- Joined
- Dec 20, 2012
- Messages
- 84
Background : I'm dutch, so I'm translating a lot of stuff here. Forgive me if my English looks a little funny at times.
I have approach anxiety and find it hard to get physical with a girl. Both have the same root problem: perfectionism. I'm okay in conversation once the ice is broken. Actually, since I've started to work on myself, I'm getting very good at conversation, now that I'm picking up on things that I was oblivious to before.
Anyway, I've been working on myself for 9 months. Started dating 6 months ago. Have been with 6 different girls on 8 dates during this period (which is great, coming from 10 years of nothing), but never really went past just talking. I do am learning a lot about the getting physical with these girls, so I simply need to meet more to learn more, but I let go way to many opportunities with girls I actually like, because of the approach anxiety. So I prioritized this in my head: "If I want to learn how to get physical with a girl, I must approach more girls and it's either 'yes I like her', so I just do it, or no 'I don't like her', so I don't do it" (screw the mind loops of approach anxiety, thanks Chase). This finally made me just do an approach past weekend, I had never thought of before.
The girl works at a supermarket I frequent. It is normal for me to flirt a little with cute cashiers. With this I mean eye contact, wink, warm smile, etc. It's normal for them to smile really cute back to me when I do. No harm done, we both had a little fun and I leave them and go back to minding my own business. With the girl in question this must have happened a couple of times over the past month.
Now one time I really took notice of the girl in question is when I was in line for a different cashier behind her, but she was actively looking around and our eyes meet (her being turned around and I standing there normally looking at her) and it resulted in strong eye contact that we just kept on a little too long and then she broke and went back to doing her job. I let it go.
Another time I was at the exit of the supermarket minding my own business and she was walking around in the supermarket, getting ready to go home I noticed. She walked towards and past me, but it looked like she was kinda afraid of looking directly at me and she was playing with her hair. Again, I let it go.
Then past weekend I thought 'fuck it' I'm going to do this approach thing. So I went back to the supermarket around the time I knew she would be done with her work. I went in to do a little something (and to scan if she is there). Then I went outside waiting for her to finish, simply playing with my phone next to a few parked bicycles that I knew she was going to go for to get her bike. Standing there is pretty normal btw. People wait there frequently, if they are about to be picked up by a car or whatever. In fact I wasn't the only one there waiting. So it wasn't weird for me to be there when she walked out of the supermarket towards her bike.
She was walking towards me. I took note of her in the corner of my eyes, but didn't look at her. I just slowly went to put my phone in my pocket as if I was done and ready to leave. She passed me while I was doing that and I look up and say "Hey cashier lady". She laughed and said 'yeah', as in 'yeah I'm a cashier lady'. She didn't look at me and went straight for her bike. So I put my edge mask on and walked a little towards her and stopped kinda too close to her. This was a little awkward, as I was totally facing her directly. I should have walked as if I was about to walk away and facing her sideways, but comes with being inexperienced I guess. I was improvising now, so
Anyway, she was already busy with her bike, removing the lock and whatever, but I just said it anyway: "I wanted to tell you, I think you look cool". I think it sounded natural. I have a low, loud voice. And I really mean the 'cool' thing too. (That's her vibe when she is working). The thing here was though; she wasn't looking at me and didn't understand the situation I suppose, as she stopped, said "What?" and then finally looked at me. So I sadly had to repeat myself...
"Thank you", she then said in a very soft, shy and cute voice, that made me melt a little inside.
But she turned to her bike again. I was out of things to say for a second so I just mumbled something like "yeah I wanted to tell you that for a while".
"Thank you' she says again and stops, now finally fully looking me in the eyes. She had this very big, warm smile on her that I didn't know a 'cool girl' could produce.
'so, are you busy?' I ask.
'yeah I want to go home, eat and then go out'.
'oh, where do you go out?' I say, thinking I could purpose we could go together.
'I don't know yet, I first want to have dinner first'.
'Ah yes of course, you didn't have dinner yet. Do you want me to get you a Pizza?' I say, pointing behind me where there is a Pizzeria with a good place to sit down.
'No, nooo, you really don't have to.', she says in a very soft, shy voice, as she turns back to work on her bike some more.
And then I was at a loss... I think I spend too much energy on the whole approach thing that I needed to walk away + she seemed kinda nervous about the whole situation and I didn't wanted things to get (more) awkward. So I said: 'Oh well, I'll leave you to your business' and I started walking away.
'good night' I hear her say from behind me. I didn't look back but returned the 'good night' while confidently walked away, never looking back at her...
It felt.... Good! I mean, I finally did an approach that was very weird to me. So proud I did that! But I do also hate that I didn't introduce myself and didn't get her name in return. That was like about the only thing I had planned to do (the rest was improvised), and yet the thing I prepared myself to do, never happened. Strange...
Now I only wonder what I'll do when I go to the supermarket next time. My first thought is that I probably don't want to be in her line, so that I don't have to face her. But now that I write this, I'm thinking I'd have to actually force myself in her line and actually just do the flirt thing as always and not initiate contact further, unless she gives me reason to...
Anway, that's what I wanted to write down. Thanks for reading. Helpful comments are always welcomed
I have approach anxiety and find it hard to get physical with a girl. Both have the same root problem: perfectionism. I'm okay in conversation once the ice is broken. Actually, since I've started to work on myself, I'm getting very good at conversation, now that I'm picking up on things that I was oblivious to before.
Anyway, I've been working on myself for 9 months. Started dating 6 months ago. Have been with 6 different girls on 8 dates during this period (which is great, coming from 10 years of nothing), but never really went past just talking. I do am learning a lot about the getting physical with these girls, so I simply need to meet more to learn more, but I let go way to many opportunities with girls I actually like, because of the approach anxiety. So I prioritized this in my head: "If I want to learn how to get physical with a girl, I must approach more girls and it's either 'yes I like her', so I just do it, or no 'I don't like her', so I don't do it" (screw the mind loops of approach anxiety, thanks Chase). This finally made me just do an approach past weekend, I had never thought of before.
The girl works at a supermarket I frequent. It is normal for me to flirt a little with cute cashiers. With this I mean eye contact, wink, warm smile, etc. It's normal for them to smile really cute back to me when I do. No harm done, we both had a little fun and I leave them and go back to minding my own business. With the girl in question this must have happened a couple of times over the past month.
Now one time I really took notice of the girl in question is when I was in line for a different cashier behind her, but she was actively looking around and our eyes meet (her being turned around and I standing there normally looking at her) and it resulted in strong eye contact that we just kept on a little too long and then she broke and went back to doing her job. I let it go.
Another time I was at the exit of the supermarket minding my own business and she was walking around in the supermarket, getting ready to go home I noticed. She walked towards and past me, but it looked like she was kinda afraid of looking directly at me and she was playing with her hair. Again, I let it go.
Then past weekend I thought 'fuck it' I'm going to do this approach thing. So I went back to the supermarket around the time I knew she would be done with her work. I went in to do a little something (and to scan if she is there). Then I went outside waiting for her to finish, simply playing with my phone next to a few parked bicycles that I knew she was going to go for to get her bike. Standing there is pretty normal btw. People wait there frequently, if they are about to be picked up by a car or whatever. In fact I wasn't the only one there waiting. So it wasn't weird for me to be there when she walked out of the supermarket towards her bike.
She was walking towards me. I took note of her in the corner of my eyes, but didn't look at her. I just slowly went to put my phone in my pocket as if I was done and ready to leave. She passed me while I was doing that and I look up and say "Hey cashier lady". She laughed and said 'yeah', as in 'yeah I'm a cashier lady'. She didn't look at me and went straight for her bike. So I put my edge mask on and walked a little towards her and stopped kinda too close to her. This was a little awkward, as I was totally facing her directly. I should have walked as if I was about to walk away and facing her sideways, but comes with being inexperienced I guess. I was improvising now, so
Anyway, she was already busy with her bike, removing the lock and whatever, but I just said it anyway: "I wanted to tell you, I think you look cool". I think it sounded natural. I have a low, loud voice. And I really mean the 'cool' thing too. (That's her vibe when she is working). The thing here was though; she wasn't looking at me and didn't understand the situation I suppose, as she stopped, said "What?" and then finally looked at me. So I sadly had to repeat myself...
"Thank you", she then said in a very soft, shy and cute voice, that made me melt a little inside.
But she turned to her bike again. I was out of things to say for a second so I just mumbled something like "yeah I wanted to tell you that for a while".
"Thank you' she says again and stops, now finally fully looking me in the eyes. She had this very big, warm smile on her that I didn't know a 'cool girl' could produce.
'so, are you busy?' I ask.
'yeah I want to go home, eat and then go out'.
'oh, where do you go out?' I say, thinking I could purpose we could go together.
'I don't know yet, I first want to have dinner first'.
'Ah yes of course, you didn't have dinner yet. Do you want me to get you a Pizza?' I say, pointing behind me where there is a Pizzeria with a good place to sit down.
'No, nooo, you really don't have to.', she says in a very soft, shy voice, as she turns back to work on her bike some more.
And then I was at a loss... I think I spend too much energy on the whole approach thing that I needed to walk away + she seemed kinda nervous about the whole situation and I didn't wanted things to get (more) awkward. So I said: 'Oh well, I'll leave you to your business' and I started walking away.
'good night' I hear her say from behind me. I didn't look back but returned the 'good night' while confidently walked away, never looking back at her...
It felt.... Good! I mean, I finally did an approach that was very weird to me. So proud I did that! But I do also hate that I didn't introduce myself and didn't get her name in return. That was like about the only thing I had planned to do (the rest was improvised), and yet the thing I prepared myself to do, never happened. Strange...
Now I only wonder what I'll do when I go to the supermarket next time. My first thought is that I probably don't want to be in her line, so that I don't have to face her. But now that I write this, I'm thinking I'd have to actually force myself in her line and actually just do the flirt thing as always and not initiate contact further, unless she gives me reason to...
Anway, that's what I wanted to write down. Thanks for reading. Helpful comments are always welcomed
