The other night I had a couple of interactions go down that I could use some guidance on. I've been trying to make "Don't chase women." my mantra, but I think in at least this first story I followed that a little too closely.
So I'm out and about in this one casual yet popular bar downtown. For a Thursday there was a sizable turn out but it was far from asses to elbows. There was an open table away from the crowds and I decided to take a seat and enjoy my drink while observing the goings on. Straight out of left field these two girls walk up and sit at my table.
Girl: "God he's such an asshole!" (yes this was the first thing out of her mouth)
Me: "Well hello, what happened?"
Girl: "Our friend tried to hit on her!" (her being the friend she's with)
Now, I would like to take the time to point out that her friend as a female, had very poor fundamentals. So the idea that she was getting hit on, and it pissed both of them off, threw me for a curious loop.
Me: "That's kind of flattering in a way no?"
Girl: "Yeah but God! Asshole! I wanna punch him in the face!"
*I introduce myself and get their names*
Me: "Wait, you're not gonna punch me in the face for hitting on you are you?"
Girl: "Of course not. Just him."
Here's where some of the vets on this board would probably slap me sideways for missing this. This girl then leans her head on my shoulder and tells me I'm really cute. We share a close glance and I think all I did was say thanks but in a casual, cavalier way. 2 things on this: for one I was not all that attracted to her, not bad looking just not my type so subconsciously I wasn't in "Game Mode" and secondly looking back I probably could have gotten a kiss or something out of that...but considering her friend was mere inches away from us and these two chicks were pissed off about someone hitting on one of them I thought even if I were to make a move it'd be in bad taste. Bottom line they go get some snapshots in the photo booth and come back out, I ask if they got some good shots and from there they walked off.
I don't think I was entirely mindful of what was really going on in this situation. The friend being in such close proximity is what made it a real challenge and threw me off. But really, I probably should have gotten a drink or a surprise kiss out of this one. How would you more adept men have handled this one?
My second significant interaction was a quick verbal exchange:
Me: "Hi, what's your name?"
Girl: "I'm Natasha, you?"
Me: "That's a beautiful name. I'm Adam. So what brings you out."
Girl: "Well right now I can't find my friends."
Me: "I wouldn't worry about that. You found me instead. So what do you do?"
Girl: "I'm studying architecture."
Me: "Oh wow. So are you happy with the city skyline or would you revamp the whole thing?"
Girl: (honestly I don't remember, but it wasn't important)
If I remember right, I tried to follow up on what she said and complimented her on the creativity it takes to design attractive buildings. From there it was "Nice meeting you. I'm gonna go look for my friends." 5 minutes later I see this girl dancing on a pole.
I'm thinking the failure of this interaction was simple; I didn't move her. I should have taken her to the bar and said let's grab a drink and go from there. Not sure what any other potential snags there could have been.
Analysis: In both cases, I believe I didn't move fast enough. Since I'm still really just a beginner, I'm trying to work on just getting into conversations and building connections with girls. But what I'm finding is...girls don't seem to want to talk for very long. This is actually leading into a larger problem I'm having where girls seemingly give me NOTHING to go on for conversation. They'll tell me what they do for work or what they study, and I attempt to come up with something unique about the field that says something positive about them as a person EX. "You have a weak stomach but want to be a nurse? That shows a lot of ambition and fortitude on your part." Oftentimes this is followed up with a "Yeah..." or "Oh cool." Basically conversation killers. What's extra frustrating for me though is when I reveal something about myself, for example what I do, I get nothing back. Not even the faintest hint of curiosity or a question about it that I can use to intrigue her and then flip the script back to her.
Right now my conversations feel like this uphill, one-way street where I'm the sole participant. I've read through a lot of articles here that give conversation examples, but in those examples the girls seem to be active participants. The rough part for me is in my head my thought process is "Okay, this girl is talking to me. That means she's attracted to or at least warm to me. So why the hell is she not expressing any interest in what I say?" Maybe I need to use more creative questions other than "So what brings you out tonight?" or "What do you do?" I just use those as primers to get a conversation going cause where else do I start when talking to a stranger? Any tips or just a couple of interesting leading questions I could use would help a lot.
Back to my initial point though, I wind up in a lot of stilted conversations like this. And so I'm wondering if I need start trying to move women even if it's after we've exchanged just four sentences between us. I'd like to say let's go grab a drink but if they already have a drink in hand I'm a little hard pressed to think of where to move them to when I barely know them. Not like I can say "This open spot is WAY better than the one we're standing in." And that brings me to the topic title. I thought I knew what "move fast" meant but apparently not. I thought I had to spend some time building up a connection through conversation before getting to that stage but from the looks of things I'm guessing these girls leave because nothing is HAPPENING. We're just talking. So yeah, some movement tips I think are in order here. She's already got a drink, and probably isn't too inclined to grind up on a guy she's just met when she's not already on the dance floor, so how's a guy to make a girl move and keep her attention in these situations. Thank you all for your tips and advice.
So I'm out and about in this one casual yet popular bar downtown. For a Thursday there was a sizable turn out but it was far from asses to elbows. There was an open table away from the crowds and I decided to take a seat and enjoy my drink while observing the goings on. Straight out of left field these two girls walk up and sit at my table.
Girl: "God he's such an asshole!" (yes this was the first thing out of her mouth)
Me: "Well hello, what happened?"
Girl: "Our friend tried to hit on her!" (her being the friend she's with)
Now, I would like to take the time to point out that her friend as a female, had very poor fundamentals. So the idea that she was getting hit on, and it pissed both of them off, threw me for a curious loop.
Me: "That's kind of flattering in a way no?"
Girl: "Yeah but God! Asshole! I wanna punch him in the face!"
*I introduce myself and get their names*
Me: "Wait, you're not gonna punch me in the face for hitting on you are you?"
Girl: "Of course not. Just him."
Here's where some of the vets on this board would probably slap me sideways for missing this. This girl then leans her head on my shoulder and tells me I'm really cute. We share a close glance and I think all I did was say thanks but in a casual, cavalier way. 2 things on this: for one I was not all that attracted to her, not bad looking just not my type so subconsciously I wasn't in "Game Mode" and secondly looking back I probably could have gotten a kiss or something out of that...but considering her friend was mere inches away from us and these two chicks were pissed off about someone hitting on one of them I thought even if I were to make a move it'd be in bad taste. Bottom line they go get some snapshots in the photo booth and come back out, I ask if they got some good shots and from there they walked off.
I don't think I was entirely mindful of what was really going on in this situation. The friend being in such close proximity is what made it a real challenge and threw me off. But really, I probably should have gotten a drink or a surprise kiss out of this one. How would you more adept men have handled this one?
My second significant interaction was a quick verbal exchange:
Me: "Hi, what's your name?"
Girl: "I'm Natasha, you?"
Me: "That's a beautiful name. I'm Adam. So what brings you out."
Girl: "Well right now I can't find my friends."
Me: "I wouldn't worry about that. You found me instead. So what do you do?"
Girl: "I'm studying architecture."
Me: "Oh wow. So are you happy with the city skyline or would you revamp the whole thing?"
Girl: (honestly I don't remember, but it wasn't important)
If I remember right, I tried to follow up on what she said and complimented her on the creativity it takes to design attractive buildings. From there it was "Nice meeting you. I'm gonna go look for my friends." 5 minutes later I see this girl dancing on a pole.
I'm thinking the failure of this interaction was simple; I didn't move her. I should have taken her to the bar and said let's grab a drink and go from there. Not sure what any other potential snags there could have been.
Analysis: In both cases, I believe I didn't move fast enough. Since I'm still really just a beginner, I'm trying to work on just getting into conversations and building connections with girls. But what I'm finding is...girls don't seem to want to talk for very long. This is actually leading into a larger problem I'm having where girls seemingly give me NOTHING to go on for conversation. They'll tell me what they do for work or what they study, and I attempt to come up with something unique about the field that says something positive about them as a person EX. "You have a weak stomach but want to be a nurse? That shows a lot of ambition and fortitude on your part." Oftentimes this is followed up with a "Yeah..." or "Oh cool." Basically conversation killers. What's extra frustrating for me though is when I reveal something about myself, for example what I do, I get nothing back. Not even the faintest hint of curiosity or a question about it that I can use to intrigue her and then flip the script back to her.
Right now my conversations feel like this uphill, one-way street where I'm the sole participant. I've read through a lot of articles here that give conversation examples, but in those examples the girls seem to be active participants. The rough part for me is in my head my thought process is "Okay, this girl is talking to me. That means she's attracted to or at least warm to me. So why the hell is she not expressing any interest in what I say?" Maybe I need to use more creative questions other than "So what brings you out tonight?" or "What do you do?" I just use those as primers to get a conversation going cause where else do I start when talking to a stranger? Any tips or just a couple of interesting leading questions I could use would help a lot.
Back to my initial point though, I wind up in a lot of stilted conversations like this. And so I'm wondering if I need start trying to move women even if it's after we've exchanged just four sentences between us. I'd like to say let's go grab a drink but if they already have a drink in hand I'm a little hard pressed to think of where to move them to when I barely know them. Not like I can say "This open spot is WAY better than the one we're standing in." And that brings me to the topic title. I thought I knew what "move fast" meant but apparently not. I thought I had to spend some time building up a connection through conversation before getting to that stage but from the looks of things I'm guessing these girls leave because nothing is HAPPENING. We're just talking. So yeah, some movement tips I think are in order here. She's already got a drink, and probably isn't too inclined to grind up on a guy she's just met when she's not already on the dance floor, so how's a guy to make a girl move and keep her attention in these situations. Thank you all for your tips and advice.
