he may be passing up on an opportunity with a girl who potentially is interested in him, but for one reason or another is playing hard to get or nervous or just being straight up bitchy.
After chatting to loads of my male friends who bluntly have lower fundamentals but yet somehow have successful long term relationships, they all seem to have one thing in common - they adopted the mindset of 'never trying', and eventually through their social circles, one girl became interested, and somehow all this led to them dating etc.
There are two issues I have with this: 1) I very rarely get this myself, and if I do, it's with girls that I am not interested in whatsoever. And 2), I really struggle to understand the mechanics (or micro-mechanics) of how the escalation actually happens among these people...? Even in this forum post (https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/is-all-of-this-really-necessary.28997/) Chase himself replied saying that you could "just go through life, dating whatever gals come your way, marrying one of them, and let the chips fall where they may". But even with this, surely somebody has to still initiate something (be it phone number or suggest a date) - am I to actually believe that these guys are literally 'not trying' and letting the girls make the first move, or am I just being thick here and missing some blatant social thing that happens in this case?
This is what I mean when I say I struggle with internalising this 'not trying too hard' mindset, because I never know where the line is between not trying vs having to invest some effort in before I can get something back out. And then me saying this myself now risks me being expectant of an outcome, which is itself contradictory to the principals of game - I am so confused!
This post here (https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...ntic-high-value-and-get-more-attraction.8152/) spoke really well about this concept of not trying, but then all I infer from this is that, as soon as I try to do anything like showing interest, flirting, moving her etc, then these actions are themselves too try-hard. And this is where the paradox comes in - experienced seducers will naturally know how to escalate and capitalise on signs of interest in a manner that appears totally normal and natural, so how is anybody like me who is inexperienced meant to do this, where effectively everything I do would be potentially seen as uncalibrated or not smooth and, as such, too try-hard?
I guess in the end, it is so tempting for me to just say screw it and never try to show any forms of interest to anyone. But I know from experience that, if I just go out with a social group and never say anything to the girls, then they will almost certainly never start a conversation with me first
Which leads me onto my final thing - of course, when I meet new girls in a social group scenario, I accept that I will have to make some efforts to start basic conversation with the girls, in the same way that I would with new guys that I hadn't yet met yet. But it always seems to me, that 99% of the time, all the conversations with the girls just end after a basic intro. Even if throughout the night I attempt to 'ping' a few conversation starters back and fourth with a girl, I always just get short answers back. Worse still, if I found myself waiting at the bar with one of these girls in my group, she'll just stand there and never say anything. Despite the fact that I may try and invest a tiny bit by giving some value (e.g. asking her about her job or similar), she'll just answer the question quickly with no sense of follow up, or returning the question back to me. And this happens with the majority of girls I speak to.
Is this simply because I am too low value in their eyes for them to even have basic conversation with me? Or is it the opposite at attainability. or heck maybe they just don't know how to socialise with guys themselves?! Should I be expected to put more effort in to break the ice further? Or would this hurt the mindset of 'not trying too hard'? I really just don't know what to do in these situations, and it ends up with me thinking that I'm just too low value to even cross their radar as someone worth talking to in the first place.
If anybody can help shed some light on anything I have written here, I would be very grateful, as I have found it really hard to find people on the internet talking about my situations and explaining them to me.
Many thanks
The more and more I study seduction, the deeper the rabbit hole it is that I fall down.
Lately, I have been finding it extremely hard to internalise how to adopt the mindset of 'not trying too hard' with the need to actually 'take the lead and show your intent'.
I feel like it's all a big paradox. If I were to put myself into the shoes of an experienced man who was genuinely high value and legitimately got loads of results, then how would he react to a girl who was being aloof and difficult? Surely he'd just not bother trying anything because he could always find somebody easier? But then, this creates an issue where he may be passing up on an opportunity with a girl who potentially is interested in him, but for one reason or another is playing hard to get or nervous or just being straight up bitchy.
After chatting to loads of my male friends who bluntly have lower fundamentals but yet somehow have successful long term relationships, they all seem to have one thing in common - they adopted the mindset of 'never trying', and eventually through their social circles, one girl became interested, and somehow all this led to them dating etc.
There are two issues I have with this: 1) I very rarely get this myself, and if I do, it's with girls that I am not interested in whatsoever. And 2), I really struggle to understand the mechanics (or micro-mechanics) of how the escalation actually happens among these people...? Even in this forum post (https://www.skilledseducer.com/threads/is-all-of-this-really-necessary.28997/) Chase himself replied saying that you could "just go through life, dating whatever gals come your way, marrying one of them, and let the chips fall where they may". But even with this, surely somebody has to still initiate something (be it phone number or suggest a date) - am I to actually believe that these guys are literally 'not trying' and letting the girls make the first move, or am I just being thick here and missing some blatant social thing that happens in this case?
This is what I mean when I say I struggle with internalising this 'not trying too hard' mindset, because I never know where the line is between not trying vs having to invest some effort in before I can get something back out. And then me saying this myself now risks me being expectant of an outcome, which is itself contradictory to the principals of game - I am so confused!
This post here (https://www.skilledseducer.com/thre...ntic-high-value-and-get-more-attraction.8152/) spoke really well about this concept of not trying, but then all I infer from this is that, as soon as I try to do anything like showing interest, flirting, moving her etc, then these actions are themselves too try-hard. And this is where the paradox comes in - experienced seducers will naturally know how to escalate and capitalise on signs of interest in a manner that appears totally normal and natural, so how is anybody like me who is inexperienced meant to do this, where effectively everything I do would be potentially seen as uncalibrated or not smooth and, as such, too try-hard?
I guess in the end, it is so tempting for me to just say screw it and never try to show any forms of interest to anyone. But I know from experience that, if I just go out with a social group and never say anything to the girls, then they will almost certainly never start a conversation with me first
Which leads me onto my final thing - of course, when I meet new girls in a social group scenario, I accept that I will have to make some efforts to start basic conversation with the girls, in the same way that I would with new guys that I hadn't yet met yet. But it always seems to me, that 99% of the time, all the conversations with the girls just end after a basic intro. Even if throughout the night I attempt to 'ping' a few conversation starters back and fourth with a girl, I always just get short answers back. Worse still, if I found myself waiting at the bar with one of these girls in my group, she'll just stand there and never say anything. Despite the fact that I may try and invest a tiny bit by giving some value (e.g. asking her about her job or similar), she'll just answer the question quickly with no sense of follow up, or returning the question back to me. And this happens with the majority of girls I speak to.
Is this simply because I am too low value in their eyes for them to even have basic conversation with me? Or is it the opposite at attainability. or heck maybe they just don't know how to socialise with guys themselves?! Should I be expected to put more effort in to break the ice further? Or would this hurt the mindset of 'not trying too hard'? I really just don't know what to do in these situations, and it ends up with me thinking that I'm just too low value to even cross their radar as someone worth talking to in the first place.
If anybody can help shed some light on anything I have written here, I would be very grateful, as I have found it really hard to find people on the internet talking about my situations and explaining them to me.
Many thanks
